Get Through a Breakup

We've talked about it here and there, but I thought it might be helpful and fun to compile a thread on the topic.

Give us your best breakup strategies, resources, advice, and stories!

Well, to be honest, I was helped through my last breakup by a lot of people on the Lit boards! That was a strategy that wasn't really a strategy...that was me turning out of desperation and confusion to a longtime source of comfort...

But I do think that finding people that you can identify with, people who have been through a breakup similar to yours and who have overcome their emotional adversity (and there are always people who have) can really give you motivation and inspiration.

Don't ever start to blame yourself for anything, or else you'll never be able to move on and grow, in my opinion. Look for the silver linings and, as Eric Idle used to say, "Always look on the bright side of life... *inserts whistling*"

i think the key is to be honest with yourself through the whole process. if you can do that it makes being honest with your soon to be former SO much easier.

outside of that, make the conversation as plain, prudent and considerate as possible. good things rarely come from sugar coating things or from creating a reason for the breakup that doesn't exist. if a person's about to lose someone they care about they deserve to know why (even if you abhor them at that moment) and it makes the healing process for both people far easier.

I went sailing with a friend, he basically told me women aren't worth it and to get over it.

And although that was a nice distraction and fun, I got over it myself by keeping busy and doing positive things. Volunteering is a great way to do this I might add.

Not sure if this is the best strategy...but when this guy and I broke up in college...all I did was bury myself in schoolwork. I realized that I wasn't going to waste my energy crying over a guy and let my grades suffer. So instead I poured all my anger and frustration into studying. After all, I had a goal to graduate, not fail. Hey, tuition is expensive.
It also helped me to spend time with friends and go out to shop. No money? Well, then just go window shopping. Another way I found helpful is to keep a journal. I write everything down how I feel at that moment. It's just my way of relieving the stress.
One girlfriend of mine gets a makeover, like getting a haircut or getting highlights. This might not be for everyone but she thinks that by changing or improving something in her appearance helps her feel good about herself.
And here's a break-up story I can never forget. I have a cousin whose boyfriend cheated on her. They were together for a very long time and even lived together. Her ex-boyfriend was more settled in terms of a job and she was going to law school. The guy gave her credit cards, and she only used them for emergencies. When she found out that he cheated on her, she went shopping in the most expensive stores and maxed (don't know if I spelled that right) all of his credit cards. She said that it felt good getting her revenge, but it took her some time to get over him. She's doing great now: a sucessful lawyer, married, and has one child.

Good idea for a thread.

Having the support of my family and friends helped immensely.

When my ex-husband left me, our kids were very young. My life at the time consisted of going to work and then coming home and making sure their needs were met. I threw myself into child care to the point where my friends and family were concerned about me.

My mom was wonderful about making sure that I had some "me time"; she was there to babysit wherever I elt overwhelmed. Two of my friends went out of their way to make sure that I got out of the house, even if it was just for dinner and a movie.

As trite as it sounds, time really did help more than anything.

FaeLover said:

Well, to be honest, I was helped through my last breakup by a lot of people on the Lit boards! That was a strategy that wasn't really a strategy...that was me turning out of desperation and confusion to a longtime source of comfort...

But I do think that finding people that you can identify with, people who have been through a breakup similar to yours and who have overcome their emotional adversity (and there are always people who have) can really give you motivation and inspiration.

Don't ever start to blame yourself for anything, or else you'll never be able to move on and grow, in my opinion. Look for the silver linings and, as Eric Idle used to say, "Always look on the bright side of life... *inserts whistling*"

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This community is great for all sorts of things, but especially support, isn't it? I think commiserating with those who understand, not blaming yourself (though there's definitely something to be said for taking responsibility for your part(s) and learning so you don't repeat the past and can move on), and being optimistic are all excellent strategies. Thanks for sharing.

EJFan said:

i think the key is to be honest with yourself through the whole process. if you can do that it makes being honest with your soon to be former SO much easier.

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Agreed. Apart from being honest, is there anything (physical activities, certain thoughts or actions, etc.) you've done, or advised others to do, that's helped in the aftermath?

Nightbird said:

And although that was a nice distraction and fun, I got over it myself by keeping busy and doing positive things. Volunteering is a great way to do this I might add.

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I tend to do the same, though volunteering isn't something I've thought of specifically. Great idea, Nightbird!

onlyerics said:

<snippets>I did was bury myself in schoolwork. I realized that I wasn't going to waste my energy crying over a guy and let my grades suffer.

It also helped me to spend time with friends and go out to shop.

Another way I found helpful is to keep a journal. I write everything down how I feel at that moment. It's just my way of relieving the stress.

One girlfriend of mine gets a makeover...she thinks that by changing or improving something in her appearance helps her feel good about herself.

When she found out that he cheated on her, she went shopping in the most expensive stores and maxed (don't know if I spelled that right) all of his credit cards. She said that it felt good getting her revenge, but it took her some time to get over him.

Click to expand...

I usually throw myself into something as well, and find it helps me continue to move forward instead of dwelling on the negatives. Writing (often including a 'goodbye' letter to the person that never gets sent) and doing things for myself are also very cathartic. I'm not the revenge type because I can see that making me feel worse about myself, but it can be therapeutic to think about it.

Eilan said:

Having the support of my family and friends helped immensely.
As trite as it sounds, time really did help more than anything.

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I'm glad you have such wonderful family and friends! When my parents divorced, some of my mom's friends dropped off the face of the Earth...I think they just didn't know what to say or do, so they chose nothing, and that really added to my mom's pain.

Maybe it's odd, but I take a lot of comfort in knowing it'll ease in time. I usually think, 'It's going to get a little better with each minute, hour, day, week, etc., so every moment I make it through is one step closer to less pain.'

SweetErika said:

Agreed. Apart from being honest, is there anything (physical activities, certain thoughts or actions, etc.) you've done, or advised others to do, that's helped in the aftermath?

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the first thing that pops into my melon on this is to continue with as close to a normal daily routine as possible. there's already a huge change happening... no need to exacerbate things by altering all of the things that have come to define an "ordinary" day.

Well i just joined Literotica but didn't think one of my first posts would be this. LOL .

I agree with the other posts about throwing yourself into work. That does help,at least with me anyway.Plus my paycheck was bigger!!One of the biggest no-no's is to stay home alone and feel sorry for yourself. Get out and do something--anything. Even walking around the block when you feel really down does wonders. Go vist friends,family, whoever. Just get out and get active. Next thing you know, a year has past and you feel better!!

When my ex broke up with me, i befriended the ex-girlfriend he had left me for... She cheated on his constantly so it was enjoyable to see him suffer, and his limits were always tested when i was around because he and i still had sexual tension... so it was always interesting to see what would come of things whe "she" was not around.

Other than that i have never had anyone break up with me, i am always the one that does the breaking up. But i have found in times of mourning (and really thats what u do at the end of a relationship) lots of very loud angry music, screaming to the lyrics and doing energetic stuff helps me, i also found that putting extra pillows in my bed helped me sleep with the absense of my partner and i also seemed to wake up in a better mood with these aids as well.

Also if u have the money something that makes u feel different or unlike what u usually are is good as well (a new piercings, tattoo, haircut, haircolour, etc etc etc), and then there is always the age old tactic of going out getting drunk and bringing a random cute stranger home (not my thing but works for others), personally i prefer going to an adult store and buying lots of new toys, but thats prob cause the hardest thing for me to cope with is the loss of sexual activity after a break up.

I dunno, just some things that helped me.

Actually I find trying to ignore it by keeping busy/throwing myself into work doesn't work. Only makes things worse for me because it throws the balance off between my emotions/ rational logic. I find if I give myself permission to feel the emotions...what ever they may be...just completely unabandoned 'feeling'...for a predetermined time (say this weekend...or non-work hours...or at night when I'm in bed before going to sleep)...that I'm able to compartmentalize my emotions better and get on with my life the rest of the time. Works for me....most of the time.

How to get through a break up?

1. Do something that will piss your ex off no end. Something that will make them hate you utterly. That way they'll never call you or want to see you again. Then wait 2 months. At that point you should be well and through your break up.

Get drunk, load all your budies into the van, drive 20 minutes to her house and cover the windows, undersides of door handles and hood of her car with cherry scented anal lube.

Something I know too much about

I've been dumped a couple of times and I found that I spent an aweful lot of time dwelling on my first breakup, I tried burrying myself in work, but work gets repetitive and therefore leaves my mind open to think as my hands work. So I still dwelt. On my second breakup the thing I did right was I got angry over it on my own, and that night went out with my best friends, we went down town and had a BLAST, we didn't let the girls catch our eyes, and just got so into it that my mind had no time to mull it over. After I was back into a reasonable mood I was able to talk to someone about it, and that gives resolution...even if you don't like it, it helps you to accept that thier gone, so no matter how much you like to pen your problems up (like I do) you should really talk to someone.

So that's my experience, and what's worked for me...