Subspace....

I'm drawn back here after a while of searching.

I was once, when more active on this site, in the charge of a VR dom, he trained me and taught me things I never dreamed I would learn. He made me realise I am truly a sub, and I enjoyed serving. In fact, I learned so much I will be in gratitude for a long time to come.

That relationship ended, and although sad, I knew I was to just keep searching.
I am lucky enough now to have met someone in RL, he is very special to me, and I've been able to tell him more about myself than I ever have been able to before, and more importantly I've been able to tell him about D/s and my role within it.

New to the lifestyle I've taught him as much as I feel I can without going too far, and I have backed off from 'topping from the bottom', I'm sure he has food for thought enough for now, with the extra gifts I've bought him, he's surprised me on a couple of occassions now. I know it will take time, but I'm willing to wait.

Now to the question......

Recently we found ourselves in scene, me struggling against my bindings, and to say it was fatastic was an understatement....... however, suddenly, as he removed my bindings, I found myself miles away in mind, I didn't want my Dom to touch me, and couldn't seem to get my head around what happened.... I have no idea why, but I just wasn't on this planet.... I was always under the imression that aftercare was important, that often subs needed their Doms to comfort them, tenderness and contact to sooth the pain and demeanour of any event that had occurred during the scene....

Did I truly experience for the first time what is known as subspace?? Is it wrong that I pushed him away instead of embracing him??

I was back to normal in an hour or so, after I was allowed to take a shower and re dress, but for that time prior, I just couldn't think of anything.........

I just wanted to know this was normal........

thanks.

bustyblondebombshell said:

I was always under the imression that aftercare was important, that often subs needed their Doms to comfort them, tenderness and contact to sooth the pain and demeanour of any event that had occurred during the scene....

Did I truly experience for the first time what is known as subspace?? Is it wrong that I pushed him away instead of embracing him??

Click to expand...

While biologically we're all so similar you could hardly tell we're not directly related, and we do some of the oddest things that we don't even realize instinct is making everyone else do as well, we still have individuality and different reactions at different times than others experiencing them. Is "aftercare" important? There've been debates on this forum about it before. We seem to have reached the conclusion that it is important *for some people* - so why not "at some times"? This must not have been one of those times for you.

I don't know if I've ever experienced subspace. It's especially hard to tell since I'll never be in someone elses head to feel what their specific description of it is. But if it looks like a duck, and sounds like a duck, chances are that it's a duck. Especially if it introduces itself and let's you know that it would like to be indentified as a duck.

I don't think that it's wrong to push someone away instead of embracing them if he's okay with that and you're okay with that. The "wrong" part, and I don't even know if it's "wrong" exactly, would be hurting him by pushing him away if he needed you. But in my experience, at that part of a scene it's still about *you* so I am interested to know what he thought of your unwillingness to embrace.

I don't think there's anything wrong with you.

Hey - I've been a lurker too(that's probably the sub way). My *limited* experience here would say that you were in subspace - I feel it like a disconnection from my body and yes it was hard to come back - it's drifting on another plane or something. It's great that you found a new relationship and that he is so willing.

Since you brought this up. I would love to keep a 'subspace' dialog open. Most of the BDSM area is 'dominated' by Doms : )

--HKS

Thanks for the replies, its kinda wierd.... I just never expected to feel it, and after quite a while as well, although I did find that particular scene quite intense.

At least I know, and it didn't feel wrong, although I did feel guilty after that I couldn't bear him to touch me for that short time - although he stayed close.... which I appreciate.

When doing things like this you both need to be prepared for some unexpected reactions.

It does sound like sub space.

So, that makes me all green eyed now.

Good for you and I know y'all both know you are each only human. What we feel isn't wrong. Sometimes what we choose to do about can be. Your reaction should have been okay IMO.

Fury

Chicklet said:

But in my experience, at that part of a scene it's still about *you* so I am interested to know what he thought of your unwillingness to embrace.

I don't think there's anything wrong with you.

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I could see her reaction and I quickly came to the conclusion that she was in "subspace" or something damn near. I also picked up that most of what I had read about giving proper "after care" might not apply to how BBB was feeling. something about the look in her eyes said back off, but not much. stay close but not too close. I was happy to go with that and i think it was the right choice judging by our disscussion after the scene.

btw this works so well on so many levels:

Chicklet said:

But if it looks like a duck, and sounds like a duck, chances are that it's a duck. Especially if it introduces itself and let's you know that it would like to be indentified as a duck.

Click to expand...

bustyblondebombshell said:

Thanks for the replies, its kinda wierd.... I just never expected to feel it, and after quite a while as well, although I did find that particular scene quite intense.

At least I know, and it didn't feel wrong, although I did feel guilty after that I couldn't bear him to touch me for that short time - although he stayed close.... which I appreciate.

Click to expand...

I for one cant wait until we have time for our next adventure xx

bustyblondebombshell said:

I'm drawn back here after a while of searching.

I was once, when more active on this site, in the charge of a VR dom, he trained me and taught me things I never dreamed I would learn. He made me realise I am truly a sub, and I enjoyed serving. In fact, I learned so much I will be in gratitude for a long time to come.

That relationship ended, and although sad, I knew I was to just keep searching.
I am lucky enough now to have met someone in RL, he is very special to me, and I've been able to tell him more about myself than I ever have been able to before, and more importantly I've been able to tell him about D/s and my role within it.

New to the lifestyle I've taught him as much as I feel I can without going too far, and I have backed off from 'topping from the bottom', I'm sure he has food for thought enough for now, with the extra gifts I've bought him, he's surprised me on a couple of occassions now. I know it will take time, but I'm willing to wait.

Now to the question......

Recently we found ourselves in scene, me struggling against my bindings, and to say it was fatastic was an understatement....... however, suddenly, as he removed my bindings, I found myself miles away in mind, I didn't want my Dom to touch me, and couldn't seem to get my head around what happened.... I have no idea why, but I just wasn't on this planet.... I was always under the imression that aftercare was important, that often subs needed their Doms to comfort them, tenderness and contact to sooth the pain and demeanour of any event that had occurred during the scene....

Did I truly experience for the first time what is known as subspace?? Is it wrong that I pushed him away instead of embracing him??

I was back to normal in an hour or so, after I was allowed to take a shower and re dress, but for that time prior, I just couldn't think of anything.........

I just wanted to know this was normal........

thanks.

Click to expand...

Endorphin overload. Ah yes, this is how the addiction begins

woodenspatulas said:

I could see her reaction and I quickly came to the conclusion that she was in "subspace" or something damn near. I also picked up that most of what I had read about giving proper "after care" might not apply to how BBB was feeling. something about the look in her eyes said back off, but not much. stay close but not too close. I was happy to go with that and i think it was the right choice judging by our disscussion after the scene.

btw this works so well on so many levels:

Click to expand...

Sounds like you read the signs right, made good decisions and were cool with the outcome, excellent!

More green eyes happening here! *smiles*

Fury

bustyblondebombshell said:

I'm drawn back here after a while of searching.

I was once, when more active on this site, in the charge of a VR dom, he trained me and taught me things I never dreamed I would learn. He made me realise I am truly a sub, and I enjoyed serving. In fact, I learned so much I will be in gratitude for a long time to come.

That relationship ended, and although sad, I knew I was to just keep searching.
I am lucky enough now to have met someone in RL, he is very special to me, and I've been able to tell him more about myself than I ever have been able to before, and more importantly I've been able to tell him about D/s and my role within it.

New to the lifestyle I've taught him as much as I feel I can without going too far, and I have backed off from 'topping from the bottom', I'm sure he has food for thought enough for now, with the extra gifts I've bought him, he's surprised me on a couple of occassions now. I know it will take time, but I'm willing to wait.

Now to the question......

Recently we found ourselves in scene, me struggling against my bindings, and to say it was fatastic was an understatement....... however, suddenly, as he removed my bindings, I found myself miles away in mind, I didn't want my Dom to touch me, and couldn't seem to get my head around what happened.... I have no idea why, but I just wasn't on this planet.... I was always under the imression that aftercare was important, that often subs needed their Doms to comfort them, tenderness and contact to sooth the pain and demeanour of any event that had occurred during the scene....

Did I truly experience for the first time what is known as subspace?? Is it wrong that I pushed him away instead of embracing him??

I was back to normal in an hour or so, after I was allowed to take a shower and re dress, but for that time prior, I just couldn't think of anything.........

I just wanted to know this was normal........

thanks.

Click to expand...

Kajira Callista said:

Endorphin overload. Ah yes, this is how the addiction begins

Click to expand...

Nodding at Kajira ~ That it is!

I am no longer sure who are librian isbut there were a couple of extensive threads on this subject

Hmmmn don't know if this will help Busty...........

For me its like being in a sort of fog/meditation . Almost hallucinating. I remember the last time if felt as if there were tiny wires that attached from my ear lobes to my shoulder blades. I guess something like fine lines ( wires ) I could 'see' that went between certain acupuncture points all across my body. I could see them in my mind only. There were 'there' yet at the same time I knew in reality they weren't . An extreme heightened awareness of my body, my muscles , my current posture almost hearing my own heart beating. Very strong focus on my companion Dominant, yet as if he was talking to me through a thick fog. I need to keep a focus when I am like that so I can continue to communicate otherwise I think I would be to scared to permit myself to go there in the first place let alone through deeper layers. Really helped by the fact my companion remained calm then talked me back up which I can say for me is a real struggle at times.

I often as things start to clear have to find something very mundane to move my focus to. Has to be an object near me usually. Then another and another , chipping away until I find myself in day to day reality again . Even so takes a fair amount of concerted effort by me mentally to stay there. If I am predisposed to a situation to fall into this space I make sure I don't need to drive a car etc afterwards. I know in myself I am not savvy enough for quick decision making for several hours after the fact no matter how long the time frame or how far I have let myself fall.

Here is a strange thing. While there is some commonality in my experiences of subspace I can only ever remember details more specific of the very last time and none before then . Perhaps I'll keep a Diary in the future......smiles

Ohh and here is another thing I have learned about this. Its me. I allow myself to go 'there'. My companion the last time is someone I have immense trust in and facilitated the experience. However the power to achieve subspace or not is mine.

@}-}rebecca----

FurryFury said:

Sounds like you read the signs right, made good decisions and were cool with the outcome, excellent!

More green eyes happening here! *smiles*

Fury

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thankyou for your feedback Im still learning Myself, but the new places I discover feel so right!

woodenspatulas said:

thankyou for your feedback Im still learning Myself, but the new places I discover feel so right!

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That sounds wonderful!

*smiles*

Good for you and your lady!

Fury

Do any of you have extremely intense fantasies while in subspace? Or is it mostly the mind/body connection or disconnection that is experienced?

curious... --HKS

If I'm honest, today freaked me out a little, when he unbound my arms, my mind seemed to fly away from me. I watched him kiss the marks on each wrist, smooth my hair away from my face and gaze at me for what seemed like forever, but as he was doing all of this, I had silent tears rolling down my cheeks......

Now I've had time to reflect, I realise it is the intensity of his love that stuck me at that moment, and I felt lost.... it was almost like I was outside of my body and experiencing it from somewhere else.

I coerced myself to come round a lot sooner, mainly due to an interruption demanding his attention after 10 minutes or so, but I feel like I could have stayed there all day. I was fine immediately after, but now I'm away from him, I feel lonely and scared....

I guess I'm looking forward to being back in his arms tomorrow.

HotKittySpank said:

Do any of you have extremely intense fantasies while in subspace? Or is it mostly the mind/body connection or disconnection that is experienced?

curious... --HKS

Click to expand...

Everytime seems to be different for me, I feel disconnected from everything but entirely overwhealmed. I'm beginning to relate that the way I react depends wholly on my mood prior to our scene and is more and more intense each time.....

if that makes any sense at all?

bustyblondebombshell said:

Everytime seems to be different for me, I feel disconnected from everything but entirely overwhealmed. I'm beginning to relate that the way I react depends wholly on my mood prior to our scene and is more and more intense each time.....

if that makes any sense at all?

Click to expand...

That makes a great deal of sense to me.

If I am in a particular frame of mind he sometimes has to 'work' at making me submissive.
Other times all it takes is my kneeling in front of him and hearing his voice, and I am in a different place.

The intensity varies on a number of things including both our moods at the time.

I don't think he wants every scene to have deep intensity, sometimes it seems its just for his own (and my) amusement

bustyblondebombshell said:

If I'm honest, today freaked me out a little, when he unbound my arms, my mind seemed to fly away from me. I watched him kiss the marks on each wrist, smooth my hair away from my face and gaze at me for what seemed like forever, but as he was doing all of this, I had silent tears rolling down my cheeks......

Now I've had time to reflect, I realise it is the intensity of his love that stuck me at that moment, and I felt lost.... it was almost like I was outside of my body and experiencing it from somewhere else.

I coerced myself to come round a lot sooner, mainly due to an interruption demanding his attention after 10 minutes or so, but I feel like I could have stayed there all day. I was fine immediately after, but now I'm away from him, I feel lonely and scared....

I guess I'm looking forward to being back in his arms tomorrow.

Click to expand...

I understand feeling lonely and scared and I'm so glad you get to be with him again tomorrow!

*smiles*

Fury

bustyblondebombshell said:

If I'm honest, today freaked me out a little, when he unbound my arms, my mind seemed to fly away from me. I watched him kiss the marks on each wrist, smooth my hair away from my face and gaze at me for what seemed like forever, but as he was doing all of this, I had silent tears rolling down my cheeks......

Now I've had time to reflect, I realise it is the intensity of his love that stuck me at that moment, and I felt lost.... it was almost like I was outside of my body and experiencing it from somewhere else.

I coerced myself to come round a lot sooner, mainly due to an interruption demanding his attention after 10 minutes or so, but I feel like I could have stayed there all day. I was fine immediately after, but now I'm away from him, I feel lonely and scared....

I guess I'm looking forward to being back in his arms tomorrow.

Click to expand...

Good evening busty ~ Your feelings of being scared and lonely can be attributed to something called "Dropping". That is a physiological response to what happens when all of the endorphins leave. I know feel "out of it" immediately after a scene when I am with my Sir. A short time later, after I have or he has left, I have a feeling of sadness for a time. It is all part of the package of "intense" play.

I am happy to hear you will be with him again soon.

It isn't always BDSM sceneing that can cause a Drop. Anything intense can do it. I remember being told of a friend of mine who had taken part in a MFM scene for the first time was feeling awful about herself, what had happened etc. Especially because she had a good time. She was all confused and feeling worse. I did a bit of asking and it turns out it all ended abruptly due to time constraints and she had needed some attention that she didn't get.

None of them are into BDSM and didn't realize what can happen with all of the chemical reactions that occur. I contacted her, and told her what I knew and I told her that she Dropped. I explained it and she was so thankful. I described what she was probably feeling. Knowing that it was something that happens and what was the cause. That made all of the difference.

bustyblondebombshell said:

I was fine immediately after, but now I'm away from him, I feel lonely and scared....

I guess I'm looking forward to being back in his arms tomorrow.

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well I hope you felt better after thursday. soon you wont have to leave and we can spend more time together afterwards

I have to say a big thankyou for being with me today.It was a sad day for me as i attended my nans funeral. Im so glad you were there with me it meant the world to me xxx

woodenspatulas said:

well I hope you felt better after thursday. soon you wont have to leave and we can spend more time together afterwards

I have to say a big thankyou for being with me today.It was a sad day for me as i attended my nans funeral. Im so glad you were there with me it meant the world to me xxx

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I'm glad I could be with you Sir, I'm proud to be able to support you when you need me. And I have never felt as close to you as I did then. Its important that I serve you well.

Thank you everyone for your continued support, and Kayte for your explaination. It seems that the scenes are becoming more intense and I am definately surprised in the time that I need to spend being nurtured by Sir afterwards. I am beginning to recognise subspace and step back and allow myself to come round after sceneing, its becoming an integral part of planning our time together, and we know we can no longer 'scene and run'...

But our time together is precious and I wouldn't swap it for the world.

Happy Birthday bustyblondebombshell

Just thought would wish you well on special day.

Snoozebutton2 said:

Just thought would wish you well on special day.

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Thank you

update...

so things have been progressing since the last time I posted on this thread, and Sir has learned a lot...

Today we visited a place I had never been before. Punishment due to my lack of compliance with a simple request was to be expected on my part. However, today was different.

Sir brought the cane down on my flesh harder than ever before, and it broke me - I actually cried. I have never felt so humbled by anything before, and I was genuinely sorry about my error for the first time... before, we had just been playing, this time it was so real.

When we finished our intense scene, it was like I couldn't connect my brain with what I was feeling, and I couldn't look Sir in his eyes whilst he was close to me stroking my hair. I'm still struggling to explain to myself why the tears rolled so freely down my cheeks, but I do know I love him so much and I will do anything to make sure he is happy with me.

Just wanted to diarise this so I can remember the stages we go through - and look back and try to understand.