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Old 03-22-2007, 07:57 PM   #2601
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Originally Posted by unapologetic
My favorite, though, is about a brief moment in nature. Jamison's Photo Prey is about an interaction between a bird and a cat captured on film.
Thank you for mentioning my alt's poem and I'm glad you enjoyed it so well. Also much thanks to those who were kind enough to leave comments. I so appreciate it.
 

Old 03-24-2007, 09:09 PM   #2602
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Thank you all for the comments and WE's mention. TRM, couldn't agree more with you about the capitalization, another MS Word massacre.
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Old 03-24-2007, 09:39 PM   #2603
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Originally Posted by darkerdreamer
Thank you all for the comments and WE's mention. TRM, couldn't agree more with you about the capitalization, another MS Word massacre.
If you really, really want to rid yourself of the caps after a hard return (line break) in MSWord, go into the tools tab and set the autocorrect option off. I find it easier to open notepad for working in, personally, since most vBboards don't keep the formatting from a .doc file anyway.
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Old 03-24-2007, 09:46 PM   #2604
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If you really, really want to rid yourself of the caps after a hard return (line break) in MSWord, go into the tools tab and set the autocorrect option off. I find it easier to open notepad for working in, personally, since most vBboards don't keep the formatting from a .doc file anyway.
I use notepad, but the NoteTab Light version of it so that I can easily edit in the italics or indent codes for submission.
 

Old 03-25-2007, 01:06 AM   #2605
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wildsweetone
spinner (again, because i can):






this review contains some constructive criticism that is intended to help some poets with their writing.


4 New Poems up today, what happened? did everyone stop writing?

first up: pilgrimage by catastrophe . i like this poem for its 'simplicity' -- that is not an insult by the way. i found it just right, not too wordy, and not too brief. i love the alliteration in this poem. there are a couple of full stops missing, but the rest of the punctuation is perfect. there is something intriguing about this poem. the words evoke a certain emotion that is given more impact again, with the last line. great writing, poet. i'm going to be reading more of your poetry.

Letting Go by relatively new poet loserstyx ... oh now this poem gets me right in my core. i like it. i like the story told. improvements? there are a couple of places that caught my eye, one was the last line in the first stanza, and the word 'getting' in stanza 4. it might just be my lack of skill showing, but i stumbled with that last line as i would normally say '...was all for'. and 'getting' just seemed to have a harsh sound, perhaps 'becoming' would be a more suitable word? the first line in stanza 3 is my absolute favourite. thanks for sharing your poem.

third up:
No Curtain Call by Curiouswife. interesting title and interesting tale in this poem. i like this poem and have been wondering if the story itself would have more impact if more anger or disappointment showed through in the writing. the length of the first sentence, seems to slow my reading, to take away the anger that i would normally expect to feel when reading 'but you're not worthy of that'. i think this poem could possibly have done with some stanza breaks. lines 13 to 18 are my favourite, they have impact and the way they line end break works well. not many poets can make commas work the way this poet succeeded.


a work of art by bourbonslut again, interesting title. two words have had me researching 'alabaster' and 'break'. i always thought of alabaster as being very hard, however that is the alabaster of ancient times. the alabaster of today can be scratched by a fingernail. so, i think i would alter the word 'break' to perhaps 'scratch' or 'graze' (the latter would work well with 'gaze' in your next line. i think 'atop' doesn't fit well here, and in line 14 'wach' should be 'watch'. towards the end, i think 'your own creation' doesn't seem quite right... the body is already created, so perhaps it would be useful to say something like 'the end result of your own creation'... that doesn't sound right to me either, but i think you might understand what i mean.



Poets, thank you for sharing your poetry today, I have learnt a lot!. Please note that these are my opinions on poems. It is up to you as a reader to form your own. Go read, go comment and keep writing!




i am away in a couple of hours and won't be back for a day or two or three, so if there are any questions or comments about my review, i'll catch up with them when i get back.
Thanks. I meant 'break' as in destroy the image that was created not literally 'break' a piece of alabaster.
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Old 03-25-2007, 01:18 PM   #2606
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hey christian, thank you for noticing and commenting on that 'spring thing'.
my MO is to have, at least one, line that doesn't belong, don'tcha know?
i always appreciate your feedback, Sir.
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Old 03-25-2007, 02:12 PM   #2607
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Thanks for the note VD, I'm going to tuck that one in my hat for further digestion. Also, glad someone munched up that Wells reference, I was hoping it wouldn't be too obscure.
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Old 03-25-2007, 03:07 PM   #2608
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bourbonslut
Thanks. I meant 'break' as in destroy the image that was created not literally 'break' a piece of alabaster.

my apologies burbonslut. it looks like i messed up the link to your poem.

the correct link is:

a work of art by bourbonslut.

thank you for your explanation.
 

Old 03-25-2007, 03:24 PM   #2609
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i'd just like to say i am learning a lot about poetry writing and reading from the reviews alone - so the reviews are not just helping the poem's authors.

i am also enjoying the comments poets are writing to help explain why they have written something in such a way that gives the reviewer pause to question them.

what a great learning curve this is.

 

Old 03-26-2007, 05:40 PM   #2610
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Thanks for the mention, Wildsweetone. I really liked the way you explored each poem in depth. I read your comments first and then read each poem. In doing so, I was able to "see" the areas that could be improved as I went. Hopefully I'll remember all those things the next time I sit down to write a poem.

Julia
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Old 03-26-2007, 05:49 PM   #2611
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wildsweetone
i'd just like to say i am learning a lot about poetry writing and reading from the reviews alone - so the reviews are not just helping the poem's authors.

i am also enjoying the comments poets are writing to help explain why they have written something in such a way that gives the reviewer pause to question them.

what a great learning curve this is.

I have to agree with you on this. I havn't been able to write much in over a month, but I read often (poems and reviews) , and this helps me see elements of poetry from a different angle.

Thanks to everyone
 

Old 03-26-2007, 07:10 PM   #2612
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Originally Posted by wildsweetone
i have no idea what the requirements are for achieving a green 'E',
me, neither. i am honestly very surprised at this, and stroked majorly.
i ain't complainin', bring it, bring it! haha...
seriously, thank you much wso for your lengthy look at my little ghost. i only centered it because it was so short. it does kinda look specterish eh? and the meaning behind those lines...shh, its a secret.
and thanks everyone for your reads and comments, to this one and the springy fuck po.

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Old 03-26-2007, 07:48 PM   #2613
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First of all thank you WS1 for the feedback and mentions, I always like to hear at least one opinion from across the world.

Responses:

Quote:
Originally Posted by wildsweetone
the first poem of two... Un by darkerdreamer. i saw the title and thought 'what?', then saw the poet and realised i was in for a read. very clever writing. i had to read it twice before i UNtangled my self. improvements would be to correct the spelling error in the last line. punctuation is excellent, in my opinion.
Just wondering about the spelling error, I think my internal editor might have shut off because I can't find it. Unless you meant unddicted which was supposed to be a play on addicted that didn't work out well. Did you mean unaddicted, or am I still overlooking something?

Quote:
Originally Posted by wildsweetone
the second poem of two... sclerotization also by darkerdreamer. obviously the title had me running for the dictionary. okay darkerdreamer you have me wondering if this is about insects or humans, war or peace. i like it. this poem has that quirky effect that i like. a deceiving depth. very cleverly written. i have no idea what i could suggest as an improvement for this poem. - i would like to hear this one in audio.
This is about the beetle in all of us, or something witty.... As for audio: I sound like a gay phone sex operator, so it will only become audio if someone volunteers to read, heh.

Thanks again.

P.S. Grats on the E, Curtman!
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Old 03-27-2007, 02:09 AM   #2614
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Quote:
As for audio: I sound like a gay phone sex operator
..ooh? hmm...

Quote:
P.S. Grats on the E, Curtman!
thank you so much, you stylin' devil you.
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Old 03-27-2007, 08:20 AM   #2615
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Empty by rachlou . in this eight line poem there is a succinctness and depth that edges towards haiku, in my opinion. the wording is clean and clear. i'm not sure if some are a little cliche, listening to the audio seems to make it sound unique. to improve, i'd suggest to this poet to try leaving the beginning line capitals out, and perhaps to consider using the entire space on a page, to free the mind and set this poem out to mirror the words. --- at the very least it would be fun trying that for this poem. interesting read.
Thanks for the review - your thoughts are always interesting and i appreciate the suggestions you made for improvement. Improvement is good!

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Old 03-27-2007, 01:05 PM   #2616
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wildsweetone
Spinner:
[center]


The Voice by new-to the-poetry-section king_wesley . i like the way each line ends with an important word. i like the story told. i think the line beginnings do not all need capitals, so i'd look to those first. i think i'd take out 'that' in line 2 and perhaps 'for' in the penultimate line. just little things. i look forward to reading more of this poet's poetry.

Thanks for the comments, I'm glad it got read. Capitals thing is noted (this was a first attempt so my grasp of the rules of poetry is on a par with my knowledge of nuclear physics.) it was more a case of Word auto-captalising than a deliberate act.

Regardless I look forward to trying again in the future.
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Old 03-27-2007, 04:05 PM   #2617
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Thank you for the mention, Vampiredust. The title "Mother Owns an Elephant" refers to the idiom "Elephant in the Room." Not sure where you are from...if you haven't heard of that idiom, it is used when someone is trying to hide something that is so big it can't be overlooked and everyone else sees it, but it is ignored for the convenience of one or more involved parties.

The poem is a personal one and recounts the many times we (children) asked our mother about our father while growing up. He was abusive, and we started to remember things as we got older. When we asked our mother what happened, she wouldn't answer because "she didn't want us to think bad of our father." However, as I grew older I started to wonder if there were other reasons she kept silent. Hence the last lines: "The victim or accomplice; she'll never tell."

Julia (Curiouswife)
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Old 03-27-2007, 04:50 PM   #2618
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2d, i was so taken with the 'UN' that the unddicted threw me right off. i should have remembered. lol

king_wesley, i'm glad my review didn't put you off. writing more is going to be helpful to improving.

rachlou, you're welcome. glad to be helpful.

4degrees, i believe you. lol

Nirvanadragons and Curiouswife - maybe one day you'll be doing reviews too!



wow... it's so nice to see people coming along and joining in the poetry forum, to be getting good use from the reviews and it's great to be able to offer help. i'm still learning myself (aren't we all?) so don't be afraid to disagree with me, i certainly don't know it all.

 

Old 04-02-2007, 04:30 PM   #2619
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42 new poems. you're kidding me.

okay give me some time while i figure this out... i'm an hour and a half late starting. lol
 

Old 04-02-2007, 04:56 PM   #2620
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Originally Posted by wildsweetone
42 new poems. you're kidding me.

okay give me some time while i figure this out... i'm an hour and a half late starting. lol
uh oh. i think i'm in trouble.
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Old 04-02-2007, 05:51 PM   #2621
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Originally Posted by 4degrees
uh oh. i think i'm in trouble.
nope. i'll swerve in and among what you've done, now that i know.

 

Old 04-02-2007, 07:33 PM   #2622
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done and added it into my review post.




if anyone has time, could they just do a fast check of my links. i think they're okay but don't have time to check them right now as i need to go to work. i'll be back in a few hours to check them/sort them out myself otherwise.

Last edited by wildsweetone : 04-02-2007 at 07:37 PM.
 

Old 04-02-2007, 08:29 PM   #2623
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Originally Posted by wildsweetone
42 New Poems up today. my apologies up front if yours is not one chosen, or if i only choose one of yours to review.


Spinner:





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

this review contains some constructive criticism that is intended to help some poets with their writing.



Illustrated Poetry:

The Essence of You by JPMMURPHY i like the image and the font used. i think the image is well presented, though slightly better clarity might improve the look. the font appears to be slightly blurred or it has the look of being processed once too many times, but it still is easy to read. the words and meaning are clear in this poem, however i do feel there are cliches that could be written in a more unique way. i like the image of the moon being a pearl.

Big Screen Television by Boxlicker101 . i never thought to read a poem (much less a form poem) about a television before. the illustration (photograph) is clear, though the horizon level is a little skewiff and could do with straightening. the words are succinct, and fairly apt and fit well. Improvements, maybe write about an armchair next time. i'd love to see what you do with that. i can't think of anything to improve for Big Screen Television - actually, yes i can. i'd think about taking a photo in a different way, maybe a unique angle or perspective that has not been used before.

Dream Catcher by new poet CarolinaHeat does not want comments, unfortunately, or else has simply not set the personal comment option to open. for what it's worth, i liked the illustration and the font is easy to read. CarolinaHeat, if you're reading this, welcome.

DireLilith gives us five of the new illustrated poems today. i like them all. the illustrations are excellent and Unexpected . Wood You? like to go and read them for yourself. don't be Fool ed into missing them and mind the Lion Call, i hear he's getting rather fiesty. it's better to have some Knowledge to what i refer when i say that these are great illustrations. to improve, there are some portions where the font is hazy due to the background. i like the strong sense of voice i get from these poems.

Zero to Sixty by Jamison . what can i say? great illustration, very well written poetry, i like the sound of 'no speed zone'. to improve i'd suggest a couple of commas (i need to get used to reading illustrated poetry i think) - or perhaps have the penultimate line indented so it begins several spaces after the line prior. great reading and fairly easy on the eye. Also, No Sushi Like Poems - well presented. fairly well written. i like how the word 'no' automatically makes me think 'yes'. one thing i wish to say to you, please think about signing your illustrations. they can be copied to computers and your signature (perhaps your ownership therefore) would be non-existent.

junkie love by 4degrees is worth a read. i like the illustration, it's not overpowering and yet when you look close, it contains impact. i like the fonts used - although have to admit to finding a couple of words slightly fuzzy and i have a feeling it's my monitor that's the problem. mortally poetic i like the illustration, though would personally prefer clarity in the smoke (i'm picky like that). i like the poem however would like to suggest that you look at the last word on each line... that is a place for maximum impact for the reader and in this case there are a couple of lines that could end with better impact, i.e. the lines that end with 'of'. i love how this poem sounds as i read it out loud.

Pulse by darkerdreamer . excellent illustration. succinct words. heavy duty impact. the words would not stand alone without the illustration - i don't know how important that is to you darkerdreamer. i like it.

The Ocean by new poet JadeGarden is worth looking at. nice illustration. the poet has not turned on the personal comments feature.



okay that's it for the illustrated. i wanted to comment on them all as it seems they are not posted on a daily basis. i'm going to grab a coffee and then will choose through the rest of today's submissions.


i'm going to wind in and around the suggestions from Curt, unless specifically asked, i'll miss the poems mentioned already. and, i'm going to miss out the poems that have obvious spelling errors (please poets, do check your poems. they're worth presenting nicely, at the very least.)




No Poem Today by WriterDom turns out to be a poem. i like how it reads out loud, those sounds sure do roll off the tongue and the poem has a nice erotic twist in its tail. to improve, i'd suggest bringing in punctuation.

frigid cunt Meaning by abaddonbubbles is a poem with a few rhyming words and a little repetition. it's brief, but the title intrigued me and still does. i like the last stanza. the lack of punctuation and quirkiness of the presentation works. i don't understand why the word 'Meaning' is capitalised. yes, it gives impact but it is still slightly difficult to read. maybe a little rewording would improve the flow.

Fifteen Royal Jewels by My Erotic Trail . i liked this poem and feel it is based on reality however i don't personally know the story. i like the line 'An 'I ran' man stole them' but question the use of quote marks around I ran - it might have more impact to leave them out, ditto the 'time out' phrase. i found the use of the semi colon very interesting here 'claimed; they' you've given me definite food for thought for that usage. i'd remove or replace the final comma with a period. we have a new law coming in here 'no spanking' and it's creating quite a furore. i like the impact of your last line too. when i look back at original poetry and then read this, i'm amazed at the growth in your writing. awesome work MET. (my sincere apologies for messing up the personal comment thing by hitting it twice.)

Swells by WFEATHER . the title caught me unawares, which is always a good thing. the presentation i.e. formation, of the poem struck me as well done. nice impact with the last line. i can't think of an improvement for this.


Coexistence by nz_marie . this is a nice poem. i would suggest to remove the initial line capitals as they are distracting (i think i've mentioned this before). i stumble a little on the word 'reality' as i'm not sure it's possible to live a reality in one's mind. bears thinking about.

The Ankle Bracelet by Thaumas . this poem is deceptively simple, gives a strong image and strong symbolic meaning. to improve? maybe remove the word 'very'... perhaps leaving that line as simply 'a symbol'... there is hefty impact in simplicity here. well written overall.

nearly there...

Burning Moon by new to poetry stolenbunny2572 . nice poem with the rhyme mostly working well. i like some of the images - burning moon, a gold worth more than money. an initial improvement i would suggest is to be consistent with your punctuation - either use it all, or perhaps use none, the inconsistency is a little distracting. also more concrete imagery would be good. welcome to the world of poetry at Literotica.

silhouettes of sun by bluerains . i love the title and i love what you are saying in your poem. however to improve, i would suggest adding in more concrete imagery so that my mind can grip and hold tight to what you are saying. i wonder if impact would be improved with this poem by allowing more space around each line?

Faces in the Water by TrevorBlack . interesting title, interesting poem and it has left me wondering did he or didn't he? hmm the poem has strong impact - for me at least. i would like to see it without the initial line capitals. well written and thanks for leaving me wondering. Read too Angels , Never and Smother - all very well written with a feeling of sparse language.

Service by WriterDom - again, well written though to improve i would strongly suggest using punctuation. there are places where it is necessary for the reading to be read correctly - in my opinion, it would be a shame to lose impact because of this. Monday is also a well written bdsm poem. i like the lines 'deep womb-like reminders/
a puckered ache of the secret rose' - very good imagery.

Please note that these are my opinions on poems. It is up to you as a reader to form your own. Go read, go comment and keep writing!


Thank you for the suggestion!!
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Old 04-03-2007, 04:11 PM   #2624
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thank you again, wso, for checking out my 2 latest illustrateds, and thank you to those who read and commented. its always appreciated.

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Old 04-04-2007, 12:52 PM   #2625
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Thank you LeBroz for the mention in the Poetry Review today.

"Did You" was written on a day where everything was being questioned in My life, leading to the extensive use of question marks. The thought of changing them before submission was there, but this is the way it was written, so I left it.

"Seasons Change" just happened one day. My brain had the idea and this is the result.

My knowledge of the dynamics of poetry is zip. I write because the words are there, and I need them out of My head. It pleases and surprises Me that others find them worth reading. Feedback and comments are always welcomed, good or bad. It is how I learn.

Again, thank you LeBroz, for your comments.
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