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Old 02-18-2002, 12:19 PM   #1276
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That Above is Me

*sighs* Lit has it in for me today.
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Old 02-18-2002, 01:50 PM   #1277
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Beautiful Geri! i loved reading how you described your relationship. it is wonderful to feel that pride (among other things) isn't it, and to know it isn't false or misplaced... we are truely blessed!
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Old 02-18-2002, 03:30 PM   #1278
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very much so. and it was only when i let go of the attention getting pride of my past life and settled for the pride my Master gave me that i truly knew what that word meant. i had always thought pride meant taking a 'look at me' attitude but now i know it is something much deeper and with more staying power than that and it has freed me from caring what others thought of me and being vunerable to that hurt. now i only care what one man thinks of me and He makes sure i know any mistakes i make are taken care of and then forgotten. it does not have to be held over my head.
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Old 02-18-2002, 08:39 PM   #1279
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Quote:
Originally posted by mskittykatt
Even if she did run around and tell the rest of her peers, what does that change for me? in fact it could help in the above mentioned situation where she may not be the doctor that responds to an emergency. i am not ashamed of myself, or what i was considering...
This is fine and well...in theory.

I, personally, don't want to give any ammo to someone who tends to take out hostility on patients. While I like to think that all professionals are actually professional, I know damned good and well that this is not the case. If I go to the ER for a broken hip from something that unrelated to my sexual practices, then I don't want prejudice against me to give the asshole who elects not to lube up the NG or urinary catheter. I don't want to be bound unnecessarily to a back board and left there longer than is needed. I don't want to be passed over in favor of someone who is more socially acceptable.
When it comes to the realities of health care, AS A TRAUMA HEALTH CARE WORKER, I am telling you that too much knowledge about a patient is not a good thing.
If it doesn't relate to the situation, it does not keed to be known.

An example. I am completely against abortion in all cases. I can see no circumstance where it is morally allowable. Ever. I remember a patient who came in to the ER and when I asked the pregnancy status of her (she was maybe 20 or 21), she told me she just wasn't. Because of the huge volumes of women who lie about this to health care professionals, we have to get nosy. I asked her last menstrual period. She stated it was 4 months earlier. I asked her if she was taking any meds that would alter her periods. Nope. Then she tells me, "Oh, just don't tell my mom, I had an abortion this weekend!" She had a smile on her face. At that moment, I, personally, wanted to knock that fucking smile off her face. BUT, I am professional enough that I remarked that I heard the back phone ringing and left the room for a few minutes to compose myself, returned, did what I had to with the same quality as every other patient gets, and shipped her out.
I am professional and caring about my patient's rights and immaturities and mistakes. I do my best to not let my own prejudices in the way of providing the best health care I can give at the moment.

Remember, your hospital/doctor's office staff is going to be made up of people from the community and the common prejudices and attitudes that are held in general outside the hospital/office will also be held within.

You should not be afraid to tell what needs to be told. But don't be stupid about it either.
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Old 02-18-2002, 09:54 PM   #1280
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It is an honor of its own kind, being Master to such an adoring slave... *smiles lovingly*

And, yes... seeing her words of praise is very, very good for me.
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Old 02-18-2002, 10:13 PM   #1281
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BlondGirl,
thanks for the input there, i hope it serves others well, in thier decisions to tell, or not to tell thier doctors.
for me, i made the only choice i could have and should have... if what i was thinking about went wrong because i didn't have the information, it would have meant necessary (for my body to function correctly) reconstructive surgery.
i agree though, it's necessary to weigh the potential outcome with the action carefully.
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Old 02-18-2002, 10:20 PM   #1282
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Re: Preparation for a Scene

I can only speak from my own experience, however, I must say that a poorly planned scene or a scene where the Dom/me leaves too many variables to be decided by the sub is a very disappointing scene.

For me, if the Dom gives me a few specific instructions for a scene, that is all I need. For example: "For Saturday, do not shave for a week. Wear your black leather corset. Be sure that you have child care until Sunday evening."

I don't necessarily want to know the rest of what is planned or be asked on Saturday, "Do you feel like some spanking or a riding crop tonight?"

This sort of behavior is disheartening for me regardless of whether it is due to "consideration" or poor planning.
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Old 02-19-2002, 01:14 AM   #1283
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Re: Re: Preparation for a Scene

Quote:
Originally posted by MissTaken
I can only speak from my own experience, however, I must say that a poorly planned scene or a scene where the Dom/me leaves too many variables to be decided by the sub is a very disappointing scene.

For me, if the Dom gives me a few specific instructions for a scene, that is all I need. For example: "For Saturday, do not shave for a week. Wear your black leather corset. Be sure that you have child care until Sunday evening."

I don't necessarily want to know the rest of what is planned or be asked on Saturday, "Do you feel like some spanking or a riding crop tonight?"

This sort of behavior is disheartening for me regardless of whether it is due to "consideration" or poor planning.
Oh... some variables can be good... I've been letting my sub decide which "percussion" instrument I should use on him. The choice was between crop, flogger or hands and he was already bound.
Another fun game is using a die to determine the instruments of torment

But you're right MissTaken, those variables are planned to enhance the scene. It only seems that the sub is free to decide, when in fact he has to chose between 2 or more evils

I enjoy planning a scene so much... why should I forgo this pleasure. OK sometimes even a domme is too lazy to plan an elaborate scene, but then there are always "default" things to do.

Monika
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Old 02-19-2002, 02:09 PM   #1284
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this one is discovering the world of BDSM and learning about herself in the process, finding herself and discovering her hidden sides. she is alone and has no Master in her journey.

Forgive, but this one is not fully educated about the subjects of BDSM and does not fully understand what she has read.

If it please, what is a 'scene'? this one has an idea, but it is not fully complete. she wishes to know and understand.

Many thanks for your kind patience.

this one
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Old 02-19-2002, 03:22 PM   #1285
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Originally posted by Unregistered
this one is discovering the world of BDSM and learning about herself in the process, finding herself and discovering her hidden sides. she is alone and has no Master in her journey.


Welcome aboard, unregistered. As has been advised to others who curiously peeked in, how about you register and get a name we can call you by? It is free and anonymous.

To discover your submissive side without a significant other (short SO) to accompany you on this journey may make things a little more difficult - but definitely not impossible. Actually it is in far parts a journey yo uhave to find yourself in - and thins is something that after all you have to do on your own mostly, so to not have a Master at this early stage sure should not prevent you from taking further steps on the road to BDSM.

Specially in this thread you will find all different lifestyle followers, different life circumstances and different views and approaches - just as you are allowed to take the freedom to discover what feels well for you ... so again , welcome, and make yourself comfortable here. Ask and ask more and if you feel like it some more after that - we will try to answer as good as we can.

Forgive, but this one is not fully educated about the subjects of BDSM and does not fully understand what she has read.

If it please, what is a 'scene'? this one has an idea, but it is not fully complete. she wishes to know and understand.


A "scene" as has been refered to above is a certain preset "frame" that will enclose the kind of playing that will occur. The "scene" preparations hold as well the physical attributes, like where will things take place (in the bedroom or living room, in a hotel, in the woods), what toys, tools will be used (ropes or cuffs, a whipn or a flogger or nothing at all, blindfolds or hoods etc.), how long will it take ( a few hours, all night, a whole weekend), who will be involved (just the two lovers or more people).

To make the power exchange a genuinely enjoyable experience for many people that requires a "scene" in which that power exchange takes place after the preset rules and limits. It does set that BDSM play time apart from the daily routine and simply allows to prepatre more elaborate expressions of BDSM than a spontaneous over the knee barehanded spanking.

Many thanks for your kind patience.

this one


You are welcome - and hey *winks* bettter be aptient yourself since there is so much to read you sure will be busy a while ... plus some of *eyeing my own post suspiciously*us can get quite longwinded with topics close to our hearts *s*
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Old 02-19-2002, 05:07 PM   #1286
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Quote:
Originally posted by Unregistered
this one is discovering the world of BDSM and learning about herself in the process, finding herself and discovering her hidden sides. she is alone and has no Master in her journey.

Forgive, but this one is not fully educated about the subjects of BDSM and does not fully understand what she has read.

If it please, what is a 'scene'? this one has an idea, but it is not fully complete. she wishes to know and understand.

Many thanks for your kind patience.

this one
Welcome! I'm just guessing here, but by the *feel* of your post, I'm thinking that you might be interested in Gorean lifestyles, in which slaves refer to themselves in the abstract as "this one." There is much overlap between Gorean life and BDSM, and there are some points of divergence, at least in the minds of some people.

I'm not a Gorean lifestyler, but I became interested in the subject many months ago when SteamyChik and others started a conversation about it. So, I've done just enough research to be hopelessly uninformed. In any case, you might be interested in checking out the Gorean discussion forums on the net. The following link is a good place to start, an active community, and one in which slaves have voice, in their place ()and in their own ways.

Gorean Forums

I hope that's helpful or of interest, and welcome to the conversation.
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Old 02-19-2002, 09:21 PM   #1287
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this one did not know that anything like Gor existed before your mention of it. this one is simply expressing herself in the most humble manner she can, because she has so little knowledge of this subject. Additionally, she is trying to experience humility of self in her exploring of her hidden side.

this one believes that identification with the ego has had negative effects on her, and seeks to humble and find herself. she would like to discover herself and educate herself before seeking a Master so that she can be a better gift for a Master in the future.

Gor is a subject that this one will learn about now that her eyes have been opened to its existence. There is much to learn.

this one thanks the members of this thread for their kindness and patience.
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Old 02-19-2002, 09:59 PM   #1288
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Gor novels, Hm?

Read a couple of them when I was a teenager. Decent writing, even if the prose was a tad clunky. Kind of reminded me of the "John Carter, Warlord of Mars" stuff by Burroughs<sp?>, but somewhat racier. I think I've got some yellow cord around here somewhere.....

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Old 02-19-2002, 11:35 PM   #1289
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I agree MissTaken...

I much prefer that Hiimself give me some specific instructions, such as...

be naked, blindfolded and do not speak...

or whatever...

I need that anticipation, and I need to give him the power to decide what is going to happen, the direction of the scene...

At some other point in time, we may discuss what my needs are, or how I feel about something that he does, or what he needs from me, or how he feels about certain things that happen during a scene, or how I feel about things...

This is never done during the scene.

I need Himself to be aware of whether the restraints are too tight and cutting off the circulation, or whatever... I find this just to be too distracting if I have to think about those things...

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

On another note, I have to tell you about the beautiful restraints that I made for Himself for Valentines Day.....

I found some thin white nylon rope at Wal-Mart... and some split rings in the craft department... (seems they don't make the solid rings in the craft dept any more).... and calling on my old macrame skills, I fashioned some wrist restraints... I am going to try to get a picture of them this weekend and post it here so you can see...

I think all told, they cost me about $6.00 to make the pair, and that includes the cost of the snap fasteners...

I think all you Dom/mes will really like them..

I want to welcome all the new voices, it makes it very interesting around here...
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Old 02-20-2002, 11:46 PM   #1290
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Lightbulb More "cheap" toys.

Quote:
Originally posted by cellis

On another note, I have to tell you about the beautiful restraints that I made for Himself for Valentines Day.....

I found some thin white nylon rope at Wal-Mart... and some split rings in the craft department... (seems they don't make the solid rings in the craft dept any more).... and calling on my old macrame skills, I fashioned some wrist restraints... I am going to try to get a picture of them this weekend and post it here so you can see...

I think all told, they cost me about $6.00 to make the pair, and that includes the cost of the snap fasteners...

I think all you Dom/mes will really like them..

I want to welcome all the new voices, it makes it very interesting around here...
Great idea cellis. Another way to make a set of "cheap" cuffs is with extra wide velcro. Just attach a couple of rings using carpet thread and you're all set. {Although a good set of leather cuffs is a not just a luxury. Consider investing in your subs "comfort."}

A few more ideas for economical playthings.....

An old broom stick handle becomes a useful spreader bar with the addition of a couple of eye hooks. {pre-drill to prevent cracking}

A mesquite spoon makes a wonderful paddle and can be left in plain sight.

A riding crop from a tack shop cost about $6 compared to the exact same item purchased at your local Kinky Kingdom for $20.

And have you checked out the little wand used to open and close your mini blinds? Most likely it is made of lexan and is a nice little cane.

Almost forgot...... hair "rubber bands" and nail files are great for those CBT fans out there.


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It's not pain; it's extreme sensation.
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Old 02-21-2002, 12:08 AM   #1291
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Excellent suggestions, MysCynthia! I'm sure my geri will be most... grateful for the ideas. *smiles slowly* One question, though... what does CBT stand for?
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Old 02-21-2002, 12:20 AM   #1292
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Quote:
Originally posted by Magister
Excellent suggestions, MysCynthia! I'm sure my geri will be most... grateful for the ideas. *smiles slowly* One question, though... what does CBT stand for?
Sorry Magister, CBT stands for cock and ball torture.
A wonderful place to use those stray pieces of thin, silky rope left over from other projects. Also a pretty display piece for colored clothes pins.

A word of caution; this is a delicate area and we wouldn't want to do any real damage so proceed slowly and just do what feels "good" {evil grin}



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Old 02-21-2002, 12:32 AM   #1293
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MsCynthia:

I love your signature line. In fact, just last night I was coming out to a friend of mine and used nearly the same phrases.

"It isn't really pain." is what I told him. I also explained to him that it isn't the pain that makes the relationship, it is the power exchange. This concept was difficult for my non BDSM friend to understand, but as a good friend, he listened and was supportive.

I discovered something about myself last night, something exciting as well as frightening. My friend visited to spend time with me. We have been sleeping together occasionally since last summer. Just two friends fighting the loneliness bugs off.

My discovery. I can't go back. I couldn't enjoy the sex without the kink, without the pain. Even after teaching my friend what to do, it still was less than satisfying .

So today has been a day of introspect.

Perhaps this too personal for the board, I hope all understand and can be tolerant with my sharing too much information.
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Old 02-21-2002, 08:34 AM   #1294
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I have read this thread with interest and sometimes despair. I have been a sub in earlier life. I enjoyed it. I miss it. My concern is that many people new to the lifestyle read this thread for advice. It worries me that this thread only deals with the sexual selves of the Dom/mes and subs who post here. Elsewhere on the board, these same people talk about the books they have read, movies they have seen, friends they have visited, children they drive to school and a multitude of other daily trivia that fills everyone's lives.

The following statements are based on my humble opinion only.

We are made of many selves. We have work, social, parent, child, business, sexual personas. It is unhealthy for only one persona - our sexual self, to rule our lives. Balance in everything for a happy life.

I miss being in a D/s relationship. When I lived in the outback, I missed going to the theatre too. I found ways to compensate just as I do with my sexuality. I read, go to the theatre, work hard, enjoy a tender, loving relationship with my partner. I lead a full happy life. I do not spend my life seeking perfection. It isn't there. Everyone's life has spaces. It's about working with what you have rather than continually seeking greener pastures.

Vaginal stitches? Bladder repairs? I'm sorry - if you EXPECT to end up in ER at some stage then your lifestyle is unhealthy. I still have friends who practise the BDSM lifestyle. One lady I know who is only 43 has to wear a catheter thanks to edge play. Surprise, surprise - no Dom is lining up to be her Master.

Age is not kind to women in BDSM, at least not here in Australia where it is a small culture. There are WAY more subs than Doms. I don't know any female subs over 45 who are in a full-time BDSM relationship. The competition is fierce and the young flesh wins.

I am astounded that people have so much time to plan scenes and then spend whole weekends acting them out. When I was a sub, I was a student. I realise I had far more time to explore the lifestyle than I do now. I wouldn't/couldn't give up my work. I can't even find time to wash the dishes. I would like to be tied up but I'm damned if I know where I would find the time to go buy some rope let alone spend hours trying different knots in different positions.

My comments are directed at sentiments expressed throughout this thread. I just felt a little perspective was needed.
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Old 02-21-2002, 08:43 AM   #1295
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Quote:
Originally posted by CRaZy
My concern is that many people new to the lifestyle read this thread for advice. It worries me that this thread only deals with the sexual selves of the Dom/mes and subs who post here. Elsewhere on the board, these same people talk about the books they have read, movies they have seen, friends they have visited, children they drive to school and a multitude of other daily trivia that fills everyone's lives....
Gee. Since this is a thread DEVOTED to SM as the topic, I don't think that reading books to my child would be an appropriate thing to bring up here. SM for me is essentially sexual. And there is a thick wall between that and my parenting, as well as other areas of my life.
Oh wait. I like to cook. Perhaps I should post my tamale recipe here. Put enough peppers in it and it would fall under the category of pleasurable pain.
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Old 02-21-2002, 09:09 AM   #1296
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Quote:
Originally posted by BlondGirl


Oh wait. I like to cook. Perhaps I should post my tamale recipe here. Put enough peppers in it and it would fall under the category of pleasurable pain.

LOLOL. Actually, the recipe sounds great. I noticed that a lot of people post here but nowhere
else on the boards. I therefore suspect that some people do not read other threads to realise that the people here have many other facets. You could do a food and BDSM topic if you liked though. Torturing a sub by forcing her to eat chocolate till she begged for no more? Oh wait, in some cases that might not ever happen. You'd have to loosen the damn ropes. Bit of a nuisance that.
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Old 02-21-2002, 10:16 AM   #1297
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Hello Crazy.

I've known you since my earliest days on this board, and know you from another slipstream place, too. It's good to see you here, good to hear your perspective and nod my head to some of the valid concerns you bring up.

I'm 45.
I've been doing BDSM for all the years i've been sexually active.
I'm just out of (a) a 21 year marriage to a totally vanilla man, one whom i love but who would never, will never, see my sexual needs as anything but a sick abberation and (b) a three year collared relationship with a Dominant.

For the first time in my life, i'm free to make adult choices based on what i need and want and hope for and desire.

I have kids, 50% custody of two wonderful children. Soon i'll begin another teaching job. I have many vanilla friends and family. I, too, could post about reading to my son at night or the recipe for the really great cioppino i make for guests... but that's not what this thread is about.

It's about finding strength in numbers, knowing we're not alone in our needs, and learning from the questions and experiences that others bring here. I'm sure your 45 year old subbie friend with the cath does have problems finding a Dom, Crazy, and i am sorry for that. All of us who don't meet that mythic standard of perfect desireability have a bit of trouble here and there, don't we? However, so do the Dominants. I haven't noticed too many Dominants who are specimens of Perfect Dominant Wonderfulness running round loose lately - and i've been looking!

I've met a bunch of very nice ones in the last month of so. I met a whole handful of them last Sunday, at my local munch. I seem to have narrowed my personal field to one of them, to be honest. Is he "perfect"? Well, he's about as a perfect as i am - no, not perfect but definitly pretty damn good. At least for each other.

Crazy?
I was in a nilla marriage for 21 years.
After three years, i had to seek elsewhere to appease the need that ran through my veins like acid. I stayed in that marriage because he didn't want me to go, for 18 years after that, all of that time horribly conflicted between my desire to be honest and truthful with him, and meeting the need that would not be denied, a sexual need that was as much a part of me as are the freckles over my nose.

Finally, i knew i couldn't do it anymore, couldn't live as two very ddifferent women who happened to be sharing the same skin. I'll never do it again, that denial of basic parts of myself to please someone else.

This is one of my life's truths: I cannot find what i need on a very basic level in a vanilla sexual relationship.

You can, Crazy. More power to you, sista.
I cannot. MissT cannot. Others cannot.
The world would be boring if we were all alike.



(Welcome back to Lit, Crazy. I hope you're going to stay.)
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Old 02-21-2002, 10:26 AM   #1298
alltherage
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What do you do when you attempt to be true to yourself only to find that your uncertain about what the true is? I am bi, truely bi, and I have wrestled with this for years. I have friends who suggest to me that I am lesbian and afraid to admit it and others who tell me that I am really straight but afraid of commitment. There view is that my bi-sexuality keeps me from truely committing to a realtionship. In my heart I know that they are wrong but for the life of me I don't know the truth myself. I know that finding a lasting relationship will be very difficult. Most people I meet consider monogomy to be a vital part of long term relationships. It is difficult to give anyone that when my desires dictate that I have more than one lover. I ask myself often if I am selfish in this view. Perhaps I am but I also know it is part of the truth of me that I love sex with both genders. I wish my life were simpler.
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Old 02-21-2002, 10:42 AM   #1299
P. B. Walker
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I have a question, and if I'm stepping on toes or being out of line, please let me know. I don't mean to insult anyone or anything like that. I'm just curious after reading some of the recent posts about not being able to live without BDSM. Well, not so much live without it, but rather not being able to enjoy a sexual encounter that does not include elements of BDSM. So my question is...

Was there something that caused this situation in you (i.e., some event in your life or something in your upbringing) or do you feel that this was something you were born with? I guess this is similar to the debate about homosexuals being born that way or did their upbringing cause them to be that way. I'm not homosexual, but I know many people that are (many very close friends in fact). From my discussions with them, I believe that it's something they are born with. It's just part of their physical and mental make up. And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying there is anything wrong with it. It's like being born with blue eyes instead of green eyes. It's something beyond your control.

Do the people that said they cannot live without BDSM feel that it was something they were born with or is it a learned behavior?

If this is something that has been debated in this thread before, please let me know, and I'll start reading. I just know this thread is huge and I don't have the time to read 20 or 30 pages of posts. But this really does interest me. I've been interested in the D/s world quite a bit and have mixed feelings on where I would fit into it. Or if I even fit in at all.

Anyhoo... thanks for indulging a "not-so-vanilla" guy asking questions

- PBW
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Old 02-21-2002, 10:47 AM   #1300
geri
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Quote:
Originally posted by this one
this one did not know that anything like Gor existed before your mention of it. this one is simply expressing herself in the most humble manner she can, because she has so little knowledge of this subject. Additionally, she is trying to experience humility of self in her exploring of her hidden side.

this one believes that identification with the ego has had negative effects on her, and seeks to humble and find herself. she would like to discover herself and educate herself before seeking a Master so that she can be a better gift for a Master in the future.

Gor is a subject that this one will learn about now that her eyes have been opened to its existence. There is much to learn.

this one thanks the members of this thread for their kindness and patience.

just a thought here.

i could not have come to admit much less practice what was in my soul until Magister came along and helped me free myself. He did not expect me (does not expect me) to be the perfect slave. indeed, much of the joy and pleasure W/we share is due to the growth in both of U/us in our prespective roles.

what i am trying to say (in more words than necessary perhaps) is not to deny yourself a Master if you truly desire it simply because you want to be the perfect slave before getting one. it is through the Master's hand that we become that perfect slave that is if W/we are careful and truly get a Master that is right for us, complements our own personalities, wants and needs.

it is in building a slave that the Master grows and that the relationship prospers. just make sure you are truthful with any perspective Master and that you are both on the same wavelength. Magister and i were friends long before our D/s relationship developed and so W/we knew at the time that the relationship was right. in fact one of His most delightful tasks was to redirect my worldly pride and retrain me to want only the pride that was given from Him.

just my thoughts on the subject. i wish you all the luck in the world in finding your place in this lifestyle. it can be very rewarding with the right Master.
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Last edited by geri : 02-21-2002 at 10:50 AM.
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