The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Artina Heartflash]

Originally Posted by Noor

and you get an annotated cookbook

I put in a van that never breaks down.

and someone steals the engine.

I put in an army bus full of lusty soliders... I mean soldiers

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Artina Heartflash

and someone steals the engine.

I put in an army bus full of lusty soliders... I mean soldiers

all of whom are very, very drunk & incapable.



I put in an emergency OFF switch

[Noor]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

all of whom are very, very drunk & incapable.



I put in an emergency OFF switch

and you get breakfast

I put in a blue painters tape

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Noor

and you get breakfast

I put in a blue painters tape

But the tape recorder only takes Red Tapes.



I put in a cassette.

[Handley_Page]

~~~ bump ~~~

[Noor]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

But the tape recorder only takes Red Tapes.



I put in a cassette.

and you get Give Up The Funk (Tear The Roof Off The Sucker)

I put in Belgium chocolate

[glynndah]

Originally Posted by Noor

and you get Give Up The Funk (Tear The Roof Off The Sucker)

I put in Belgium chocolate

And you get back French fries.

I toss in Swiss cheese.

[stickygirl]

Originally Posted by glynndah

And you get back French fries.

I toss in Swiss cheese.

and a mouse runs down the clock

I put in the hopes and fears of all the years

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by stickygirl

and a mouse runs down the clock

I put in the hopes and fears of all the years

But Hope is ill-prepared


I put in a new long-life battery

[Noor]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

But Hope is ill-prepared


I put in a new long-life battery

and you get back an extension cord

I put in little white cotton gloves

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Noor

and you get back an extension cord

I put in little white cotton gloves

But the flagstaff slips out of the hand wearing the glove.



I put in a new Plot Bunny.

[Noor]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

But the flagstaff slips out of the hand wearing the glove.



I put in a new Plot Bunny.

and you get a witch

I put in a secret society

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Noor

and you get a witch

I put in a secret society

plastered all over the front pages


I put in a ton of newsprint

[glynndah]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

plastered all over the front pages


I put in a ton of newsprint

Congratulations! Your tabloid subscription is renewed for another year.

I toss in some old Cosmo magazines.

[Noor]

Originally Posted by glynndah

Congratulations! Your tabloid subscription is renewed for another year.

I toss in some old Cosmo magazines.

and you get a lighter

I put in some fat wood

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Noor

and you get a lighter

I put in some fat wood

and the woodpile complains of "sizeist" policies.


I put in a book entitled "Maps of the Airports."

[glynndah]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

and the woodpile complains of "sizeist" policies.


I put in a book entitled "Maps of the Airports."

And I get hopelessly lost.

I put in a very helpful gentleman in a hideously ugly gold blazer.

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by glynndah

And I get hopelessly lost.

I put in a very helpful gentleman in a hideously ugly gold blazer.

But it turns out to be gold-plated, not real gold.




I put in a Compass.

[glynndah]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

But it turns out to be gold-plated, not real gold.




I put in a Compass.

And I draw oodles of perfect circles, each one with a tiny hole in the center.

I toss in a protractor.

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by glynndah

And I draw oodles of perfect circles, each one with a tiny hole in the center.

I toss in a protractor.

and you get a very long, very drawn out, debate.



I put in a Dragon-English dictionary.

[Noor]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

and you get a very long, very drawn out, debate.



I put in a Dragon-English dictionary.

and you get canal fisherman

I put in a WI event calandar

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Noor

and you get canal fisherman

I put in a WI event calandar

in view of the fiscal climate, it is blank



I put in a metro-sexual dictionary.

[Jett_73]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

in view of the fiscal climate, it is blank



I put in a metro-sexual dictionary.

And you get a men's personal grooming and hair product sampler bag.

I put in a 1942 Mercury dime.

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Jett_73

And you get a men's personal grooming and hair product sampler bag.

I put in a 1942 Mercury dime.

but it's made of lead.



I put in a bottle of old-fashioned after-shave; with some sting!

[Noor]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

but it's made of lead.



I put in a bottle of old-fashioned after-shave; with some sting!

and you get a bearded fisherman

I put in a reformulation ruling