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Dominants that have never heard of safecalls...

I think a Dom/me that can not respect a sub's hard limits, or when he/she safe word's, is not a Dom/me. There is another word for that individual, abuser.
 
......... someone who has something to hide? " ... a Jeffrey Dommer? (and no, i can't recall offhand how he spells his last name ... but my version is almost fitting for this topic.)
 
CorsetLvr said:
I think a Dom/me that can not respect a sub's hard limits, or when he/she safe word's, is not a Dom/me. There is another word for that individual, abuser.
Click to expand...


er <obnoxious wrong answer beep>

Wrong topic actually... I don' wish to discuss dominants who are unaware of safewords, but safecalls - two entirely different concepts. Look at the link if you're not sure what I meant.



I mean okay, aside from the poser stance... how could a dominant whose done any bit of research online or met people from offline... how could such a person not be familiar with the concept of a safe call? Does it necessarily say that such a person is not truly very learned or well researched or experienced? Are they oblivious, to be avoided?


And, AA, you amuse me greatly. Nice to run into you again .


Sin, I love the latest AV ;) Very cute.
 
SkylineBlue said:
er <obnoxious wrong answer beep>

I mean okay, aside from the poser stance... how could a dominant whose done any bit of research online or met people from offline... how could such a person not be familiar with the concept of a safe call?
Click to expand...

Well, the answer is he coudln't. Therefore, he isn't genuine or experienced and is thus to be avoided.
 
safe calls, oh. I see. I am not entirely surprised they would not be aware of it. Is it the term or the concept. I was aware of the concept but did not know it was called a safe call.
 
SkylineBlue said:
er <obnoxious wrong answer beep>

Wrong topic actually... I don' wish to discuss dominants who are unaware of safewords, but safecalls - two entirely different concepts. Look at the link if you're not sure what I meant.



I mean okay, aside from the poser stance... how could a dominant whose done any bit of research online or met people from offline... how could such a person not be familiar with the concept of a safe call? Does it necessarily say that such a person is not truly very learned or well researched or experienced? Are they oblivious, to be avoided?


And, AA, you amuse me greatly. Nice to run into you again .


Sin, I love the latest AV ;) Very cute.
Click to expand...
Yep .. i agree. Before i even knew what to call what it is that i enjoy doing ... and before i even knew that submissive would be an applicable label to decribe how i prefer to be, and feel most comfortable with being in a relationship .. etc ect etc ... blah blah blah ......... One of the first things i learned prior to anything else with all of the reading i did online on the subject of BDSM and D/s-M/s relationships was the topic of SAFE CALLS. No idea how anyone else could have stumbled past the topic.

Thank you SkylineBlue ... my Master likes the shirt, just took this pic minutes ago. :)
 
Miss Diva said:
safe calls, oh. I see. I am not entirely surprised they would not be aware of it. Is it the term or the concept. I was aware of the concept but did not know it was called a safe call.
Click to expand...


either or
 
SkylineBlue said:
And, AA, you amuse me greatly. Nice to run into you again.
Click to expand...
http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2003-8/363868/JesterVampire.jpg

BOT, i would expect anyone that had read, watched, even lurked out of simple curiosity would understand the reasoning. Common sense dictates a certain level of trust must exist between people, even strangers, or you're in a war zone with all that entails. Asking for a little more regard than one would give a stranger seems a moot point.
 
SkylineBlue said:
Wrong topic actually... I don' wish to discuss dominants who are unaware of safewords, but safecalls - two entirely different concepts. Look at the link if you're not sure what I meant.
Click to expand...

Sorry about that, I guess I'm with Miss Diva on this one. I'm familiar with the concept and have actually recommended it frequently but I wasn't familiar with the terminology.
 
Master Sensei said:
Well, the answer is he coudln't. Therefore, he isn't genuine or experienced and is thus to be avoided.
Click to expand...
If he said he's experienced, but this shows he lied about it, yes, he should be avoided.
If he so far never met anyone from online, why should he know about them? If he understands the concept and is fine with it and supports it, I wouldn't see it as a problem.
I don't really understand why someone inexperienced (even when it comes to the 'lifestyle') should be avoided. We all start at some point.
It's like a company or someone seeking a new employer who is young and had years of experience. That would make it impossible for many to ever get a job, because they don't get one without experience, but they don't get experience without a job.
 
Hmmm, I figure it is either inexperience, unsafe, or wolf in sheep's clothing. F gives lectures to male subs we meet who do not make a habit of using safe calls or having any safety measures in place or mind.

Catalina :rose:
 
chris9 said:
If he said he's experienced, but this shows he lied about it, yes, he should be avoided.
If he so far never met anyone from online, why should he know about them? If he understands the concept and is fine with it and supports it, I wouldn't see it as a problem.
I don't really understand why someone inexperienced (even when it comes to the 'lifestyle') should be avoided. We all start at some point.
It's like a company or someone seeking a new employer who is young and had years of experience. That would make it impossible for many to ever get a job, because they don't get one without experience, but they don't get experience without a job.
Click to expand...

Yes, we all need opportunities to learn and grow. However, it is my opinion that a new Dom ought to watch and learn for a long time before attempting actual play with a girl. There are too many variables and things that could go wrong. I've seen it (or rather read about it) again and again. I am particularly concerned when a new Subbie and a new Dom play because of high likelihood of tragedy. Unless of course they already have respect and love for each other and go very slowly.

Yes, a person needs to be able to find work without experience, but I wouldn't expect IBM to promote some kid out of high school to some managerial position, simply because he said that's what he wants to do when he grows up.
 
chris9 said:
If he said he's experienced, but this shows he lied about it, yes, he should be avoided.
If he so far never met anyone from online, why should he know about them? If he understands the concept and is fine with it and supports it, I wouldn't see it as a problem.
I don't really understand why someone inexperienced (even when it comes to the 'lifestyle') should be avoided. We all start at some point.
It's like a company or someone seeking a new employer who is young and had years of experience. That would make it impossible for many to ever get a job, because they don't get one without experience, but they don't get experience without a job.
Click to expand...

Exactly! My Dom isn't experienced with online relationships at all. I'm his first and he doesn't like online or cyber. That is why from the beginning he made it clear that if we we're going to go forward we would have to move it to real life as soon as we could.

We haven't talked about safe calls, but I already know he totally approves of it. He plans to tell my family where he is taking me for our trip together and give them the number and location. I will be calling my daughter everyday and checking in.

I think the red flags should come up if you ever suspect the person is hiding something or being less then straight forward. My Sir has been above and beyond open and honest with me from day one. Just because he is new to the online scene doesn’t mean he should be avoided. My goodness I would have missed out on the greatest person I have ever met if I had done that.
 
That is kind of off.

I've never been to one of these munch things, I assumed it's some kind of buffet type of thing. So from reading the link I can assume that meeting someone that you only know online entails being taken to a munch and being grilled by everyone there as to your intentions/experience, etc...

Does no one ever just go out and meet for coffee anymore? It's pretty easy, she drives her car there and meets you in a public place. You talk, get a feel for each other. Next time you may meet her somewhere else and meet the friends/family and all that. They make it sound like everyone out in the world is a serial killer preying on subs.

Also, I see that I'd be expected to provide a resume of sorts with references that she can call to confirm stuff.

I'm not a big one for girls that are self destructive but to be honest if one wants to put me through all of this stuff it might not be her that is thinking of running away from it. I'd be thinking that I'm dealing with a schizo.
 
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Betticus said:
That is kind of off.

I've never been to one of these munch things, I assumed it's some kind of buffet type of thing.
QUOTE

If you want to call it a buffet, ok. It is a group that get together at a local public place and they visit.

Then they have a designated place that they can go to after the munch to do their scenes.

Rules, safe calls are in place for everyones safety, it should be standard opereating procedure.

To find out what someones experience level is generate yourself a check list, have the person answer the questions. Yea I guess some will fib or stretch the truth.

If you ask a person to do a flogging scene, set it up and let that person beat the pillow so you can watch their style.

Same with the ropes, let that person tie up a pillow, that will give you an idea.

If anyone is worth your time they will honor you limits no questions asked.
Click to expand...
 
I am suspicious of anyone who does not know about 'safecalls' even if they use a different terminology the concept remains.

Prior to D/s I often talked to and met people from online vanilla sites.

Everyone I spoke to knew about safe calls and even my 18 yr old son warned me about 'double bluff safe calls' prior to my first meeting with Andante.

He explained to me that people usually used a safe call immediately on meeting a person and then again about 2 hrs later.
Double bluff calls are when there is pre-arranged contact between you and your safe call after the second call.
Otherwise you make your call and then the mad axe wielding person chops you up into bits as people think your safe!

As a result of my sons interest in my safety I spent most of my time with Andante answering calls from him or my sister.

He also interviewed on the 'net Andante prior to my meeting him.....
 
shy slave said:
I am suspicious of anyone who does not know about 'safecalls' even if they use a different terminology the concept remains.

Prior to D/s I often talked to and met people from online vanilla sites.

Everyone I spoke to knew about safe calls and even my 18 yr old son warned me about 'double bluff safe calls' prior to my first meeting with Andante.

He explained to me that people usually used a safe call immediately on meeting a person and then again about 2 hrs later.
Double bluff calls are when there is pre-arranged contact between you and your safe call after the second call.
Otherwise you make your call and then the mad axe wielding person chops you up into bits as people think your safe!

As a result of my sons interest in my safety I spent most of my time with Andante answering calls from him or my sister.

He also interviewed on the 'net Andante prior to my meeting him.....
Click to expand...


*hugs*

If the guy admits to being new and just curius about bdsm, and you're willing to risk that anyway, I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't know anything about safe calls. But if he's saying he's been doing this for years, and has all this experience (ex subs, etc), and he doesn't know about safe calls that's a warning to you that he's a liar, and then you gotta wonder what else he's lied about. If you're lucky he's just got a wife and kids on the side.

Beyond that, safe calls are not only a BDSM idea. Anyone who's met someone from online knows about them. And if they don't they're not too bright.
 
Master Sensei said:
Yes, we all need opportunities to learn and grow. However, it is my opinion that a new Dom ought to watch and learn for a long time before attempting actual play with a girl. There are too many variables and things that could go wrong. I've seen it (or rather read about it) again and again. I am particularly concerned when a new Subbie and a new Dom play because of high likelihood of tragedy. Unless of course they already have respect and love for each other and go very slowly.

Yes, a person needs to be able to find work without experience, but I wouldn't expect IBM to promote some kid out of high school to some managerial position, simply because he said that's what he wants to do when he grows up.
Click to expand...


I'm not a Subbie nor should any of my posts that you have come across made you assume I was naive. I have posed a question here to see what others thought - mostly to see if I was being to harsh with my own thoughts... and somehow, you once again seem condesending if if the "Subbie" was more hypothetical than a direct reference to the thread starter.

And geez... not all activites in BDSM are so dangerous as to warrant such holding back.
 
Betticus said:
That is kind of off.

I've never been to one of these munch things, I assumed it's some kind of buffet type of thing. So from reading the link I can assume that meeting someone that you only know online entails being taken to a munch and being grilled by everyone there as to your intentions/experience, etc...

Does no one ever just go out and meet for coffee anymore? It's pretty easy, she drives her car there and meets you in a public place. You talk, get a feel for each other. Next time you may meet her somewhere else and meet the friends/family and all that. They make it sound like everyone out in the world is a serial killer preying on subs.

Also, I see that I'd be expected to provide a resume of sorts with references that she can call to confirm stuff.

I'm not a big one for girls that are self destructive but to be honest if one wants to put me through all of this stuff it might not be her that is thinking of running away from it. I'd be thinking that I'm dealing with a schizo.
Click to expand...


Your reading comprehension "kind of off" to quote you... "Meet in a public place, like a munch, a cafe, or restaurant and try to steer away from pubs and alcohol; getting tipsy will cloud your judgment"

Coffee is mentioned as an alternative to going to a munch for a first meeting here.
Being unable to properly read through the material if you're going to quote or paraphrase it - makes me sort of discount what you're saying right from the begining... sorry!

Plus, I was talking about the overall concept of using a safecall - not necessarily abou tthis particular author's suggestions on the best way to prepare and execute a safecall. My reason for providing this article was that on the chance one of the lurkers or posters WAS unfamiliar with the terminology - could be introduced to it and in my laziness, this was the first link in my bookmarks that met my requirements.

And uh, you're the schizo cruising for midgets at nightclubs and reading the onion for weight loss tips.
 
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