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Old 02-15-2002, 02:58 PM   #1251
MissTaken
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With all due respect to the Doms/Dommes posting, I found this little piece of hilarity on another site and wanted to share. (I do hope it hasn't been posted before. If so, sorry.)


The Sub's Blackboard Lessons

*I will not yell the safeword in the grocery store.
*I will not call Master "Dr. Death."
*I will not use Master's gags to keep the children quiet.
*I will not peek out of the blindfold.
*There is no such thing as "sub immunity."
*I will NOT wear panties.
*I wil not use Master's bondage table as a skateboard ramp or a slide into the pool.
*"All the other Dom's let their subs do it" is not a valid excuse.
*"Ow. That hurt!* is not may safeword.
* I will not suggest we paint the ceiling biege when lying bound on my back.

Okay. Now that I have posted something in such poor taste, I will scoot out of here !

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Old 02-15-2002, 04:22 PM   #1252
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LOL...That's too Funny.
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Old 02-15-2002, 05:10 PM   #1253
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I think it's funny but then again, I'm a sub.

But seriously, I don't have much time right now, but I wanted to thank you all for the advice.

I also have a theory on why other people get so upset by what we do. I don't really have time to go into it now, but I will when I get a chance. It may be Mon. or Tues. before I get to it as I have a lot planned this weekend. And, it involves some personal experience, so I have to come up with an unrecognizable way to say it.

Thanks again,
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Old 02-16-2002, 03:45 AM   #1254
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Today i came out to another nilla person in my life. My doctor.

I told my mother last summer, if you’ll recall, and that went well. Emboldened by that success, and scared, too, by that visit to the ER last summer, i decided a while ago that i was going to need to tell my doc about my being a masosub. Today it was time for my annual and i decided i was going to tell her then, when we had a long appointment, so i could have enough time to say it in the way i felt it needed to be said, and without any rushing.

So… i went in there this morning.
The nurse did the usual height/weight/temp/blood pressure thing.
Then changed and sat on the exam table in the little paper gown they give you so you can pretend you’re not totally naked.

Cindy, my doctor, came in. She and i are friends, kinda sorta. We’re the same age, had breast reductions in the same month, she’s delivered both my kids, she confessed her lesbianism to me four or five years ago, i call her Cindy. We’re friends as much as anyone is friends with their doctor, anyway.

She frowned at me and told me that blood pressure was way too high and she’d have to see me again next week to check it.

I told her it might be a good idea to check it again after I got done telling her what I needed to tell her.

She sat down to listen.

And i told her.

I stumbled around a little bit; she really knew very little about BDSM and less than that about sexual masochism and it was hard to find the starting place in our discussion. You know, the starting place is that place where you’re both about equal in knowledge, the place you move from in what you’re telling them. But i found it and we talked.

The talking got easier as she understood more. I relaxed. She relaxed. In the end, we both agreed that IF i need her skills at any time down the road, it will be better for both of us that she already knows about me than to try to figure it out in the middle of an emergency.

She took almost no notes, explaining to me that, essentially, all her records are open to the insurance company to look at when they wish to look at them. The only thing she wrote in her notes that pertained to what i’d told her about myself was the rather cryptic phrase (so she thinks) “edge player”. She said that will remind her of the entirety of the conversation we had when she sees it.

She said, too, that it was good for her to know about the marks i might have. By law, physicians have to report what they consider to be suspicions of abuse, even if you say it is not. (Some of you in settled relationships out there might want to think about this one.)

So she finished the yearly. Those things are never fun, are they?

Then she took my blood pressure again.
It was back down.
We both laughed and i left.

Think about coming out to your doc.
It feels… quietly elating to not have to keep this from the person responsible for my health care, you know?
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Old 02-16-2002, 03:59 AM   #1255
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Cym,

I am in awe of you, a sub who plans so carefully and methodically but of course I know all subs are so brave, it is their bravery i am fortunate to test but you amaze me as you wrestle with your life.

When i return to America, can we have coffee?
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Old 02-16-2002, 10:16 AM   #1256
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Cymbidia, once again we stand, or is it kneel? in pride with you, to you. Heck, you know what I am saying.
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Old 02-16-2002, 10:56 AM   #1257
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Once again, cym, I draw strength and encouragement from your words... In a week I go to see a new OB/GYN and I know that I will have to tell her a little about my lifestyle... The very thought of it has given me a great deal of anxiety...

I am most fearful because while Himself and I play rough, I am taking a medication that makes the bruising worse than normal... He has only to grab me and I have a large area of bruising... and if the MD could see me today, she would surely feel compelled to call the police... (She says as she gingerly rubs her sore ass! )

While Himself and I have discussed this and agreed to try to keep the bruising down until after I see the MD, it is still terribly frightening to have to disclosed this to another person... especially when I will be meeting her for the first time...

So cym, thanks for sharing your story with all of us....
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Old 02-16-2002, 11:38 AM   #1258
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cellis, remember when you talk with her -remember!- that you are doing no wrong in the expression of your sexuality. It is not a thing to be ashamed of, we who do this with others like ourselves, safely, sanely, and consensually. Don't be ashamed. Don't act as if you are awaiting her judgement. Hold your head up and speak your truth clearly, with your own inner strength, and with the understanding that no one can make us feel bad about ourselves unless we alllow it. You already know this, cellis. We all do.

But remember it, keep it close to your heart, when you're in there talking about this with your new doctor.

When i told Cindy, i began by telling her that i knew -since i already knew she was was lesbian and had grown up in San Francisco- she had some knowledge of "alternative sexualities". I went from there, from lesbianism as an alternative sexuality to a more extreme kind of thing, something still very much in the closet - BDSM.

I explained what the acronym meant, explained the SSC acronym, and then went into what sexual masochism was in regard to the sort of marks she might see on me from time to time. I told her about ending up in the ER twice in 30 years of doing this.

As i talked, and she responded intelligently, sympathetically, and the telling became easier. But it was hard to begin, to get those first words out - and she is my friend, my doctor of years.

If my blood pressure was elevated in anticipation of telling her, i cannot imagine what heights yours has risen to in the anticipation of telling such a personal matter to a stranger. You're brave, cellis. That it's a necessary thing you do, this telling, doesn't lessen the courage you show in following through.


Nessus? When you return to America, i would love to have coffee with you. Perhaps you'll allow me to buy you dinner and we can sit and watch people walk by and talk for hours.


Merelan, you confuse me. Stand? Kneel? Sometimes i feel that you are making fun of me. But no, you are not. Are you?
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Old 02-16-2002, 12:30 PM   #1259
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Never dear cymbidia. Can never, ever make fun of you. I was only confused as to how I should show pride in your "bravery". Normally I would stand and salute you, but I thought maybe kneeling was more appropriate.

I wrote that before caffeine, so maybe was confused.
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Old 02-16-2002, 06:02 PM   #1260
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When choosing professionals to enter your life, if you are in a major city such as Houston, you might want to check the Kink-yellow pages. It is full of listings of people who are kink-friendly.
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Old 02-16-2002, 06:17 PM   #1261
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You could go to your local munch and ask there, or, if you don't want to go to the munch, you could email people from your local munch area and ask them if they know anyone to recommend.
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Old 02-16-2002, 07:27 PM   #1262
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Quote:
Originally posted by Unregistered
You could go to your local munch and ask there, or, if you don't want to go to the munch, you could email people from your local munch area and ask them if they know anyone to recommend.


The Local munch can be a great place for info....................Look one up..........
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Old 02-16-2002, 09:46 PM   #1263
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Thanks for the input BlondGirl and Wizard...

I did check the MD's listed as being kink-friendly, unfortunately none of them are under my insurance plan... so I tried to choose a female MD, who was about my same age... surely she has seen a thing or two in her time...

Thanks, cym, for your support... I know who I am and am not ashamed of how I choose to live my life or my sexuality... It is just difficult to explain these things to strangers, as all of you well know...
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Old 02-17-2002, 01:38 AM   #1264
Natalie Nessus
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Preparation for the Scene

For Dommes & Doms.


It is important to plan, yes? The steps are important. let us discuss the steps?

The subs think they control the scene in their minds, it is nice to take that away
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Old 02-17-2002, 01:57 AM   #1265
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Good topic, Nessus.

I feel preparation is crucial. Spontaneity is fine, in its place, but I prefer to have everything carefully planned out ahead of time. I don't want to have to spare any thought or attention to anything but my slave when I am putting her through her paces.

I don't think that geri thinks she controls anything in her mind, but she has fooled me before.. *grins* ...for a little while, anyway.

I look forward to hearing from more experienced Dom/mes on this topic. Thank you for posing it.
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Old 02-17-2002, 03:01 AM   #1266
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Re: Preparation for the Scene

Quote:
Originally posted by Nessus
For Dommes & Doms.


It is important to plan, yes? The steps are important. let us discuss the steps?

The subs think they control the scene in their minds, it is nice to take that away
Yep... it's very important to plan...
I usually start with the general layout of the scene. I think about the intensity of the things I'm going to do with that specific sub. And then I put the things together, it's almost like directing a play on stage. When the flow of the scene feels natural I know I'm done.
Of course... I make sure that my little subbie is in for a few surprises and never knows what to expect. I work a lot with mind fucks. So I might drop hints some time before the actual scene, that gets the subbie's mind working.

I like planing a scene, it's part of the fun for me.

Monika
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Old 02-17-2002, 04:15 AM   #1267
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I have tried it as a spontaneous play session and a well planned production. I prefer planned. I have an idea of where I want to go, how to build on intensity and how to manipulate the mind fuck. I am also very secretive about my plans. I keep things hidden and love to use blindfolds and ear plugs.

Another thing I like about planning is the safety factor. I can think things through far enough to know what to do if something goes wrong. Way different strategy and set up for fisting than violet wand stimulation.
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Old 02-17-2002, 07:35 AM   #1268
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Smile hello!

Hello and well met everyone!
I did try to read through this whole thread and got 20 something pages into it, and lost my place
so please forgive me, and direct me if you please, to a page or general area if the questions I raise have already been covered in the pages I have missed.
I am the very well kept pet of Lord Sannion. We met here at Lit, and live close enough to make meeting in real life a good possibility.
I am in a long term committed relationship with another man. Both know of, and accept each other, in fact they are getting along splendidly. They both understand what desires and needs the other fill for me, and are comfortable with this situation.
my question is this, although my boyfriend is interested in BDSM a little bit, enjoys the things weve played with for him its just bedroom play. This is where Lord Sannion comes in. He is my Master not only in the bedroom, but in every aspect of my life. Everything beautiful in me is shaped by his loving, firm hand.
Our connection is deep, emotional and spiritual in nature. We have thus far been denied the physical, and work together on the others - emotional and spiritual. The needs I fill for him are as complex and wonderful as the ones he fills for me. We compliment each other in nearly every way.
So far, I have seen lots of talk of what bondage and toys to use, but not much on anything but the physical lightly touching on emotional aspects of this lifestyle. I can have the bedroom play, with anyone for the most part. Although much fun, it is not fulfilling in the most important ways. I have a deep, core desire to please, to serve, and to obey. To be kept in all ways. To be nourished spiritually and emotionally by someone who has the same passions for D/s that I do. (my boyfriend does these things naturally in our relationship, fills many other emotional needs) it is the passion in our relationship for D/s that connects Lord Sannion and I. Is this different for me, then other subs, Or do people just not speak of it as openly as I do?

(edited to complete sentances sorry)
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Old 02-17-2002, 08:01 AM   #1269
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i tried to edit my original post but netscape had other ideas =/ anyway, i forgot to mention my experiance with coming out to my doc.
my tastes run a little on the extreme side, for someone who has no interest or experience in a similar sort of lifestyle. the question i had to ask her involved something extreme, even for me and to do that i had to admit a few 'kinks'
it was teribly embarassing to fumble my way through the explanation to somebody who was in effect clueless and she actually didn't have much in the way of an answer, but she handled herself professionally and politely if a little bit perplexed.
i guess my point is, a short period with red cheeks on my face instead of my ass was a small price to pay for the security and comfort i found telling her the truth.
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Old 02-17-2002, 02:23 PM   #1270
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Folks,
In this discussion about "coming out about your kink" to your doctor, I would not recommend it unless you are marked up when you go or expect to play hard enough to land in the ER. As a health care professional, I would recommend that you bring it up only when it is needed. If the doctor finds your bruising or marks to be noteworthy, s/he'll ask you. (Believe me there are all kinds of customs to mark the body that are not SM related that the docs get to see. Coining is one example. )

After working in the ER and in two separate clinics, I will tell you that tongues will wag as much as they can and the staff in such places typically thrives on such juicy gossip. My gyn doctor learned about my pussy rings when he told me to spread my knees and I told him to "Be prepared for what you see." This is advanced notice enough. My PCP learned of them when she was cauterizing something on my face and asked me about grounding. I told her (when the nurse was out of the room) that the only concern I had was for arcing and simply told her that I have some more exotic jewelry. My surgeon won't know about any thing out of the ordinary concerning me until I am going through pre-op.

This is, of course, my opinion only. It is based on my experience. I don't play hard when I do play (no edge playing) and I make sure that any playing that does occur won't coincide with my doctor visits. Please consider the risk versus benefit of such an announcement. If you have an emergency during some hard play, it is very unlikely that your PCP will be involved anyway.
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Old 02-17-2002, 07:37 PM   #1271
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While i respect your opinion, BG, it's still a wonderful to know that my doctor knows all about me and will not be surprised at all with whatever i bring to her in regard to my body's responses to my BDSM activities. She's in charge of my health care and since i do play on the edge, i don't want her in the dark about this. Additionally, i'm certain that she's not going to be doing any gossiping about me. Such would be a flagrant violation of her professional ethics and completely contrary to her personal ethics.

I was at my local munch today and the talk came around to health care. Of those sitting in my general area, about half of us had told our primary care physicians about who we are with regard to sexuality. I live in the San Francisco Bay area; maybe things are more open across the board with regard to alternative sexualities here. In any case, the general consensus of those at the munch was that if you feel comfy talking about it to your doc and if you think it might be a thing your doc needs to knows to take better care of you, then you should, perhaps, consider just doing it.

I wouldn't go around telling any ole medical worker i am a BDSM masosub, BG, nor would anyone in their right mind make such personal confessions to casual health care workers. Of course those people will gossip. However, i strongly believe that more info is almost always better than less info, especially when it pertains to how someone in a position of trust in my life takes care of me.
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Old 02-17-2002, 07:38 PM   #1272
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Re: Re: Preparation for the Scene

Quote:
Originally posted by Frouwa_Aph

Yep... it's very important to plan...
I usually start with the general layout of the scene. I think about the intensity of the things I'm going to do with that specific sub. And then I put the things together, it's almost like directing a play on stage. When the flow of the scene feels natural I know I'm done.
Of course... I make sure that my little subbie is in for a few surprises and never knows what to expect. I work a lot with mind fucks. So I might drop hints some time before the actual scene, that gets the subbie's mind working.

I like planing a scene, it's part of the fun for me.

Monika
Yes I enjoy the little scenes within the scene I have very much fun planning the scene, almost has much as the scene
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Old 02-17-2002, 09:29 PM   #1273
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as far as letting my doc know in general about some of my personal preferences...
i have nothing to hide, and i needed her help and opinion before i proceeded with the things i've been thinking about.
Even if she did run around and tell the rest of her peers, what does that change for me? in fact it could help in the above mentioned situation where she may not be the doctor that responds to an emergency. i am not ashamed of myself, or what i was considering... i
f anything i feel pride that emotions such as embarassment or anxiety over talking with her or the potential results (gossip) don't control me. i asked questions that were important, and personally i will always ask... then do something that could be dangerous or harmful without knowledge...
but that's just me. i live in a small town and there isn't anything new, if she did gossip, that people here haven't already been said about me.
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Old 02-18-2002, 11:21 AM   #1274
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Re: hello!

Quote:
He is my Master not only in the bedroom, but in every aspect of my life. Everything beautiful in me is shaped by his loving, firm hand.
Our connection is deep, emotional and spiritual in nature. We have thus far been denied the physical, and work together on the others - emotional and spiritual. The needs I fill for him are as complex and wonderful as the ones he fills for me. We compliment each other in nearly every way.
So far, I have seen lots of talk of what bondage and toys to use, but not much on anything but the physical lightly touching on emotional aspects of this lifestyle. I can have the bedroom play, with anyone for the most part. Although much fun, it is not fulfilling in the most important ways. I have a deep, core desire to please, to serve, and to obey. To be kept in all ways. To be nourished spiritually and emotionally by someone who has the same passions for D/s that I do. (my boyfriend does these things naturally in our relationship, fills many other emotional needs) it is the passion in our relationship for D/s that connects Lord Sannion and I. Is this different for me, then other subs, Or do people just not speak of it as openly as I do?
leave it to me to kill the thread <sigh> back to my original question... anyone?
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Old 02-18-2002, 12:18 PM   #1275
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actually, kitty, that quote expresses how i feel about my relationship with Magister in a very beautiful and poetic way. yes, the feelings of trust, love and devotion are very, very important. i think if it was just play in the bedroom it would get very old, very soon. at least for me.

i know many in a D/s relationship like to keep it on a physical level only and, if it works for them, i say go for it. but for me the sexual aspect-the play and toys are simply a bonus. what really draws me to my Master is the way he holds and shapes my very soul on a daily basis. every thought is of Him no matter what i am doing and i am not saying i think about having sex with Him all the time. i mean in everything i do the thought that i represent this man who cares enough about and for me to put so much effort into bringing out the best in me is always in the back of my mind. in all my actions i represent Him and it gives me a quiet sense of pride as well as a deepened sense of closeness.

it is that spiritual and emotional aspect that aides in my growth within this relationship and sometimes i profess my adoration too openly (though never to the wrong people) and it gives Magister a chuckle to come onto our BDSM boards and see a long post detailing His slave's feelings for Him. i notice that He does not stop those posts though and i think that the spiritual and emotional benifit Him as well.
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