D/s contracts ?

Does anyone use a written contract with their sub ? Kind of a turn on for her to formally sign away her rights ?

We thought about it but never did. I would want to make sure her signing it goes beyond just being a turn on though if I were you....it might be easier to get turned on by the thought than actually honour the contract.

Catalina

Personally I dont like contracts.

For me I would like to KNOW my submissive is submitting cos it is his desire to submit, and not cos he sighed a contract.

We use a written contract in the form of emails. It started with the first saying that I agree to be his sub, and then a new one is written every time we add some new task to me. For instance when I gave him my orgasms, and when I agreed to sit on tacks at his whim. For the most part it's just a formalization of what I verbally agree to, but when I break part of it, like when I eat fries or nuggets at work as I asked him to punish me if I do, then he has a copy of the email, of what I agreed to, incase I try to wiggle out of it. Which I don't really, but then again I've only broken the contract twice in the year that we've been together. I think almost every one has their rituals and the emails are ours. I like to go thru and read the emails, reading how far we've grown together. It is more than just a turn on, it's something that makes my heart flutter every time I read an old one, or write a new one.

One important note: BDSM contracts are not legally binding. So rather than "formally signing away her rights," she would be "formally pledging to abide by the rules set forth within the contract."

I've never seen a contract as a turn-on. It's more a tool, a means of establishing the rules of the relationship. A contract is by no means a required part of a D/s relationship, as shown by those who have responded who don't have one. I was going to say that contracts should not be entered into lightly, but it occurs to me that it's up to the participants. This is because the contract is only as real as the people who sign it agree it is. If you want to do it because it turns you on, go for it.

Perfectly stated Etoile.

I have a standard contract whereby I changed the word "slave" to submissive and intend on printing it out and having him bring it to the collaring ceremony after W/we get together and things settle down a bit. He will present it to Me very formally along with other rituals.

I intend to make a private photo album and it will be pasted inside.

Hi Alpha

I read in the new faces thread that you are looking for a submissive, so I am a bit confused.

Do you have a sub and looking for another, or are you planning ahead when you talk of the collaring cermony and contract?

Thanks

I think a contract can work if both parties view it in the same way. It's handy to refer back to when it comes to discipline (provided you've left your sub no loopholes). It's also useful in long distance relationships as a way of clarifying the rules a sub has agreed to obey. It will remind her of what is due to you even when you are not there, which is a powerful psychological tool.

On the other hand, as you've read, some people find them formal and restrictive. A sub can also refer back to it to prevent you shifting the goalposts on her a little (always fun ). You seem quite relaxed and happy about the idea of a contract and that's great but I would run this by your lady and see what she thinks. Really, it's the effect that a contract would have on her, whether positive or negative, that will probably make your mind up either way.

Shy slave:
" Do you have a sub and looking for another, or are you planning ahead when you talk of the collaring cermony and contract?"

I am planning ahead!

AlphaSheWolf said:

Shy slave:
" Do you have a sub and looking for another, or are you planning ahead when you talk of the collaring cermony and contract?"

I am planning ahead!

Click to expand...

Plans are always interesting.

Contracts can work. They don't turn me on necessarily.

Other things can take the place of a contracts that are a little more...what's the word...special? For me, there have been tasks that i completed that had a symbolic meaning to them. "This act symbolizes your submission to Me." There is more feeling and emotion connected to it.

Being collared can be a very special thing if meaning is attached to it. This could be like signing a contract in a way. For Sir, collaring is VERY meaningful. It is definately a symbol of complete submission and it is not given lightly.

i think that contracts are good for laying out expectations and agreements in writing but this can be done in other ways as well without having it be a contract.

shy slave said:

Plans are always interesting.

Click to expand...

True...and yet flexibility can be required on the path to happiness.

For those less familiar I thought it might be interesting if a sample of one type of contract be posted. This was a first draft style contract for a temporary agreement in a very formal D/s setting. I do not proclaim this as setting a standard of what is correct or best practise. It was relevant to certain parties at a very specific time and no more than that.

IF anyone reads this and wonders why .

When formally mentored and entering past the initial stages of knowing a Dominant with real consideration to submission and commitment to him a submissive may find herself often in 'hot water' as a transference of control slowly starts. I am not suggesting the Dominant in question or my Mentor at the time were 'at fault' for my being in 'hot water'. Just that natural evolution and desire to please on my part moving out of synchronization with all parties involved. It can at times appear disrespectful in as much the opinion of my Mentor was being given less due consideration by myself as frankly I was 'smitten' ......smiles. My Mentor gave away nothing without her knowledge, to be 'informed' she had did not sit well. Making for at times a very confused submissive ( ie I was stupid ......laughsmiles) . In this situation as I recall it was prudent to actually outline who had control , to what degree etc etc . I have learned and many things have changed since then. Its rather endearing for me to think back to all the care taken.

Example of Contract / Early Draft Incomplete

D/s Contract

Limited Contract: The below contract sets for the scope and limitations of the D/s contract being submitted by Rebecca for approval and acceptance by Rebecca’s Mentor X at the request of Dom X . It is meant as a continuation of an already on going relationship of trusted friendship that exists between Dom X and Rebecca under the supervision of Mentor X. This contract does not in any way diminish the existing relationship shared between Rebecca and her Mentor X. It is understood that throughout the length of this “limited” contract, Mentor X will continue to exercise her authority as Rebecca’s Mentor. Further she may terminate this contract if she believes it to be in the best interest of Rebecca. The limiting nature of this contract is by design to allow certain issues to be tested for compatibility reasons previously discussed by the parties involved. Namely: ( removed details )

Contract Time Limit: The length of this contract is agreed to be 30 days from the time of acceptance of all parties. At the end of the contract, it may be renewed for an additional 30 days.

Consensual Terms: Should either of us find that our aspirations are not being well served by this agreement, find this commitment too burdensome, or for any other reason wish to cancel, either may do so by verbal notification to the other, in keeping with the consensual nature of this agreement. We both understand that cancellation means a cessation of the control stated and implied within this agreement, not a termination of our relationship as friends. Upon cancellation, each of us agrees to offer to the other his or her reasons and to assess our new needs and situation openly and responsibly.

Concerning Tasks and Punishment: As acting Mentor, X retains the right of tasking and exclusively retains the right of punishment. Dom X is allowed tasking in the fullfilment of his responsibilities with Rebecca, however will take up all matters of punishment with Mentor X.

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I, “Rebecca, with a free mind and an open heart; do request of ”Dom X” that he accept the submission of my will unto his and to take me into his care and guidance, that we may grow together in love, trust and mutual respect. The satisfaction of his wants, desires, and whims are consistent with my desire as a submissive to be found pleasing to him. To that end, I offer him use of my time, talents, and abilities. Further, I ask, in sincere humility, that he accept the keeping of my heart, mind and body for the “mutual” fulfillment and enhancement of our needs.

I request of “Dom X ", that he use the power vested in his role; to mold and shape me; assisting me to grow in strength, character, confidence, and being, and that he continue to help me to develop my artistic and intellectual abilities.

In return, I agree:

To obey his commands to the best of my ability.

To strive to overcome feelings of guilt or shame, and all inhibitions that interfere with my capability to serve him and limit my growth as his submissive.

To maintain honest and open communication.

To reveal my thoughts, feelings, and desires without hesitation or embarrassment.

To inform him of wants and perceived needs, recognizing that he is the sole judge of whether or how these shall be satisfied.

To strive toward maintenance of a positive self-image and development of realistic expectations and goals.

To work with him to become a happy and self-fulfilled individual.

My surrender as a submissive is done with the knowledge that nothing asked of me will demean me as a person, and will in no way diminish my own responsibilities toward making utmost use of my potential with the goal of building my self esteem. In recognition of my family obligations, nothing will be required of me that will in any way damage or harm my child, nor interfere with the performance of my duties as mother.

I do understand the dynamics of this relationship . I will strive to keep a positive attitude during times we cannot be together.

By making my wishes known in this matter, I no longer make myself available to others.

This I, Mentor X , do entreat, with lucidity and the realization of what this means, both stated and implied, in the conviction that this offer will be understood in the spirit of faith, caring, esteem and devotion in which it is given.

This agreement shall serve as the basis for an extension of our relationship, committed to in the spirit of loving and consensual dominance and submission with the intention of furthering self-awareness and exploration, promoting health and happiness, and improving both our lives.

I offer my consent to submission to ______________________________ under the terms stated above on this the ________ day of _____________ in the year ________.

____________________________
Signature of Submissive

I offer my acceptance of submission by ______”Rebecca__________ under the terms stated above on this the ____18____ day of ______Nov________ in the year _ _.

____________________________
Signature of Dominant