The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Artina Heartflash

and the protest sign gets eaten by a 60 foot tall woodchuck.

I put in a golfball, found on planet Mars

and you get a Note from the Golf, asking for its return.



I put in a swimming pool

[Artina Heartflash]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

and you get a Note from the Golf, asking for its return.



I put in a swimming pool

and sea monkeys have an orgy in it.

I put in a well gnarfed cup of Mad Hatter tea.

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Artina Heartflash

and sea monkeys have an orgy in it.

I put in a well gnarfed cup of Mad Hatter tea.

but it isn't an English blend !



I put in a device for removing the gnarfe.

[Artina Heartflash]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

but it isn't an English blend !



I put in a device for removing the gnarfe.

And Sherlock Holmes declares "Whoever gnarfed this teacup has left bite marks on the edge. Could be the same who tried to force the doormouse into Artina's sugar bowl."

I throw in Lewis Carroll's crying towel.

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Artina Heartflash

And Sherlock Holmes declares "Whoever gnarfed this teacup has left bite marks on the edge. Could be the same who tried to force the door mouse into Artina's sugar bowl."

I throw in Lewis Carroll's crying towel.

But it is not comforted by a warm stove.



I put in another cup of tea

[Noor]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

But it is not comforted by a warm stove.



I put in another cup of tea

and you get a flourless chocolate cake

I put in a snow shovel

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Noor

and you get a flourless chocolate cake

I put in a snow shovel

and the snow melts first.



I put in a decent internet line

[Artina Heartflash]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

and the snow melts first.



I put in a decent internet line

and someone at Lit laces it into an UGG boot.

I put in a male stripper in a scarey snowman costume.

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Artina Heartflash

and someone at Lit laces it into an UGG boot.

I put in a male stripper in a scarey snowman costume.

and the reindeer treat it as a road sign and keep away.


I put in a new graphics card

[Artina Heartflash]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

and the reindeer treat it as a road sign and keep away.


I put in a new graphics card

and suddenly everything on the screen bursts forth in lurid color.

I put in a big heavy sigh.

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Artina Heartflash

and suddenly everything on the screen bursts forth in lurid color.

I put in a big heavy sigh.

but the speaker's off.


I put in a pair of good sunglasses.

[Tio_Narratore]

Originally Posted by Artina Heartflash

and suddenly everything on the screen bursts forth in lurid color.

I put in a big heavy sigh.

and the lisp in the machine gives you back a big heavy thigh.

I put in an unused Thighmaster...

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Tio_Narratore

and the lisp in the machine gives you back a big heavy thigh.

I put in an unused Thighmaster...

[Erm . . .WTF ?]

and you send him to a maxilla-facial team for repair.


I put in a new titanium tooth.

[Tio_Narratore]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

[Erm . . .WTF ?]

and you send him to a maxilla-facial team for repair.


I put in a new titanium tooth.

("Thighmaster?" - An as-seen-on-tv exercise device to tighten flabby thighs...)

and the old titanium tooth is heartbroken.

I put in a student-grade edentulous cranium...

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Tio_Narratore

and the old titanium tooth is heartbroken.
I put in a student-grade edentulous cranium...

but the dental team are on their holiday so cannot help.



I put in a crate of liquid meals.

[Tio_Narratore]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

but the dental team are on their holiday so cannot help.



I put in a crate of liquid meals.

and they ooze out between the slats.

I put in a bale of oakum...

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Tio_Narratore

and they ooze out between the slats.

I put in a bale of oakum...

and the good citizens of Rutland are trying to find it!


I put in some planks for caulking

[Tio_Narratore]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

and the good citizens of Rutland are trying to find it!


I put in some planks for caulking

and you get a plank for walking.

I put in a cat-o'-nine-tails...

[stickygirl]

Originally Posted by Tio_Narratore

and you get a plank for walking.

I put in a cat-o'-nine-tails...

But someone let the cat out of the bag

I put in a butterfly net

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by stickygirl

But someone let the cat out of the bag

I put in a butterfly net

But there are only moths. . .



I put in a large green Lizard

[stickygirl]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

But there are only moths. . .



I put in a large green Lizard

And you get a big Welsh flag

I put in the Tardis

[Artina Heartflash]

Originally Posted by stickygirl

And you get a big Welsh flag

I put in the Tardis

which collides with Bill and Ted's phone booth on a Bogus Journey. They emerge with"excellent" cookies in their pants.

I put in the Tin Man's heart.

[Tio_Narratore]

Originally Posted by Artina Heartflash

which collides with Bill and Ted's phone booth on a Bogus Journey. They emerge with"excellent" cookies in their pants.

I put in the Tin Man's heart.

and when he Shakes, it Rattles and Rolls.

I put in Bill Haley's Comet...

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Tio_Narratore

and when he Shakes, it Rattles and Rolls.

I put in Bill Haley's Comet...

but it's in the workshops having a new exhaust fitted.



I put in a spare Kawasaki engine head

[Artina Heartflash]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

but it's in the workshops having a new exhaust fitted.



I put in a spare Kawasaki engine head

and it ends up as a mustard server on a Japanese restaurant table.

I (reluctantly) throw in a chocolate Bach.
(NO not a "bock"....BACH!!!)