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Old 08-29-2001, 10:50 AM   #251
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Hello chatbug. While i find "dressing up" to be fun and intrinsically erotic in and of itself, it's not a necessary component of my submission to MS. That is a separate thing, a living breathing flexible part of who i am with respect to who he is. We don't tend to do much role-playing, though, so that could be part of it.

However, there's an element of "dressing up" that lies between us almost every time we go out, be it a plug worn so-discreetly under clothing or much rarer but definitely more overt signal of my decidedly un-nilla collar around my neck. I loved the look of the Odress but couldn't help thinking that the price of the thing might well buy us a really cool new breath play mask, you know?

In the end, none of us can ever buy all the stuff we want, can we? I guess, then, it's all about the priorities and experiential necessities that lie between two people. MS and i just don't have all the hardware we want yet; stockings and garter belts and slinky slips will have to do for us - for now.
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Old 08-29-2001, 12:58 PM   #252
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Re: Submission aids

Quote:
Originally posted by chatbug
I have a question for the submissive women reading this thread. Take a look at these dresses, how do they make you feel? Do external things like these dresses. particular scenery, or specific role-playing help you to feel more submissive, or is it just a mental submission that you enjoy, and the clothing (or lack of it) is immaterial?
"o" my gods the red odress was very very pretty.
i would love it but it looked Expensive.

W/we saw the movie and read the book.
both were great.


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Old 08-30-2001, 07:22 AM   #253
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Hey I never said anything about buying them. Might try to make one though. Adapt a pattern I am thinking of. Hmmm. shall haveto let you all know if it worked. Shouldn't be too hard. Especially with this being halloween time and all the fancy fabris are on sale.
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Old 08-30-2001, 09:30 AM   #254
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odress

Quote:
Originally posted by Merelan
Hey I never said anything about buying them. Might try to make one though. Adapt a pattern I am thinking of. Hmmm. shall haveto let you all know if it worked. Shouldn't be too hard. Especially with this being halloween time and all the fancy fabris are on sale.
ya know what i think i will make 1 all i have to do is look at the pic a bit closer. the fabric should not be more then $5-8 bucks a yard.
mmmm this is going to be fun.


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Old 08-30-2001, 11:58 AM   #255
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Quote:
Originally posted by Merelan
Hey I never said anything about buying them. Might try to make one though. Adapt a pattern I am thinking of. Hmmm. shall haveto let you all know if it worked. Shouldn't be too hard. Especially with this being halloween time and all the fancy fabris are on sale.
Are you going to share the pictures here if you do? With you in it of course
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Old 08-30-2001, 01:54 PM   #256
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That would entirely be up to Mistress. You might have to bribe her.
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Old 08-30-2001, 02:48 PM   #257
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mhhh - I like the idea!

Will see what my darling pet will come up with - and if she is really does I shall maybe even share a picture since I am so damn proud of her *smiling with warmth and affection and a good dose of "owner's pride" *
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Old 08-31-2001, 03:20 PM   #258
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Question Regarding cutting... (Oh Steamy!!!)

These questions are aimed at Steamy cuz i know she has experience with this, but anyone who has an opinion or information may, of course, wish to add to the pool of common knowledge we're all dipping from. It's part of how we all grow, i think.

MS has expressed very definite intent in our exploring into the realm of cutting. We've discussed it at length and both done some individual literature searches for more info on the matter. At this point, we possess a not-inconsiderable pool of shared knowledge on the subject, all of it from written sources.

My questions are:
1. What are the dangers that you've encountered in actually doing this that is not often mentioned in written accounts?
2. He wants to do a cutting on the nape of my neck, a place that can be seen only when my hair is lifted. I haven't read *any* accounts of cutting in this area, or seen any pics of it, either. Are there inherently bad places on which to do cuttings (and is this one of them)? Good places?
3. Patterns on the skin beforehand or no? He's an artist, a very careful and patient man...
4. If we desire scarring, how hard is that to achieve? I'm confused over differing accounts of this. Some say people scar easily, that sharp edges like scapels (which he plans to use) almost always leave fine straight scars. Other accounts say no, that it takes some doing to actually get a scar that lasts.
5. Is there anything else you could add to our store of knowledge that i don't know enough to ask?

Thank you.
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Old 08-31-2001, 04:10 PM   #259
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m/f sub/dom ratio

Well here goes my 3rd try to put this ? where I want & thanks to some kind instructions I think I have it. I was hitting "new thread" instead of "reply"


I'm really curious-are there more men or women submissives? Does being submissive practically mean you would automatically share your dom w/ another? I know I certainly feel that way-& I don't mind which sex would join us. Whatever would make her excited & happy. Oops-I guess that's two questions!
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Old 08-31-2001, 04:34 PM   #260
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Re: m/f sub/dom ratio

Quote:
Originally posted by Unregistered
I'm really curious-are there more men or women submissives? Does being submissive practically mean you would automatically share your dom w/ another? I know I certainly feel that way-& I don't mind which sex would join us. Whatever would make her excited & happy. Oops-I guess that's two questions!
Based on my experience, rl and online, i would guess that there are far more women subs (fsubs) than men, though there seems to be more and more men subs (msubs) standing up to declare themselves so in the last handful years. Dare i hope this is because societal denial of alternative sexualities is finally easing a little?

In any case, there are many more fsubs who are out about it then men, i think. Part of it has to do with the fact that women have always had societal "permission" to be more-or-less submissive whereas men have had to fight the expectations of being the Dominant one if they needed to submit. I imagine it must be almost as difficult for Dommes to be out with their sexuality as it is for msubs to be out with theirs. (Anyone with first hand knowledge care to comment?)

As far as "being submissive practically mean you would automatically share your dom w/ another?" i have only this to say: we all exist within the framework of our relationship, first, and are Dom/me or Switch or sub, second. If your relationship, your shared kink, requires additional partners within your primary relationship, then that is a matter between the two of you.

However, i can definitively say that being sub does not automatically mean you share your Dom/me with another. Every relationship is different. Every set of shared kink is different. Additionally, people change, their needs and wants and desires change, and what is good now may not be good a couple years down the line.

The only rule is that there are no hard and fast rules. The motto most of us live by, Safe, Sane & Consensual, is the very closest we have, we who feel our sexuality lies within the realm described by the idea of "BDSM", of claiming anything akin to any kinda universal rule.
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Old 08-31-2001, 05:35 PM   #261
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I have one close Domme friend into male subs and from what I understand there are far more male subs than female Dommes. That's her experience anyway. In terms of male vs female subs I would imagine there are a lot more females. For every 5 full submissive female type chat rooms at aol, there might be one male submissive room.



I'm not sure if it societal denial easing or the Internet providing more opportunity for exploration and information. I've never seen bdsm portrayed in a very positive light by the mainstream.
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Old 08-31-2001, 05:47 PM   #262
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Anyone notice there is a rating column on this board now and we got 5 blue stars? Shouldn't they be black and blue stars? *****
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Old 08-31-2001, 05:51 PM   #263
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a little note on scars....

will answer to all other topics in more length shortly but just a little side note onscars ...

I for exacmple scar ALWAYS!!! even a mosquito bit scratched open leaves a scar on my skin. I know this is UNUSUAL in THAT extent but it happens... so even a thin fine cut with a scalpel leave very visible traces in my skin that I KNOW would notbe visible on most other people. this is a phenomenon i have encountered on all parts of my body so I couldn'T really tell you if there are "good" or "bad" places.

I have observed though that those body pars that are subject to much "moving" (like knees or elbows or such) are not healing as "clear" and thin and the "unmocable ones, like shin or upper or lower arm etc.

Not sure if any of that is usefull info but thinking about it .. the neck seems to be sensitive and you MOVE it a lot (even without being aware of it - if you ever had a stiff neck you will have noticed) so a pattern even carefully designed my not heal to perfection.

Just thought I'd mention - what I basically mean to say is: scratch me and I will be marked for life where others will show NOTHINGa after a few days - it is a very "personal" and different thing I guess. After my latest knee surgery doc was horrified about the scar he had caused - till I told him that given 8 years to heal it would look like my other knee - which seemed to calm him some but I have seen scars of patients having had surgery the same day I ahd it done (and you meet a few times after this cause you go through the same routine of having stitches removed and check ups etc.) and you could hardly tell anything had been done to them while mine was still SHOWIN!! (as in jumping into your fave if I wore a short skirt - damn damn damn!!!! not a very sexy sight!).
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Old 08-31-2001, 05:56 PM   #264
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Quote:
Originally posted by WriterDom
I'm not sure if it societal denial easing or the Internet providing more opportunity for exploration and information. I've never seen bdsm portrayed in a very positive light by the mainstream.
Although I'm sure what I'm about to say is rather elementary...I think it's fear. I know that before I started reading posts by you and Cym and others on BDSM all I had seen were specials on 20/20 and Dateline. I'm still not sure I understand it completely and I may never, I will say that I'm more open to listening about it. I have fantasies about being tied up, blindfolded, and having candle wax dripped on me...and I always figured something was wrong with me for having them. Will I ever act of them, hmm...depends on if I ever find someone I trust that much. Anyway...I'm rambling. I enjoy reading the posts...keep them coming.
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Old 08-31-2001, 06:21 PM   #265
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Quote:
Originally posted by PacificBlue
I know that before I started reading posts by you and Cym and others on BDSM all I had seen were specials on 20/20 and Dateline. I'm still not sure I understand it completely and I may never, I will say that I'm more open to listening about it.
Okay. Confession. I got a little teary reading this bit. I *know* i'm wildly premenstrual at the moment, and so off-kilter emotionally anyway, but this small bit of encouragement, this little smiling ray of sunshine that pierced the inky black of the superstitious fear that encompasses many people's view of what the hell we freakos do to each other, well, it just made me tear up and smile big.

PB? Most of us who claim some kind of affiliation with BDSM practices don't understand it completely. There's WAY too much to understand, and much of it is just not interesting to most of us as individuals.

For instance, i don't get infantilism, i just don't get it. I will not do any kinda scat play. Cages scare the bejeezus out of me. Injecting any parts of my body with saline solution is WAY far on the other side of my NO list. However, there's a bunch of people in the world who like one or more of those things, and need them to complete their sexuality. I don't understand the attraction of that kinda play, or understand those who need it, but i accept that they have the right to play as they need to play. As long as no one is forcing anyone to do anything against their will, or to do anything illegal, it's not my concern WHAT they do together. But i don't understand it and i may never understand it.

However, knowing that we've managed to give some good, real, quality info to even one person here, and kept them from the perennial deep gloom of superstition and fear, makes me smile - and get a little teary with gladness.


Tied? Blindfolded? Candle wax? Trust?
Sounds like a good time to me, darlin'!
Caution: please know that not all candles melt at the same temp. When you're ready to do the candle wax thing, go buy (you can find them online) candles specifically for BDSM purposes. They melt at a lower temp. High temp candle wax burns suck big time and hot wax CAN definitely burn you badly if it's the wrong kind. If you can't find BDSM candles, buy pure beeswax candles. They melt at a much lower temp than others (and smell pretty good, too).


WD? Those five blue stars? Cool!
Now, will they keep this thread at the top of the list?
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Old 08-31-2001, 07:35 PM   #266
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Quote:
Originally posted by PacificBlue


Although I'm sure what I'm about to say is rather elementary...I think it's fear. I know that before I started reading posts by you and Cym and others on BDSM all I had seen were specials on 20/20 and Dateline. I'm still not sure I understand it completely and I may never, I will say that I'm more open to listening about it. I have fantasies about being tied up, blindfolded, and having candle wax dripped on me...and I always figured something was wrong with me for having them. Will I ever act of them, hmm...depends on if I ever find someone I trust that much. Anyway...I'm rambling. I enjoy reading the posts...keep them coming.
As a male and having done the wax thing in the past year , find it highly erotic to have skitten tied and blindfolded and touching all over , reaching over and gently driping small amouts of wax over a hard nipple.....................Wow ........That is something make a male rock hard....

Wait and when the time is right you will try this like this and really enjoy them if done with the right person.......................
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Old 08-31-2001, 09:44 PM   #267
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cym asked about cutting

1. What are the dangers that you've encountered in actually doing this that is not often mentioned in written accounts?

None. Other than the basic safety measures of using sterile or brand new scalpels (or cutting implement of choice), making sure you are in a place where the person doing the cutting won't be bumped (ouch!), use common sense. We have never had any concerns with cutting. Cutting really is only about as deep as a cat scratch most of the time. If you are going for deeper than that you might run into needing stitches.


2. He wants to do a cutting on the nape of my neck, a place that can be seen only when my hair is lifted. I haven't read *any* accounts of cutting in this area, or seen any pics of it, either. Are there inherently bad places on which to do cuttings (and is this one of them)? Good places?

Just like getting a tatoo on the back of your neck or other sensitive area, be careful. If there is a bone close to the surface extra care should be taken also. Bad places are over areas where veins and arteries are easily visible underneath the skin. Basically, you can cut almost anywhere you would flog. Some places are just better than others because of the ability to keep it clean for after care.


3. Patterns on the skin beforehand or no? He's an artist, a very careful and patient man...

Oh yes, feel free to make a pattern using tracing paper (you can get it in tat shops). It won't 'contaminate' the area if that is your concern.

4. If we desire scarring, how hard is that to achieve? I'm confused over differing accounts of this. Some say people scar easily, that sharp edges like scapels (which he plans to use) almost always leave fine straight scars. Other accounts say no, that it takes some doing to actually get a scar that lasts.

As has been said, some people scar easily and some don't. Also, depending on where you do the cutting may depend on how visible and how permanent the scarring is. My advice is to try small cuttings on different areas of your body - your upper thigh, your upper buttcheek , upper arm and your back somewhere. Oh my! Think of all those fun cuttings for experiments! Yum! Then observe them to see how you scar on different types of skin. Usually though, the only way to obtain a permanent scarring is to do the cutting, let it heal, do it again, let it heal, and then do it again. You may have to do it numerous times before the scarring stays and it is very precise work to do the exact design each time (even following the previous scar!).

I have Master's initial on my upper asscheek and it has just now faded after about 1 year. Now we get to do it again


5. Is there anything else you could add to our store of knowledge that i don't know enough to ask?

I would not start with a big design in a sensitive area first thing. Unless it is an act of submission for you to do this on the first try, I would go for a small cutting on my back, butt or thigh first just to see how it felt, how it scarred, and how long it takes to heal.

There are lot of lessons out there about using a scalpel on a grapefruit etc...but my Master didn't seem to find that all that helpful, the best was just doing it on me that first time.

Now, drat, I had some pics of my last cutting and I can't find them, but if I do I'll email them to you

Have fun, it's a rush for both sides of the fence. Oh my, now I'm very much wanted one again!
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Old 09-01-2001, 02:54 AM   #268
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Quote:
I'm really curious-are there more men or women submissives?
There are definitely more male subs openly seeking partners, but that doesn't mean there are more in general. You see & hear a lot more media references about femdom/malesub than maledom/femsub in ads, movies, sitcoms, etc. but there are probably more people living a 24/7 maledom/femsub lifestyle than vice versa. They're each socially acceptable and taboo in their own ways. There are also lots of same-sex and bi people into it. There's probably no way to get an accurate ratio as everyone defines it differently - think about how many marriages you know where one person is definitely in charge, even though they wouldn't ever put a label on it

Quote:
Does being submissive practically mean you would automatically share your dom w/ another?
Nothing is automatic for all D/s or BDSM people, anymore than anything is automatic for all vanilla people. It all comes down to what you and your partner both want and agree to.

Quote:
I imagine it must be almost as difficult for Dommes to be out with their sexuality as it is for msubs to be out with theirs. (Anyone with first hand knowledge care to comment?)
I think there are "society rules" about gender roles to overcome for everyone who is involved or interested in this. I think dommes and male subs are both more likely to get an "oooh, how cool!" reaction from vanilla friends of the same gender, but male doms and fem subs are likely to get a less enthusiastic reaction since it can come across sounding very much like abuse to "uninformed" folks... Look at this way: abuse stories are everywhere and people are a lot more informed about abusive relationships now than 10-20 years ago, but BDSM is still considered way out there - it only shows up on Jerry Springer or on news magazines as horror stories. But to (sort of) answer the question, I personally don't often find reasons to be "out" with my sexuality to anyone I'm not sexually involved with outside of the so-called BDSM community.. and being domme in that community is usually just inviting endless propositions from the endless parade of submissive men seeking a domme (usually with the attitude that any domme will do LOL)

Quote:
I'm still not sure I understand it completely and I may never
Very often it's the kind of thing where the more you understand about it, the less you know. It can be incredibly complex, and it's incredibly hard to maintain a 24/7 D/s relationship. But it's well worth the effort: when it's working, there's nothing that can come close.

I have a website at http://www.wizdomme.com with tons of info and books on all aspects of D/s and BDSM - feel free to check it out. Hopefully it might help some. Good luck with your explorations and don't rush anything. Have fun and play safely!
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Old 09-01-2001, 06:32 AM   #269
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I am still chuckling over the black and blue stars bit. Hahaha....

But slowly backing away from cutting. Have fun!!! But I too scar way to easily, and bleed profusily no matter where I am nicked.

Okay. Now here's one. Why would you inject saline into your body? I know it won't hurt, but why?
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Old 09-01-2001, 01:56 PM   #270
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Quote:
Originally posted by WriterDom

Anyone notice there is a rating column on this board now and we got 5 blue stars?

Shouldn't they be black and blue stars?
Very cute, WD!


Quote:
I have one close Domme friend into male subs and from what I understand there are far more male subs than female Dommes.
Damn, where is she at? lol. The group that I belong to has more female subs and everyone belonging to the group is in a couple except for one female sub and me.


Quote:
Originally posted by PacificBlue
I have fantasies about being tied up, blindfolded, and having candle wax dripped on me...and I always figured something was wrong with me for having them.
Isn't it a wonderful thing to find out you AREN'T abnormal??? I will keep my fingers crossed that you find that someone special to help you make that step forward with your sexuality.


Quote:
Originally posted by cymbidia
Caution: please know that not all candles melt at the same temp. When you're ready to do the candle wax thing, go buy (you can find them online) candles specifically for BDSM purposes. They melt at a lower temp. High temp candle wax burns suck big time and hot wax CAN definitely burn you badly if it's the wrong kind. If you can't find BDSM candles, buy pure beeswax candles. They melt at a much lower temp than others (and smell pretty good, too).
This is exactly what I was thinking when I read that. See, great minds think alike. I don't know if paraffin and beeswax are the same thing but I've heard from numerous sources that paraffin is the best thing to use. Regular candles out of the store are a no-no unless you have a HIGH tolerance for pain.


SteamyChik - you are a goddess! A wealth of information for both Dom/mes and subs. You've definitely provided this new Domme with LOTS of information.

wizdomme - thank you for the website. I'll be utilizing it in the future.


Quote:
Originally posted by Merelan

Why would you inject saline into your body? I know it won't hurt, but why?
Yes, I would like the answer to this as well.

I'd also like to know what infantilism is?


On a more personal note, I'm thinking about running for a board position in the group I've joined. It would entail LOTS of work from yours truly but I think/hope I could make a difference in the way things are conducted/run with the group. I've already been on more committees than some 'long time' members. I'll just see where the sea of fate take me. The founding festival for our group is going to be one week after the Lit gathering so I'm one busy wench, although I love it. Speaking of which, be glad none of you live in town - I'd be begging you to be on our discussion panel. We have a few people but I KNOW my fellow Literoticans are intelligent and well-spoken and would love to have you on the panel discussion. Maybe next year - lol.

I STILL haven't bought any toys. Schedules are really crazy right now so I don't know if I'll be able to even get to the store. Especially since my friend is insisting her fiance goes and he has a wacky work schedule. We'll see though.

One last thing - my sister is coming into town on September 21. I'm SO excited. It's the one that has cirrohsis (sp?) so it's a special treat for her. But I'm tempted to 'come out' to her about my lifestyle. Any suggestions on how to handle this?
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Old 09-01-2001, 03:59 PM   #271
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Quote:
Originally posted by Blackbich
One last thing - my sister is coming into town on September 21. I'm SO excited. It's the one that has cirrohsis (sp?) so it's a special treat for her. But I'm tempted to 'come out' to her about my lifestyle. Any suggestions on how to handle this?
Perhaps you'll recall, BB, that i just opened up to my Mom about writing erotica and being a sub earlier this month. That went very well and it feels *wonderful* to be able to be open with her.

I began by telling my Mom that i wrote erotica. We had a little discussion about the difference between erotica and porn, and the whole thing went smoothly and without problem.

Emboldened, i asked her if she knew anything about "alternative lifestyles". She asked me if i was going to tell her i was a lesbian and i laughed.

"I'm bisexual, Mom," i assured her (reassured her?), "not lesbian." Taking a sip of my iced tea for courage, i continued, asking her if she knew what 'BDSM' was.

"You mean whips and chains?" she asked, taken aback.

"Well," i offered gently, "there's far more to it that that, Mom, and many people never do anything with whips and chains but feel, yes, that their sexuality lies under the umbrella of what's known as BDSM."

I told her what the letters stand for, and explained all the various permutations of meaning (BD, SM, D/s). I told her i'd been a sexual submissive since my first sexual relationship.

She worried that there was something she had done "wrong" somewhere along the way that led me to this. I kept reassuring her that it wasn't about anything ahe had done or not done, that it was my natural response to sexual feelings. Since i'm a strong, confident, educated woman in my everyday life, she *knows* that my submissive sexuality didn't turn me into some wispy, clinging, not-an-original-thought-in-my-head doormat. Over a very in-depth three-hour conversation, she eventually arrived at a basic understanding of my small place within the much larger (and far fuzzier, to her understanding) and ill-defined (even among ourselves) sphere of "BDSM sexuality".

She was definitely made more comfortable about my participation in potentially dangerous (to her eyes) sexual play by my explanation of the precept of Safe, Sane, and Consensual. She'd already met MS, too, liked him, felt him trustworthy, and believed that he loves me, so it made her feel better to know my partner.

All in all, it went very well. By the time i left, she was making jokes about "vanilla" ice cream and the whole new meaning that had for now.

My advice, BB? Be open, be honest. Don't duck any questions. Be reassuring about what know and need and don't like and don't want. Finally, importantly, do not give too many explicit details cuz they can't handle them and don't really want to know them, anyway.


Wizdomme? Welcome. New ideas and viewpoints are of benefit to us all, always, especially when they come couched within the twin embrace of experience and tolerance. Your site is lovely, well-managed, and looks extremely informative.
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Old 09-01-2001, 06:08 PM   #272
wizdomme
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candles and babies and saline, oh my

Beeswax (and lots of colored candles) melt at a higher temp than regular candles so they have a higher burn potential, and all will be hotter when dripped from a lower height. You can experiment by dropping some wax from a high point onto a "tough" area or dipping a fingertip into it, and keep first-aid burn supplies handy. Erotic pain is one thing - 1st, 2nd and 3rd degree burns are something else.

BTW the word "paraffin" means candle wax in the US, but kerosene in the UK - don't want anyone thinking it'd be fun to try dropping burning kerosene on their sub LOL.

Why would you inject saline into your body? I know it won't hurt, but why?

I don't know a lot about it, but it's a body modification offshoot, blowing up the scrotum, labia, etc. to exaggerated proportions. I put it in the "to each their own" category, but safety and know-how would seem to be fairly important before trying it..

I'd also like to know what infantilism is?

It's a form of ageplay, usually with a sub playing an infant (diapers, suckling, cribs/playpens etc.)


Thanks for the kind words and welcome, Cymbidia and Blackbich
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Old 09-01-2001, 10:58 PM   #273
WriterDom
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It has always been my understanding that the best candles are the least expensive ones. Also, any coloring or scenting raises the temperature.
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Old 09-01-2001, 11:40 PM   #274
Silverlily
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Welcome wizdomme! Fantastic site, btw. I learned quite a bit in just a brief visit, thanks.
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Old 09-02-2001, 12:11 AM   #275
slavewriter69
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hi WIZDOMME

i love YOUR website.

it's awsome.

i like the newbie info.
although i am not a newbie i have gotten more info on O/our lifestyle from YOUR site

slavewriter69


ps

i reccommend WIZDOMME'S site to any newbie.
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