Chicklet
plays well with self
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2002
- Posts
- 12,302
A few months ago I did a dangerous thing. I met someone on Collarme.com, chatted for a while, and then let him tie me up that night. Clothes on, no 'sexual' contact (besides the fact that I think the whole thing WAS sexual), a little bit of spanking, a lot of fun. But this post isn't about that.
After that experience, we didn't talk for a month, but then we started talking again and have become pretty good friends. We hang out with my other friends about twice a week. We tease each other about bondage related things, and have fun kinky conversations, with each other and with my friends. He's awsome.
There're two problems. One, I am not really attracted to him. Two, he's not really attracted to me. But we aren't getting our kinks from anyone else, and this last week crossed the standard friendship line again and did a couple more scenes.
Sunday night we played around with some gigantic zip-ties and duct tape (duct tape is now on my Hard Limits list, thank you...I burn myself too often and having the healing skin ripped off by tape was a little much for me and my wounds.) Last night, after some negotiations online, we played around again, for a longer period of time.
Okay, here's the point of the thread.
The bondage was fun. The humiliation was fun. Having someone I trust, even though I'm not emotionally attached romantically to him, playing with me and toying with me and teasing me was great. But then when he let me go, at the end of the night, I found myself shaky, and really distraught.
I don't know what it was about it... I think it was the first time I'd been so helpless around someone that I didn't want to comfort me afterwards. With my previous Dom, I loved to cling and cuddle and have gentle sex after the more serious play. I liked to be held in his arms and reassured that even though he'd embarrassed me more than I'd thought was possible, he still wanted me and (maybe not loved me, but at least seemed to...) maybe, that he still cherished me. I think that it was an essential part of the play scene... the holding at the end.
Instead, last night, I found myself huddling in the corner of the couch, seriously hiding under the blanket and staring intently at the TV, but not able to smile or laugh at the comedy or even answer my friend in complete sentences when he asked me questions. I think my distancing myself from the reality of the post-bondage made him uncomfortable, and unable to bring me back into reality with his friendship.
I had FUN last night. I really enjoyed myself. I had a heavy-duty masturbation session when I got home (drove after the shaking stopped) and I want to do it again. But for that hour after being untied, I think I was further away from myself than I'd been as long as I can remember.
Does anyone have any thoughts or advice or similar experiences to share?
After that experience, we didn't talk for a month, but then we started talking again and have become pretty good friends. We hang out with my other friends about twice a week. We tease each other about bondage related things, and have fun kinky conversations, with each other and with my friends. He's awsome.
There're two problems. One, I am not really attracted to him. Two, he's not really attracted to me. But we aren't getting our kinks from anyone else, and this last week crossed the standard friendship line again and did a couple more scenes.
Sunday night we played around with some gigantic zip-ties and duct tape (duct tape is now on my Hard Limits list, thank you...I burn myself too often and having the healing skin ripped off by tape was a little much for me and my wounds.) Last night, after some negotiations online, we played around again, for a longer period of time.
Okay, here's the point of the thread.
The bondage was fun. The humiliation was fun. Having someone I trust, even though I'm not emotionally attached romantically to him, playing with me and toying with me and teasing me was great. But then when he let me go, at the end of the night, I found myself shaky, and really distraught.
I don't know what it was about it... I think it was the first time I'd been so helpless around someone that I didn't want to comfort me afterwards. With my previous Dom, I loved to cling and cuddle and have gentle sex after the more serious play. I liked to be held in his arms and reassured that even though he'd embarrassed me more than I'd thought was possible, he still wanted me and (maybe not loved me, but at least seemed to...) maybe, that he still cherished me. I think that it was an essential part of the play scene... the holding at the end.
Instead, last night, I found myself huddling in the corner of the couch, seriously hiding under the blanket and staring intently at the TV, but not able to smile or laugh at the comedy or even answer my friend in complete sentences when he asked me questions. I think my distancing myself from the reality of the post-bondage made him uncomfortable, and unable to bring me back into reality with his friendship.
I had FUN last night. I really enjoyed myself. I had a heavy-duty masturbation session when I got home (drove after the shaking stopped) and I want to do it again. But for that hour after being untied, I think I was further away from myself than I'd been as long as I can remember.
Does anyone have any thoughts or advice or similar experiences to share?
