The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by SailorJerry

but the Cardinal has already been reprimanded about that .....

I put in a set of winter tyres. on the rims.

cheers, lads!

but they are too smooth for the road conditions.



I put in a set of studs.

[Artina Heartflash]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

but they are too smooth for the road conditions.



I put in a set of studs.

and they give you a company calling card: 2 Bi for Woodworking

I put in a mystery flavored Dum Dum pop.

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Artina Heartflash

and they give you a company calling card: 2 Bi for Woodworking

I put in a mystery flavored Dum Dum pop.

not so much a 'pop', more a loud BOOM.



I put in a small bath of hot caustic soda.

[Artina Heartflash]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

not so much a 'pop', more a loud BOOM.



I put in a small bath of hot caustic soda.

Zombie submerges. Skeleton emerges.

I put in an acorn for peace.

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Artina Heartflash

Zombie submerges. Skeleton emerges.

I put in an acorn for peace.

but you/we ain't around to see the magnificent result.



I put in a cure for the "Ash die-back fungus"

[Tio_Narratore]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

but you/we ain't around to see the magnificent result.



I put in a cure for the "Ash die-back fungus"

and succumb instead to an infestation of Emerald Ash Borers.

I put in some beetle predators...

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Tio_Narratore

and succumb instead to an infestation of Emerald Ash Borers.

I put in some beetle predators...

but there are no strings in the guitars. . . .



I put in a pair of large kettle drums

[Tio_Narratore]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

but there are no strings in the guitars. . . .



I put in a pair of large kettle drums

and you get enough tea to fill an oil drum.

I put in a Trinidadian calypso band...

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Tio_Narratore

and you get enough tea to fill an oil drum.

I put in a Trinidadian calypso band...

but the Marimba is a child's Xylophone


I put in an Eb trumpet

[Tio_Narratore]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

but the Marimba is a child's Xylophone


I put in an Eb trumpet

and the passing bus flattens it in every key.

I put in a mixolodian air...

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Tio_Narratore

and the passing bus flattens it in every key.

I put in a mixolodian air...

but it's no good as an anaesthetic.



I put in a small hammer and a tuning fork

[Tio_Narratore]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

but it's no good as an anaesthetic.



I put in a small hammer and a tuning fork

and all five courses of your dinner are in perfect harmony.

I put in a discordant bottle of pinot noir...

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Tio_Narratore

and all five courses of your dinner are in perfect harmony.

I put in a discordant bottle of pinot noir...

but it can be brought into tune by removing some of the fluid.




I put in a barrel of decent bitter (from the wood)

[Tio_Narratore]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

but it can be brought into tune by removing some of the fluid.




I put in a barrel of decent bitter (from the wood)

but it tastes of shipworms.

I put in a rotted hull...

[stickygirl]

Originally Posted by Tio_Narratore

but it tastes of shipworms.

I put in a rotted hull...

and you get an old fishing port

I put in an upturned beaker

[Tio_Narratore]

Originally Posted by stickygirl

and you get an old fishing port

I put in an upturned beaker

and you get quite the retort.

I put in a child's chemistry set...

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Tio_Narratore

and you get quite the retort.

I put in a child's chemistry set...

but the real acid etches the table.




I put in a lace doily

[Tio_Narratore]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

but the real acid etches the table.




I put in a lace doily

and you get a laced Dolly.

I put in a bottle of Macasar Oil...

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Tio_Narratore

and you get a laced Dolly.

I put in a bottle of Macasar Oil...

Which has stained the headrest.




I put in a new anti-macassar.

[I wonder if it is still available?]

[Tio_Narratore]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

Which has stained the headrest.




I put in a new anti-macassar.

[I wonder if it is still available?]

and find yourself denounced as a capitalist running dog by the pro-macassar faction.

I put in the intersection of Wall and Broad Streets...

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Tio_Narratore

and find yourself denounced as a capitalist running dog by the pro-macassar faction.

I put in the intersection of Wall and Broad Streets...

but it turns out to be perpendicular.



I put in a pair of compasses.

[Tio_Narratore]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

but it turns out to be perpendicular.



I put in a pair of compasses.

and they point in opposite directions.

I put in a Faber-Castell compass...

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Tio_Narratore

and they point in opposite directions.

I put in a Faber-Castell compass...

but the Map is upside down




I put in a protractor

[Tio_Narratore]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

but the Map is upside down




I put in a protractor

and you get a personal thank-you note from John Deere.

I put in a protest by a back-to-nature anti-tractor association...

[Artina Heartflash]

Originally Posted by Tio_Narratore

and you get a personal thank-you note from John Deere.

I put in a protest by a back-to-nature anti-tractor association...

and the protest sign gets eaten by a 60 foot tall woodchuck.

I put in a golfball, found on planet Mars