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03-27-2006, 11:44 AM
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#1
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Experienced
angelsrose is offline
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Augusta, Ga
Posts: 54
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Does a history of abuse make one more into this?
I am not sure where this might belong. But I am going to ask here and if needed could we kindly direct the new girl to where it should be? if indeed it is not suppeosed to be here. And yes I realize this is a loaded question. I am looking for others thoughts on this, not really anything else.
I was in a college class a few years ago durring which time I was also reading Send me the Thorns and Loving dominant. When the teacher started talking about bdsm and how it was a sexually "violent" idea and the "those people" obviously had something wrong with them. It *must* have stemmed back from abuse by parents, others ect.
Now mind you I have been in some seriously bad relationships, esp. as a teen where I was abused, in not so good of ways. ( I have been to therapy, and dealt with it as well, and have def. been able to lead a healthy life, alabeit, now.)
However becasue of this I couldn't really argue the point that there are people who have lead healthy lives, and just like this area of their sexual life different then others. (I don't have that expierance) And I realize that other people who aren't into this don't get "it". Nor do I feel what I enjoy has anything to do with what I have been through. I believe it changes for me at least the way I interact with people, but not my sexual partners. It colors a different aspect of my life to an extent, but I am not out looking for a man who like abuse me (outside of the areas that I enjoy, although abuse isn't the right word. ) Or have so many people been in negative relationships that this is just par for the course, we start associating with BDSM because it is an oulet the we delved into because it is a way to control that type of situation? I am curious, as to others input. I know for me I am new here and I am looking to feel comfortable with who I am as a sexual being so I can be content in ALL aspects of a relationship, and the only time I was ever content in a relationship it had a lot of top/bottom situations in the bedroom.
Of course he had no idea what he was doing, but man did he have a gift for it. (grins) And I was safe, completely, nothing got out of hand and he never *hurt* me. Nor did he view me any differently for what I enjoyed. Am I making sense? I hope so.... So please let me know your ideas on this matter, or if someone could direct me to a place that I can read more about it.....
Thank You so Much
Truly
Angel
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03-27-2006, 12:16 PM
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#2
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not me in the av
graceanne is offline
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Oregon, US
Posts: 27,176
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This conversation has been argued to death. lol What we pretty much learned was that while most of us have been abused, some of us haven't. Their are people in this group who were never abused as children, their wiring is jsut different than the rest of us.
__________________
Think what a better world it would be if we all, the whole world,
had cookies and milk about three o'clock every afternoon and then lay down on our blankets for a nap.
~Barbara Jordan
*~*~*
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
*~*~*
A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs - jolted by every pebble on the road.
~Henry Ward Beecher
*~*~*
You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old when you stop laughing.
~Michael Pritchard
*~*~*
My Stories |
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03-27-2006, 12:18 PM
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#3
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His/His dirty lil' secret
Kajira Callista is offline
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Between Him and Him :)
Posts: 19,232
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by graceanne
Their are people in this group who were never abused as children, their wiring is jsut different than the rest of us.
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__________________
My stuff
“Too long a sacrifice
Can make a stone of the heart."
William Butler Yeats
Take the love that comes to you today, embrace it for all it is worth, and return it threefold, tenfold, a hundredfold. Take the joy that comes to you today, embrace it for all it is worth, and return it. Take even the sorrows that come, for not all of life can be wondrously fine and happy and laughing, and embrace them for what they're worth...
And give tomorrow unto tomorrow, for we never know if it will come at all.
 Sir Winston
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03-27-2006, 12:31 PM
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#4
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not me in the av
graceanne is offline
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Oregon, US
Posts: 27,176
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Kajira Callista
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Case in point. *huggles* How ya doing, pretty kitty? *scratches ears*
__________________
Think what a better world it would be if we all, the whole world,
had cookies and milk about three o'clock every afternoon and then lay down on our blankets for a nap.
~Barbara Jordan
*~*~*
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
*~*~*
A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs - jolted by every pebble on the road.
~Henry Ward Beecher
*~*~*
You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old when you stop laughing.
~Michael Pritchard
*~*~*
My Stories |
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03-27-2006, 12:33 PM
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#5
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His/His dirty lil' secret
Kajira Callista is offline
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Between Him and Him :)
Posts: 19,232
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by graceanne
Case in point. *huggles* How ya doing, pretty kitty? *scratches ears*
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purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
__________________
My stuff
“Too long a sacrifice
Can make a stone of the heart."
William Butler Yeats
Take the love that comes to you today, embrace it for all it is worth, and return it threefold, tenfold, a hundredfold. Take the joy that comes to you today, embrace it for all it is worth, and return it. Take even the sorrows that come, for not all of life can be wondrously fine and happy and laughing, and embrace them for what they're worth...
And give tomorrow unto tomorrow, for we never know if it will come at all.
Sir Winston
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03-27-2006, 12:50 PM
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#6
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Experienced
angelsrose is offline
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Augusta, Ga
Posts: 54
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by graceanne
This conversation has been argued to death. lol What we pretty much learned was that while most of us have been abused, some of us haven't. Their are people in this group who were never abused as children, their wiring is jsut different than the rest of us.
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Is there a certain thread I can look at? I have been reading a lot on here for a long, however I just joined....So I am still learning my way around.... |
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03-27-2006, 12:54 PM
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#7
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not me in the av
graceanne is offline
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Oregon, US
Posts: 27,176
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by angelsrose
Is there a certain thread I can look at? I have been reading a lot on here for a long, however I just joined....So I am still learning my way around....
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To tell the truth I tried to find it, but the search function hates me, and I'm not very patient. I do know the conversation was around the time that I first joined, if you want to look.
__________________
Think what a better world it would be if we all, the whole world,
had cookies and milk about three o'clock every afternoon and then lay down on our blankets for a nap.
~Barbara Jordan
*~*~*
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
*~*~*
A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs - jolted by every pebble on the road.
~Henry Ward Beecher
*~*~*
You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old when you stop laughing.
~Michael Pritchard
*~*~*
My Stories |
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03-27-2006, 12:56 PM
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#8
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His/His dirty lil' secret
Kajira Callista is offline
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Between Him and Him :)
Posts: 19,232
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__________________
My stuff
“Too long a sacrifice
Can make a stone of the heart."
William Butler Yeats
Take the love that comes to you today, embrace it for all it is worth, and return it threefold, tenfold, a hundredfold. Take the joy that comes to you today, embrace it for all it is worth, and return it. Take even the sorrows that come, for not all of life can be wondrously fine and happy and laughing, and embrace them for what they're worth...
And give tomorrow unto tomorrow, for we never know if it will come at all.
Sir Winston
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03-27-2006, 01:12 PM
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#9
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Experienced
angelsrose is offline
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Augusta, Ga
Posts: 54
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Thank You-
I will look at those tonight. I have found a lot of great threads on a vareity of questions that I have. I really appreciate those also taking the time to answer my questions. T/thank Y/you all who have shared you thoughts and wisdom on here. It makes things so much easier on me.
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03-27-2006, 02:01 PM
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#10
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not enough discipline ...
@}-}rebecca---- is offline
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 13,065
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Hello angelrose
Could you please send me a pm on an unrelated matter.(nothing ominous) I would have pm'd you but there is no access. Should you choose not to thats respected.
@}-}rebecca----
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