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Old 10-23-2005, 11:37 PM   #76
Man Ray
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Post

I am such a plonker!
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Last edited by Man Ray : 10-26-2005 at 03:13 AM. Reason: Doh! Posted in wrong freakin` place!
 

Old 10-24-2005, 06:12 AM   #77
DJHyrrikhayne
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I don't know if my works have been spoken of yet on this thread, and I know even less if it would be proper to do so myself, but I'm going to anyway. The first link in my signature is to my submission page here on Lit; contained within are the two poems I've submitted so far, 'Breaking The Bonds' and 'Too Far, Too Soon.' I would enjoy hearing some constructive feedback on both poems, either here or on the Public Comment Board.

Last edited by The Poets : 10-24-2005 at 06:21 AM.
 

Old 10-25-2005, 03:41 PM   #78
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The Dog Returns

I never knew this topic was here!.. so I'll send a thanks to all reviewers who have mentioned my poems.

Someone asked about the relationship between the title "The Dog Returns" and the poem. The poem is about being into something you know is bad for you (be it involving drugs, alcohol, sex...whatever), having a sick need for it and not being able to stop yourself....just finding yourself slipping deeper and deeper.

I know no one here has ever experienced anything like that.

The title comes from the proverb, "As a dog that returns to his vomit, so is a fool who repeats his folly."

Julia
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Last edited by Curiouswife : 10-25-2005 at 03:47 PM.
 

Old 10-25-2005, 06:30 PM   #79
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Promise of Youth

Thanks Tess, for your comment on "Promise of Youth." It is as you describe and more - a darker verse comparing those adults who've given up on youthful zeal; their selves' vision denied and their faces bearing the scars of pain and fear and guilt. The other half showing what's possible as youths grow up but hold onto their vision and their faces continue to glow with the perpetual promise of all their tomorrows.

Leon
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Old 10-25-2005, 09:36 PM   #80
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Thank you for your comments on my poem Tristesse it was nice of you to mention it in the reviews.
 

Old 10-25-2005, 10:38 PM   #81
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Thank you, Tristesse, for the mention of my poems today.
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Old 10-25-2005, 11:03 PM   #82
Tzara
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Tess:

Thanks for the mention in your review. Notice is always flattering.

And hey, lose that creepy avatar! You're scaring me. I know it's Hallowe'en but, yikes! Wasn't Hallowe'en supposed to be a fertility celebration? I know you gotta bunch o'AVs that certainly make me think about fertility! Or, ah, fertileness, or f-f-fuc... uh well... They make me think of something else anyway. Certainly not happy succubi who seem to have bitten off something I'd rather they not chew.

Some of your AVs stimulate more pleasant thoughts, he says reminiscently.

aaanyway...

thanks.
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Old 10-26-2005, 12:21 AM   #83
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WickedEve
bored cow is dead. it was just a cow phase. i had some cow issues to deal with and now i'm over it.
but eves habit will eventually make a come back. eventually...
oh good good good good I am glad to hear that! not about the dead cow, of course, but about the live habit

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Old 10-26-2005, 03:17 AM   #84
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Wink

I'd rather be kissing your bum than feeling this glum!

Why? Well, because kissing your bum is such sexy fun!

So to stop my `glum`, bring home that gorgeous bum!


<--- Me, thinking of you
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Old 10-26-2005, 03:27 AM   #85
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Talking

Write a ten word poem capturing the essence of beauty?

How about...?

Your name written ten times in big bold neon lights?




As it is the Halloween season I suppose I should not be surprised that the above two `10-wordy` type of posts are being moved by some kind of poetic poltergeist so that they won't stay where they are supposed to be! I've tried to move them to the `10-word poem` thread but they keep coming back here!
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Last edited by Man Ray : 10-27-2005 at 02:43 AM. Reason: Well. it is the Halloween season...?
 

Old 10-26-2005, 11:22 AM   #86
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Man Ray
Write a ten word poem capturing the essence of beauty?
Your beauty reigns within my heart
beating proudly making sparks.


OR...


Beauty beats a song of light
growing hot, burning bright.
 

Old 10-26-2005, 03:06 PM   #87
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Thanks & Excuses

A very belated thanks to Bill Dada, 1201, Sack, My Erotic Tale, Cymry, Blue Rains and Le Broz for your comments on Black Dog Tides submitted on 5th October.Thank you for the comments. It was a piece that I was very unsure about and still am in many respects.

My excuse is that the next day I was asked to go on a 3 week wine buying tour of Bordeaux and SW> France. Helluva job but I did my best.
 

Old 10-26-2005, 07:41 PM   #88
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Well, since Eve and Fly have asked about it and twelveoone has an explanation included in his, I had better address my public comments on today's poem, Death in Amber.
Quote:
Originally Posted by WickedEve in a public comment
A question, though. Why is "of all" and "you left" on lines of their own? I can understand "departed," and the other two may be simply fine, but they seem a bit odd to me.
May I refer you to The Number Guy's comment?
Quote:
Originally Posted by twelveoone in a different comment
of all
you left.
Departed.
says something on it's own.
Thankyou, m'sieu twelve. In fact, I hadn't seen this fortuitous fact until Angeline granted me her editor's input. That's why they remain on lines on their own.
Quote:
Originally Posted by flyguy69 also in a comment
but redundencies (golden/amber, verdent/green, chill/frost) detract
I left the paired words as a playing with meaning, although these are all synonyms of the other word, they also stand alone in their definitions with differing nuances. Once again, that perceptive reader answers my questions for me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by twelveoone again
I did not see them as reducdancies rather as reinforced images, that fact that they are paired shows me deliberation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by flyguy69 getting a 2 for 1 Q & A
and why, in S2: "even though the sun yet glinted"? Does the sun dissuade lovers from leaving?
It may, a girl can hope. But, you see, this poem isn't just about lovers leaving, it's about beloved ones leaving. My grandparents both died in an autumn, less than a year apart. Several people I have spoken with about this kind of thing have also lost family in the autumn. It is a time of goodbye and amber dying. So, even though the damned sun shone, there were clouds in my sky on those days.

Thanks for your thoughts everyone,
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Old 10-26-2005, 08:01 PM   #89
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Quote:
Originally Posted by champagne1982
Death in Amber.
May I refer you to The Number Guy's comment?Thankyou, m'sieu twelve. In fact, I hadn't seen this fortuitous fact until Angeline granted me her editor's input. That's why they remain on lines on their own.
If I may, one of three poems of great beauty today.
And I guess Angeline edits as well as she writes, the value of having another eye, kudos to both of you.
 

Old 10-26-2005, 08:17 PM   #90
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Quote:
Originally Posted by champagne1982
Well, since Eve and Fly have asked about it and twelveoone has an explanation included in his, I had better address my public comments on today's poem, Death in Amber.
May I refer you to The Number Guy's comment?Thankyou, m'sieu twelve. In fact, I hadn't seen this fortuitous fact until Angeline granted me her editor's input. That's why they remain on lines on their own.I left the paired words as a playing with meaning, although these are all synonyms of the other word, they also stand alone in their definitions with differing nuances. Once again, that perceptive reader answers my questions for me.It may, a girl can hope. But, you see, this poem isn't just about lovers leaving, it's about beloved ones leaving. My grandparents both died in an autumn, less than a year apart. Several people I have spoken with about this kind of thing have also lost family in the autumn. It is a time of goodbye and amber dying. So, even though the damned sun shone, there were clouds in my sky on those days.

Thanks for your thoughts everyone,
I actually read the "lone" words as a group, and I didn't get as much out of it as 12. I see now that it's fine, champ. I was just curious why. It's my way of learning. Glad you posted this.
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Old 10-26-2005, 11:31 PM   #91
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Fly/Pat:

Thanks for the mention. I am prepared to transfer a large amount of cash that I as a displaced citizen of an unnamed but wholly honest country am trying to smuggle into the Cayman Islands. This moneys would be transferred to your bank accounts in compensations for your mentions. Please forward as soon as pissable the bank accounts information please.

I may need a small amount of seed moneys from you twos to affect the transfer.

Thanks you in advance.
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Old 10-27-2005, 12:46 AM   #92
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I'll forward the address of my Nigerian financial advisor. He had great ideas for me the last windfall.


BTW, some of us know that "shewing" is an archaic form of "showing." It hearkens back to the days of Ed Sullivan.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tzara
Fly/Pat:

Thanks for the mention. I am prepared to transfer a large amount of cash that I as a displaced citizen of an unnamed but wholly honest country am trying to smuggle into the Cayman Islands. This moneys would be transferred to your bank accounts in compensations for your mentions. Please forward as soon as pissable the bank accounts information please.

I may need a small amount of seed moneys from you twos to affect the transfer.

Thanks you in advance.
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Old 10-27-2005, 06:42 AM   #93
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forget it...
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Last edited by WickedEve : 10-27-2005 at 09:18 AM.
 

Old 10-27-2005, 09:57 AM   #94
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WickedEve
forget it...
Done.
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Old 10-27-2005, 10:06 AM   #95
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WickedEve
forget it...
You really are losing your bite. Come on, it's Halloween!
 

Old 10-27-2005, 10:44 AM   #96
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lauren Hynde
You really are losing your bite. Come on, it's Halloween!
No. lol I got an email, so that's why I'm forgetting it. Though, I still think anyone reading the "comment" will think what I thought when I read the comment. But forget it.
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Old 10-27-2005, 10:45 AM   #97
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Quote:
Originally Posted by flyguy69
Done.
Oh, go touch yourself--then tell us all about it.
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Old 10-27-2005, 10:55 AM   #98
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WickedEve
Oh, go touch yourself--then tell us all about it.
Done. But now I have to go to work. I'll tell them about it around the water cooler.
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Old 10-27-2005, 01:17 PM   #99
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Thanks for the tip on 4degree's poem-- I missed that one!
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Old 10-27-2005, 02:14 PM   #100
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lauren, fly, thank you.
and thank you to wherever that lil green E came from, last week.
i'm so not worthy,
but i write
right
from the gut.
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