T'was the night before Christmas, and God was is neat. The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat!
The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook, It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook!
Mom in her teddy, and I in the nude, Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my boner and momma went dry.
Up to the window I sprang like an elf, tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon was so bright that it lit up the yard, The place was a mess, something hit it real hard.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a crooked old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of his sled, A sock on his ear, a bra on his head!
Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite, and he yelled to his team, but didn't sound right.
Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, Whoa Stupid and Putz, Fuckin' slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts!
Over the lamp post, and don't hit that tree, quit shaking the sleigh, cause I've gotta go pee.
They cleared the old lamp post, the tree qot a rub, Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on a shrub.
And then from the roof, there came a hell of a splatter, as each little reindeer emptied his bladder.
I was donning my jacket, to cover my ass, When down through the chimney he came with a crash.
"That was some cathouse!" he said with a smile. The reindeer are pooped, So I'll hang here awhile.
His suit was soaked with perfume galore, which he'd probably gotten for some nasty whore.
He walked to the kitchen and poured up a drink, he whipped out his pecker, and pissed in the sink!
I started to laugh, my wife smiling with glee, the old boy was hung, nearly down to his knee!
Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack, His toys were all gone, but some new things were packed.
The first thing he found was a black leather whip, next were some x-rated video clips.
A box full of condoms was Santas' next find, and a six pack of panties, the edible kind.
A bra without nipples, a penis extension, and a box full of goodies, I won't even mention!
A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oils, And a Dildo so long, it lay in a coil.
"This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Claus would shit, and if you don't mind, it'll be here when I split".
He filled every stocking and then took his leave, with one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.
He sprang to the sleigh, but his feet were like lead, he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.
He cursed and got up and climbed to his hitch, "Let's go ya varmints, the nights been a bitch!"
The shuddering lurch slammed him back in his chair, and he let out a belch as they took to the air.
Bending the lamp post and raking the tree, he bounced off a rooftop, and finally got free.
"I'll coming home, woman!" he sang with a smirk, "So grab both your ankles and lift up your skirt!"