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Old 01-09-2011, 07:55 AM   #5251
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two posts that shouldn't be cluttering the New Poetry Recommendations thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by El Folo View Post
I'm glad you found it creepy and uneasy. It did it's job, then.
You're giving yourself way too much credit. Your poem is written poorly.
Senna Jawa
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Last edited by Senna Jawa : Today at 07:49 AM. Reason: cosmetic
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El Folo
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Senna Jawa: You're giving yourself way too much credit. Your poem is written poorly.
Yes, I tried to capture the spirit of the unemployed, the unwashed wretches trying to make their voice heard. I appreciate the praise Senna, god bless.

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Old 01-09-2011, 08:03 AM   #5252
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thanks, guys, for the birthday wishes and flowers
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Old 01-09-2011, 09:05 AM   #5253
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I would like to point out to twelveoone that my poem is a Triolet and that is how they are written with the close repetition of lines
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Blessed are the cracked for it is they that let in the light
They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient.
But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and sincere.
If at first you don't succeed....skydiving is not for you ....
If you don't pay your exorcist .... do you get repossessed?
I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
....But I, being poor, have only my dreams, I have spread my dreams under your feet,Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.......
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Old 01-09-2011, 10:15 AM   #5254
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UnderYourSpell View Post
I would like to point out to twelveoone that my poem is a Triolet and that is how they are written with the close repetition of lines
me bad, You are absolutely right, did I give you 100, I did.
It is an absolutely useless form, no wonder I forgot that it existed. A french haiku.
Bridges shifts punctuation, so I guess that is allowable, what I was suggesting was slight word shift, which if it isn't should be.
Triolet

Robert Bridges (1876)


When first we met, we did not guess
That Love would prove so hard a master;
Of more than common friendliness
When first we met we did not guess.
Who could foretell the sore distress,
This irretrievable disaster,
When first we met?óWe did not guess
That Love would prove so hard a master.

if bridges can't do much with it, who can? It's like trying yourself up in a bag and trowing yourself over a bridge. *which in itself would be a neat trick, and the next probable subject of a senna jawa poem.
Forms exist for one purpose, to rebel against, to push it to the limit. They are dead otherwise.

I should right a poem like that - it would be a disaster
 

Old 01-09-2011, 10:26 AM   #5255
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Quote:
Originally Posted by twelveoone View Post
me bad, You are absolutely right, did I give you 100, I did.
It is an absolutely useless form, no wonder I forgot that it existed. A french haiku.
Bridges shifts punctuation, so I guess that is allowable, what I was suggesting was slight word shift, which if it isn't should be.
Triolet

Robert Bridges (1876)


When first we met, we did not guess
That Love would prove so hard a master;
Of more than common friendliness
When first we met we did not guess.
Who could foretell the sore distress,
This irretrievable disaster,
When first we met?óWe did not guess
That Love would prove so hard a master.

if bridges can't do much with it, who can? It's like trying yourself up in a bag and trowing yourself over a bridge. *which in itself would be a neat trick, and the next probable subject of a senna jawa poem.
Forms exist for one purpose, to rebel against, to push it to the limit. They are dead otherwise.

I should right a poem like that - it would be a disaster
I dare you in fact I double dare you and as everyone knows you can't back out of a double dare or be a wuss for ever
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Blessed are the cracked for it is they that let in the light
They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient.
But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and sincere.
If at first you don't succeed....skydiving is not for you ....
If you don't pay your exorcist .... do you get repossessed?
I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
....But I, being poor, have only my dreams, I have spread my dreams under your feet,Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.......
Nil Caborundum illigitimi
Sestina slut
Annie submits
 

Old 01-09-2011, 01:35 PM   #5256
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Thankyou vrosej10 for the recommendations for "Age not Withering?" and "Red Sex".

There is so much good poetry on the site from so many people, I could comment and recommend all day. "Had we but world enough and time...." indeed. It's wonderful
 

Old 01-09-2011, 02:36 PM   #5257
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Jeez!

Quote:
Originally Posted by fridayam View Post
There is so much good poetry on the site from so many people, I could comment and recommend all day. "Had we but world enough and time...." indeed. It's wonderful
No kidding friday--what the frick happened here? So much kewl stuff, but I got brain dead after reading about 30. Keep it up, folks. You have made me happy, sad, pissed, confused and tired as all get out.

There is some very compelling poetry this week. Kudos to all of you sharing; me likes; me thinks you're swell

...me needs to pee. Bye!
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Old 01-09-2011, 03:07 PM   #5258
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UnderYourSpell View Post
I dare you in fact I double dare you and as everyone knows you can't back out of a double dare or be a wuss for ever
I will, without fear of being called a wuss, not even bother with a Triolet.
Just stopped by, to say that today, everybody got a 100 except for one non score.
Despite the fact Senna called me a panderer once for doing so, he got one. I may have handed out a few 75's in the previous weeks. I probably will no longer do that. I have regretted one non 100, because some dumb ass contest was going on, that I didn't know about, and because of that the better poet lost.
When I go through new poems, I am usually in high edit mode, so unless you get a very detailed or extremely sarcastic comment - you got 100, because I miss things, and am not ashamed to admit it.

I have regretted handing out 100's more.
 

Old 01-09-2011, 05:32 PM   #5259
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I'm too busy reading and commenting to write so forgive me for landing you with too many rhyming forms they are easier than free forms!
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Blessed are the cracked for it is they that let in the light
They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient.
But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and sincere.
If at first you don't succeed....skydiving is not for you ....
If you don't pay your exorcist .... do you get repossessed?
I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
....But I, being poor, have only my dreams, I have spread my dreams under your feet,Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.......
Nil Caborundum illigitimi
Sestina slut
Annie submits
 

Old 01-09-2011, 06:08 PM   #5260
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This may not be the right place to raise this but several people have taken me to task for the use of "it's" in Omerta.

I may be old-fashioned, but "it's" has not only meant "it is" to me but "it his", which is an old form of the contraction: both the forms in Omerta use this latter contraction.

Am I wrong? Was I taught badly? It sounds right when I say it uncontracted
 

Old 01-09-2011, 06:17 PM   #5261
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fridayam View Post
This may not be the right place to raise this but several people have taken me to task for the use of "it's" in Omerta.

I may be old-fashioned, but "it's" has not only meant "it is" to me but "it his", which is an old form of the contraction: both the forms in Omerta use this latter contraction.

Am I wrong? Was I taught badly? It sounds right when I say it uncontracted
i know we've had this conversation before, friday, lol.

all i know is that i never learned the it his version so don't know if it ever was right. the fact is, m'dear, does it have a place in a poem written in this era when it is unknown by most if not all and so creates a trip-up in an otherwise wonderful read? is it really worth hanging onto that old form at the expense of this gem?

as for old forms (grins) i am sure i learned in primary school that we had it's and its', whereas nowadays the possessive is, of course, its. i did go hunting that one up and found i was right in being taught it back then but it was soon changed. but then again we were also taught about ain't being a'i'n't, though my mother would regularly point out that ain't ain't in the dictionary
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Old 01-09-2011, 06:23 PM   #5262
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i seem to have lost a comment i left on bulltlr's poem. i'm sure it posted. perhaps it got eradicated...
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Old 01-09-2011, 06:28 PM   #5263
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ok, i'm gonna say this here and now to prevent any mistaken feelings by anyone of being ignored or snubbed or overlooked:

*breathes*

Quote:
I will do my best to comment on as many subs as I can but if I don't get to yours it means nothing more than I don't have the ruddy time! And I bet most of you guys are all feeling the same, so when i post mine and anyone doesn't comment on them i will not start to imagine all sorts of terrible things or get twelveoone to make voodoo dolls with me
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What strange machinery lies between her ears
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Old 01-09-2011, 06:35 PM   #5264
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chipbutty View Post
i know we've had this conversation before, friday, lol.

all i know is that i never learned the it his version so don't know if it ever was right. the fact is, m'dear, does it have a place in a poem written in this era when it is unknown by most if not all and so creates a trip-up in an otherwise wonderful read? is it really worth hanging onto that old form at the expense of this gem?

as for old forms (grins) i am sure i learned in primary school that we had it's and its', whereas nowadays the possessive is, of course, its. i did go hunting that one up and found i was right in being taught it back then but it was soon changed. but then again we were also taught about ain't being a'i'n't, though my mother would regularly point out that ain't ain't in the dictionary
I'm quite a stickler for grammar, me Still not sure I'm wrong, old (form) or not!
 

Old 01-09-2011, 08:03 PM   #5265
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Poet Guy thanks vrosej10 for mentioning his poems "Song of the Derivatives Trader" (which should be "Villanelle of the Cashiered Derivatives Trader" but that exceeds Literotica's character limit for titles) and "La Diada de Sant Jordi" on the recommendations thread. He also thanks the many poets who commented on one or both of these poems: Angeline, chipbutty, greenmountaineer, Liar, Senna Jawa, Sweet Oblivion, theognis, Tristesse2, twelveoone, UnderYourSpell, and vrosej10.

Several of these comments were especially helpful (e.g., SO's teaching me a new word: "louche"), but Poet Guy would especially like to thank Senna Jawa for his lengthy and very interesting comment on "La Diada".
 

Old 01-10-2011, 04:06 AM   #5266
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fridayam View Post
I'm quite a stickler for grammar, me Still not sure I'm wrong, old (form) or not!
squench it his essence
eradicate it his soundlessness


? the way that reads to me is as if the 'his' ought to be in brackets - an aside, or there should be a dash between it and his, as 'squench it - his essence/ eradicate it - his soundlessness'

sorry, friday, we'll have to agree to disagree on this one; contracting them to it's doesn't work for me at all, however i try to look at it.
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What strange machinery lies between her ears
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Old 01-10-2011, 09:55 AM   #5267
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fridayam View Post
This may not be the right place to raise this but several people have taken me to task for the use of "it's" in Omerta.

I may be old-fashioned, but "it's" has not only meant "it is" to me but "it his", which is an old form of the contraction: both the forms in Omerta use this latter contraction.

Am I wrong? Was I taught badly? It sounds right when I say it uncontracted
Whether it's right or wrong everyone else aren't going to know especially if they aren't a reader of the forum and are going to assume that you typo'd 'it is'
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Blessed are the cracked for it is they that let in the light
They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient.
But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and sincere.
If at first you don't succeed....skydiving is not for you ....
If you don't pay your exorcist .... do you get repossessed?
I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
....But I, being poor, have only my dreams, I have spread my dreams under your feet,Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.......
Nil Caborundum illigitimi
Sestina slut
Annie submits
 

Old 01-10-2011, 02:05 PM   #5268
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Congratulations to Fridayam on his Red H's !
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Blessed are the cracked for it is they that let in the light
They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient.
But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and sincere.
If at first you don't succeed....skydiving is not for you ....
If you don't pay your exorcist .... do you get repossessed?
I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
....But I, being poor, have only my dreams, I have spread my dreams under your feet,Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.......
Nil Caborundum illigitimi
Sestina slut
Annie submits
 

Old 01-10-2011, 03:52 PM   #5269
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UnderYourSpell View Post
Congratulations to Fridayam on his Red H's !
I didn't know I had any. Is it a good thing or should I see a doctor?
 

Old 01-10-2011, 04:16 PM   #5270
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fridayam View Post
I didn't know I had any. Is it a good thing or should I see a doctor?
It's a good thing. It means a lot of people are reading and voting on your poems.
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Old 01-10-2011, 04:26 PM   #5271
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My heartfelt thanks to all who have left comments for me, even anonymous who was very kind, for once.

As a result of PoetGuys excellent 2011 challenge the number of comments and critiques left has grown hugely which is great.....but means, for me anyway, difficulty in staying current with posting my gratitude.
 

Old 01-10-2011, 04:50 PM   #5272
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tristesse2 View Post
My heartfelt thanks to all who have left comments for me, even anonymous who was very kind, for once.

As a result of PoetGuys excellent 2011 challenge the number of comments and critiques left has grown hugely which is great.....but means, for me anyway, difficulty in staying current with posting my gratitude.
Well said, expresses just how I feel. This is proving to be an excellent challenge with so many good poems to read and comment on every day. I really appreciate those who've given me such valuable feedback on the poems I've posted, but I am just as grateful to see our little poetry community thriving again (and love the opportunity to comment on such interesting poems as that is good for my growth as a writer!).

Kudos to PoetGuy for getting us all moving again.
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Old 01-10-2011, 04:54 PM   #5273
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good, init?
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What strange machinery lies between her ears
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'tender hearted...
 

Old 01-10-2011, 06:25 PM   #5274
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fridayam View Post
I didn't know I had any. Is it a good thing or should I see a doctor?
To get one is fabulous to get two in one week ........ wowwwwww !

Quote:
Originally Posted by Angeline View Post
Well said, expresses just how I feel. This is proving to be an excellent challenge with so many good poems to read and comment on every day. I really appreciate those who've given me such valuable feedback on the poems I've posted, but I am just as grateful to see our little poetry community thriving again (and love the opportunity to comment on such interesting poems as that is good for my growth as a writer!).

Kudos to PoetGuy for getting us all moving again.
Helpppppppp I feel like I am running at top speed but still going backwards I can't keep up so if I miss anyones masterpeice please forgive me
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Blessed are the cracked for it is they that let in the light
They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient.
But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and sincere.
If at first you don't succeed....skydiving is not for you ....
If you don't pay your exorcist .... do you get repossessed?
I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
....But I, being poor, have only my dreams, I have spread my dreams under your feet,Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.......
Nil Caborundum illigitimi
Sestina slut
Annie submits
 

Old 01-10-2011, 06:34 PM   #5275
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Ok, I've cancelled the doctor's appointment

Seriously, thankyou to all those who have commented on the poems lately: I have been overwhelmed by the responses. I had a period from Christmas Day to January 6th when I didn't seem to be able to stop writing, but I'm a bit tanked out now. Does anyone else feel that maybe you have written your last poem but you don't know it? I hate it when my brain is empty
 
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