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Old 09-02-2001, 12:18 AM   #276
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Quote:
Originally posted by WriterDom
It has always been my understanding that the best candles are the least expensive ones. Also, any coloring or scenting raises the temperature.
I always thought the most important factor was the distance that you dripped from.
(I have never played with candles though.)
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Old 09-02-2001, 12:31 AM   #277
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Quote:
Originally posted by BlondGirl


I always thought the most important factor was the distance that you dripped from.
(I have never played with candles though.)
Distance is a factor, but different materials burn at different temperatures. And I would imagine the cooling rate is different also. No one is dropping lava on me. Or molten steel.
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Old 09-02-2001, 12:59 AM   #278
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the wax question

My sincere apologies for specifying beeswax candles as good to use in play; they burn a bit hotter than do other, uncolored, unscented candles. Thank you to those who pointed out my error.


http://www.bdsm-peergroup.com/Resour..._Wax_Play.html
Melting Points
First, lets talk a little about the types of wax and the temperatures at which they become liquid (melt). The following table describes different types of waxes, based on their additive content, in what form they might likely be found and their initial melting points:
Wax type..........Where Found..........Melt Points

Raw parafin................Canning wax, bulk..............115 - 126F
(soft)

Votive candles............Cylinders up to 6 in............131 - 141F
(harder)

Taper candles..............Candlesticks....................141F +
(hard)..........................Table candles

Hurricane lamp.................................................154F +
(hard)

Beeswax....................Numerous candle
(waxy to hard)...........styles, bulk........................146F +
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Old 09-02-2001, 03:10 AM   #279
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Re: the wax question

Quote:
Originally posted by cymbidia
Melting Points
Wax type..........Where Found..........Melt Points

Raw parafin................Canning wax, bulk..............115 - 126F
(soft)

Votive candles............Cylinders up to 6 in............131 - 141F
(harder)

Taper candles..............Candlesticks....................141F +
(hard)..........................Table candles

Hurricane lamp.................................................154F +
(hard)

Beeswax....................Numerous candle
(waxy to hard)...........styles, bulk........................146F +
Just from experience: thick-based cylinder candles are also good for play. The seem to burn a little hotter than votives, but sting a bit less than tapers. I think that has something to do with wick exposure and wax thickness, but am not sure.

Also, be suspicious of anything with a high shine. I've used colored candles to great effect, and have been on both sides of it. But, anything with a metallic tone, or even a high shine, probably has dangerously high-temp melting additives. Matte color is just fine.

In fact, here's a fun scene for an artistic type: Several colors of candles, a sub bound face down, a misting bottle full of Risia's burn mix (3 parts spring water, 1 part fresh aloe, 1 part rubbing alcohol). You can drip designs on the sub, stopping the burn by spraying the mix. The alcohol cools and helps aid evaporation, which will both ease the pain and set the wax quickly. Be sure to let the liquid dry completely between colors/coats, lest your poor little subbie get burned by isopropyl alcohol or stray droplets of wax, rolling off the liquid. After the first few layers of wax, you can be a bit more aggressive, as the hardened wax will help insulate the sub.
Try it! It's fun for the whole family.

Okay, scratch that last part.
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Old 09-02-2001, 08:46 AM   #280
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Okay, I have the share. I work in a fabric/craft store and had to reset the candle aisle yesterday. The whole time all I could think about was this thread. Hahaha. Made the job alot easier. Of course I bought many of the reduced candles. We got in a whole new line so the older ones went pretty darn cheap. Look for them in your Christmas pile this coming season.
If I don't burn them all myself.

Just a note. Any candle in a jar or container, one that is bought that way, has more oil in it then a molded,poured, or dipped one. More scent, more color. Because it does not have to stay in shape on it's own. Just a little fyi.

Thanks for the info on saline. Nope. Not interested. But hey, to each their own thing, ya know?
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Old 09-02-2001, 03:43 PM   #281
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Goodness look what I started with just an innocent comment about wanting to have candle wax dripped on naked skin. All good information though and I will store it in my memory banks for future retrieval with the right partner.

I will agree with the consensus and say to each their own...there are several modes of play I don't understand and don't do a thing for me. I'm not about to tell another adult of consensual age they can't or shouldn't...just don't ask me to participate is all. I do think sex begins in the mind and if it doesn't turn me on mentally chances are it isn't going to turn me on physically.

I checked out Wizdomme's pages, very interesting information. Thank you and welcome to Lit. I'll be back to read more. I think my fear with bondage, blindfolds, etc. is that I will end up with someone who takes it to far. I've probably heard one to many horror stories. I also haven't had good experiences with sex and I'm sure that plays into it as well. I feel jealous when I read how much fun people have with each other and it's about sharing and mutual pleasure. I also feel some shame that I've been mislead more than once by pretty words. Ah well...what's done is done and it is what it is.
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Old 09-02-2001, 04:25 PM   #282
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Yaaay :)

Hello all

I've just spent what seems like ages reading through this thread, you've all been most helpful.

I fantasize about being dominant regularly and have just met someone (who's male - I'm female) who wants to experiment with d/s...I knew very little about it and am beginning to learn about what it's all about.

It has always been something I have wanted to explore and I'm glad that I now have the opportunity to do it. I was trying to explain to my friend that it isn't necessarily about whips and chains (although it would almost certainly appeal to some people - whatever does it for you !). I was trying to explain that if the sub craves affection then the dom / domme might withdraw their affection if the sub needs to be punished.

Thank you for all the really useful information, this thread is certainly a most thought provoking one

Thanks
Skally
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Old 09-02-2001, 10:46 PM   #283
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waving wildly

Welcome aboard, Skally!!

Quote:
Originally posted by RisiaSkye

Try it! It's fun for the whole family.
Okay, scratch that last part.
Lol!!
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Old 09-03-2001, 12:44 PM   #284
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:)

Cheers
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Old 09-03-2001, 01:09 PM   #285
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I've been burning cinnamon candles in my roommate's room cause I know he HATES the strong scent of it. Do you think I'm displaying a hint of a sadistic side there? I keep cracking up just thinking about his reaction. I do admit, I'm somewhat of an ornery shit!

Well, I've decided to come out to my sister while she's here. I'll talk with her within the first couple of nights she's here and take it from there. I will come out to the rest of the family later...maybe.
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Old 09-03-2001, 01:31 PM   #286
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Oh BB! Your sadistic side is definitely out for a walk. I have a feeling you're doing alot of testing in new directions these days. I love watching this unfolding in you. You're a natural.

And cinnamon? You like cinnamon, BB? I know something about cinnamon. A little cinnamon oil (food grade, available in health food stores, not the scent kind you get in places that add it to shampoo, for instance) daubed very sparingly onto sensitive places (nipples, etc.), it can be quite uncomfortable. Do remember, all you incipient Sadists, that if you daub it onto the head of your subbies cock, for example, and then decide later to go for a ride, that oil will be *inside you* (ACK!!!) unless you first wash it off very thoroughly.

Will you let us know how it goes with your sister? It's so cool to be out to family.


And welcome, Skally.
You read the whole thread???? Man! Ever consider you have a little bit of masochist going?
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Old 09-03-2001, 01:44 PM   #287
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Quote:
Originally posted by cymbidia
And cinnamon? You like cinnamon, BB? I know something about cinnamon.
LOL - I had actually thought of this, as well as peppermint oil. I love cinnamon, here lately my allergies aren't too keen on it though.


Quote:
Oh BB! Your sadistic side is definitely out for a walk. I have a feeling you're doing alot of testing in new directions these days. I love watching this unfolding in you. You're a natural.
Thank you, thank you very much.

taking a big bow


Quote:
Will you let us know how it goes with your sister?
Of course I will. I have an idea in my mind how it will go but it NEVER happens that way. I think she will be really cool with it - she's always said she figured I was really kinky because I was so quiet and shy. Little did she know !
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Old 09-03-2001, 02:40 PM   #288
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oooh :)

Quote:
Originally posted by cymbidia

And welcome, Skally.
You read the whole thread???? Man! Ever consider you have a little bit of masochist going?
[/b]
Hehe...It turned into a bit of an addictive read
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Old 09-04-2001, 05:40 PM   #289
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The Grinch stole one of our stars.
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Old 09-04-2001, 05:49 PM   #290
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I'm not trying to flame...let me start out with that. I do not understand the importance of "coming out" with the BDSM lifestyle to family and friends. I could understand if you were gay perhaps and were choosing to live full-time with someone of the same sex or have a same sex marriage, etc., etc.

I think if BDSM comes up in conversation then great! The other just seems to be forcing your personal sex life on your family and friends and forcing them to accept it in one way or another. You can't tell me your going to be happy if one or more of your family memebers or close friends freaks out with the information.

I'm probably missing something important here in the BDSM lifestyle and if so then I apologize...let me repeat my intention is not to flame with this post.

Explain this to me???
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Old 09-04-2001, 07:57 PM   #291
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I would think that having close friends and family who understand your personal "tastes" would be beneficial due to:

1.) Health reasons--you have a safe call person who actually loves you
2.) More health reasons--you have a looney partner who lands you in the hospital, you will need a non-ill person by your side to be your patient advocate
3.) You have a sane partner who "Whoops!"--as above
4.) In case of your demise for any reason, your lovers won't be excluded from your funeral or notification.
5.)It gives someone close to you a reason to say, "I'll be first to go clean up the house and such" if you are unavailable to for whatever reason--finding a closetful of kink toys can be salt on a wound for a greiving or shocked family member
6.) It explains the kinds of dates you go on and your behaviour regarding said dates.
7.) It can shut up the nagging "Why don't you just get married" arguement.
8.) Anybody got other reasons?

For me, the people named in my will are also in the know about my kinks. My ex knows barely and my sister knows a lot more. I have a few friends who, of course, are well aware.

My son, well, when he is an adult, he will probably figure it out on his own. If he ever comes to me wanting an explanation or discussion, I will give it then.
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Old 09-04-2001, 08:22 PM   #292
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Quote:
Originally posted by WriterDom
The Grinch stole one of our stars.
Oh man.
Is this going to be like the rating sys on stories?
If people don't like the topic then they give us one star and we fall (alas!) in the stars ratings?

I'd rather take all the fucking stars off the thread and not participate in any kinda rating crap then get tied in knots about the number of stars. I've just gotten to the point of being able to ignore the ratings on my stories/poems - can't have it here too.
Quote:
Originally posted by PacificBlue
I'm not trying to flame...let me start out with that. I do not understand the importance of "coming out" with the BDSM lifestyle to family and friends. <snip>

The other just seems to be forcing your personal sex life on your family and friends and forcing them to accept it in one way or another. <snip>

Explain this to me???
PB, you've shown yourself to be openminded and willing to listen. I doubt anyone thinks your words are anything akin to a flame.

Okay, coming out to family/friends. Well, first off, BDSM is, for many of us, more than just a piece of our "personal sex life". You remember waaaaay back at the beginning of this thread when you asked what BDSM was? I answered that, at it's most basic level, it's a style of sex play. For many of us, however, it's quite a bit more than just that.

For many of us, it's a important part of our self-identity, and is, indeed, a lifestyle (much like being a vegetarian or training for biathalons). We seek out friends that are interested in this lifestyle (much as we've done here, on this thread). We seek out sexual partners that understand and share our needs. We seek out knowledge about the practice of this stuff, how to be stronger and more centered in our approach to this. We seek info in order to understand the needs and desires that run through us. We are Dominants or Switches or submissives as much as we are teachers or lawyers or administrative assistants. Is there a reason we should cover and hide this part of who we are?

It's **NOT** all just and only about what we do while we're having sex. For many of us, and at it's most basic level, our practicing BDSM sexuality colors how we view the world and our place in it. It has an effect, an affect, and an influence on how we live out our days.

It is a part, a vital and important part, of who we are as people, individually and collectively.

Your question is, "Why tell your loved ones about this?"
My answer is, "Those who love me will love me regardless. Why must i hide something that's so basic to who i am as a person if i am comfortable letting them know more deeply into the real me?"

Did this help?
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Old 09-04-2001, 08:27 PM   #293
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I was doing to post a reply - but cymbidia's is so much better.

I think I'll go with a nice, generic 'Yeah, what she said."
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Old 09-04-2001, 09:48 PM   #294
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The limited number of "coming outs" I know of have been positive. But I think that's a personal choice for the individual, or for the couple. Ideally, it's the best solution, but I hope someone considering this lifestyle understands that we have a sense of family among ourselves. We take care of our own.
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Old 09-04-2001, 10:12 PM   #295
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Quote:
Originally posted by cymbidia
Oh man.
Is this going to be like the rating sys on stories?
If people don't like the topic then they give us one star and we fall (alas!) in the stars ratings?

Ok, I admit it, I just tried several combinations of voting on the stars. You can only vote once with your registered name, but unregistereds can vote.

So....... I'm pretty sure it will be a mess.

Look at is as 4 blue and one black stars at the moment. One of them is newer.
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Old 09-04-2001, 10:14 PM   #296
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Old 09-04-2001, 11:25 PM   #297
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Quote:
Originally posted by cymbidia
Your question is, "Why tell your loved ones about this?"
My answer is, "Those who love me will love me regardless. Why must i hide something that's so basic to who i am as a person if i am comfortable letting them know more deeply into the real me?"

Did this help?

Yes, I think that makes sense. I'm trying to wrap my mind around BDSM and how it plays out on a daily basis, in how you carry yourself. I'm not seeing that part yet. I think orginally I was thinking more in terms of just the sexual act itself. I'm not in a group of people where sex is talked about freely and openly. This is probably why I'm having trouble with this. Sex is something not to be discussed and has negative consequences. Thus I come here where I can read and get questions answered. I understand in having a few "safe" people know what I was into if I were to get into trouble and need help. I've often wondered what my family would think if they came across my sex toys if I were to die suddenly. Would they think badly of me? I don't know.

I'm going to have to ponder this idea a bit more.
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Old 09-05-2001, 12:31 AM   #298
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Coming out

I have no desire and do not feel it necessary in the least to come out to my relatives and friends. It's a matter of too much information. PacificBlue, don't think it's something you will ever have to do if you don't want to. You are no less or more because you come out and tell your family and friends about what you enjoy.

Many of us have children, jobs and other public activities where coming out about BDSM would ruin our reputations, get children taken away from us, and cause permanent damage. It's not fair but it is there and we have to deal with it in a way that allows us the freedom to live the life we choose to live.

I just wanted you to hear another viewpoint on coming out to family and friends. Sometimes it's isn't the right thing to do for whatever reasons and only you can know if it will ever be right for you.

cym - did you try cuttings yet?????? Inquiring minds want to know!
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Old 09-05-2001, 12:48 AM   #299
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Quote:
Originally posted by SteamyChik
cym - did you try cuttings yet?????? Inquiring minds want to know!
For the time being, and much to our discomfort, MS and i are a couple thousand miles apart. Kinda too far to do any cuttings, darlin'.

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Is making me late
Is keeping me waiting~
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Old 09-05-2001, 01:20 AM   #300
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well pooh cym, it wouldn't be the same over the phone
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