Go Back   Literotica Discussion Board > Main Literotica Forums > How To... > HT Cafe

Reply
 
Thread Tools

Old 11-16-2015, 05:08 PM   #1
sharon_nj
Virgin
 
sharon_nj is offline
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Southern California
Posts: 6
A Mature Woman's View On Getting Bombed in Lit Chat!

Iíve always looked over the forum topics with interest, but until now, never really have I been involved with it other than responding to random requests from those who have sent me ďhelloísĒ or ďhow are youísĒ here. I felt as if I had something to contribute I would post here, but to now, Iíve never felt I had anything of particular interest or value to say, so I havenít so far. But recently, Iíve become aware of some changes in Literotica Chat that affect me, at least, and seem to build over time. I thought Iíd talk about them, which hopefully adds to the benefit of the purpose of the Chat and for all of those who use it.

Iíve been around here for a little while, and began my chatting experience on the older version before the recent upgrade of the last year or so. To my experience, I think this Chat service is probably the most satisfying group Iíve ever been associated with. I go all the way back to the mid 1990ís where my first experience was at the then popular cyberlounge.com. Whatever exists under that URL now is most certainly not the same as the fledgling room that existed then. I guess that means Iíve been at this for quite a long time, doesnít it! Over time, itís just been fun to chat with others about all kinds of topics, which I wonít elaborate on here.

What Iíve noticed, as is probably common for women here, is that when I come on, a gradual build-up over time happens of people trying to connect for a chat. If Iím in chat, Iím usually in private with someone as within a minute of connect I have several PM requests. After a while I see that the top row of the window is solid red, that is, so many chat request messages sent that the tabs shorten down to one character. Sometimes this causes me to crash and when I sign in the process happens all over again. Often, when I finish a private chat, I will look through the other tabs for those I know who I have spoken with before, and find an angry message along the lines of ďWhy donít you respond to my requestsĒ or ďDonít you want to talk to me anymoreĒ or ďwhy is it you never talk to me anymoreĒ? Iíd have to say that 90% of the time, I canít weed through the tabs fast or efficiently enough to sort it all out, and so I often just disconnect, and reconnect to start over from the beginning.

Iím an old school girl. I was brought up in the 1960ís and 1970ís when computers filled rooms, so Iím not necessarily as adept at flying about from window to window, so I hope you will take that into account, but I promise, Iím trying! Iím flattered that people want to connect and chat with me still despite my age and my lack of flexibility.

I hope that everyone understands at least my point of view, which is all it is, and find below my way of dealing with multiple requests for chat and sorting the whole thing out:

1. Polite, friendly and gentlemanly wins my attention every time (of course as we get to know each other the future direction of the conversation is up to us).
2. Obscene openings lose every time.
3. If you want me to respond, catch my attention with something that speaks to you as unique. Every time Iím on I get uncountable ďHiĒ and ďHi sexyĒ and ďHow R UĒ. These are most often ignored.
4. I hope those I spoke with recently understand that I try to speak with all of my chat friends and give everyone equal time where I can. Therefore, please donít be offended if I donít respond because I am trying to give someone else who has kindly messaged me their time first. Message me through the Forum and I promise to reply to every message I receive there.
5. Please slow down when you chat? I come from a day where punctuation and spelling matter; sorry, old school. Can you believe I actually went to penmanship classes when I was in grade school! Are you sure you still want to chat with me? I hope so, Iím really not that judgmental (I donít think)


Thanks so much to those who have read this post and to all of the wonderful people whom I have met through this space. When I have time to myself and feel in the mood, Iíve always found this such a fun place to spend that time and relaxÖ

S~
  Reply With Quote

Old 11-16-2015, 05:15 PM   #2
shewantsmore
Literotica Guru
 
shewantsmore's Avatar
 
shewantsmore is offline
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: cambs.....uk
Posts: 6,642
I totally agree with you,i go into chat now and again and always get loads of requests,its hard to hold a conversation with several people at once and if you dont answer quickly they get annoyed or angry.All people need is a bit of patience or understanding,or is that too much to ask for these days
  Reply With Quote

Old 11-16-2015, 08:03 PM   #3
AKentuckyLady
Living the Single Life
 
AKentuckyLady's Avatar
 
AKentuckyLady is offline
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: I think that's already been established.
Posts: 4,727
Nice post, Sharon! I agree with everything you said.

I hope some of the men who sincerely want to chat with a woman read this and take note , but that might be a little too much to ask.

Be well, have fun!
__________________
I'm very bad in such a good way.

Playgrounder #395


My stories:
The Bubblebath
Tooth Fairy

ďKiss me, mercilessly.
Leave no corner of me
untouched.Ē

- Beau Taplin || Mercilessly
  Reply With Quote

Old 11-16-2015, 11:50 PM   #4
fulie57
Literotica Guru
 
fulie57's Avatar
 
fulie57 is offline
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Washington State
Posts: 534
Thanks for sharing. As a man, I get zero messages shot at me.. I mean zero! I always wondered how you poor women deal with the horny effers out here. It must get old no matter how it happens, whether they are hammering at your door and you just plain canít reply OR just the sheer numbers of ďuhhh, wanna screw?Ē type BS.

I totally appreciate you sharing this. I personally would love to chat with you. I also had to take penmanship classes and ADORE a person who can spell, complete a sentence and a thought as well as have the creativity to make things happen over cold digital text.

Good luck to you, and perhaps I will find a PM awaiting me someday. But Iím not going to add to your burden right now. With my luck Iíd PM you at a time I was the 101st message that causes your browser to crash!

__________________
Make me fearless.
  Reply With Quote

Old 11-18-2015, 11:26 AM   #5
IamWandering
Really Experienced
 
IamWandering is offline
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Here
Posts: 159
Hello to you

Thank you Sharon for your interesting and informative thread about, shall we say, the more mature member here and this coming from a male who is also of a similar age to yourself.
I personally have never joined a "Chat" site although I have exchanged PM's here on Lit. A fairly new member to the Forum pages although a long time reader of erotica here.
My eyes have certainly been opened as to the extent of peoples, male and female's fantasies and dare I say fetishes but like you, in the 60's and 70's computers and this sort of TERRIBLE place were rare.... It is not only the young who have sometimes dark hidden secrets and at least we can share these with like minded people here and it remains all anonymous does it not ?
Thank you for reading this message.
  Reply With Quote

Old 11-19-2015, 02:40 AM   #6
SazzieUK
Virgin
 
SazzieUK is offline
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 13
Sharon, I agree with you 100%.
__________________
Sazzie
  Reply With Quote

Old 11-19-2015, 07:35 AM   #7
funwiser
Experienced
 
funwiser is offline
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: mid Atlantic
Posts: 72
Quote:
Originally Posted by sharon_nj View Post
Iíve always looked over the forum topics with interest, but until now, never really have I been involved with it other than responding to random requests from those who have sent me ďhelloísĒ or ďhow are youísĒ here. I felt as if I had something to contribute I would post here, but to now, Iíve never felt I had anything of particular interest or value to say, so I havenít so far. But recently, Iíve become aware of some changes in Literotica Chat that affect me, at least, and seem to build over time. I thought Iíd talk about them, which hopefully adds to the benefit of the purpose of the Chat and for all of those who use it.

Iíve been around here for a little while, and began my chatting experience on the older version before the recent upgrade of the last year or so. To my experience, I think this Chat service is probably the most satisfying group Iíve ever been associated with. I go all the way back to the mid 1990ís where my first experience was at the then popular cyberlounge.com. Whatever exists under that URL now is most certainly not the same as the fledgling room that existed then. I guess that means Iíve been at this for quite a long time, doesnít it! Over time, itís just been fun to chat with others about all kinds of topics, which I wonít elaborate on here.

What Iíve noticed, as is probably common for women here, is that when I come on, a gradual build-up over time happens of people trying to connect for a chat. If Iím in chat, Iím usually in private with someone as within a minute of connect I have several PM requests. After a while I see that the top row of the window is solid red, that is, so many chat request messages sent that the tabs shorten down to one character. Sometimes this causes me to crash and when I sign in the process happens all over again. Often, when I finish a private chat, I will look through the other tabs for those I know who I have spoken with before, and find an angry message along the lines of ďWhy donít you respond to my requestsĒ or ďDonít you want to talk to me anymoreĒ or ďwhy is it you never talk to me anymoreĒ? Iíd have to say that 90% of the time, I canít weed through the tabs fast or efficiently enough to sort it all out, and so I often just disconnect, and reconnect to start over from the beginning.

Iím an old school girl. I was brought up in the 1960ís and 1970ís when computers filled rooms, so Iím not necessarily as adept at flying about from window to window, so I hope you will take that into account, but I promise, Iím trying! Iím flattered that people want to connect and chat with me still despite my age and my lack of flexibility.

I hope that everyone understands at least my point of view, which is all it is, and find below my way of dealing with multiple requests for chat and sorting the whole thing out:

1. Polite, friendly and gentlemanly wins my attention every time (of course as we get to know each other the future direction of the conversation is up to us).
2. Obscene openings lose every time.
3. If you want me to respond, catch my attention with something that speaks to you as unique. Every time Iím on I get uncountable ďHiĒ and ďHi sexyĒ and ďHow R UĒ. These are most often ignored.
4. I hope those I spoke with recently understand that I try to speak with all of my chat friends and give everyone equal time where I can. Therefore, please donít be offended if I donít respond because I am trying to give someone else who has kindly messaged me their time first. Message me through the Forum and I promise to reply to every message I receive there.
5. Please slow down when you chat? I come from a day where punctuation and spelling matter; sorry, old school. Can you believe I actually went to penmanship classes when I was in grade school! Are you sure you still want to chat with me? I hope so, Iím really not that judgmental (I donít think)


Thanks so much to those who have read this post and to all of the wonderful people whom I have met through this space. When I have time to myself and feel in the mood, Iíve always found this such a fun place to spend that time and relaxÖ

S~
from a man on the same page as you, I appreciate all that you have said, and sharing a similar experience in chat here and elsewhere, it's not easy to find good chat friends, but when you do it is hard not to enjoy the friendships. Hope you read this post and if we do connect that would just be even better
  Reply With Quote

Old 11-19-2015, 09:29 AM   #8
JulieAnn42
Experienced
 
JulieAnn42 is offline
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Vancouver, WA
Posts: 68
Put me down as another woman who finds some of the approaches men take really sad. I don't chat, but the pms that start with, "Hey sexy" or, "Would you like to chat with a fireman?" or other equally meaningless come ons do nothing for me. Also, chatting with you has nothing to do with the supposed size of your equipment, your color, or how much of a stud you think you are.

I also agree about not being interested in chatting with someone who cannot put a coherent sentence together. I speak American English, if you want to chat with me you had better come pretty close to that.

Finally, there are topics I will not discuss, such as certain sexual acts or any kind of sex between an adult and a minor.

I know what kind of site Lit is and I expect a fair amount of naughtiness. I can enjoy that, even get some thrill out of it. Just stay within bounds if you want a conversation with me.
  Reply With Quote

Old 11-19-2015, 10:18 AM   #9
Emerson40
An evening spent dancing
 
Emerson40's Avatar
 
Emerson40 is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: It's not where, but who you're with that matters
Posts: 4,967
Quote:
Originally Posted by JulieAnn42 View Post
Put me down as another woman who finds some of the approaches men take really sad. I don't chat, but the pms that start with, "Hey sexy" or, "Would you like to chat with a fireman?" or other equally meaningless come ons do nothing for me. Also, chatting with you has nothing to do with the supposed size of your equipment, your color, or how much of a stud you think you are.

I also agree about not being interested in chatting with someone who cannot put a coherent sentence together. I speak American English, if you want to chat with me you had better come pretty close to that.

Finally, there are topics I will not discuss, such as certain sexual acts or any kind of sex between an adult and a minor.

I know what kind of site Lit is and I expect a fair amount of naughtiness. I can enjoy that, even get some thrill out of it. Just stay within bounds if you want a conversation with me.

You may enjoy reading (and possibly contributing to) the PM Asshattery Thread.
__________________
ďThey told me that to make her fall in love I had to make her laugh. But everytime she laughs Iím the one who falls in love.Ē
ó Tommaso Ferraris


Sex Tips
  Reply With Quote

Old 11-24-2015, 03:19 AM   #10
Iselle
Really Experienced
 
Iselle's Avatar
 
Iselle is offline
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 114
Great post! I don't have the same number of PM's as you do, but, I do get the occasional angry responses nevertheless.
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-07-2015, 02:12 PM   #11
Graf_Severin
Literotica Guru
 
Graf_Severin's Avatar
 
Graf_Severin is offline
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: A blue state
Posts: 603
Good discussion, all. Thank you, Sharon, for your thoughtful and in-depth response.

It'd be great if we men could get a kind of tutorial on the very different user experiences between men and women, so that we could very much SEE the incentive for being gentleman and putting some thought into who it is we're contacting. Not that decorum shouldn't come first, and basic respect and consideration. When a female friend showed me her online dating profile inbox once, I was floored by how much she had to sift through. My sympathy was already high given her anecdotes, but once I saw what she had to deal with, I was surprised she was still on the site.

- Sev
__________________
The sounds of my edging to the point of no return, and then barely coming back: https://soundcloud.com/storymaster21/edgetime/s-hlkJ6
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-07-2015, 05:01 PM   #12
NOIRTRASH
Literotica Guru
 
NOIRTRASH's Avatar
 
NOIRTRASH is online now
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 5,512
Bull Shit.

I come from the old days, and regardless of what gals say, all wanna be propositioned.

It blew my mind when I tried it. I was a healthy, athletic, cute kid, and girls tossed me away after a few dates. I was a gentleman and generous. Then one day a girl comes to my door looking for my neighbor, and I say WANNA FUCK? and she jumped in my bed. I did the same with 5 female strangers at my college. Most did, and one left with me. WANNA FUCK? works all the time. Its why guys are so rude.

Chatroom ladies are ball busters.
__________________
Oh! I'm not a writer, I'm a writer monitor. I let writers know when they suck.
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-07-2015, 05:22 PM   #13
Kittyscave
Literotica Guru
 
Kittyscave is offline
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: midwest US
Posts: 661
With apologies to Noirtrash for my sisters who have dissed him, I offer my full support to the OP, as well.

My profile explicitly states that a thoughtful opening line, particularly one reflecting your care to read my profile, will take you the furthest with me in the chat room or pm. Nevertheless, I have experienced some challenges myself in opening profiles on certain electronic devices and therefore attempt to review the profiles of those who at least make the effort to say hi.

My new pet peeve is partners who request specific detail about my physical appearance - down to measurements. If you're here, surely you can use your imagination a little bit!!!
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-07-2015, 05:34 PM   #14
NOIRTRASH
Literotica Guru
 
NOIRTRASH's Avatar
 
NOIRTRASH is online now
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 5,512
30 years ago I had a pretty blonde secretary who hoisted her nose at every construction worker who asked her out. SHE SAID HE HAD STANDARDS AND REFUSED TO SETTLE FOR BLUE COLLAR. Then one night I ran into her at the gas station. Her car was fulla Mexican guys and her trunk was fulla beer. She hang her head and said, OH SHIT at me.
__________________
Oh! I'm not a writer, I'm a writer monitor. I let writers know when they suck.
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-08-2015, 08:41 AM   #15
NOIRTRASH
Literotica Guru
 
NOIRTRASH's Avatar
 
NOIRTRASH is online now
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 5,512
Long ago, in college, in a human sexuality class, one of the gals acted digusted when the perfesser put on an anal sex video. She said, EWWWWW, THATS SO DIGUSTING! Her boyfriend then said, YOU LIKED IT FINE LAST NIGHT.

That's how women are.
__________________
Oh! I'm not a writer, I'm a writer monitor. I let writers know when they suck.
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-08-2015, 09:54 AM   #16
Kittyscave
Literotica Guru
 
Kittyscave is offline
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: midwest US
Posts: 661
Then I think you are on the wrong thread, Noirtrash. It would seem unlikely any of us on this particular "Mature Woman's" thread are going to have anything to offer you.

We're just like that. Bye now.
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-08-2015, 10:15 AM   #17
NOIRTRASH
Literotica Guru
 
NOIRTRASH's Avatar
 
NOIRTRASH is online now
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 5,512
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kittyscave View Post
Then I think you are on the wrong thread, Noirtrash. It would seem unlikely any of us on this particular "Mature Woman's" thread are going to have anything to offer you.

We're just like that. Bye now.
I post to offer something besides unicorn manure to the discussion. I know how you are, I hadda mom and 5 sisters and a wife and 3 daughters and 6 grand daughters. I know of what I speak. But most guys don't. When someone like you or the OP says UNICORN SHIT IS WE NEED I provide some contrast.
__________________
Oh! I'm not a writer, I'm a writer monitor. I let writers know when they suck.
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-08-2015, 10:29 AM   #18
Kittyscave
Literotica Guru
 
Kittyscave is offline
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: midwest US
Posts: 661
I trust you will reap a bountiful harvest of gratitude from the universe for your good deeds on behalf of all mankind.

Have a great day.
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-11-2015, 02:43 PM   #19
curiousoldman
Virgin
 
curiousoldman is offline
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by NOIRTRASH View Post
I post to offer something besides unicorn manure to the discussion. I know how you are, I hadda mom and 5 sisters and a wife and 3 daughters and 6 grand daughters. I know of what I speak. But most guys don't. When someone like you or the OP says UNICORN SHIT IS WE NEED I provide some contrast.
Well dude, you may think you are HE MAN cock on guard for Amerikkka to all bitches but you really are a douche in my opinion.
There are as many variations as people and if you happened to get LUCKY with some skags well good for you as there are many women who don't feel worthy and like to be degraded. Your forte I would say.
A man who treats a woman with respect can pull in as much if not more pussy and smile at her afterwards. Some like to be subs and that will come out as well but your attitude is juvenile.
Just my take.
King of all Macho Men...ha ha
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-11-2015, 02:44 PM   #20
curiousoldman
Virgin
 
curiousoldman is offline
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by NOIRTRASH View Post
I post to offer something besides unicorn manure to the discussion. I know how you are, I hadda mom and 5 sisters and a wife and 3 daughters and 6 grand daughters. I know of what I speak. But most guys don't. When someone like you or the OP says UNICORN SHIT IS WE NEED I provide some contrast.
Well dude, you may think you are HE MAN cock on guard for Amerikkka to all bitches but you really are a douche in my opinion.
There are as many variations as people and if you happened to get LUCKY with some skags well good for you as there are many women who don't feel worthy and like to be degraded. Your forte I would say.
A man who treats a woman with respect can pull in as much if not more pussy and smile at her afterwards. Some like to be subs and that will come out as well but your attitude is juvenile.
Just my take.
King of all Macho Men...ha ha
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-11-2015, 05:04 PM   #21
NOIRTRASH
Literotica Guru
 
NOIRTRASH's Avatar
 
NOIRTRASH is online now
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 5,512
Quote:
Originally Posted by curiousoldman View Post
Well dude, you may think you are HE MAN cock on guard for Amerikkka to all bitches but you really are a douche in my opinion.
There are as many variations as people and if you happened to get LUCKY with some skags well good for you as there are many women who don't feel worthy and like to be degraded. Your forte I would say.
A man who treats a woman with respect can pull in as much if not more pussy and smile at her afterwards. Some like to be subs and that will come out as well but your attitude is juvenile.
Just my take.
King of all Macho Men...ha ha
You don't understand females. They are what they are.
__________________
Oh! I'm not a writer, I'm a writer monitor. I let writers know when they suck.
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-12-2015, 06:53 AM   #22
inkyprimal
Virgin
 
inkyprimal is offline
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by NOIRTRASH View Post
Long ago, in college, in a human sexuality class, one of the gals acted digusted when the perfesser put on an anal sex video. She said, EWWWWW, THATS SO DIGUSTING! Her boyfriend then said, YOU LIKED IT FINE LAST NIGHT.

That's how women are.
Public =/= private, with a romantic or sexual partner. Sure, some people are voyeurs and enjoy watching others have sex, but for the most part, it is a private activity that people prefer to keep it that way. She also might well have wanted to keep her sex life private, and acting disgusted with the act was her way of trying to keep a distance from it - knowing how nasty people can be at college, I can imagine that having it made publicly known that she liked anal would have been cause for teasing, and not the nice sort. Her boyfriend was right in his thinking, but not in making that public.

Same applies to cock-shots.
We might like cock, we might appreciate a good picture of one.
But it is one thing to request one or to seek it out, and another to have it shoved into your inbox without any sort of warning. It's rude, full of assumptions and demonstrates that you really do have nothing more to offer the conversation than your dick. Which, in an online medium, isn't something we can really do anything with.
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-12-2015, 03:22 PM   #23
curiousoldman
Virgin
 
curiousoldman is offline
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by NOIRTRASH View Post
You don't understand females. They are what they are.
Well, we can agree to disagree. I believe I understand not only women but likely people better than you.
If you seriously believe that all or most women want to be "taken or dominated" you are simply providing a false belief system in order to support your inability to actually attract a woman to the man you are.
Did you not read some of the comments above to you from women? And of course they don't know their true selves eh? Only you do. That is called denial of reality.
Whatever, be careful or one of those women may put a knife into your belly one day when you try to convince her of her unknown desire for your advances.

Last edited by curiousoldman : 12-12-2015 at 03:25 PM.
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-12-2015, 03:29 PM   #24
ksmith475
Really Really Experienced
 
ksmith475's Avatar
 
ksmith475 is offline
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: ks
Posts: 391
Support's this

I am only sad its only directed towards Mature chatrooms... Should be for all. Ty for the post. You did wait until you had something interesting to say. Congratulations!
__________________

~krackheadkathy is back with a vengeance~
  Reply With Quote

Old 03-09-2016, 09:08 PM   #25
Britishguy1
Experienced
 
Britishguy1 is online now
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: England.
Posts: 41
It is really great to hear some views on this thread. I always thought if I didn't get a reply it is the woman's choice. Maybe she didn't like my profile or some other reason. There is never any excuse to send unpleasant emails. You always catch more bees with honey not vinegar. Life is always that bit more interesting when you do not get replies everytime. If we always get what we want everything would get dull pretty soon. Plus the right one will reply.
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 04:18 AM.

Copyright 1998-2013 Literotica Online. Literotica is a registered trademark.