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09-20-2011, 07:19 AM
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#7401
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Enchanted Rebel Girl
minx1 is offline
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Explore. Dream. Discover.
Posts: 10,751
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ecstaticsub
Thanks sweetie, it can be a bit of a roller coaster but it going well.
Congratulations on your new LDR!! Enjoy the anticipation!
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Thats good to hear chick 
And thankyou...i'm very excited and if all goes well it wont be an LDR for very long either 
__________________
Just a Tease
Brave of Heart
Sail away from the safe harbour.
Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover."
--Mark Twain
Well, this little girl grew up and moved away.
And she lived her life full of risk and full of play.
And she lived her life with so much to say,
And her flowers, they grow more beautiful every day.
Little Red, Kate Nash
Betwixt and Between........this reluctant antevasin
"The very instant that I saw You did my heart fly to Your service; there resides to make me slave to it and for Your sake" William Shakespeare
"if one person can not trust the veracity of another's words, communication is utterly meaningless." JMohegan
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09-20-2011, 05:07 PM
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#7402
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Experienced
Elphie70 is offline
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 34
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Hi, I am new
Last edited by Elphie70 : 09-20-2011 at 07:45 PM.
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09-20-2011, 05:09 PM
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#7403
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Literotica Guru
Iamnotthe1 is offline
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 614
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Elphie70
Hi, I am brand new here sent by my new ldr/Dom . I am so new to this and have some questions
I don't know how to do this without getting so attatched emotionally. Knowing we could never met.
No disipline yet, I do not plan on displeasing him. But I am worried and glad I have found this thread.
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I wouldn't do it. It is not fun in the end. JMO |
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09-20-2011, 05:31 PM
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#7404
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Literotica Guru
bhndblueyes88 is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,774
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Elphie70
Hi, I am brand new here sent by my new ldr/Dom . I am so new to this and have some questions
I don't know how to do this without getting so attatched emotionally. Knowing we could never met.
No disipline yet, I do not plan on displeasing him. But I am worried and glad I have found this thread.
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There's nothing wrong with getting attached, as long as you keep reality in mind. I've gotten attached to many things I eventually have to leave behind.
However, if you know that emotional attachment is something that will be a problem for you, or that you emotionally need more than you're going to be getting out of this...either reconsider or prepare for some heartache. It's hard enough to manage a LDR when everyone is on the same plane...if there's a disjoint between your expectations/needs, there's going to be some serious difficulties.
But, mostly, I wish you luck and happiness. Get the most you can and be happy  |
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09-21-2011, 01:06 AM
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#7405
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One person, so many uses
ecstaticsub is offline
Join Date: May 2007
Location: in a house, in a forest
Posts: 2,960
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Does anyone ever enter into a relationship thinking they won't develop emotional attachments? I'm talking a real relationship, not very occasional play partner?
I don't know...I've had a few drinks but I can't imagine submitting (NOT bottoming) fucking submitting to someone that I did not have emotional feeling for.
The problem then is deciding if the relationship is worth the fucking emotional roller coaster.
__________________
"Surrendered, Owned and Ecstatic"
"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes."~~~Frieda Norris The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
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09-21-2011, 05:20 AM
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#7406
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Real & Spectacular
Lizzie_Borden is offline
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 4,169
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ecstaticsub
Does anyone ever enter into a relationship thinking they won't develop emotional attachments? I'm talking a real relationship, not very occasional play partner?
I don't know...I've had a few drinks but I can't imagine submitting (NOT bottoming) fucking submitting to someone that I did not have emotional feeling for.
The problem then is deciding if the relationship is worth the fucking emotional roller coaster.
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I'd have to agree with that.
To me, submission is emotional, so without that attachment, it would feel very hollow.
Emotional rollercoasters are hard work too. But, those low points do make the good parts *really* good, I find. That, and the fact that he understands when I'm having a difficult time with stuff, and listens to me when I ask that we take some time and nuture us, and agrees readily to set a few of his own kinks aside so we can do that, really makes me realise it's worth it, that he's worth it.
__________________
"There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwaves and the Maori tribesman, where I thought, 'Wow, I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman.' What do you call that?"
"I think you call that love, D-Bone."
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09-21-2011, 07:03 AM
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#7407
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sewing wench
the captians wench is offline
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Dreaming of the Emerald Isle
Posts: 12,019
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ecstaticsub
Does anyone ever enter into a relationship thinking they won't develop emotional attachments? I'm talking a real relationship, not very occasional play partner?
I don't know...I've had a few drinks but I can't imagine submitting (NOT bottoming) fucking submitting to someone that I did not have emotional feeling for.
The problem then is deciding if the relationship is worth the fucking emotional roller coaster.
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I have, to some extent.
I mean, we weren't saying we'd only be cassual play partners, but we were only suposed to be friends with benefits. But we ended up with a greater attachment than we expected. I don't know what the fuck to call it anymore.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Homburg
Look ye to this woman, verily, as an example to all ye aspiring cocksuckers.
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writings of a true lady
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09-21-2011, 08:01 AM
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#7408
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Enchanted Rebel Girl
minx1 is offline
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Explore. Dream. Discover.
Posts: 10,751
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ecstaticsub
Does anyone ever enter into a relationship thinking they won't develop emotional attachments? I'm talking a real relationship, not very occasional play partner?
I don't know...I've had a few drinks but I can't imagine submitting (NOT bottoming) fucking submitting to someone that I did not have emotional feeling for.
The problem then is deciding if the relationship is worth the fucking emotional roller coaster.
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No, not me. I think I am unable to have a relationship without developing emotional attachments, to varying degrees. In the cases where it hasnt materialised, the relationship has ended.
Sometimes, because of that emotional rollercoaster, I wish I could be more detached.
__________________
Just a Tease
Brave of Heart
Sail away from the safe harbour.
Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover."
--Mark Twain
Well, this little girl grew up and moved away.
And she lived her life full of risk and full of play.
And she lived her life with so much to say,
And her flowers, they grow more beautiful every day.
Little Red, Kate Nash
Betwixt and Between........this reluctant antevasin
"The very instant that I saw You did my heart fly to Your service; there resides to make me slave to it and for Your sake" William Shakespeare
"if one person can not trust the veracity of another's words, communication is utterly meaningless." JMohegan
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09-21-2011, 08:09 AM
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#7409
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from my travels
wicked woman is offline
Join Date: May 2003
Location: True north strong and free
Posts: 15,526
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ecstaticsub
Does anyone ever enter into a relationship thinking they won't develop emotional attachments? I'm talking a real relationship, not very occasional play partner?
I don't know...I've had a few drinks but I can't imagine submitting (NOT bottoming) fucking submitting to someone that I did not have emotional feeling for.
The problem then is deciding if the relationship is worth the fucking emotional roller coaster.
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I think it depends on the degree of emotional attachment. Not loving someone - yes. Not feeling anything - no.
Perhaps it was that distinction that the poster, who mentioned this initially, meant instead of 'no' emotional attachment at all.
__________________
We are not primarily on earth to see through one another, but to see one another through."
Last edited by wicked woman : 09-21-2011 at 08:11 AM.
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09-21-2011, 09:16 AM
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#7410
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Really Experienced
DreamSensualist is offline
Join Date: May 2008
Location: In his heart.
Posts: 192
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More that 3 years ago I meet a guy on Lit & soon after we met in person. Some of you may remember him / us. We had our ups & downs, my husband went back on what he said which pushed my Dom aside to a certain extent even though he still owned my heart. And then my Dom meet someone else & since then we have kept our relationship secret from our partners. There have been ups & downs. We have lived very far apart & not had an opportunity to see each other in a long time. But despite all that, despite him getting to know himself better, and our dynamic shifting, no matter what I loved him & I even saw myself growing old with him. I don't think I ever mentioned this to him because I knew that it would take a lot of strength to leave my marriage and it would just be cruel to ask him to wait indefinitely when he could be with her.
There is so much more to it than thais... not so much drama but emotions we went through.
On Sunday, via a message on the other website he released / finished it with me. I understand why he did, but that doesn't make it easier.
3 Years! And just dumped like he never loved me. No mention that I will always be in his heart but that it doesn't change anything. No reference to the ups & downs we went though that made us stronger, when we stood by each other. No reference that just last week he said that he would never marry her or anybody again unless it was me, no mention that within the last few weeks, after the electricity was knocked out where he lives & he said he had time to reflect that he made me promise to never let go or pull away.
I don't know what to do....
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09-21-2011, 07:26 PM
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#7411
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One person, so many uses
ecstaticsub is offline
Join Date: May 2007
Location: in a house, in a forest
Posts: 2,960
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DreamSensualist
More that 3 years ago I meet a guy on Lit & soon after we met in person. Some of you may remember him / us. We had our ups & downs, my husband went back on what he said which pushed my Dom aside to a certain extent even though he still owned my heart. And then my Dom meet someone else & since then we have kept our relationship secret from our partners. There have been ups & downs. We have lived very far apart & not had an opportunity to see each other in a long time. But despite all that, despite him getting to know himself better, and our dynamic shifting, no matter what I loved him & I even saw myself growing old with him. I don't think I ever mentioned this to him because I knew that it would take a lot of strength to leave my marriage and it would just be cruel to ask him to wait indefinitely when he could be with her.
There is so much more to it than thais... not so much drama but emotions we went through.
On Sunday, via a message on the other website he released / finished it with me. I understand why he did, but that doesn't make it easier.
3 Years! And just dumped like he never loved me. No mention that I will always be in his heart but that it doesn't change anything. No reference to the ups & downs we went though that made us stronger, when we stood by each other. No reference that just last week he said that he would never marry her or anybody again unless it was me, no mention that within the last few weeks, after the electricity was knocked out where he lives & he said he had time to reflect that he made me promise to never let go or pull away.
I don't know what to do....
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Humongous hugs!! I am so so sorry you are going through this.
I fully understand why this would be so painful. I, too would need some validation that the relationship meant as much to him as it did to myself.
A far as what to do now. I know what I would do. I would hound him until he gave me a satisfactory answer how he could go from making you promise to never pull away to releasing you so quickly. This may not be the smartest advice but my emotional self would need it.
Even cases such as yours where their are spouses or other significant others there is bound to be some hurt eventually. But the suddenness is borderline cruel.
I hope you either get the answers you seek or at least make peace with it eventually. But it will take time, lots of time.
I am so very sorry.
__________________
"Surrendered, Owned and Ecstatic"
"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes."~~~Frieda Norris The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
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09-21-2011, 07:33 PM
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#7412
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One person, so many uses
ecstaticsub is offline
Join Date: May 2007
Location: in a house, in a forest
Posts: 2,960
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Thanks for responding to my drunken outburst last night, I have to remember that alcohol and keyboards don't mix.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizzie_Borden
I'd have to agree with that.
To me, submission is emotional, so without that attachment, it would feel very hollow.
Emotional rollercoasters are hard work too. But, those low points do make the good parts *really* good, I find. That, and the fact that he understands when I'm having a difficult time with stuff, and listens to me when I ask that we take some time and nurture us, and agrees readily to set a few of his own kinks aside so we can do that, really makes me realise it's worth it, that he's worth it.
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Yes this is something I am learning. Especially the bolded comment.
Quote:
Originally Posted by the captians wench
I have, to some extent.
I mean, we weren't saying we'd only be cassual play partners, but we were only suposed to be friends with benefits. But we ended up with a greater attachment than we expected. I don't know what the fuck to call it anymore.
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Friends have an emotional relationship too, right?
Quote:
Originally Posted by minx1
No, not me. I think I am unable to have a relationship without developing emotional attachments, to varying degrees. In the cases where it hasnt materialised, the relationship has ended.
Sometimes, because of that emotional rollercoaster, I wish I could be more detached.
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Sometimes I think so too. But then Like Lizzie said the downs really make the good great.
Quote:
Originally Posted by wicked woman
I think it depends on the degree of emotional attachment. Not loving someone - yes. Not feeling anything - no.
Perhaps it was that distinction that the poster, who mentioned this initially, meant instead of 'no' emotional attachment at all.
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I see what you are saying. There is a whole spectrum of emotions between love and not feeling anything,
__________________
"Surrendered, Owned and Ecstatic"
"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes."~~~Frieda Norris The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
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09-21-2011, 07:34 PM
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#7413
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Literotica Guru
Iamnotthe1 is offline
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 614
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DreamSensualist
More that 3 years ago I meet a guy on Lit & soon after we met in person. Some of you may remember him / us. We had our ups & downs, my husband went back on what he said which pushed my Dom aside to a certain extent even though he still owned my heart. And then my Dom meet someone else & since then we have kept our relationship secret from our partners. There have been ups & downs. We have lived very far apart & not had an opportunity to see each other in a long time. But despite all that, despite him getting to know himself better, and our dynamic shifting, no matter what I loved him & I even saw myself growing old with him. I don't think I ever mentioned this to him because I knew that it would take a lot of strength to leave my marriage and it would just be cruel to ask him to wait indefinitely when he could be with her.
There is so much more to it than thais... not so much drama but emotions we went through.
On Sunday, via a message on the other website he released / finished it with me. I understand why he did, but that doesn't make it easier.
3 Years! And just dumped like he never loved me. No mention that I will always be in his heart but that it doesn't change anything. No reference to the ups & downs we went though that made us stronger, when we stood by each other. No reference that just last week he said that he would never marry her or anybody again unless it was me, no mention that within the last few weeks, after the electricity was knocked out where he lives & he said he had time to reflect that he made me promise to never let go or pull away.
I don't know what to do....
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I feel your pain  |
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09-21-2011, 08:04 PM
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#7414
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sewing wench
the captians wench is offline
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Dreaming of the Emerald Isle
Posts: 12,019
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ecstaticsub
Friends have an emotional relationship too, right?
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Yeah, but it's suposed to feel different. *giggles* 
I'm a bit moody right now, so I don't think I can explain myself as clearly as I would like to.
I tend to catagorize people, compartmentalize if you will. And usually, they don't move from drawer to drawer. But every now and then some one sparks something I didn't expect and all the drawers get dumped out and I have to re-order everything!
It's very unsettling, often exciting, currently soul wrenching.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Homburg
Look ye to this woman, verily, as an example to all ye aspiring cocksuckers.
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writings of a true lady
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09-21-2011, 08:08 PM
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#7415
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Really Really Experienced
Opedia is offline
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 335
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 interesting read! |
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09-22-2011, 08:04 AM
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#7416
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Virgin
jcurious141 is offline
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ecstaticsub
Does anyone ever enter into a relationship thinking they won't develop emotional attachments? I'm talking a real relationship, not very occasional play partner?
I don't know...I've had a few drinks but I can't imagine submitting (NOT bottoming) fucking submitting to someone that I did not have emotional feeling for.
The problem then is deciding if the relationship is worth the fucking emotional roller coaster.
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I tried, but, it didn't work. I don't think you can submit yourself to someone and not become emotionally attached . I am on the same roller coaster. |
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09-22-2011, 08:07 AM
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#7417
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Virgin
jcurious141 is offline
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DreamSensualist
More that 3 years ago I meet a guy on Lit & soon after we met in person. Some of you may remember him / us. We had our ups & downs, my husband went back on what he said which pushed my Dom aside to a certain extent even though he still owned my heart. And then my Dom meet someone else & since then we have kept our relationship secret from our partners. There have been ups & downs. We have lived very far apart & not had an opportunity to see each other in a long time. But despite all that, despite him getting to know himself better, and our dynamic shifting, no matter what I loved him & I even saw myself growing old with him. I don't think I ever mentioned this to him because I knew that it would take a lot of strength to leave my marriage and it would just be cruel to ask him to wait indefinitely when he could be with her.
There is so much more to it than thais... not so much drama but emotions we went through.
On Sunday, via a message on the other website he released / finished it with me. I understand why he did, but that doesn't make it easier.
3 Years! And just dumped like he never loved me. No mention that I will always be in his heart but that it doesn't change anything. No reference to the ups & downs we went though that made us stronger, when we stood by each other. No reference that just last week he said that he would never marry her or anybody again unless it was me, no mention that within the last few weeks, after the electricity was knocked out where he lives & he said he had time to reflect that he made me promise to never let go or pull away.
I don't know what to do....
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So sorry. This is exactly what I am afraid of. |
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09-22-2011, 08:26 AM
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#7418
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Experienced
Elphie70 is offline
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 34
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Well I have jumped on the emotional roller coaster and am in for a ride. Worried, and excited at the same time.
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09-22-2011, 08:43 AM
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#7419
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An Erotic A.I
Kurokami is offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 1,293
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Yeah, me too. Whatever happens, I'm certainly looking forward to it, even though my experience in relationships is a little limited, especially long distance. In fact, I'd certainly welcome any advice y'all have, since this is my first time being a distance Dom
__________________
Click here to see my work on Lit.
Did you know I have a writing blog? Check it out here!
"have i mentioned recently that you are one of my all-time favorite posters here, just in general?... you've got moxie, kid!"- Lord_Steve
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09-22-2011, 07:34 PM
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#7420
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sewing wench
the captians wench is offline
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Dreaming of the Emerald Isle
Posts: 12,019
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*warning on heavy pain killers because of period from hell and there for hormonal as well*
I need HIM now!
There is so much going on in my life right now, I just want to be able to come home and snuggle with him and have him pet my hair and tell me every thing will be better soon. Not even every night, though that would be ideal, I'd be happy if I could even get a weekend. Fuck I"d be tickled pink if I knew I'd have something anytime in the future. I need a date. I need to know that he needs me too. I need to know that he still wants me there, that he still wants to progress, that he wants a future with me. I need to know that I'll be in his embrace again. I need him. I just need him.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Homburg
Look ye to this woman, verily, as an example to all ye aspiring cocksuckers.
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writings of a true lady
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09-22-2011, 10:46 PM
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#7421
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Enchanted Rebel Girl
minx1 is offline
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Explore. Dream. Discover.
Posts: 10,751
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Quote:
Originally Posted by the captians wench
*warning on heavy pain killers because of period from hell and there for hormonal as well*
I need HIM now!
There is so much going on in my life right now, I just want to be able to come home and snuggle with him and have him pet my hair and tell me every thing will be better soon. Not even every night, though that would be ideal, I'd be happy if I could even get a weekend. Fuck I"d be tickled pink if I knew I'd have something anytime in the future. I need a date. I need to know that he needs me too. I need to know that he still wants me there, that he still wants to progress, that he wants a future with me. I need to know that I'll be in his embrace again. I need him. I just need him.
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*huge hugs*
Have you spoken about a visit chick?
__________________
Just a Tease
Brave of Heart
Sail away from the safe harbour.
Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover."
--Mark Twain
Well, this little girl grew up and moved away.
And she lived her life full of risk and full of play.
And she lived her life with so much to say,
And her flowers, they grow more beautiful every day.
Little Red, Kate Nash
Betwixt and Between........this reluctant antevasin
"The very instant that I saw You did my heart fly to Your service; there resides to make me slave to it and for Your sake" William Shakespeare
"if one person can not trust the veracity of another's words, communication is utterly meaningless." JMohegan
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09-22-2011, 11:01 PM
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#7422
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Literotica Guru
bhndblueyes88 is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,774
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Quote:
Originally Posted by the captians wench
*warning on heavy pain killers because of period from hell and there for hormonal as well*
I need HIM now!
There is so much going on in my life right now, I just want to be able to come home and snuggle with him and have him pet my hair and tell me every thing will be better soon. Not even every night, though that would be ideal, I'd be happy if I could even get a weekend. Fuck I"d be tickled pink if I knew I'd have something anytime in the future. I need a date. I need to know that he needs me too. I need to know that he still wants me there, that he still wants to progress, that he wants a future with me. I need to know that I'll be in his embrace again. I need him. I just need him.
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<hug> I feel ye, chica. Maybe talk to him about a visit in the future some time? It doesn't matter how distant, a "goal" sometimes really helps |
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09-22-2011, 11:50 PM
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#7423
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One person, so many uses
ecstaticsub is offline
Join Date: May 2007
Location: in a house, in a forest
Posts: 2,960
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Quote:
Originally Posted by the captians wench
*warning on heavy pain killers because of period from hell and there for hormonal as well*
I need HIM now!
There is so much going on in my life right now, I just want to be able to come home and snuggle with him and have him pet my hair and tell me every thing will be better soon. Not even every night, though that would be ideal, I'd be happy if I could even get a weekend. Fuck I"d be tickled pink if I knew I'd have something anytime in the future. I need a date. I need to know that he needs me too. I need to know that he still wants me there, that he still wants to progress, that he wants a future with me. I need to know that I'll be in his embrace again. I need him. I just need him.
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Then go to him. Make it happen. Talk with him, set a date, buy your airplane tickets and just go.
I know that easier said then done but it is long overdue.
__________________
"Surrendered, Owned and Ecstatic"
"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes."~~~Frieda Norris The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
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09-23-2011, 01:21 AM
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#7424
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Enchanted Rebel Girl
minx1 is offline
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Explore. Dream. Discover.
Posts: 10,751
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ecstaticsub
Then go to him. Make it happen. Talk with him, set a date, buy your airplane tickets and just go.
I know that easier said then done but it is long overdue.
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I really agree with this hon.
__________________
Just a Tease
Brave of Heart
Sail away from the safe harbour.
Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover."
--Mark Twain
Well, this little girl grew up and moved away.
And she lived her life full of risk and full of play.
And she lived her life with so much to say,
And her flowers, they grow more beautiful every day.
Little Red, Kate Nash
Betwixt and Between........this reluctant antevasin
"The very instant that I saw You did my heart fly to Your service; there resides to make me slave to it and for Your sake" William Shakespeare
"if one person can not trust the veracity of another's words, communication is utterly meaningless." JMohegan
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09-23-2011, 05:15 AM
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#7425
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Real & Spectacular
Lizzie_Borden is offline
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 4,169
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ecstaticsub
Then go to him. Make it happen. Talk with him, set a date, buy your airplane tickets and just go.
I know that easier said then done but it is long overdue.
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Agreed.
And when he says it's not the right time to visit, go anyway. You need it for your own sanity, and you can make it work out.
__________________
"There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwaves and the Maori tribesman, where I thought, 'Wow, I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman.' What do you call that?"
"I think you call that love, D-Bone."
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Jounar's fat bottomed slut 
