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Coming on Command

Kailey_86

Kailey_86

Literotica Guru
Joined
Aug 30, 2006
Posts
660
Sir's slave is able to come on command and i want to be able to do that so badly but it is difficult for me to even come with stimulation. i don't know if it is a medical thing, nervousness, or what. i really wish it weren't so hard for me though. This was the most frustrating part of my meeting with Sir.

Does anyone else have this much trouble coming? Has anyone who has had trouble coming been able to come on command? Is there anything i can do to make coming easier for me?
 
It's going to take a lot of patience, and a lot of conditioning. You need to get used to cumming when he says a special word or phrase, and that in itself will take work on your part and his, also.

To make it "easier," make sure that right before you know you're about to cum, ask for his permission. He'll need to use the exact same words when he grants it, such as, "Cum for me now." Over time, you should start to associate your orgasm with the sound of him speaking those words, and maybe get to the point that all you need to cum will be him voicing that command.
 
Yang4yin said:
It's going to take a lot of patience, and a lot of conditioning. You need to get used to cumming when he says a special word or phrase, and that in itself will take work on your part and his, also.

To make it "easier," make sure that right before you know you're about to cum, ask for his permission. He'll need to use the exact same words when he grants it, such as, "Cum for me now." Over time, you should start to associate your orgasm with the sound of him speaking those words, and maybe get to the point that all you need to cum will be him voicing that command.
Click to expand...
Thank you for your input. Pavlov's dogs and conditioning, that's what Sir was saying too.
 
Kailey_86 said:
Sir's slave is able to come on command and i want to be able to do that so badly but it is difficult for me to even come with stimulation. i don't know if it is a medical thing, nervousness, or what. i really wish it weren't so hard for me though. This was the most frustrating part of my meeting with Sir.

Does anyone else have this much trouble coming? Has anyone who has had trouble coming been able to come on command? Is there anything i can do to make coming easier for me?
Click to expand...

first of all i want to say Welcome Back! i've missed your posts around here. secondly, i don't really have any advice except the thing for me was to concentrate on Him and only Him, His voice, and now when he says it, it's automatic. i think it will take alot of patience and it's probably not something you'll be able to do right off the bat..you just have to keep at it and like said..just try focusing on Him. i also think the reason it works so well for me is because i am in sub space everytime, and He is my focus, there is nothing else, and i'm there to please Him....and that's it. i hope this makes some sort of sense as i'm having a hard time putting what i mean into words.
 
Great Castle Realm article you posted callinectes! That is pretty much exactly the way we handle my orgasms.

Kailey, it does take practice. You first have to learn to let go and have orgasms without it being a struggle. I learned to do this by using vibrators and taking charge of my orgasms. Later I trained myself to have multiple orgasms.

With my Sir, it took some practice from both of us to get me trained to where I need his permission in order for me to cum. It becomes completely addicting to be brought right to the edge and have to beg him to release me. Now the multiples often occur on top of each other so I don't always get the same kind of permission. *I have a tendency to just go with them ;) * But, that first one is mind blowing! Good luck to you. :)
 
No one has mentioned it yet, but THE erogenous zone that must be manipulated is the most important one of all.

The MIND.

Your brain interprets the signals your body sends out, pain, pleasure, pressure, heat, cold, sound, whatever. The brain tells your body what to do with that stimulus on your clit, either scream, moan or bite your lip while you orgasm. All release training does is cut out the middle man. You go straight from word to orgasm without needing the intervening stimulus of g-spot or clit or penis, or prostate or whatever gets _your_ rockets in flight.

It can be learned. Like almost any other skill, practice, practice, practice!
 
Kailey_86 said:
Sir's slave is able to come on command and i want to be able to do that so badly but it is difficult for me to even come with stimulation. i don't know if it is a medical thing, nervousness, or what. i really wish it weren't so hard for me though. This was the most frustrating part of my meeting with Sir.

Does anyone else have this much trouble coming? Has anyone who has had trouble coming been able to come on command? Is there anything i can do to make coming easier for me?
Click to expand...

It's hard for me, as well. Up until a few days ago, I had never orgasmed from PIV sex, and with masturbation it takes me forever. I want to be able to come on command for my Daddy, but I know it's mostly in my mind. The more Daddy wants me to come , the harder I try because I want to please him, and when I don't come I get frustrated. Once I learn to stop thinking about it, i'm sure it will come.
 
yeah....

That is something I need to practice as well.

I hope to achieve it someday.

*sighs*
 
for me it all started with asking for permission and not cumming untill i get it. now i can cum on command as long as im turned on already. Sir doesnt need to be touching me or anything, but if im not turned on, it wont work.


i think this is an each to her own kind of thing
 
It certianly didn't happen overnight, but I have the ability to cum from a dry start, so to speak. All some one has to do is walk up behind me and growl in my ear "cum now" or "cum for me" and I'm there.

I never did understand how this ability came to be, cumming on command in general. I have always been very orgasmic, but I couldn't figure out what it was about my ex telling me to cum that made it happen. After we seperated and I got involved with some one that loved hypnosis, I found out that my ex had been conditioning me in my sleep for years. I remember him telling me that he wanted to do it, but I was very upset that he would go ahead with out my imput. (this was in no shape or form a d/s relationship so it's not like he could pull the Master says card on me, or that I would have been any less upset to find this out if it had been)

Not that I'm really recomending it, but that's how the foundation was laid in my head. After that, some friends that I would play with started perfecting the ability. First by having me beg, and then by demanding I cum. I really enjoy the results, and so does anyone whom I play with, or even those just watching. :cathappy:
 
You mentioned a possible medical reason for struggling to achieve orgasm. That's what my situation is like. I take Celexa as an anti-anxiety medication, and it is well-known for having sexual side effects. (Many anti-depressants do, actually.) I'm lucky if I can come at all with a partner - 90% of the time I have to do it myself and even then it doesn't always work. So it's highly unlikely that I would be able to come on command, at least as long as I'm on the Celexa. In fact I can't even ask permission right before coming, because I get distracted and then it doesn't happen. So I ask for permission to try, and then if that's approved I do my best to succeed.

All of which is to say...if you are on any medications, they may indeed be affecting your ability to come.
 
His_pita said:
Kailey, it does take practice. You first have to learn to let go and have orgasms without it being a struggle. I learned to do this by using vibrators and taking charge of my orgasms.
Click to expand...
I know this stuff can be incredibly difficult to put into words, but could you expound on this, if possible, Pita? I'm interested in your thought process/self-talk - the inner workings of how you let go and took charge because I have a very tough time with it myself. Everything works physically (and on my own) and I can be "right there" in just a minute or two with the right stimulation, but as soon as I start thinking, 'I'm going to come,' some kind of block occurs and I start worrying I'll lose it. I know it's not letting go, distraction and anxiety, plain and simple, yet oh so hard for me to get away from! :mad:

I need to try something different, 'cause the hoping it'll magically happen thing isn't working for me. :rolleyes:

So, yes, Kailey, I obviously have trouble. The command gets me worrying about all sorts of ridiculous things, too. I'm doing hypnosis for some other things today - perhaps shutting off my brain so coming's easier or doing it on command is another area in which hypnosis would be beneficial to me. I know my therapist has trained women to teach themselves to do it (nothing unethical; he was invited to work with a group of domestic abuse survivors, and it was a clinical setting), so maybe I'll ask him in the future.
 
i was talking to Sir about hypnosis because i think that it might possibly work better than conditioning. Then again, my thinking and worrying too much is the problem so would i ever be able to relax and let go enough to be hypnotized. *shrugs* i will be practicing controling my orgasms though. Like people have said, practice makes perfect.

Does birth control lower sex drive? (i use the Nuvaring FYI)

All some one has to do is walk up behind me and growl in my ear "cum now" or "cum for me" and I'm there.
Click to expand...

This got me going...now if only i could actually cum. *sigh*
 
Kailey, first of all you need to stop being in such a rush and as such putting unnecessary pressure on yourself. Up to recent times you were sexually inexperienced as far as interaction with another person in a real time space...even though you may now have crossed that barrier, experience and familiarity with all it encompasses takes much longer than a few weeks even though sometimes we may feel we have reached that point. The subconscious is a strange and tricky thing and often it is only in hindsight years down the track you realise just how little you knew or had experienced at a time you thought it was all within your grasp...it is not an ageist comment, but one most learn over the life span but often reject as discriminating until they reach that point in time where they have the benefit of experiences, moments, and years of exploring to look back on and see the path of revelation that took place almost without realising it in the moment.

As long as you pressure yourself to do everything, be everything, almost on an instant scale, you will be blocking your own way to get there. It is often said here it is not healthy to compare yourself to another and wonder why you are not the same..it is true. I am not aware of all the details, but I do know his slave has been with him for longer than you, has daily access and interaction in person with him perhaps, and may have been sexually active a lot longer than you before she even attempted to cum on command...all thesse things contribute to reaching orgasm in any form for most women and some men. Orgasm is so much more than a purely physical response..it is tied up with emotions, intimacy, self knowledge, and knowledge of your partner. It is also worth remembering a lot of women who claim orgasms, on command or otherwise, are faking...ever seen 'When Harry Met Sally' and the famous restaurant scene? It is so easy to fake if a man does not physically check or wants to believe for egos sake he is so wonderful there is no reason why a woman wouldn't orgasm in his presence or at his touch. It sounds mean, but it is true and most women will admit to faking more than once in their life for a variety of reasons including pressure from partners to cum to make them feel good and to stop accusations or hints that perhaps it is all their fault or they just don't want to orgasm or don't find their partner attractive etc. Reality is while most men can come at the drop of a hat, most women cannot simply due to physical and sometimes psychological makeup no matter how much they want to.

Stats show that only 30% of women manage to cum during actual penetrative intercourse, 15% never achieve orgasm in their lifetime, 10% can only cum through masturbation and the rest need some sort of clitoral stimulation during play and/or intercourse for it to happen. As has been suggested, the best way to refine your ability to orgasm is to get in touch with your own body first. It might not sound sublike but sometimes those things need to be put aside if the bigger piucture of bliss is to be reached. Until you know how you get off, how to control and tap into your responses, no-one else no matter how great in bed they may be is going to be able to do it for you. Cumming on command is something which has been put out there as the ultimate submissive act....if you can do it you are a 'true' sub and you are the best because you will do this for your Dominant. That puts pressure on subs to reach this exalted state which then pushes some to fake it or feel a failure and massive frustration they cannot do something which they have been told is possible if they want it bad enough or submit deeply enough....which in turn makes it even ore difficult to cum at all. Hogwash is what it is as though you will find forums flooded with subs and slaves claiming they have perfected the skill and can do it at the drop of his or her hat, it is the rare individual who actually does for real and in my opinion has very little to do with submission and more to do with the desire to please their Dominant and receive the praise that follows...that is not submission IMHO. I will likely get flamed for saying such sacriligeous things, but I have been around the block a few times and have spoken with women who have admitted they fake it to appear just as subly as all those who claim to be doing it also.

Another point you need to think about perhaps is whether this is healthy for you this early in the relationship. At this time you are feeling all mushy and like this is the one, but you are very young and inexperienced, there is not legal binding of you together and reality is you are living apart and he has another slave so despite certainties now, no-one knows what the future holds for you and this relationship. If you speak with other women who have been in this position and have achieved cumming on command and only with his permission or on command, when their relationship ended they were no longer able to cum which then caused difficulties in future relationships and for their own sexual and psychological health. You might not have your relationship end, but at this point it is likely you cannot fortell that. You have just met the man for the first time in real life, don't pressure yourself by expecting to have it all right now and be on the same terms as his slave is. You will never be the same as she is, or in the same place in his life and heart simply because you are not her....you are both individuals and he experiences you both differently because of that. Value who you are and don't wish to become someone else through some mistaken belief they may be better or may have something you don't.

Catalina :rose:
 
Kailey_86 said:
Does birth control lower sex drive? (i use the Nuvaring FYI)
Click to expand...

Don't know about that one in particular but a common side effect of many BCP's is lowered libido. You would be best to talk with your doctor and see is they think another one might be better..sometimes it takes trials of a few before you find one that works best for you.

Catalina :catroar:
 
SweetErika said:
I know this stuff can be incredibly difficult to put into words, but could you expound on this, if possible, Pita? I'm interested in your thought process/self-talk - the inner workings of how you let go and took charge because I have a very tough time with it myself. Everything works physically (and on my own) and I can be "right there" in just a minute or two with the right stimulation, but as soon as I start thinking, 'I'm going to come,' some kind of block occurs and I start worrying I'll lose it. I know it's not letting go, distraction and anxiety, plain and simple, yet oh so hard for me to get away from! :mad:

I need to try something different, 'cause the hoping it'll magically happen thing isn't working for me. :rolleyes:
Click to expand...

Your right it is hard to put into words. Catalina posted an excellent post above me about how different women cum. So you can see how telling you how I do it won't necessarily help you. I will say that I have always been very sexual and started masturbating at a young age. In my early twenties I discovered how good a vibrator on my clitoris was and how I could have incredibly intense orgasms. However, the orgasms would be so intense that I would have only one. So, with lots of practice of focusing, letting go, breathing, and fantasizing I was able to do multiples.

For years I was sort of addicted to the vibe. And while I still love it, my Dom has trained me to cum with his fingers, mouth, and even straight penetration, which used to never happen for me.

I really think the secret is letting go and letting the body take over. We sometimes want it so bad we tend to force it and then our brain shuts down the process. It's also important to have a partner willing to be patient and willing to experiment. One of the best things my Sir does for me is to give me a Yoni Massage. http://www.whitelotuseast.com/YoniMassage.htm Yoni is not about orgasm but about feeling the sensations of being the center of attention. It is a tremendous way of relaxing and learning to let the body do it's thing. And if he does it right you can return the favor by giving him a Lingam http://www.whitelotuseast.com/LingamMassage.htm. Trust me he will forever you love you! ;)
 
Cat has some really great points.

Along with the 30% of women that achive orgasm I have heard it said that it is nearly imposible for a woman under 30 to reach it even once. (I even listened to one sex doc on the radio who argued with a girl when she said that she orgasmed before and he said that she couldn't have because she was only 20. :rolleyes: while I have a hard time believing this, I understand that I am of a rare breed.)

And I know that with the addition of my orgasm control, at times I've found it hard to cum on my own, even when I do have His permission. I believe surjels has said something simular also. As of now, I don't have a problem cumming durring play with my friends, but I guess that is a posibility that I didn't think about.

Mind games are very powerful things. I didn't start masterbating until I met my ex, and then I only did so because he enjoyed it. When I met Master, he encouraged me to do things because they felt good to me, and I enjoyed them. And then it went back to pleasuring myself for some one else's pleasure. This month I've been granted one orgasm a day for the whole month of December, and I'm starting to remember what it's like to enjoy myself again.
 
Catalina, i appreciate what you are telling me but i really don't think i'm rushing. i know it will take time to develop the ability to do this just as it will take time to devlop my relationship with Sir and His slave. i know that i am inexerienced and all that jazz. i am just trying to learn. i'm curious. i'm exploring and finding out how other people have experienced this. i might sound desperate to be able to do this but i know it won't happen overnight.

i know that i am very different than His slave and i don't expect to be like her. It is difficult to watch her have orgasm upon orgasm while i struggle to have one but i will never be like her.

i know that i have trouble with orgasms because i think too much about it. i try to force it. i worry about things too much. i don't let go like i should. This is what i need to work on and i will be patient with it. Despite the statistics i think that with "training," orgasms can come easier and cumming on command can be possible. Practice makes perfect.
 
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Kailey_86 said:
i was talking to Sir about hypnosis because i think that it might possibly work better than conditioning. Then again, my thinking and worrying too much is the problem so would i ever be able to relax and let go enough to be hypnotized. *shrugs* i will be practicing controling my orgasms though. Like people have said, practice makes perfect.
Click to expand...
I thought that'd be true, but it's certainly not for me. Hypnosis is basically goal setting, then finding a pathway in the mind to achieve it. If you want it, you can likely do it with the help of hypnosis. Most people can be hypnotised by a good therapist, even us Type A+ personalities. :)

Does birth control lower sex drive? (i use the Nuvaring FYI)
Click to expand...
I haven't used Nuvaring, but, yes, decreased libido is a common side effect of hormonal birth control. I'm not sure if it affects blood flow/arousal, but given the problems with blood clots and such, I wouldn't be surprised if it did at least a little. Lubrication is another one, and it can contribute to less sensation and problems orgasming for me at least.

I was on the pill from the time I was first sexually active until a couple of years ago, and was shocked at how much my libido and lube skyrocketed when my body returned to normal. Nipple stimulation also gave me more pleasure, and they grew to a normal size! :eek: And, best of all, I rarely get migraines anymore - it turns out the pill was causing them all of those years (not that my many docs mentioned it was a known side effect :mad: )! Those are all reasons I'm not itching to try hormonal bc again, but I've heard the side effects with the ring can be less, so that'll be what I'll try if I ever go that route in the future (hopefully they'll come out with a male pill or Hubby will be snipped by then! :D ). Given what you've said about your situation, it sounds like hormonal and condoms are likely your best bet though, even with the side effects.

I think Cat's right on with her post above though, Kailey, so work on it and give it a lot of time. Don't rule out hypnosis for anything you want to do - I'm doing it for severe, chronic pain so I can get off of the drugs and have a baby. I was skeptical but enthusiastic, and it's the only thing that's made a significant difference so far (and that was just a few minute session in a loud, hard-to-relax environment, so I know it'll work very well under different circumstances today). If I do it for relaxing for orgasm, I'll let you know how it goes.
 
catalina_francisco said:
Kailey, first of all you need to stop being in such a rush and as such putting unnecessary pressure on yourself. Up to recent times you were sexually inexperienced as far as interaction with another person in a real time space...even though you may now have crossed that barrier, experience and familiarity with all it encompasses takes much longer than a few weeks even though sometimes we may feel we have reached that point. The subconscious is a strange and tricky thing and often it is only in hindsight years down the track you realise just how little you knew or had experienced at a time you thought it was all within your grasp...it is not an ageist comment, but one most learn over the life span but often reject as discriminating until they reach that point in time where they have the benefit of experiences, moments, and years of exploring to look back on and see the path of revelation that took place almost without realising it in the moment.

As long as you pressure yourself to do everything, be everything, almost on an instant scale, you will be blocking your own way to get there. It is often said here it is not healthy to compare yourself to another and wonder why you are not the same..it is true. I am not aware of all the details, but I do know his slave has been with him for longer than you, has daily access and interaction in person with him perhaps, and may have been sexually active a lot longer than you before she even attempted to cum on command...all thesse things contribute to reaching orgasm in any form for most women and some men. Orgasm is so much more than a purely physical response..it is tied up with emotions, intimacy, self knowledge, and knowledge of your partner. It is also worth remembering a lot of women who claim orgasms, on command or otherwise, are faking...ever seen 'When Harry Met Sally' and the famous restaurant scene? It is so easy to fake if a man does not physically check or wants to believe for egos sake he is so wonderful there is no reason why a woman wouldn't orgasm in his presence or at his touch. It sounds mean, but it is true and most women will admit to faking more than once in their life for a variety of reasons including pressure from partners to cum to make them feel good and to stop accusations or hints that perhaps it is all their fault or they just don't want to orgasm or don't find their partner attractive etc. Reality is while most men can come at the drop of a hat, most women cannot simply due to physical and sometimes psychological makeup no matter how much they want to.

Stats show that only 30% of women manage to cum during actual penetrative intercourse, 15% never achieve orgasm in their lifetime, 10% can only cum through masturbation and the rest need some sort of clitoral stimulation during play and/or intercourse for it to happen. As has been suggested, the best way to refine your ability to orgasm is to get in touch with your own body first. It might not sound sublike but sometimes those things need to be put aside if the bigger piucture of bliss is to be reached. Until you know how you get off, how to control and tap into your responses, no-one else no matter how great in bed they may be is going to be able to do it for you. Cumming on command is something which has been put out there as the ultimate submissive act....if you can do it you are a 'true' sub and you are the best because you will do this for your Dominant. That puts pressure on subs to reach this exalted state which then pushes some to fake it or feel a failure and massive frustration they cannot do something which they have been told is possible if they want it bad enough or submit deeply enough....which in turn makes it even ore difficult to cum at all. Hogwash is what it is as though you will find forums flooded with subs and slaves claiming they have perfected the skill and can do it at the drop of his or her hat, it is the rare individual who actually does for real and in my opinion has very little to do with submission and more to do with the desire to please their Dominant and receive the praise that follows...that is not submission IMHO. I will likely get flamed for saying such sacriligeous things, but I have been around the block a few times and have spoken with women who have admitted they fake it to appear just as subly as all those who claim to be doing it also.

Another point you need to think about perhaps is whether this is healthy for you this early in the relationship. At this time you are feeling all mushy and like this is the one, but you are very young and inexperienced, there is not legal binding of you together and reality is you are living apart and he has another slave so despite certainties now, no-one knows what the future holds for you and this relationship. If you speak with other women who have been in this position and have achieved cumming on command and only with his permission or on command, when their relationship ended they were no longer able to cum which then caused difficulties in future relationships and for their own sexual and psychological health. You might not have your relationship end, but at this point it is likely you cannot fortell that. You have just met the man for the first time in real life, don't pressure yourself by expecting to have it all right now and be on the same terms as his slave is. You will never be the same as she is, or in the same place in his life and heart simply because you are not her....you are both individuals and he experiences you both differently because of that. Value who you are and don't wish to become someone else through some mistaken belief they may be better or may have something you don't.

Catalina :rose:
Click to expand...

Well said Cat. Kailey, take the time to read what Cat said a few times and absorb some of the experience and wisdom of what she posted.

Cumming on command can be a wonderful thing that is shared between two people as part of thier ongoing relationship. However it can be also something very shallow and superficial.

Some have mentioned the pavilov dog theory where it is a trained response. Though I will not disagree that this can be approached this way and a certain amount of success can come from this type of training, I find it to be an approach I would not encourage. This is only my opinion of course and people do respond to training differently as individuals as well as it can be different depending on who is doing the training and how they go about it.

There is no doubt that an association must be formed in order to accomplish cumming on command, but there is a big difference in how or even why that association is formed. Instead of the pavilov dog association approach I strongly encourage learning how to give your orgasms to your master. In this approach it is not a matter of cumming when he commands it, but that "when" you do cum your orgasms are given to him at the moment you experience orgasm. Over time you learn or form an association that your orgasms belong to him and as your relationship grows, so will this part of your relationship in a natural way rather than a forced way. In my way of thinking the difference is that in the later way I suggest your submission is kept in the process and it grows porpotionally as the relationship does. The trained pavilov approach smacks too much to me of a robot response and even when it is achieve lacks a certain amount of personal intimacy about it.

Cumming on command in my opinion is an advance form of power exchange. Before it is attempted there should be many lesser steps of power exchange in this area so that through time and experience you become famillar with each other and allows for getting in touch with certain aspects of expressing your sexuality in submission to another. Using the pavilov approach by-passes these needed steps in my opinion.

In your original post you express trouble in cumming and do not understand the nature of that. Perhaps instead of trying to do something so advanced as cumming on command, the first step is for your master and you to work together to discover the source of this.

Part of the journey is taking steps together and unlocking parts within us. As this happens, these become the experiences we use to build upon for future deeper levels of trust. Not taking the time to take these steps early on is like getting bolt cutters and just cutting the lock. Sure you get the lock open, but then the lock is broken and doesn't work anymore. When we are talking about the human mind, heart, body and spirit, the thought of bolt cutters is just too damn scary.

There is nothing wrong is admitting that cumming on command is a goal that one day you wish to reach, but there is nothing wrong either with recognizing that to obtain that goal, other smaller steps are neccessary first.

Just some of my thoughts for you to consider.
 
Isn't it nice how some doctors don't think it necessary to tell people of the possible side effects of medication?!! I swear, I have learned more without asking from the pharmacist filling the prescription than the doctors. One thing they don't mention is how while taking the pill you can get pregnant if you use certain cough mixtures and medications, taking certain doses of Vitamin C and drinking lots of orange juice. all of which can make the pill redundant. My daughter was on a health kick and drinking loads of juice when she fell pregnant....I told her what I knew and when she asked the doctors, they agreed that the amopunt she had been drinking while healthy in other ways, had almost certainly made it possible to fall pregant despite taking the pill.

Catalina :catroar:
 
RJMasters said:
Well said Cat. Kailey, take the time to read what Cat said a few times and absorb some of the experience and wisdom of what she posted.

Cumming on command can be a wonderful thing that is shared between two people as part of thier ongoing relationship. However it can be also something very shallow and superficial.

Some have mentioned the pavilov dog theory where it is a trained response. Though I will not disagree that this can be approached this way and a certain amount of success can come from this type of training, I find it to be an approach I would not encourage. This is only my opinion of course and people do respond to training differently as individuals as well as it can be different depending on who is doing the training and how they go about it.

There is no doubt that an association must be formed in order to accomplish cumming on command, but there is a big difference in how or even why that association is formed. Instead of the pavilov dog association approach I strongly encourage learning how to give your orgasms to your master. In this approach it is not a matter of cumming when he commands it, but that "when" you do cum your orgasms are given to him at the moment you experience orgasm. Over time you learn or form an association that your orgasms belong to him and as your relationship grows, so will this part of your relationship in a natural way rather than a forced way. In my way of thinking the difference is that in the later way I suggest your submission is kept in the process and it grows porpotionally as the relationship does. The trained pavilov approach smacks too much to me of a robot response and even when it is achieve lacks a certain amount of personal intimacy about it.

Cumming on command in my opinion is an advance form of power exchange. Before it is attempted there should be many lesser steps of power exchange in this area so that through time and experience you become famillar with each other and allows for getting in touch with certain aspects of expressing your sexuality in submission to another. Using the pavilov approach by-passes these needed steps in my opinion.

In your original post you express trouble in cumming and do not understand the nature of that. Perhaps instead of trying to do something so advanced as cumming on command, the first step is for your master and you to work together to discover the source of this.

Part of the journey is taking steps together and unlocking parts within us. As this happens, these become the experiences we use to build upon for future deeper levels of trust. Not taking the time to take these steps early on is like getting bolt cutters and just cutting the lock. Sure you get the lock open, but then the lock is broken and doesn't work anymore. When we are talking about the human mind, heart, body and spirit, the thought of bolt cutters is just too damn scary.

There is nothing wrong is admitting that cumming on command is a goal that one day you wish to reach, but there is nothing wrong either with recognizing that to obtain that goal, other smaller steps are neccessary first.

Just some of my thoughts for you to consider.
Click to expand...
Thank you for your thoughts. They are very appreciated. Catalina, sorry for snapping. i was on the defensive about something else when i read your comment.
 
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