Question for subs: physical pain and tears

Date Joined Sep 2004
Total Posts : 6
Posted Today 8:34 AM (GMT -7)
I like spanking since I was a young boy and this passion is still present in my life.
I have had a few partner who enjoyed being spanked (in total 6 during my life), in some cases even quite strongly, using straps, paddle and cane.
The aim has always been to get mutual pleasure and excitement and not hurting, even if a considerable ammount of pain was always involved, sometimes a lot of pain.
Watching and comparing their reactions is an important part of my enjoyment: all of them have a quite high pain tolerance, some of them are more vocal, other like squirming, one was always very stoic, trying to stay still and silent regardless of the pain she was feeling.
Two of them were often in tears after strong punishment, they didn't mind crying and they considered tears part of the game: when pain was too much they were not trying to fight against something that they considered a natural reaction.
Other three were instead fighting back tears as much as they could, crying only when the pain was really unbearable (only a very few times, since this has never been the aim of the game).
I've never seen the stoic one really crying; only a couple of times I saw her with teary eyes. She was (and still is) very proud and considers crying a sign of weakness not acceptable for a grown up woman, that she refuses and fights in any possible way.
I'm quite sure that it's only a matter of ammount of pain to reduce her to tears as well, but I'll never try, unless she asks me.
For all of them pain and tears are anyway connected; some of them gives in more easily, other fights more or less, but they all fell tears coming when pain exceeds a certain level, according to their pain threshold.

Reading your messages I descovered that some people don't even feel tears and pain connected, they don't cry or shed tears even after a hard spanking, simply because tears don't come. Some people would even like to be able to cry during a punishment, but cannot.
I was surprised and for this reason, and statistic purpose, I kindly ask all of you to share your experiences and to take part to the poll.

Thank you for your cooperation.

i'd cried in reaction to physical pain when i was a child (scraped knees, stubbed toes, etc ect). i've never been brought to tears in responce to physical pains experienced as an adult. i gave birth to two babies, with no drugs, both of them being vaginal births, with one being breech (and no ... not feet first in this case, it was a case of the baby being folded in half and presenting butt first), the other being close to 9 lbs. i think if i have ever had reason for crying due to physical pain, it would have been during either of those two experiences. Crying is simply not how i cope with, nor how i react to pain.

It's more likely that when i do, i cry in regard to emotional pain.

i think if i recall correctly, the topic of tears/crying has been covered before. For more information you might also try browsing the topics of the BDSM LIBRARY Thread ... it's the thread located at the top, here on the BDSM TALK section of the forums .

I think my tears usually come from emotional reasons more so than physical. When Dawnie punishes me, it usually involves a rather painful hairbrush spanking, and my pain tolerance is very very low when I'm getting a punishment as the disappointment that goes with it is hard for me. So I'm not really sure if I am crying from the pain, the disappointment, or a combination of both. I would have to say probably a bit of both.

LOL, like SinnOcent I have had 2 natural births, one long and both with difficulties such as breech and the second was over 9 lb, but apart from some groans I needed here and there to just give that extra bit, there were no tears. Tears also were not a part of my earlier SM experiences even though they were as severe as any I have now, but it has become a part of some of our experiences now when there is the right combination of pain and other things which may be unrelated and bring on the ability to release in this way. As dacryphilia is something he is into, to deny him the pleasure of my tears would be selfish, but even so, they are not something I can force or imitate....just something I have learned to accept and rejoice in for their beauty.

Catalina

I'll cry over unexpected pain, like hitting my head on a cupboard door, but usually not anything expected. I've had three cesarians, and didn't cry. As long as I'm expecting it I can bear it.

I'm a bit of a fighter but not in the sense of holding back tears. I fight letting myself feel the pain, I just block it out, when I do that I don't feel like crying, when I give in to the pain it is somewhat of a relief, (not sure thatt's the right word) crying at first.

Dont cry unless its emotional,( usually the empathic type at anothers suffering,not my own) and then its just the tears rolling down my cheeks unbidden and choked up feeling. Last time I blubbered I was uncontollably angry and frustrated.

Physical pain never.Its probably an ego thing.

Pain doesn't make me cry, even when it's not good pain. My tears are expensive that way.

I do cry, if the pain is substantial enough. As others above have stated, I've given birth.. so that's my litmus test of pain. If you're not hurting me like pushing a watermelon out of an opening the size of a peach pit.. it ain't that bad. I didn't cry in 18 hours of labor.. I guess I can manage some whipping and spanking.

C does like to see it.. so he'll sometimes push until I cry. I'm a strong person, and I think it is arousing to him to see me be softer that way. It's easier to get tears out of me due to shame.. if I've angered him, or done something really wrong and he gives me that disappointed look.. I can feel the tears well right up.

Tears come with the pain for me but in a very different way. There is this odd transition point where the pain is absolutely exquisite....then the tears come, silently and from the overwhelming pleasure pain is.

Hmmm. The question isn't exactly BDSM limited.

I have never cried to minor paddlings I have had. Very minor because I have subbie test some equipment on me just so I know what kind of sensation it causes. Makes my choosing it mean more. Personally, I do not like pain. It is not my friend.

I don't cry for medical procedures. Well, not since the spinal tap when I was 13, but that was fear. Doc refused to explain what he was doing back there.

Otherwise, I have been in chronic pain 24/7 for 22 years and I only cry when it gets to be too much. Sometimes the simple fact that it is so constant breaks down my barriers and I cry. But I don't spend my days and nights crying unless there is a serious pain increase.

I cried when my sister gave birth, but I don't think it was labor pains. I am far more likely to cry for emotional reasons.

I actually didn't vote on this poll because there wasn't an answer that really applied. Right now I'm not the kind of relationship that I wish I was in but when I was and I had to work to accept painful sensations, I never tried to escape them, I tried to feel through them.. that might not make sense.. let's see.. I reached out to them, wanting to feel every everything. They never brought tears to my eyes, I was able to handle it. However, I knew that He found tears arousing so eventually He would have ensured that I cried and when I did, I'm sure I would have let go.. partially because I know He would have been pleased and partially because throughout that relationship, I embraced every feeling that came along, knowing that it only added to the experience.

Damn, I miss Him..

kel

I usually cry for "stupid" emotional reasons ...i.e. hearing a lil kid on the radio who is terminally ill talk about going on a trip to Disney Land, a certain song on the radio that just hits me right, seeing my kids best friend sing the National Anthem at a major league baseball game.

Something that causes me a lot of emotional pain tho .. I shut down and cannot seem to cry. I crave the release the tears would bring, but they just don't come. That is where the physical pain comes in ... physical pain causes a release in me which then allows me to shed major tears.

Also pain in and of itself will bring tears to my eyes, but nothing like the emotional pain generated into physical pain can bring.

I cry at the drop of a hat. Seeing someone else cry is enough to get me going. I don't know anyone who cries as easily as I do. I cry often when I have a really good orgasm.

I had physical training at work a few weeks ago and the instructor pushed a little too hard while demonstrating a defensive tactic and hurt me. I dropped a few tears even though I tried to fight it. But for some reason I can't cry from the physical pain inflicted by my Dom. He's pushed my limits to the hilt and caused me more physical pain than I've ever experienced. I've quaked with fear, been terrified of continuing, and begged him to stop. But not once have I shed a tear. I don't know why. A few weeks into our relationship I asked him to 'break me', thinking if he flogged me hard enough to make me cry that I would have a better understanding of my limits. He pushed beyond what I thought I could take, but I never did cry.

So I guess my tears are connected to 'real' pain -- the kind that causes hurt and breaks my heart. They have no conntection with the part of me that endures the pain that's given with love.

I imagine if someone ever hurt me bad enough for long enough, I'd cry, but it hasn't happened yet. Screaming and/or witty repartee is more my style. It's something to look foward to, though!

I actually don't cry at physical (BDSM-induced) pain much at all. I cry much more for emotional pain and mindfucks than I do from being whipped etc.

In my case sharp physical pain may produce tears but I hate crying in front of other people and I do my best to fight back tears as much as I can.
Actually I cried only once after breakng my foot. The pain was excruciating and unexpected, I tried to stop the the tears but I didn't manage.

I cry. Mostly via emotional pain, but physical pain that makes me feel wounded, not just hurt, will get me crying too. Faceslapping usually does it. It might be the mental level; I'm not sure.

i have not cried due to this lifestyle,,as yet. i have not cried,..since maybe 1970, except for one or two tears for a movie..but not REAL crying........

i do not know HOW to anymore.

i am "bottled up". i keep tight reign control. i am a personal-control-freak. i am anal. a type "A" behavior.
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edit here...JUST cried for Her, 9/2......it was quite the personal experience.



wolf

I cry from physical pain combined with phobic honest to God terror -- the dentist is the best example of this I can think of.

I almost got up and walked out during an extraction that was going badly.

I don't try to hold back tears unless I'm in a public place or feeling particularly angry with the person who's causing me to cry. I have a tendency to cry easily... I'll cry at small physical pains, emotional distress, and even when startled. I also have a history of anxiety disorder... I think that ties into crying when startled. But in regards to crying from physical pain... Not only do I think it can be cathartic, I think people who refrain (purposefully) from shedding tears are indulging in some silly machoism. It's a natural reaction, folks. It doesn't make someone stronger or weaker to give into it. At least, not in my eyes.

Just my $0.02

Killishandra said:

I don't try to hold back tears unless I'm in a public place or feeling particularly angry with the person who's causing me to cry. I have a tendency to cry easily... I'll cry at small physical pains, emotional distress, and even when startled. I also have a history of anxiety disorder... I think that ties into crying when startled. But in regards to crying from physical pain... Not only do I think it can be cathartic, I think people who refrain (purposefully) from shedding tears are indulging in some silly machoism. It's a natural reaction, folks. It doesn't make someone stronger or weaker to give into it. At least, not in my eyes.

Just my $0.02

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....I missed you!

deleted

I can be emotional at times,

I don't always cry at the first physical pain, I can use techniques to counteract it for a short while. But I usually end up in tears.

He likes it when I cry and then he takes me further, I think I calm down a little once I cry and can take more. However he is probably the best person to say if thats the case.

I hate crying with my nose and tears running everywhere, its not attractive, its horrible.

I cry at weddings, funerals, sad films and sad books, yet I dislike people seeing me cry or thinking I am that emotional.

for the short time that I've been playing this game with the hubby, I've found that I get a little misty when the pain becomes 'exquisite'. I don't know if that makes sence but, that's the way it feels to me. It's a pleasure and pain mix that brings a release of emotion.

I haven't let him know yet. I think he would be freaked out.