Silly Jokes

I know we've done this before, but I'm lazy.
Anyone have any good silly jokes to share?
I have a friend in need of cheering up and I'm almost out of jokes from my own cache.

I love jokes but can never remember them or tell them!

Anyway this is my very silly joke -

Whats brown and sticky?



A stick!

I know I know! Sorry!

Goldie Munro said:

I love jokes but can never remember them or tell them!

Anyway this is my very silly joke -

Whats brown and sticky?



A stick!

I know I know! Sorry!

Click to expand...

Haha!
Very Funny!

logophile said:

Haha!
Very Funny!

Click to expand...

No it wasn't - stop being kind!!

The only joke I can remember:

What happened to the guy who took Rogaine and Viagra?

He had a full head of hair but it wouldn't lay flat.

I know. Pathetic.

How can you tell an elephant's been in the refridgerator?
Footprints in the butter.

What did the mayonnaise when somebody opened the fridge door?
Close the door, I'm dressing!

entitled said:

How can you tell an elephant's been in the refridgerator?
Footprints in the butter.

What did the mayonnaise when somebody opened the fridge door?
Close the door, I'm dressing!

Click to expand...

Ah! Reminded me of another pitiful one.

What's a newlywed's favorite salad?

Lettuce alone without dressing.

Thanks Ent and Plaine Jayne!

What did Batman say to Robin before he got in the car?
Robin, get in the car.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh.

A dyslexic man walked into a bra!

The Earl

What's the last thing you do when you get to Fantasy Island?
De-plane.

*ducks and covers*

An octoganarian got married - to a gorgeous bit of young stuff.

Both sides were sceptical: "It won't work. He'll never keep up!"

But it did work ... for a while.

Then he noticed she wasn't so demanding any more...

After some thought, he went home early from work. (Didn't I say? He worked for himself.)

There she was. Spread out on the chaise longue. Flimsy neglige. Need I say more?

"I know what'd been going on" he said. "I'll find him!"

And the old man searched the penthouse for another man...

Passing the window, he glanced out - and there, 20 floors down, was a man in a sports car...

The old man rushed into the kitchen, picked up the fridge and threw it through the window.


So there's St Peter at the pearly gates...

"Good evening sir," he said, "I'm not quite sure what you've heard down there, but basically, we already have eveyrything on file except your final moments. Could you please tell me exactly how did you die?"

So the old man told the story as I've told you, ending up with, "And after I threw the fridge on him, I died of a heart attack"

"... died of a heart attack" Peter said, writing it in his notebook.

"That seems satisfactory, sir. In you go."

So up came the second guy.

"blah blah ... how did you die?"

"Bloody funny!" said the guy. "Took me new sports car out for a run and stopped for a fag - Don't believe in smoking at the wheel, dontchaknow!

"Fucking great fridge came down from nowhere and squashed me flat!"

"... and squashed me flat" repeated Peter. "That seems satisfactory, sir. In you go."

And up comes the third guy.

"... how did you die?"

"Well," says the chap.

"I was in this fridge..."

Ahahaha!

A brain and a pair of jumper cables walk into a bar and order a couple of drinks. The bartender refuses to serve them. The brain asks why.

"Well," says the bartender, "you're out of your head already, and those two look like they're about to start something."

carsonshepherd said:

Ahahaha!

Click to expand...

I know it's an old one, but I do tell it well, don't I?

[Praise whore]

There was a family of three moles living out behind a farmhouse. One morning the daddy mole wakes up and pokes his nose out of the mole-hole and sniffs around.

"I smell sausage!"

Mommy mole wakes up and pokes her nose out next to his, and sniffs.

"I smell biscuits!"

Baby mole wakes up and looks up at the entrance to the mole-hole all filled up by his parents.

"All I can smell is molasses!"

courtesy of Brian Giles, to my kids:

How did the cookie feel when he was sick?

Crumby

I love them all!
Thank you so much!!

Old Baseball saying

if at first you don't succeed, just move to DH....

Conversation between the masochist and the sadist

The masochist says, "Beat me, beat me."

The saidist replied, "No."

What Sex Position

What sex position creates the ugliest dumbest kids

Ask your parents

a man comes to work with two black eyes. his friends ask what happened.

"well i was on the escalator yesterday, and in front of me was this woman, and she had her skirt stuck in between her behind, so I pulled it out for her, and she then turned around and punched me in the left eye."

"Ouch," his friends say. "But what about the other eye?"

"Well since she obviously didn't want to have it pulled out, I put it back in..."

Whats brown and sticky?

Click to expand...

HA!!!!! This was the funniest joke EVER! I love it!!!!



Here is my silly joke:


There were two eggs in a frying pan.

One says to the other: "Wow, it's hot in here"

The other replies: "Ahhhhhh! A talking egg!"

Why do Elephants paint their toenails red?

To hide in Cherry Trees.

Did you ever see an Elephant in a Cherry Tree?

Works pretty good, doesn't it?


(I'm only the messenger )

I love that I opened this thread this morning and found so many jokes. Anybody have any more?