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Old 07-20-2001, 03:55 AM   #1
cymbidia
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Arrow BDSM: Questions and Answers

This is intended to be an ongoing thread wherein anyone can ask a BDSM question and have it answered by any one of the many experienced BDSM'ers at Lit. We have all kinds here, Dom/mes, Switches, and subs. At least one of us, probably more, will be able to answer your sincere questions, should you ask.


Caution: This thread is not an appropriate place to tell us that you don't like what what we do with our sexual lives. There's been enough of that already; this is just a place to ask questions and get some answers from people who actually do this stuff in our everyday lives.

If you feel that you *must* inform us that you disapprove of our doing what we do in a safe, sane, and consensual manner with our partners, please go post your objections on the General Board; we'll most definitely answer you there. This is simply a question-and-answer thread.

I thank you in advance for respecting the calm nature of this one small thread,
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Old 07-20-2001, 04:05 AM   #2
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My Questions...

I don't think I completely understand what it involves?

How and why did you get started in this?

How did you figure out that it turned you on?
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Old 07-20-2001, 04:09 AM   #3
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i'll begin...

... with a long answer i just made to someone we all know here at Lit. Her questions were rather ordinary (no offense to the questioner, honestly!) and it made me wonder how many more poeple are thinking and wondering along the same lines. Hence, this thread.

Quote:
A Lit Regular PM’ed me on 07-17-2001 11:33 PM:
First thank you for taking the time to read my babbling - I'll try not to bore you too much.

What exactly is the difference between a 'slave' and a 'sub'? I kind of think I get it but I'm not sure. Is it that a slave turns their entire life over to their dom? Are 'slaves' not allowed to set limits where 'subs' are? Is it unusual for a woman to be a dom/top? The workshop I went to was about electric play. I found it very interesting and was very turned on. I wouldn't mind having the stuff done to me to see what it's like - I wouldn't want to seriously hurt someone. BUT what turned me on was thinking of what I could do to my partner with the items. Some people are insisting that I'm hiding my 'true nature' by not 'admitting to being a sub' but the idea of that just doesn't appeal to me. On the other hand, one of the women at this workshop was a dom with a male slave and she seemed very uncaring towards her slave. Does the fact that I'd care about my partner's feelings mean that I'm really a sub? I'm confused, can you tell?
Boy ! You ask some good questions for a newbie! Okay, here goes:

Please note: While i’ll use the word “her” to refer to a sub/slave throughout this thing, it can and does as easily refer to male subs as well. I identify with being a sub and so choose to use “her” to refer to subs in general here – just easier for me, i guess. If you wish, in future communications, i’ll use the more correct “her/him” or “s/he” when referring to subs in general. However, i’ll always use the word Dom/me to refer to both male Dominants (Dom) and female Dominants (Domme). I’ll only use Dom or Domme when referring to either a specific male Dominant (like my Master) or a specific female Dominant (like, for example, Hecate).

1. “What exactly is the difference between a 'slave' and a 'sub'? I kind of think I get it but I'm not sure. Is it that a slave turns their entire life over to their dom? Are 'slaves' not allowed to set limits where 'subs' are?”
.....a. “sub” = submissive. All submissives are not the same. Some of us like and need pain with our sexuality, some of us fear pain and want only to serve, some of us need humiliation, some of us need a very supportive loving environment, some of us crave multiple partners. All of us are as individual a group of people as any other group.
.....b. In general, “slave” refers to a sub who has given her Dom/me permanent and far more freedom to choose for her in all situations than most subs. Slaves are always more experienced submissives who know what they need and have found the Dom/me who mirrors her needs. Exception: some subs play at being called slaves and some Dom/mes like to call their subs “slave”. The old ways are changing rapidly in this new era of net communication.
.....c. All submissives set limits. If you ever meet one who boasts that she doesn’t, please ask her if she’d kill herself if her Dom/me indicated she should. See? We all have some limits. Slaves may have less limits than most subs simply because they are more secure in who they are and what they need – and because they tend to be so much more experienced in BDSM practices.
..........i. For example, I have no safe word with my Master and I never have. I consider myself slave to him; he considers me his slave. It would be unwise and unsafe for both newbie sub and newbie Dom/me to ever ever play without a safe word, however, since they are still learning not only what they need but how to guide that need and channel it through another person. My Master and I are long past that, and not only with each other but in our lives as sub and Dom.

2. “Is it unusual for a woman to be a dom/top? The workshop I went to was about electric play. I found it very interesting and was very turned on. I wouldn't mind having the stuff done to me to see what it's like - I wouldn't want to seriously hurt someone. BUT what turned me on was thinking of what I could do to my partner with the items.”
.....a. It is not unusual for a woman to be Domme. It is less usual than it is for a man to be Dom, but it is not unusual.
.....b.Almost every good Dom/me I’ve ever known has had done to her what she does to others. Many have spent some time as subs, to be honest, and know what it is to submit. There’s not a good Dom/me in the world who would willingly hurt (in a bad way) his/her sub. Your ***primary*** responsibility, at all times (not only in sexual situations), is to the safety and well-being of your sub. It is to you that they entrust not only their physical well-being, but their emotional stability as well.
.....c. If the thought of doing to others with electrical toys turns you on, baby – you’re a Domme. Okay, maybe a switch. Definitely not all sub though.

3. “Some people are insisting that I'm hiding my 'true nature' by not 'admitting to being a sub' but the idea of that just doesn't appeal to me.”
.....a. Fuck ‘em. They don’t live in your skin. Don’t have your needs. Don’t have your fantasies. Don’t have your desires. Fuck ‘em. Smile politely and walk away.
.....b. You’ve got your answer already. Later, if you find that Domming doesn’t appeal to you, well, try being on the bottom for awhile. It’ll either be where you belong or give you extremely valuable insight into what we feel and need.

4. “On the other hand, one of the women at this workshop was a dom with a male slave and she seemed very uncaring towards her slave. Does the fact that I'd care about my partner's feelings mean that I'm really a sub?”
.....a. Again, that Domme and that sub NEEDED that kind of (seemingly) uncaring relationship. They were getting out of it what they needed. Such a thing would not work for me, I can tell you that, and doesn’t seem to be what would work for you, either.
.....b. There’s a billion zillion quadrillion people out there, all of whom need different stuff from their personal relationships. A quarter of them are interested in some kinda BDSM thing. Some of them will be interested in what you’re interested in. Don’t ever ever ever settle for something that doesn’t fit.

5. “I'm confused, can you tell?”
.....a. We’re all confused. We’re all walking our own paths, trying to do the best we can without hurting too many people in the process. Just human nature, babes.

6. “I wanted to talk to someone from here that I trust to be honest with me.”
.....a. Well, thank you. I’m really flattered. I’ll be as honest as I can and give you the best info I know how to give.

7. “My friend who I attended the workshop with said I should ask questions and also gave me a book called SM101 to read.”
.....a. Good book. Good advice.
.....b. Why were you going to an electricity seminar anyway? That’s kinda advanced play for you, Lady Newbie Domme, isn’t it?
.....c. Here’s a few sites for you to read up on BDSM stuff:

Dominants in Controlled Kink (DiCK) – EXCELLENT resource for newbie Dom/mes
http://members.aol.com/MasterNik/Homepage.html

The Beginners Guide to Dominance and Submission – excellent basic beginners overview
http://www.cyberhell.net/DsGuide/index.asp

BDSM Newbie Guide – I always point new people to this page. Fast easy reading and good info.
http://www.sxysadist.com/RG_Newbie.htm

Mistress Steel – has been around and publishing since before the net – she’s someone I want to meet before I die. This stuff is likely to be wa
y too much for you right now, but peek in and save this link for later (months, maybe years from now), after you know more, when your questions are getting more sophisticated.
http://www.steel-door.com/Chamber.html


There’s a LOT of not-so-good web pages full of info out there. Beware. Please feel free to ask anything else you want to know.
cym
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Last edited by cymbidia : 07-20-2001 at 04:13 AM.
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Old 07-20-2001, 04:25 AM   #4
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Thank you...that covers it for me. Just felt a little uneducated.
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Old 07-20-2001, 04:31 AM   #5
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Re: My Questions...

Quote:
Originally posted by PacificBlue
I don't think I completely understand what it involves?

How and why did you get started in this?

How did you figure out that it turned you on?
Hmmm. I'm feeling kinda helpless to answer your first question. "It" is a lifestyle, like being a vegetarian or training for and competing in biathalons. "It" is also a style of sexual play. "It" can be as much a part of your life as want, or as little.

BDSM = Bondage Discipline Sadism Masochism.

Additionally, the middle two letters, DS, are always taken to mean Dominance and Submission, often abbreviated D/s.

"It" involves, though this is WAY oversimplified, relationships in which the power wielded by one of the partners exceeds that of the other, always within the sexual arena, often outside it as well.

How and why did i get started?
I've been actively sub since the begining of my first sexual relationship. I've always been sub. It does not mean i'm stupid or uneducated or cannot get/hold a good job. It means only that i'm sexually submissive.

How did i figure out that it turned me on?
My very first lover was Dom and recognized in me the need to submit, the willingness to bend, and the ache to offer my submission to one who knew how to use it to benefit us both. I was incredibly fortunate not to have lost years to pretending a sexuality that doesn't fit my deepest needs. I've been actively sub for more years than many Literoticians have been alive.

Did i fully answer your questions?
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Old 07-20-2001, 04:37 AM   #6
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Yes, that answers my questions. Thank you.
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Old 07-20-2001, 09:46 AM   #7
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If your master tells you to do something that is against your normal moral code, do you do it? What if he tells you to lie, cheat or steal for him? Do you trust that he has your best interest at heart and just do it? Is the risk of jail enough to keep a slave from doing what a master commands?

What about something that isn't necessarily illegal, but just not very nice? For example, what if you knew someone was gay but had not come out of the closet. If your master told you to do it, would you "out" that person to the world? What if it was an affair you knew about? Anything that might hurt someone if others knew it in their real life. Would you announce that info to people in RL at the risk of hurting the people involved if your master told you to do so? What about if he TOLD you to do it to hurt them on purpose?


Where does your judgment end and his start? Good timing on getting this thread started!
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Old 07-20-2001, 12:11 PM   #8
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Good questions, Chey. They boil down to, i think, “Are you still a person inside a D/s relationship?”

My short answer is this: i’ll go to jail for no one and i’ll not hurt anyone else unnecessarily. I give my trust, sub to Dom/me, only very grudgingly.

I cannot imagine being sub to someone who would ask me to do the kinds of things you’ve outlined. In my life, those to whom i have offered my full submission, those i have called “Master” or “Mistress”, are few indeed. There have been many more along the way that i learned from, that i used (in a positive way) to grow in different aspects of my understanding of myself, but there was no real bond between us beyond that of normal intimacy; i was not collared, in our terms. Hence i was always free to think and act for myself. And i’d never act so irresponsibly as that which you’ve outlined.

Within a collared bond, like the one i share with my Master now, i am not free to disobey what he tells me to do, illegal or “just not very nice”. But Chey? I’ve picked my Master very carefully. I know his morals are much like mine. I trust he will never ask me to do that which would be illegal or not nice. Such is not his way, not mine.

I’m very aware of the ramifications involved in choosing who i will call “Master” or “Mistress”. There are those, sadly, who are not. There are those who may, for whatever reason, find themselves in the situation you describe. These words are for them.

A Dom/me has, as his highest duty to you, the absolute obligation not to damage you in a bad way. If he wants something from you that is just **wrong** for you, your obligation is to talk to him about your fears. You must always be open to him about what you’re feeling, needing, afraid of. He cannot protect you, guide you, and lead you both to a fuller expression of that which lies between you without your honesty and trust.

If you tell him that you are afraid of doing a thing and he insists that you must, you must ask yourself if you **can** do whatever it is, as a person. If you cannot, not without too much agony and stress, then you may have to disobey.

If you disobey, he has the right to punish you (and not that creepy sex kinda whip-me-beat-me-make-me-cum-oh-baby-yeh crap that passes for “punishment” in so many BDSM stories either).

You may need to reconsider the wisdom of being collared to one who doesn’t appear to have your best interests at heart. Either you two are not well matched in your needs or he is testing you in a particularly bad manner. In any case, if you cannot trust him to always act with your safety and well being in mind, then perhaps it’s time to reconsider your alliance with this particular Dom/me.

Personally, i’d not do anything that crossed my personal code of honor and if my Dom asked it of me, i’d be shocked and probably begin doing some serious thinking about the advisability of continuing the relationship.

We are always still people, we submissives.
We are valuable to our Dom/mes.
Good subs are indeed precious and hard to find.
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Old 07-20-2001, 12:15 PM   #9
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geeze. sorry.

The preceeding was me, long-winded and exceeding verbose, as usual. Now you can color me a nice bright shade of red, too, face not butt (so there's not even any pleasure involved, dammit).
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Old 07-20-2001, 01:57 PM   #10
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In what way does he punish you if you disobey? I am not being judgemental I am curious what punishment is outside of the erotic for people in such relationships. I am trying to understand what motivates one to accept that she or he is in need of punishment.
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Old 07-20-2001, 01:59 PM   #11
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Double post
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Old 07-20-2001, 02:17 PM   #12
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This is a question that would really benefit from answers from BDSM people other than me. My viewpoint is limited strictly to *me*.

For me, only for me, most of the real punishment i've earned in my life has taken the form of a withdrawal of affection for a time, a coolness of attitude for a specific period, maybe, or sometimes a physical separation for a little while.

I wilt under such deliberate emotional distance; it affects me right in the heart of my submission to my Dom/me, my ache for thier love and approval, and my need to be found acceptable to them. This kind of emotional punishment is very effective for me, with me, on me.

However, in order for this to be effective punishment and not a thing of emotional abuse or blackmail, it must have finite edges. It must have a beginning and end. It must have "lessons to be learned" clearly inscribed on the experience.

I have been physically punished in a horrible way only once. It was when i was very young and inexperienced and didn't know how to say "no, this is wrong". Since i'm a masochist, physical punishment of me would have to be extreme indeed to be at all effective - and anyone i give my submission to would not go that far, would not damage me in that way.

The subject of punishment, real punishment, is a thing of queasiness at best for most outside the lifestyle; i understand that.

Real punishment (not that play stuff popularized in trashy BDSM stories) is required when one like me violates her Dom/mes orders so badly that a lesson must be taught and learned quickly and permanently. Real punishment is always (in my mind) a thing of stunning rarity and impermeable memory for both Dom/me and sub.
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Old 07-20-2001, 02:29 PM   #13
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Cool Lazer is Gingersnap

Thanks for your answer the withdrawal of affection is something I can relate to my personal experience in relationships. Whenever I become really angry with someone I love I too need a cooling off period and that could be construed as punishment by my partner. I appreciate your candor as always cymbidia.

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Old 07-20-2001, 02:53 PM   #14
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To the other BDSM people here:

I'm monopolizing this thread. Therefore, i'm going to bow out of the BDSM answer-business now, for awhile, and stop hogging the show.

As you know, Lit posseses a number of really good, talented, verbal, and able BDSM people, most of whom can answer questions with as much or more reality and skill as i try to impart. I honestly do *not* want to run this show singlehandedly, and if i keep sticking my big nose into this thread, that's what'll keep happening.

I apologize for my greediness.
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Old 07-20-2001, 03:13 PM   #15
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Here a few lines of a letter I once wrote, trying to explain my attitude....

...I think it is about time to reveal some more about me - since you seem to be rather serious about your willingness to learn and to explore I think it just fair to let you know whom you will be dealing with.

For two reasons: First of all to serve me better and be my joy and pleasure

second reason: my point of view may not be something you share - and it is (still) your right to step back and find an environment to live up to your dreams... (*smiles* although I do have a feeling that we already have reached an amazing level of trust and understanding)

So what do I think about dominance and submission?

For me the setting for domination and submission is comparable to a garden, seeing the Mistress as the gardener and the slave as a plant. Picture a rose bush in a lovely garden... it has been planted for one purpose only - to please the owner of the garden and thus the owner of the rose. It is planted and starts to grow - but only the gardeners caring hand will make it achieve the full blossom and beauty that it is capable of. This "growing into the right direction" does mean that sometimes some force has to be applied by the gardener, to direct the rosebush into the direction the owner wants it to grow ... either be tying it up or by cutting away any branches that do not fit into the picture. On the other hand all that may only be done to a degree that enhances the beauty and character of the plant. Never must a bond be too firm to not allow the juices to flow, never must be cut away too much to leave the plant too weak.

And that is valid too for the relation between a Master / Mistress and a slave just the same ... a good Mistress will bend and form her slave to her liking, but never loosing his own personality and character out of sight .. well, that is why she chose him in the first place, so why should she want to change him in these respects as well? ...


I do not know if I have found the right or adequate words to explain my attitude or feelings, but in any case it will give you an idea. The point I want to stress is that I am not interested in humiliating or hurting my slaves for my own pleasure but to teach them something about their own limits and my desires. I am not a cruel Mistress, but will not tolerate disobedience or thoughtlessness in my slaves, since I expect them to trust and serve me completely - and if punishment is deserved it will be administered.

There are a few reasons for "punishment", mainly for me: I have to be able to trust my subs, trust them 100 % to follow my instructions when "at play" - it is sometimes slightly "dangerous" what we are doing when playing. So if my instructions are not followed to the point it might result in damage/harm done that I never intended to happen. In those cases you just have to realize that I am desperate, unsure of how to get across my point of needing my sub to "obey" me to the word.

Then there are the usual "fights" that are happening in ALL relations. And since in a full D/s relation it is no different than in all others I pout or am angry. Usually in those cases my behaviour is called "punishment" ... what else could it be when I am withdrawing my affection? (that is pretty much the only REAL punishment I ever administer and actually I used to rewact that way even in non D/s relations).

Looking into the heart of a D/s relation it is after all nothing but a loving partnership (with differently assigned roles maybe but based on love, trust and caring neverteless). So pretty much the same human reactions must be expected when feelings are hurt - and when helpless or desperate about "not getting through" to the other.

Did any of the above make sense at all?

One last note...

A person doing physical or mental harm to another is not a Dom/me but a criminal.

A person forcing another (even if subtle) to commit immoral or criminal acts against their free will is not a Dom/me but a criminal.

A person not cherishing and cultivating the love and trust given and abusing this precious gift is not a Dom/me but a FOOL!


*lol* I could keep going forever on that subject but I better leave it at that ... and as cymbidia said - feel free to ask whatever you feel like discovering and exploring. I only can talk about my feelings and motivations of course, and I sure am not an authority on the subject but I can try to show you "my side of the whip" :-)
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Old 07-20-2001, 05:51 PM   #16
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Most submissives have a really strong desire to please, and as long as s/he is getting nourished with positive reinforcement, there shouldn’t be need for a lot of punishment. Perhaps on the outside looking in, punishment brings to mind the sailor tied to the yardarm and being bloodied by the cat-of-nine-tails, or the slave hung from the tree limb being whipped by the bullwhip. When you couple those thoughts with the media’s perception of the dark shadowy BDSMer who’s victims are never found, it’s no wonder that the unknowing cringe at the lifestyle.

I don’t have a standard punishment. Each sub is different, and it’s best to know her mind, and what she would consider punishment. Withholding attention or affection is very powerful as already has been mentioned. I suspect there are a few people here who wouldn’t wont their online privileges suspended for 3 days.

“Oh, Sir, no Literotica for 3 days? I promise I won’t do that again.”
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Old 07-20-2001, 06:02 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally posted by WriterDom
“Oh, Sir, no Literotica for 3 days? I promise I won’t do that again.”
I have to remember THAT one .... very very good (although almost cruel *winks*) form of punishment *g*
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Old 07-20-2001, 06:15 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally posted by WriterDom
When you couple those thoughts with the media’s perception of the dark shadowy BDSMer who’s victims are never found, it’s no wonder that the unknowing cringe at the lifestyle.
I would have to agree with this statement after watching a report on BDSM on Dateline just last week. Although impressed with the honesty in which you all have shown in being willing to reveal this part of your lives, I have to admit it scares the daylights out of me. I asked the questions I did mostly because I feel largely uneducated on the matter and feel it's wrong to form on opinion on that which I do not understand.
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Old 07-20-2001, 07:33 PM   #19
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Good thread topic.........We are all learning today.........

Tell us more......................
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Old 07-20-2001, 09:21 PM   #20
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Ok, I see how a sub can pick their 'Master/Mistress' but has anything ever happened to the Dom/me's here? Like has any sub you ever had like.....fought back (bad choice of words I know and apologize in advance)...I mean like they werent comfortable with what you did to them and let their thoughts about what was done to make them feel bad be known during the session? And would that be a punishable offence, or would you and the sub talk about what happened?
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Old 07-21-2001, 03:05 AM   #21
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Keep in mind a D/s relationship isn't an instant thing. It's a relationship just like any other kind of relationship, it takes just as much time to develop.

For example, I am a switch. Most of the time, my husband is a top (we don't do Master/slave) and I am the bottom. We have spent years learning each others' desire and limitations. We also do not have a safe word, we know each other's bodies and reactions intimately. We did, however, have one in the beginning.

In the course of play, if I were to directly challenge him, I would be disciplined, ie. ignored, left alone, or told to leave the room. This is different from a "bad girl" role play. Spankings and humiliation in that setting is foreplay, NOT punishment. When I am the bottom, it is my responsibility to be honest about my needs and limits.

*Keep in mind, this is what I like. I like to play rough, but only with my husband because I know he would never, never harm me. What we do, we do willingly.*

When I am the top, discipline comes more in the form of humiliation, ie. being made to kneel, and other things my husband would rather not have discussed. But again, it goes back to respect and trust. When I am the top, it is my responsibility to respect his limits and never violate his trust.

A BDSM relationship is not something to lightly jump into. A good one can carry as much (and sometimes more) commitment as a marriage. And like any relationship, sometimes they go bad. You just have to use the same kind of sense you would choosing a life partner.
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Old 07-21-2001, 03:07 AM   #22
Silverlily
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I am going to drop this #%*@!!!! computer out of the window.

The above was me.
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Old 07-21-2001, 04:23 AM   #23
RisiaSkye
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Dropping by...

Quote:
Originally posted by SleepingWarrior
Ok, I see how a sub can pick their 'Master/Mistress' but has anything ever happened to the Dom/me's here? Like has any sub you ever had like.....fought back... And would that be a punishable offence, or would you and the sub talk about what happened?
I have been married for 4 years. Before that, I was in 2 longish BDSM relationships, both times as a Sub. I still switch, but am finding that I now prefer to Top. I will, however, Bottom for MasterMe/hubby (When he's been really good. ) So, I've seen this from both sides, at least to some extent.

First, it's important to remember that Top and Bottom choose each other. It's a mutual selection. Developing the relationship slowly, establishing trust, goes far toward reducing the chance that you'll have any kind of real(not role-played) conflict during playtime.

If, however, something makes your sub truly uncomfortable--it hurts in an overly scary or overtly threatening way, they don't feel protected, submerged memories surface (this is not terribly uncommon) and need to be sorted out, etc--it is your absolute duty to stop immediately. Submission is a freely made choice, one based on trust. Part of that trust is the total faith that you (Dom/me) will stop if they (Sub) need you to; violate that bond, and the relationship is over in all the ways that matter.

In any new relationship, or with inexperienced partners, the risk of embarrasment and/or societal hangups is greater than in an established bond between experienced master and sub. So, this is most likely to happen in those circumstances. While every person is different, the two basic patterns are pretty easy to predict.

In my first relationship as a Sub, my master stopped often, and sessions were short, giving me time to adjust, and allowing us to take more time to discuss what was happening and how we both felt about it. As a top, I follow that example. I've never had a newbie really freak out. Primarily, jittery subs just need reassurance that 1) (mostly for newbies) they're still good, respectable, successful people--kink doesn't undo all of that; and 2) (for both newbies and new-to-yous) you're protecting them and they're safe. If a Sub were truly *resisting* in a way that indicated they didn't fully embrace and enjoy serving/subbing, I would probably never have chosen them in the first place. I don't "break" people; I share a bond with a select few people that allows us to explore the possibilities for arousal offered by power play and physical restriction.

In my experience, most punishment, whatever form it takes, is initiated because a sub has been thoughtless, careless, or insufficiently committed to the moment and the master/mistress. As the top, I have a lot of responsibility: to control the environment and scene, to keep the sub comfortable and safe, to fulfill our mutual needs for power exchange, to expand our sexual bond through new experience and full development of our contracted roles. The sub has a single task, but one that takes an enormous investment of energy--to submit fully. To me, this means paying attention to my commands and heeding them fully, but also committing to the experience of submitting, not just playing along. Most punishment (as opposed to pain-infliction, which is often need-fulfilling for masochists) comes because the sub does something to indicate that they aren't fully being Sub. Treating the scene with skepticism, keeping a part of themselves guarded and uncommitted, is really the only punishable offense, in my book. Do it once, and you have to earn your way back into my graces. Do it twice, and you're back out there on your own, without a Mistress. Failure to commit is a cardinal violation of my trust, as the Top.
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Last edited by RisiaSkye : 02-04-2002 at 04:20 AM.
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Old 07-21-2001, 05:29 AM   #24
cymbidia
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Re: Dropping by...

Quote:
Originally posted by RisiaSkye
The sub has a single task, but one that takes an enormous investment of energy--to submit fully. To me, this means paying attention to my commands and heeding them fully, but also committing to the experience of submitting, not just playing along. Most punishment (as opposed to pain-infliction, which is often need-fulfilling for masochists) comes because the sub does something to indicate that they aren't fully being Sub.
I'm not really coming back and spouting off again, just offering a good (i think) quote that illustrates your point, RS. Harmless enough, yes?


"A person whose only concern is bearing the pain, or thinking of when and how to stop it, is not cooperating. He or she is just wearing down a Top."
-- Joseph W. Bean*
(http://www.fetishtemple.com/ela/joseph_w.htm)


You guys make me proud to be perverted, all of you, Hecate, WriterDom, Kitten Eyes, RisiaSky - and the rest we haven't heard from yet.

Okay, i'm going back into my quiet corner now.
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Old 07-21-2001, 11:44 AM   #25
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no topic ideas for today?
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