Old 01-15-2013, 07:39 AM   #1126
BeachMomma
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Dear Bully,

If you want me to do something for you, I'll be more than happy to oblige. If you insist upon behaving like a fucking asshole of a bully, however, please consider the fact that I'll nail you with a very large snowball in hell before I'll help you. Remember when your mom used to tell you that you'll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar? She was right. I strongly encourage you to remember that in the future - maybe you'll want to have it tattooed on your forehead as a gentle reminder.

Please regain control of yourself, apologize for losing control, and ask me nicely if you want me to reconsider my position on the subject. Until that point? You're shit out of luck, my friend. *sweet smile*

Sincerely,

The lady who has more attitude than you'll ever have but is too professional to show it.

PS. Be glad you aren't in jail right now. I was all set to let security deal with your sorry ass. Being assaulted by family members simply isn't in my pay scale. Both security and the local boys in blue have "deal with assholes" on the first line of their job descriptions, and they don't take kindly to nurses being abused either.

Have a lovely day.
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Old 01-15-2013, 08:24 PM   #1127
Miles Long
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Dear Genitals,

High five!
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Old 01-15-2013, 10:27 PM   #1128
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miles Long View Post
Dear Genitals,

High five!
haha
So you have five?
Standing to a 5" salute?
Or just giving it a good ol' slap?

actually the only one I would be intrigued about is if you had five
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Old 01-15-2013, 11:54 PM   #1129
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Dear Wednesdays,

You're fast becoming my favourite day of the week by far. However, there's one or two small fixes we need to work on... tidying Princess Ratbag's playroom for one, vacuuming for another. There's also that small matter of work... yes working from home is fabulous but it's still work.

So... anyways.... love you Wednesday, but lets fix this shit so I can love you more.

Thanks,
Glass ALMOST completely full.
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Old 01-16-2013, 02:04 AM   #1130
imemkay
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Dear Verizon,

Thank you for free Verizon to Verizon calls.
One thousand hours would be very expensive, otherwise.

Yours,
D.O.C.
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Old 01-16-2013, 02:31 AM   #1131
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Dear Sleep,

I don't even miss you. I certainly am not allowed to complain even if I did.

Cheers,

Pmann
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Old 01-16-2013, 08:38 AM   #1132
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Dear Pharm.D.

You don't have a heavy accent, but you do have an accent. As a matter of fact, it's pretty hard to hide when you say the word "accent". The words "want" and "oil" - dead give away and you know it.

Now, I'm not accusing you of anything here, but it seems to me it would be pretty easy to lose said accent if you're trying to prove you don't have one.

Any responses you get via PM don't count. I want to see the responses on the thread! .

Your Drug of Choice
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Last edited by imemkay : 01-21-2013 at 10:58 PM.
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Old 01-16-2013, 12:54 PM   #1133
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Dear Louis CK,

You are awesome. Please come to My state.

Cheers,

Pmann
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Old 01-17-2013, 12:53 PM   #1134
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Dear Louis CK,

You are awesome. Please come to My state.

Cheers,

Pmann
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TG4f9zR5yzY
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Old 01-17-2013, 01:04 PM   #1135
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Dear former bosses,

I see with the new structure, I now outrank you in position. Don't worry, I will be sure to treat you with as much respect and kindness as you treated me with when I worked for both of you.

Respectfully,
Your new boss
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Old 01-17-2013, 06:52 PM   #1136
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Dear Grown-up Girl,

I had an important lunch meeting today. That quirky young man of yours stuttered and stumbled his way through a speech that obviously meant the world to him. When he finally got the words out, he was shaking.

I asked him: "Are you scared?"

He said: "Yes, sir. I am. Because I know that no matter what you say, I am going to marry her anyway, and it would be a great relief if you would save us both the trouble and just say it's okay."

I laughed out loud. What else could I say?

Love,
Dad
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Old 01-17-2013, 07:29 PM   #1137
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Quote:
Originally Posted by supershy_J9 View Post
Dear former bosses,

I see with the new structure, I now outrank you in position. Don't worry, I will be sure to treat you with as much respect and kindness as you treated me with when I worked for both of you.

Respectfully,
Your new boss
This reminds me of that old saying...be careful of the toes you step on, they might one day belong to the arse you have to kiss.

Congrats on the promotion.
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Old 01-17-2013, 09:28 PM   #1138
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Dear Self

stop asking stupid questions - you may get answers that hurts your brain
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Old 01-17-2013, 09:58 PM   #1139
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Dear X,

He had me listen to bagpipes tonight. Guess who I thought of?

There is no home, much less one to go back to. I don't remember last time I had a home. It's a funny word. I'm here..in their home...and she gets mad when I say that. She takes such offense and doesn't get just angry but wants to cry over it. She feels he stole that from me. Maybe..he did. I don't really think so though. I mean..I used to drive here and feel like I was coming home...but it's not the same kind of home you build with another half of yourself. This is my childhood home. I want the one...that I can melt into. Home..will be something that is mine that I helped build. Again..don't remember having that. Do you? I will have one..just not yet. I was literally homeless for a couple of months..but in some ways..it's been years. You know?

There were only two jerks. The one I married, and the one after. I will not repeat those mistakes with or for anyone. I also never speak of you to anyone. What would I be able to say? I can't speak of something I don't understand. Nothing I would say about it would make sense to anyone. There is a great deal of shame there. I already know what you will say to that too.

He keeps playing that music. *sigh*
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Old 01-17-2013, 10:10 PM   #1140
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Dear You,

Nice try. It almost worked that first time. I'll give you an A for effort.

Yours,
M

for those of you counting, this makes 5 in one month's time
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Old 01-17-2013, 10:14 PM   #1141
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Dear You,

Nice try. It almost worked that first time. I'll give you an A for effort.

Yours,
M

for those of you counting, this makes 5 in one month's time
M has been saying for the last few days that if I made a recording of my voice when I was drunk that I'd sound Southern. WRONG. And that was proof.

For goodness sake, M, I interviewed you live while recording. You failed to deliver. You failed to deliver.

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Old 01-17-2013, 10:25 PM   #1142
imemkay
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M has been saying for the last few days that if I made a recording of my voice when I was drunk that I'd sound Southern. WRONG. And that was proof.

For goodness sake, M, I interviewed you live while recording. You failed to deliver. You failed to deliver.


A lot of your drunk had worn off by the time you made that recording. LOL

I'm not going to make a recording with you while you're drunk.

I never said you had a heavy accent. I said that at times you have an accent; that's it's obvious with certain words/phrases. Maybe it's not drunkeness that brings out the accent, maybe it's the dopamine.

I failed to deliver? Hmmm, interesting.
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Old 01-18-2013, 08:40 PM   #1143
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Dear Tummy,

I know you are upset but I haven't eaten in two and a half days and I finally feel hungry. Though not ideal for you, the lure of spicy prawn sushi hand rolls was too much for me. I apologise in advance for what it may do to you.

Yours,
Om nom noming
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Old 01-19-2013, 11:30 AM   #1144
Miles Long
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Dear Laundry Gnomes,

I notice you didn't come do my laundry last night while I was asleep. This is becoming a much too frequent occurrence, or non-occurrence as the case may be. Fuck you, you lazy little bastards. I hope you die of suffocation when Snuggle the Bear sits on your face and tells you to tongue punch his gentle-spring-scented asshole.

I got your fresh release technology right here. *gestures*

Miles
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Old 01-19-2013, 11:35 AM   #1145
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Dear Miles,

This made me smile!

MK
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Old 01-19-2013, 11:02 PM   #1146
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Dear Saturday,

Thanks for the opportunity you afforded me this morning. I normally have a distaste for weekends. But you made this weekend much more livable. It was beautiful.

Overjoyed,

Pmann
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Old 01-20-2013, 12:44 AM   #1147
Miles Long
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Dear Friends,

Thank you for such a fun evening of silliness. I haven't laughed like that in far too long.

Miles
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Old 01-20-2013, 08:23 AM   #1148
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Dear Falcons,

It's time to turn on ALL-MADDEN mode and RISE UP!

Sincerely,
Chris
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Old 01-20-2013, 12:04 PM   #1149
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Dear Universe,

Why is everything so difficult?

Signed,
Curious and muddling through...
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Old 01-20-2013, 05:34 PM   #1150
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Dear Universe,

Why is everything so difficult?

Signed,
Curious and muddling through...
Dear Curious & Muddling through,

Without the rain there's no rainbows.

At least that's what arseholes tell you when you're suffering. Fuck them.

I hope it all gets a little easier soon.

Signed,
We're all just muddling through.
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