There be sadness in here....

I have been feeling lonely lately. Missing close companionship. I do find satisfying connection here in "Talk" and the "Cafe" and this is one of the only places I can be genuine tossing out all my seemingly contradictory parts, pieces and bits.

What I am longing is the little touch from a lover - pat on the ass, brush of my hair, rub my feet, me rubbing their feet. This hit me the other night when I was posting links to ytube to that silly thread I started in the Cafe. I ran across the one of the guy standing in the street with a sign "Free Hugs". As the video played out I started to cry.

Longing for just a hug welled up - as did fear.

The fear of growing old and loosing access to warm loving touch has me sad right now. Many older folks live alone or in community homes and touch, as well as sexuality, is lost to them. I do not know where or how -yet - but I must try to find that warm human healing touch source again and do something about it.

While I'm discussing my fear driven sadness here I'll mention another. When I think about being in a care home or living with my children and not being able to dress in my panties and bras and lace I get sad - really. It is a little ways off, I hope, but I can see the day once again I will be unable to give free expression to who I am in the place I live. Anyone want to start a crossdressing nursing home with me?

Will your desire for a flogging go away before your partner is too old for "one more swing"? Or do you expect to still have the yearning and it is "tough poop granny"?

Feel free to share your fear drive sadness if you want. Maudlin is the mood of the day...

Ohhhh Shank, I am so right here with you. I'd rather not say more publicly, but ohhhhhhh boy am I with you.

As for the growing old with dignity and respect for your silky things- maybe a proactive discussion (now) with those overseeing decisions about your future care is in order. Making sure whomever has power of attorney over your care, knows to fight for your need to feel pretty, safe, and secure, and that your pretty things are so very important to those feelings of comfort and security, is important. Discussing it now, and knowing it will be taken care of in a loving way, might help ease those fears...

{{{HUG}}}

CutieMouse said:

Ohhhh Shank, I am so right here with you. I'd rather not say more publicly, but ohhhhhhh boy am I with you.

As for the growing old with dignity and respect for your silky things- maybe a proactive discussion (now) with those overseeing decisions about your future care is in order. Making sure whomever has power of attorney over your care, knows to fight for your need to feel pretty, safe, and secure, and that your pretty things are so very important to those feelings of comfort and security, is important. Discussing it now, and knowing it will be taken care of in a loving way, might help ease those fears...

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hmmm, Cutie, that is something to think about. My son and his wife know a little about my needs but any discussion has always been TMI (too much information) for them. I have warned them that if anything happens to me unexpectedly to be prepared to have to deal with some "un-confentianal" personal items in my home. It might be just about time to up the conversation with them about my future needs.

Thanks for the suggestion.


.

myinnerslut said:

{{{HUG}}}

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thanks

The dignity of the elderly is a very important topic to me as well. I should think it would be important to everyone, since we will all be there one day. At least, most of us will.

I don't know what to say about your current sadness, except to say that I am truly sorry you are suffering this way.

On the topic of nursing homes and assisted living, I do know something about that because of experiences involving my grandparents before they died. The good news is that places do exist that accommodate what they perceive as eccentricity very well.

Please don't be insulted by that last statement. I don't mean to imply that I think panties and such are eccentric. I am trying to explain the perspective from the nursing home or aged caregiver point of view.

There are places and people that accept practices viewed as eccentric and treat the elderly practitioners with dignity, treating them as if their behavior were of course the most normal and natural thing in the world. It isn't condescending, and it isn't offensive. The caregivers genuinely understand and accept that the behavior of their patients reflects unique needs and that anything satisfying those needs without harming others is really a wonderful thing.

These places and people can be hard to find, but they do exist.

There are also places where local children, teens, and young adults volunteer on a regular basis to visit the elderly. I don't mean to suggest anything inappropriate here. I am just saying that I've seen some places where the elderly are left alone in a very sterile environment, but others where they are frequently visited by local youth or adults who happily play games with them, give hugs, hold hands, exchange pictures, and generally provide the warm human contact that so many people need.

Alistunut is right. There are a whole mix of places out there from supported living, residential and nursing care.

When I was 15 (so few years ago) I worked in a small residential home, one of the ladies who was in her 90's loved french silk underwear,
Her fiancee had died in the war and she had never married.
She had drawer fulls of french silk underwear, even though she had continence issues the owners would have taken you out and shot you if she had worn anything but her underwear of choice.
I spent several hours reading romance novels to her.

I know that sound mainstream but when most residents wore ordinary sensible things it was wonderful that the home knew her wishes and abided by them, even though it wasn't always practical.

As for feeling lonely SHank, nothing can replace a real hug from another warm but I am sending lots of ehugs your way.

Maybe it is time to get a part of your love life back. I know it is not always easy to get everything you need from one other person; but part of it can be good

*HUGs and HUGs*


I've worried about these sorts of things too. I try not to dwell on them or any negative thoughts too long. In my opinion, you want to allow yourself to feel the potential negative worries, instead of denying them, which is damaging in it's own way, but then not stay in the place for long.

Fury

Sorry you are going through this moment Shank...if I were closer I would make a regular hug session of high importance. I think we touched on this to some extent once before in the BDSM Through The Lifespan thread, at least the nursing home part. It has always struck me as odd why community service organisations feel it is quite apporpriate to seperate elderly couples once they get to nursing home stage, and frown on any suggestion they may miss their spouse and all that goes with that relationship. I know there are some places where couples can go, but once it gets to the needing nursing care etc., it is slim pickings to find such a venue. Unfortunately for us, it might be a matter of us trying to be proactive about starting up some form of elder care which is kink appropriate.

As for the hugging thing, I have seen occasionally on TV where communities have begun a hugging group so people living on their own get to enjoy regular touch, even if it is non-sexual. It is such an important part of our species, and yet one so overlooked and ignored in the ruch to increase the corporate dollar through capitalism. Maybe you might be surprised if you place an ad asking for people interested in such a group, how many people come out of the woodwork needing just what you do. It would take some work though, as I expect it would also attract those with less than honourable reasons.

Catalina

I know what you mean shankie.

I do have a few friends I can call on when I'm feeling lonesome and just need some one to cuddle, pamper, hug, kiss, snuggle, or just be in the same room with. A few of them laugh at me because I'm happy to just be in the same room as they are and not really doing much of anything other than maybe watching some crap show on tv. I'm just happy to have some one other than 4 turtles to keep me company.

Tho, I haven't been able to get anyone to let me cook for them. I love to cook and i really love to cook big fancy meals. But for some reason no one ever will let me pamper them this way. And my mom will vouch that I'm a good cook. Hell so will my ex, and my brother who hates everything. Oh well. *shrug*

But I do have many a night when I'm sitting here in my apt all alone. I think it's harder some times because my ex and I shared this place. It was our first apt when we got married. Half the furniture and stuff we bought that first month we moved in. He insisted that everything had to be new. Just glad he let me pick it all out. *giggles*

Bloody hell you aint dead yet!

Shankara20 said:

I have been feeling lonely lately. Missing close companionship. I do find satisfying connection here in "Talk" and the "Cafe" and this is one of the only places I can be genuine tossing out all my seemingly contradictory parts, pieces and bits.

What I am longing is the little touch from a lover - pat on the ass, brush of my hair, rub my feet, me rubbing their feet. This hit me the other night when I was posting links to ytube to that silly thread I started in the Cafe. I ran across the one of the guy standing in the street with a sign "Free Hugs". As the video played out I started to cry.

Longing for just a hug welled up - as did fear.

The fear of growing old and loosing access to warm loving touch has me sad right now. Many older folks live alone or in community homes and touch, as well as sexuality, is lost to them. I do not know where or how -yet - but I must try to find that warm human healing touch source again and do something about it.

While I'm discussing my fear driven sadness here I'll mention another. When I think about being in a care home or living with my children and not being able to dress in my panties and bras and lace I get sad - really. It is a little ways off, I hope, but I can see the day once again I will be unable to give free expression to who I am in the place I live. Anyone want to start a crossdressing nursing home with me?

Will your desire for a flogging go away before your partner is too old for "one more swing"? Or do you expect to still have the yearning and it is "tough poop granny"?

Feel free to share your fear drive sadness if you want. Maudlin is the mood of the day...

Click to expand...

I am an old bloke(68), a master and a swtch to boot. I found myself suddenly alone two years ago. Even worse I live in a retirement home. I am surrounded by the halt and the lame. Stroke victims, Parkinsons, Altzimers, dementia and advanced dieabeties. Not a nice sort of thing to confront on a daily basis...

I have my computer, I have a brain, well 90% of one and I HAVE MEMORIES, so I write. I find I do not have time to get maudlin.

Get a grip damn it. You ain't dead yet!

Shankara20 said:

I have been feeling lonely lately. Missing close companionship. I do find satisfying connection here in "Talk" and the "Cafe" and this is one of the only places I can be genuine tossing out all my seemingly contradictory parts, pieces and bits.

What I am longing is the little touch from a lover - pat on the ass, brush of my hair, rub my feet, me rubbing their feet. This hit me the other night when I was posting links to ytube to that silly thread I started in the Cafe. I ran across the one of the guy standing in the street with a sign "Free Hugs". As the video played out I started to cry.

Longing for just a hug welled up - as did fear.

The fear of growing old and loosing access to warm loving touch has me sad right now. Many older folks live alone or in community homes and touch, as well as sexuality, is lost to them. I do not know where or how -yet - but I must try to find that warm human healing touch source again and do something about it.

While I'm discussing my fear driven sadness here I'll mention another. When I think about being in a care home or living with my children and not being able to dress in my panties and bras and lace I get sad - really. It is a little ways off, I hope, but I can see the day once again I will be unable to give free expression to who I am in the place I live. Anyone want to start a crossdressing nursing home with me?

Will your desire for a flogging go away before your partner is too old for "one more swing"? Or do you expect to still have the yearning and it is "tough poop granny"?

Feel free to share your fear drive sadness if you want. Maudlin is the mood of the day...

Click to expand...

awwww Sir Shank my friend , I can see well how the Free Hug Campaign clip assisted you to 'that place '. I am well familiar with it myself when time permits . The Sick Puppies are of my dubious origins. There is fight and reclamation also in that clip to me . Things we all battle with.

You know if we were not oceans apart I would swoop you up in my arms in a heart beat, as for the rest lets take that up in pm.

Sick Puppies Free Hugs Campaign and Clip etc...

Thanks for the well wishes everyone. I do not mind the ups and downs of emotions – in fact I enjoy being able to feel. One of the many things I love about this Lit family is that so many of us are able to be genuine. And this discussion is helping me clarify that I need some self-care, that is to say to take some steps to make sure the things that are important if me stay in my life.

I may be mistaken in this moment, but I don’t think I fear death as much as I fear growing old in my body while staying young and hungry and horny in my mind. I want to be a dirty old man, and maybe one of the Sick Puppies as well.

RonClarkeson said:

Get a grip damn it. You ain't dead yet!

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Hi Ron - thanks for the post. I can get a grip - but once in a while I want someone else to grip it for me.


.

I know what you mean. Believe it or not I'm a very sad person. I worry about growing old, and getting sicker. I'm afraid, even though my head says it won't happen, that I'll get so sick that he won't want to be around me, or that he'll go looking for someone who can fill all his needs. I'm scared to death that someday I'll loose my colon, and have a coloscopy bag, and he won't be attracted to me anymore. I could spend days detailing all my fears, but they are private, and I don't even know them all. Denial is a wonderful thing.

I'm sorry you're feeling so sad. I'm that way myself. Not about being older but because of what happened last year. The sadness is a hard thing to shake.


This is an interesting discussion. Happened to my Master last year He got really ill in October. No one has a clue about his lifestyle. His computer had crashed right before he got ill. If a family member or his business partner ever repairs it, they'll be quite surprised, I'm sure. I would really like to have our conversations on Yahoo. We talked every day. I talked mostly from my cell so I don't have them on my computer

Shank sweetie, I am sending you many big, squeezing hugs.

As Alistunut and shy said, long term care facilities (as they are now more correctly called because we are seeing so many younger - 40 to 60 year old - residents) provide a great deal of latitude and privacy to residents. In one facility that I work, Social Services recently helped one of our residents purchase her own dildo. (She happens to be 38.)

Speaking as someone who understands pervy folks, I can tell you that just as we are hearing new kinds of musak in these facilities, we will start seeing new and different predilections, too. ;-) And also because the resident (or family) is paying a big portion of the bill, as well as the very broad sweeping patient's rights, these facilities will become much more tolerant and accepting of these things.

I'm sorry you're feeling so melancholy.

One of the great peole in the leather scene, viola Johnson (author of TO LOVE, TO OBEY, TO SERVE (available at Mystic Rose Books)) was spearheading a project, We Welcome You Home, a retirement community designed for alternative lifestylers from the ground up... gay, lesbian, Leather, BDSM... I'll see if I can find contact information for her or the project.

Evil_Geoff said:

One of the great peole in the leather scene, viola Johnson (author of TO LOVE, TO OBEY, TO SERVE (available at Mystic Rose Books)) was spearheading a project, We Welcome You Home, a retirement community designed for alternative lifestylers from the ground up... gay, lesbian, Leather, BDSM... I'll see if I can find contact information for her or the project.

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thats a really good idea, im glad somebody thought of it.

Heh, I was going to post about Vi Johnson's thing too...I hope it happens. The website www.wewelcomeyouhome.com is under construction though, so I'm not sure where it sits at the moment.

the captians wench said:

I know what you mean shankie.

I do have a few friends I can call on when I'm feeling lonesome and just need some one to cuddle, pamper, hug, kiss, snuggle, or just be in the same room with. A few of them laugh at me because I'm happy to just be in the same room as they are and not really doing much of anything other than maybe watching some crap show on tv. I'm just happy to have some one other than 4 turtles to keep me company.

Tho, I haven't been able to get anyone to let me cook for them. I love to cook and i really love to cook big fancy meals. But for some reason no one ever will let me pamper them this way. And my mom will vouch that I'm a good cook. Hell so will my ex, and my brother who hates everything. Oh well. *shrug*

But I do have many a night when I'm sitting here in my apt all alone. I think it's harder some times because my ex and I shared this place. It was our first apt when we got married. Half the furniture and stuff we bought that first month we moved in. He insisted that everything had to be new. Just glad he let me pick it all out. *giggles*

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Sold! Now please tell me you're close! I have an awful time deciding what to have, and LOVE it when people make yumminess for me.

SweetErika said:

Sold! Now please tell me you're close! I have an awful time deciding what to have, and LOVE it when people make yumminess for me.

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*giggles*

If I did I'm sure my Love would loan me out each night....as long as you spanked me and sent him pics. *giggles* but that's pretty much the agreement with anyone.