Go Back   Literotica Discussion Board > Main Literotica Forums > Poetry Feedback & Discussion

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools

Old 10-27-2005, 03:31 PM   #101
flyguy69
Arch Angel
 
flyguy69's Avatar
 
flyguy69 is offline
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: earthbound
Posts: 2,661
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tristesse
Pricks love
with no heart
or conscience
beware the
sharpies.
Gimme a hug, you!
__________________
Horses wish they were hung like me.
 

Old 10-27-2005, 03:46 PM   #102
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Quote:
Originally Posted by flyguy69
Gimme a hug, you!
enveloping you in a cyber bare hug.
 

Old 10-27-2005, 03:51 PM   #103
Reltne
Petrified Poet
 
Reltne's Avatar
 
Reltne is offline
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Home for the Ageless
Posts: 313
Thank you Lauren for the mention of (Slide Over) A Memoriam for a Rose, and thank all of you who left such nice comments!

An aside: This belongs on the other thread, but this poem is already losing votes. It had eleven votes this morning and an "H". Now it is down to nine. The trollbot is on duty!
__________________
a Peom? buy Reltne: Missed Migration - 318 views, but only 8 votes and 4 comments.


What's another word for thesaurus? . . .for synonym?
What's another word for cliché? . . .that isn't trite or hackneyed?
What if there weren't any hypothetical questions?
 

Old 10-27-2005, 03:56 PM   #104
flyguy69
Arch Angel
 
flyguy69's Avatar
 
flyguy69 is offline
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: earthbound
Posts: 2,661
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tristesse
enveloping you in a cyber bare hug.
Not so tight. You're popping arteries.
__________________
Horses wish they were hung like me.
 

Old 10-27-2005, 06:07 PM   #105
bluerains
528 inception
 
bluerains's Avatar
 
bluerains is offline
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: usa
Posts: 2,777
ty rybka

I did have the words instead of numerals..and then It hit me...1's and zeros...ah ha...
gave me the impression of the web...and her hive of hate...stinging her victims in tall tales of illusion in ones and zeros...


Quote:
Originally Posted by Rybka
There are 23 new submissions to read on this the last Thursday of September, and as I always do, I bring you one non-erotic "spinner" from the archives with which to start.

Today's Past Blast:
This poem comes from August of 2002. - I found this one by Lauren Hynde on the fifth spin. This is early Lauren. I wonder how she would write it now?
***

MY Erotic Tale starts the day with his first "E" for his Soul Pearls~, perhaps thematically inspired by Liar's Pearl of yesterday, or perhaps minds just thinking alike. - Congratulation on the editor's choice MET.

***

Next to go read is Sacramental Wino by Bill Dada. This is a rough rant against religion, the Catholic Church in particular. There is no solution offered, just a tirade, but worth reading one.

***

Rebel Rose, a Lit. member for less than a month presents her second poem today. I really like this title, Between a Story and A Song.
A commenter has suggested that the poem might be better if written without rhyme. It is simply a fact that most new poets write in rhyme; because, after all, "It is a poem. . . DUH!". After awhile many poets stop rhyming, and I personally think that this is because they discover that it is far easier to write without the constraint of a rhyme scheme. Quite a few then go on to justify their decision by proclaiming that they "don't like rhymes". This always sounds a bit like "sour grapes" to me.
So Rebel Rose, welcome to Lit. and write as much rhyme as you want to. I have no problem with it, but when you do use a rhyme scheme, you usually should pay some attention to the rhythm (metre/beat) as well.

***

lobomao is another fairly new contributor to Literotica, albeit a fecund one with already two dozen poems to his credit including one coveted "E".
The closest words I know to the question asked in this poet's erotic query are pudendum or filtrum. Maybe you know a more appropriate term. Go read togue tied and see. (I am assuming that there is a "u" missing and that this is not about fish bondage.)

***

My final choice of the day is by bluerains. I only wonder if the words would be better than the numerals, but then this is a quasi theoretical work.***


Taste is always an individual thing so there may certainly be other poems out there today that you will thoroughly enjoy. If you find ones you really like on the New Poems page, please come back and tell us about them!

And please remember that our poets need your support, so Read Vote Comment Feedback. It won’t come back around if you don’t send it out!

Regards, Rybka


To A Poet, Who Would Have Me Praise Certain Bad Poets. . .
You say, as I have often given tongue
In praise of what another's said or sung,
'Twere politic to do the like by these;
But was there ever dog that praised his fleas?
~ Yeats
__________________
bluewords

links
 

Old 10-27-2005, 07:17 PM   #106
My Erotic Tale
Literotica Guru
 
My Erotic Tale's Avatar
 
My Erotic Tale is offline
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Trinity River
Posts: 3,359
Thank you for the Mention Rybka

the poem was actually written on the zmp thread and liar asked if he could play off of it. After his pearl poem I submitted mine after rearranging from a rhyme to a no rhyme style <scratching the rhyme but keeping the content> thus evolved ... Soul Pearls~

so thanks for the inspirational poem play liar~

(~_~) bows humble
__________________
Art~
My Erotic Tales(2005)
My Erotic Tails (2004 submissions)

Candy Cane

The Pussy in the Christmas Hat
(Literotica Winter Holiday story contest 2005)



"Into the Woods" (erotic fairy tales)

Soul * Pearls~
 

Old 10-27-2005, 11:23 PM   #107
Tzara
Formal
 
Tzara's Avatar
 
Tzara is offline
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Left Coast
Posts: 6,036
Lau.ren:

Thanks for mentioning both of my Wednesday poems this marnin'. I'd be happy to let you in on the great financial deal I offered Pat and Fly!

I am sorry, though, that your duties here seem to have turned your hair all white.

Nice 'do, though.

Did Prince do minuets?
Little red calèshe
Baby you're much 2 fast
Little red calèshe
U need a coach that's gonna last...
Annnnd...

...thanks.
__________________
It's very exasperating when you can't get it right.
—Donald Judd

Last edited by Tzara : 10-28-2005 at 01:59 AM. Reason: pu nc tu at io n.
 

Old 10-28-2005, 01:20 PM   #108
DJHyrrikhayne
Evolution 20XX
 
DJHyrrikhayne's Avatar
 
DJHyrrikhayne is offline
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Somewhere on the border between heaven and hell
Posts: 2,281
Since my post was moved over here from the poetry review thread, I don't know if it has actually been read, so I'm re-posting it:

I don't know if my works have been spoken of yet on this thread, and I know even less if it would be proper to do so myself, but I'm going to anyway. The first link in my signature is to my submission page here on Lit; contained within are the two poems I've submitted so far, 'Breaking The Bonds' and 'Too Far, Too Soon.' I would enjoy hearing some constructive feedback on both poems, either here or on the Public Comment Board.
__________________
(Seek me) For comfort, (Call me) For solace
(I'll be waiting) For the end of my broken heart
(Seek me) Completion, (Call me) I'll be waiting
(I'll be waiting) For the end of my broken heart


- Killswitch Engage, "The End Of Heartache"


"I apologize for having given you the impression that I actually give a damn." - Myself

My Submissions Page

Playgrounder #86 and Proud Of It
 

Old 10-28-2005, 02:03 PM   #109
flyguy69
Arch Angel
 
flyguy69's Avatar
 
flyguy69 is offline
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: earthbound
Posts: 2,661
Quote:
Originally Posted by DJHyrrikhayne
Since my post was moved over here from the poetry review thread, I don't know if it has actually been read, so I'm re-posting it:

I don't know if my works have been spoken of yet on this thread, and I know even less if it would be proper to do so myself, but I'm going to anyway. The first link in my signature is to my submission page here on Lit; contained within are the two poems I've submitted so far, 'Breaking The Bonds' and 'Too Far, Too Soon.' I would enjoy hearing some constructive feedback on both poems, either here or on the Public Comment Board.
Sorry, but I'm not giving constructive feedback to anyone with that sig line. Unless this counts.
__________________
Horses wish they were hung like me.
 

Old 10-28-2005, 02:09 PM   #110
annaswirls
Pointy?
 
annaswirls's Avatar
 
annaswirls is offline
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: on edge
Posts: 7,118
Quote:
Originally Posted by flyguy69
Sorry, but I'm not giving constructive feedback to anyone with that sig line. Unless this counts.

Hey, who gives a damn, flyboy?




heheheheh


__________________
.

"To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness." Bertrand Russell

here
 

Old 10-28-2005, 02:22 PM   #111
bogusbrig
Literotica Guru
 
bogusbrig is offline
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Berlin
Posts: 932
Quote:
Originally Posted by DJHyrrikhayne
Since my post was moved over here from the poetry review thread, I don't know if it has actually been read, so I'm re-posting it:

I don't know if my works have been spoken of yet on this thread, and I know even less if it would be proper to do so myself, but I'm going to anyway. The first link in my signature is to my submission page here on Lit; contained within are the two poems I've submitted so far, 'Breaking The Bonds' and 'Too Far, Too Soon.' I would enjoy hearing some constructive feedback on both poems, either here or on the Public Comment Board.
Maybe you just need a new chat up line?
 

Old 10-28-2005, 02:32 PM   #112
flyguy69
Arch Angel
 
flyguy69's Avatar
 
flyguy69 is offline
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: earthbound
Posts: 2,661
Quote:
Originally Posted by annaswirls
Hey, who gives a damn, flyboy?




heheheheh


Your tits are on fire.
__________________
Horses wish they were hung like me.
 

Old 10-28-2005, 04:17 PM   #113
annaswirls
Pointy?
 
annaswirls's Avatar
 
annaswirls is offline
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: on edge
Posts: 7,118
dayum!

you got anything for burnin tits Dr. Fly?
__________________
.

"To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness." Bertrand Russell

here
 

Old 10-28-2005, 04:21 PM   #114
Liar
now with 17% more class
 
Liar's Avatar
 
Liar is offline
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: 8th floor
Posts: 37,833
Quote:
Originally Posted by My Erotic Tale
Thank you for the Mention Rybka

the poem was actually written on the zmp thread and liar asked if he could play off of it. After his pearl poem I submitted mine after rearranging from a rhyme to a no rhyme style <scratching the rhyme but keeping the content> thus evolved ... Soul Pearls~

so thanks for the inspirational poem play liar~

(~_~) bows humble
Yep, it was fun. Credit where credit's due - Art started it. I just posted mine first.

And thanks to Lauren for giving mine a nod too.
__________________
stuf...mor stuf
 

Old 10-29-2005, 12:31 AM   #115
LeBroz
Let the mind roam free
 
LeBroz's Avatar
 
LeBroz is offline
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: in exile in WNY ~ missing Atlanta and the Silver Comet Trail
Posts: 2,288
Many Thanks

.
.
.

Thanks fly, for mentioning that little fun piece of mine in the New Poems thread, "A Masochist's Game?" Just a little light humor to break the stress.
.
.
.
__________________
-- from the convoluted mind of LogicalLeon

"...the poet's function is to describe, not the thing that has happened, but a kind of thing that might happen..." Aristotle Poetics

"All things excellent are as difficult as they are rare." Spinoza

"Reserve your right to think, for even to think wrongly is better than not to think at all." Hypatia of Alexandria

"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary." H. L. Mencken, US editor (1880 - 1956)

"The power to do things for you is the power to do things to you." Dorothy Parker



Submissions from
Leon Brozyna
 

Old 10-29-2005, 01:33 AM   #116
DJHyrrikhayne
Evolution 20XX
 
DJHyrrikhayne's Avatar
 
DJHyrrikhayne is offline
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Somewhere on the border between heaven and hell
Posts: 2,281
Quote:
Originally Posted by bogusbrig
Maybe you just need a new chat up line?
How is that? I know what I'm looking for, nothing more, nothing less.
__________________
(Seek me) For comfort, (Call me) For solace
(I'll be waiting) For the end of my broken heart
(Seek me) Completion, (Call me) I'll be waiting
(I'll be waiting) For the end of my broken heart


- Killswitch Engage, "The End Of Heartache"


"I apologize for having given you the impression that I actually give a damn." - Myself

My Submissions Page

Playgrounder #86 and Proud Of It
 

Old 10-29-2005, 01:35 AM   #117
DJHyrrikhayne
Evolution 20XX
 
DJHyrrikhayne's Avatar
 
DJHyrrikhayne is offline
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Somewhere on the border between heaven and hell
Posts: 2,281
Quote:
Originally Posted by flyguy69
Sorry, but I'm not giving constructive feedback to anyone with that sig line. Unless this counts.
1) That sig line is reserved for people who think their unrequested criticisms and opinions (key word there: unrequested) actually carry weight with me.

2) No, it doesn't count.
__________________
(Seek me) For comfort, (Call me) For solace
(I'll be waiting) For the end of my broken heart
(Seek me) Completion, (Call me) I'll be waiting
(I'll be waiting) For the end of my broken heart


- Killswitch Engage, "The End Of Heartache"


"I apologize for having given you the impression that I actually give a damn." - Myself

My Submissions Page

Playgrounder #86 and Proud Of It
 

Old 10-29-2005, 03:09 AM   #118
champagne1982
Dangerous Liaison
 
champagne1982's Avatar
 
champagne1982 is offline
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 7,064
Quote:
Originally Posted by DJHyrrikhayne
1) That sig line is reserved for people who think their unrequested criticisms and opinions (key word there: unrequested) actually carry weight with me.

2) No, it doesn't count.
most people let their poetry speak for them... however, most of us speak quite well without worrying about siglines and such.. have a nice day.
__________________
Get Carrie'd away.
 

Old 10-29-2005, 12:13 PM   #119
My Erotic Tale
Literotica Guru
 
My Erotic Tale's Avatar
 
My Erotic Tale is offline
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Trinity River
Posts: 3,359
Quote:
Originally Posted by DJHyrrikhayne
1) That sig line is reserved for people who think their unrequested criticisms and opinions (key word there: unrequested) actually carry weight with me.

2) No, it doesn't count.
a man with out compassion casts a shadow of gloom!


Quote:
Originally Posted by DJHyrrikhayne
Since my post was moved over here from the poetry review thread, I don't know if it has actually been read, so I'm re-posting it:

I don't know if my works have been spoken of yet on this thread, and I know even less if it would be proper to do so myself, but I'm going to anyway. The first link in my signature is to my submission page here on Lit; contained within are the two poems I've submitted so far, 'Breaking The Bonds' and 'Too Far, Too Soon.' I would enjoy hearing some constructive feedback on both poems, either here or on the Public Comment Board.
I can only point to the right way to display your poem which would be <create> a thread <asking for reads/ comments/ feedback... perhaps that will FLOW better.


I have learned from the past that when a man stands behind a big symbol, their souls the size of a thimble. Not saying I know this to be your case but since your sigline points that you don't CARE what others think...then why ask?

Art~
__________________
Art~
My Erotic Tales(2005)
My Erotic Tails (2004 submissions)

Candy Cane

The Pussy in the Christmas Hat
(Literotica Winter Holiday story contest 2005)



"Into the Woods" (erotic fairy tales)

Soul * Pearls~

Last edited by The Poets : 10-29-2005 at 12:21 PM.
 

Old 10-30-2005, 12:14 AM   #120
annaswirls
Pointy?
 
annaswirls's Avatar
 
annaswirls is offline
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: on edge
Posts: 7,118
Nice to meet you mojo_cat-- Enjoyed your Mr. Clean poem! Ranking has nothing to do with anything, as I am sure you know-- always have faith in your own favorite poems.... there is a reason for the preference.


Hope you stay around this time!

Annas

Quote:
Originally Posted by mojo_cat
*What you hope to get out of your time at lit (please include level of critique you are looking for)

I have so far and hope to continue getting the one thing all burgeoning writers need: encouragement. The crit is great, the banter is witty, but the encouragement is the real heart of the beast. NOT TO SAY I want blind praise, I am just expressing the love.

I prefer actual criticism to nit-picking. i find poetry more fluid grammatically and with the exception of obvious spelling mistakes, if I put something in the wrong place, i knew what i was doing. I want to know how the poem makes you feel, not argue with you over colons and semi-colons. I do that all day at school


*What do you hope to contribute to the poetry community at literotica? What role do you see yourself playing here?


I like to think I'm the hung-over punk. Wandering into your yards at 6 a.m. looking like shit, then shuffling off to puke in an alley, but leaving some great memories behind.

I would like to be more active on the boards now that I finally have the free time and dedication.

*How would you describe your writing?

Crosseyed & painless

As a happily medicated schizo, I have seen some sights, and I am still not sure which are excess neurons, if you follow me. I want to write it all down. I never want to forget the horror and the beauty of that inner world.

*URL to your work at lit, personal website etc.
I'm trying to turn this into an interactive piece of literary fiction, aka Griffin & Sabine, but no one else has come along yet to play, unless you count the discount pharmaceuticals community

My Lit biography in its entirety


*List of some of your favorite poems/stories you have at Lit, in case anyone wants to get a taste of your work


The poem I liked most is the one that got the worst ranking! Shows what I know.
Anyways, it's http://english.literotica.com:81/sto....php?id=191726

I have a new story which will be posted hopefully soon, called Shambala. I think it's the best piece of short fiction I have ever done.

This is a really cool idea, there are a lot of new faces and some old ones back (HI RYBKA
__________________
.

"To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness." Bertrand Russell

here
 

Old 10-30-2005, 12:17 AM   #121
annaswirls
Pointy?
 
annaswirls's Avatar
 
annaswirls is offline
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: on edge
Posts: 7,118
Hell! I see you on the passion thread and come to see your homepage with a zilluion poems.... did you write them all in that period of time? If so, damn that is amazing. I like your voice and your mind is a bit twisted which is good good good why not.

I am thinking of doing you in that Feedback thread Lauren started. I want to read through your work. Hope you stick around. good good.

annaswirls


Quote:
Originally Posted by cward2
*What you hope to get out of your time at lit (please include level of critique you are looking for)

I want to share my poetry with the Literotica community and enjoy other poets' work. Would be looking for a wide range of criticism.

*What do you hope to contribute to the poetry community at literotica? What role do you see yourself playing here?

My poetry and useful criticism for other poets

*How would you describe your writing?

My poetry is honest and emotional. I write from the heart. Whereas I write stories to entertain. I love the absurd and like to challenge the perceptions of the norm.

*URL to your work at lit, personal website etc.

http://english.literotica.com/storie...php?uid=544336

*List of some of your favorite poems/stories you have at Lit, in case anyone wants to get a taste of your work

I don't really have any favorite poems or stories. I enjoy everything that I write!
__________________
.

"To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness." Bertrand Russell

here
 

Old 10-30-2005, 03:47 PM   #122
PatCarrington
fingering the buttons
 
PatCarrington's Avatar
 
PatCarrington is offline
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: beached
Posts: 1,624
Quote:
Originally Posted by WickedEve
Well, go do it so I won't have to write a poem about you. And trust me, it won't be polite.

Mean poetry. Poets are such monsters.

hurt me....hurt me bad.

__________________


Read more of me in This Guy's sig line
 

Old 10-30-2005, 05:38 PM   #123
LeBroz
Let the mind roam free
 
LeBroz's Avatar
 
LeBroz is offline
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: in exile in WNY ~ missing Atlanta and the Silver Comet Trail
Posts: 2,288
.
And a thanks to WSO for mentioning my small little piece, "War's Vision," in the New Poems thread.
.
.
__________________
-- from the convoluted mind of LogicalLeon

"...the poet's function is to describe, not the thing that has happened, but a kind of thing that might happen..." Aristotle Poetics

"All things excellent are as difficult as they are rare." Spinoza

"Reserve your right to think, for even to think wrongly is better than not to think at all." Hypatia of Alexandria

"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary." H. L. Mencken, US editor (1880 - 1956)

"The power to do things for you is the power to do things to you." Dorothy Parker



Submissions from
Leon Brozyna
 

Old 10-30-2005, 08:16 PM   #124
WickedEve
save an apple, eat eve
 
WickedEve's Avatar
 
WickedEve is offline
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: VA
Posts: 11,374
Quote:
Originally Posted by PatCarrington
hurt me....hurt me bad.

Pat, I would enjoy hurting you, hurting you bad, but that face...
Well, I am dressed in black for Halloween, and it is that weenie time of year, so I am feeling extra wicked. Okay, I'll hurt you bad.

Du, I think the community sunday review day is already catching on. Again, thanks.
__________________
~
 

Old 10-30-2005, 08:26 PM   #125
Liar
now with 17% more class
 
Liar's Avatar
 
Liar is offline
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: 8th floor
Posts: 37,833
Quote:
Originally Posted by WickedEve
Du, I think the community sunday review day is already catching on. Again, thanks.
Totally missed this. Good idea... all I liked today have been mentioned. I'll be there next sunday.
__________________
stuf...mor stuf
 
Closed Thread


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 04:10 AM.

Copyright 1998-2013 Literotica Online. Literotica is a registered trademark.