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Old 10-31-2006, 12:27 AM   #51
TheRainMan
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thanks very much, you too.

usually, i edit my poems to death. this one just . . . happened, right off my fingers.

and while i appreciate your points, wso, well . . . i just can't find one thing that i think needs to be changed.

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Old 10-31-2006, 01:16 AM   #52
flyguy69
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheRainMan
thanks very much, you too.

usually, i edit my poems to death. this one just . . . happened, right off my fingers.

and while i appreciate your points, wso, well . . . i just can't find one thing that i think needs to be changed.

It is an excellent critique, though, because it addresses that most-essential question: do I like this poem? And Rainman is appropriate in his response: if the craft of the poem is as good as it can be, then the poem is doing all that he asks of it.

What a dull world this would be if we all shared the same tastes.


I happen to like it as is, btw, though the antecedant of "they" (eyes?) got a little buried for me.
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Old 10-31-2006, 01:26 AM   #53
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Quote:
Originally Posted by flyguy69


I happen to like it as is, btw, though the antecedant of "they" (eyes?) got a little buried for me.

you really should put your pants on when you say antecedant
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Old 10-31-2006, 01:38 AM   #54
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheRainMan
thanks very much, you too.

usually, i edit my poems to death. this one just . . . happened, right off my fingers.

and while i appreciate your points, wso, well . . . i just can't find one thing that i think needs to be changed.


i'm quite fine with that patrick it was a little learning curve for me to see if i could work out what it was that bugged me - thinking out loud as i tend to do. thanks for not minding. i'm still learning and loving it.




Fly, ...no nevermind.

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Old 11-02-2006, 08:14 AM   #55
annaswirls
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oh oh oh
almost speechless gives me the need to speak in threes wow yes
its its its not food, no that is not it, nor fuel
more like muscled arms giving a extra tight spin on the swing and when it unwraps
enough momentum to pause while the ropes go slack and back back back around the way the clock goes only nothing like a clock


Quote:
Originally Posted by AChild
hell is a place called home
dream of waterways pristine
zen aqueduct
push air and breath
mind I, a sword shining
scissor blade
snowing in lotus naming mandala
strength as flakes fall

left right: mash
what is real and what's imagined
living twice
first we dream then
we live our will or not
those that failed don't know they died
can't feel that babe flesh
and stay away from mirrors
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Old 11-02-2006, 05:55 PM   #56
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Dear Abby by Tungtied

Hi Tung, I really enjoyed your poem today. It sparked remembering something I read yesterday, which I thought was a little obscure. Dear Abby and her sister, Ann Landers were both advice columnist type peoples.

Here's what I thought was the interesting part: they were twins (or are, I don't know if they are still living or not) and their given names were - Pauline Esther Friedman, and Esther Pauline Friedman.

Why do parents do this?
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Old 11-02-2006, 06:02 PM   #57
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Quote:
Originally Posted by clutching_calliope
Hi Tung, I really enjoyed your poem today. It sparked remembering something I read yesterday, which I thought was a little obscure. Dear Abby and her sister, Ann Landers were both advice columnist type peoples.

Here's what I thought was the interesting part: they were twins (or are, I don't know if they are still living or not) and their given names were - Pauline Esther Friedman, and Esther Pauline Friedman.

Why do parents do this?

They're fucking sadists...that's why! Did you ever wonder if their parent's called them by their first or middle names? and why did they decide to be advice columnists?..perhaps because they realized that kids weren't getting a fair shake from their parents....
(and sad to say...they are both dead now...but one of the columns survives...I believe it's Dear Abby...I think Ask Anne Landers died with it's creator.)

p.s. CC- thanks for the comment...
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Old 11-02-2006, 06:07 PM   #58
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Re: Shifting gears

Turnabout is fair play....yours reminds me

Opposites attract.....
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Old 11-03-2006, 10:40 AM   #59
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Hooray for MinorMonster!

Congratulations Liar for completing yet another 30-30-30-30-for you.

I'd have to say my favourites were "Bologonese" and{yellow post-it notes holler}, but I was absolutely blown away by {I mistook you for jazz}. Good job!
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Old 11-03-2006, 11:34 AM   #60
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Quote:
Originally Posted by clutching_calliope
Congratulations Liar for completing yet another 30-30-30-30-for you.

I'd have to say my favourites were "Bologonese" and{yellow post-it notes holler}, but I was absolutely blown away by {I mistook you for jazz}. Good job!
Thanks.

I must say that this was the easiest time around so far. And now I have a whole bunch of poems to go back and see if I can edit into shape.
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Old 11-03-2006, 11:38 AM   #61
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Congratulations MinorMonster! You have sewn a great crop!
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Old 11-03-2006, 11:54 AM   #62
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MinorMonster
Cetacean

In the summers we were dolphins. . .
Congratulations to the Liar Monster for another excellent run, albeit in Minor key.
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Old 11-03-2006, 03:29 PM   #63
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Quote:
Originally Posted by annaswirls
Congratulations MinorMonster! You have sewn a great crop!
I'm throwing in my congrats here with anna.

I can just see him now, sitting in his Swedish leather workshop, stitching herringbone lacings around a narrow strip of suede, sewing just another fine crop.
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Old 11-03-2006, 04:03 PM   #64
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Stiching what what around a what piece of what?
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Old 11-03-2006, 04:17 PM   #65
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Quote:
Originally Posted by champagne1982
I'm throwing in my congrats here with anna.

I can just see him now, sitting in his Swedish leather workshop, stitching herringbone lacings around a narrow strip of suede, sewing just another fine crop.
Spelling snob!
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Old 11-03-2006, 10:41 PM   #66
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Quote:
Originally Posted by flyguy69
8::1
Ah, ha ha ha!

Oh, my dear Fly. You silly.

Keep trying, dude. Hey. You can do it!

I feel like a Scoutmaster, telling you the Bowline is tied by grasping the free end with the thumb of the dominant hand (leaving some free length) and placing the line behind the victim. Cross the free end over the line in front of the victim, then twist the hand under the line and up to form a loop around the wrist. Push the free end around the line, then slip the loop off the wrist.

Then haul the victim to safety, bud. It's just an effin' poem. Don't need to be brilliant, just steady. Just daily.

Be willing to be bad. Or awful. I always am. Awful mostly, but unembarrassed. Well, almost. Mostly. Not exactly something I'd be proud to tell my Mom, but an accomplishment, nonetheless. Just sayin'.

Yours are good, though.

Awful is more steady, though. Think it over.
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Old 11-03-2006, 10:45 PM   #67
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you are too humble. I have yet to read anything of yours that resembles awful.

I hope you are just enouraging fly, and do not really believe this. And I am not just kissing ass, I am too blind and have no aim, would never find my way to your ass if I tried, I just kiss the winds and blow like I mean it because I do.

You guys really are inspiring, intimidating, but inspiring.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tzara
Ah, ha ha ha!

Oh, my dear Fly. You silly.

Keep trying, dude. Hey. You can do it!

I feel like a Scoutmaster, telling you the Bowline is tied by grasping the free end with the thumb of the dominant hand (leaving some free length) and placing the line behind the victim. Cross the free end over the line in front of the victim, then twist the hand under the line and up to form a loop around the wrist. Push the free end around the line, then slip the loop off the wrist.

Then haul the victim to safety, bud. It's just an effin' poem. Don't need to be brilliant, just steady. Just daily.

Be willing to be bad. Or awful. I always am. Awful mostly, but unembarrassed. Well, almost. Mostly. Not exactly something I'd be proud to tell my Mom, but an accomplishment, nonetheless. Just sayin'.

Yours are good, though.

Awful is more steady, though. Think it over.
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Old 11-03-2006, 10:46 PM   #68
annaswirls
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Quote:
Originally Posted by champagne1982
I'm throwing in my congrats here with anna.

I can just see him now, sitting in his Swedish leather workshop, stitching herringbone lacings around a narrow strip of suede, sewing just another fine crop.

brat

and I don't mean wurst

only the best kind of brat
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Old 11-03-2006, 11:03 PM   #69
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Quote:
Originally Posted by annaswirls
you really should put your pants on when you say antecedant
Quote:
Originally Posted by wildsweetone
Fly, ...no nevermind.
so... I should leave them off? Put them on? Leave the fly open and whisper dirty grammar in your ear? I'll never figure women out.
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Old 11-03-2006, 11:06 PM   #70
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All I learned to do in scouting was smoke.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tzara
Ah, ha ha ha!

Oh, my dear Fly. You silly.

Keep trying, dude. Hey. You can do it!

I feel like a Scoutmaster, telling you the Bowline is tied by grasping the free end with the thumb of the dominant hand (leaving some free length) and placing the line behind the victim. Cross the free end over the line in front of the victim, then twist the hand under the line and up to form a loop around the wrist. Push the free end around the line, then slip the loop off the wrist.

Then haul the victim to safety, bud. It's just an effin' poem. Don't need to be brilliant, just steady. Just daily.

Be willing to be bad. Or awful. I always am. Awful mostly, but unembarrassed. Well, almost. Mostly. Not exactly something I'd be proud to tell my Mom, but an accomplishment, nonetheless. Just sayin'.

Yours are good, though.

Awful is more steady, though. Think it over.
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Old 11-03-2006, 11:17 PM   #71
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Quote:
Originally Posted by flyguy69
All I learned to do in scouting was smoke.
The little bunny comes up through the hole, around the tree, sees the fox and ducks back down the hole, slamming the door after him.... I think.
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Old 11-03-2006, 11:40 PM   #72
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Quote:
Originally Posted by champagne1982
The little bunny comes up through the hole, around the tree, sees the fox and ducks back down the hole, slamming the door after him.... I think.
When girls say something like that, it always sounds so hot. Just warning you.
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Old 11-03-2006, 11:41 PM   #73
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Quote:
Originally Posted by flyguy69
All I learned to do in scouting was smoke.
Afterwards, is what I learned. Afterwards.

You're both calmer.
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Old 11-03-2006, 11:53 PM   #74
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Quote:
Originally Posted by champagne1982
The little bunny comes up through the hole, around the tree, sees the fox and ducks back down the hole, slamming the door after him.... I think.
No, we just lit them with matches.
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Old 11-03-2006, 11:54 PM   #75
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tzara
Afterwards, is what I learned. Afterwards.

You're both calmer.
I didn't find any of the boys in my tent that attractive.
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