DVS
A ghost from your dreams
- Joined
- Apr 17, 2002
- Posts
- 11,416
In the BDSM community, we have true believers and devoted followers and we have those who would like to be (wannabes) and we have those who are just using BDSM as a front as a way to get an easy lay (posers).
So, I found this in the paper a couple of days ago and something struck a nerve. It talks about a basic problem in some relationships, but it can also be misunderstood as a Dom/sub relationship to someone who doesn't know any better.
Jealousy and possessiveness in the extreme are usually partners to abuse. But, they can also seem fine, in mild doses, To some, it's difficult to know the difference, unless you've experienced abuse. So, some of the following warning signs might seem to resemble a dominant partner while they might ring true as an abusive partner, to those who've been there.
Watch These Warning Signs For Abuse
Use this self-assessment to help evaluate if a relationship is healthy or abusive.
A rrelationship is abusive if a partner:
1) Gets extremely jealous or possessive.
2) Accuses you of flirting or cheating.
3) Constantly checks up on you or makes you check in.
4) Tells you how to dress.
5) Tries to control what you do or who you see.
6) Tries to keep you from seeing or talking to your family.
7) Has big mood swings, being angry and loud one minute and sweet and apologetic the next.
8) Makes you feel nervous or like you're walking on eggshells.
9) Puts you down and makes you feel as if you can't do anything right or that nobody else would want to be with you.
10) Threatens to hurt you, your family or friends.
11) Threatens to commit suicide or hurt himself or herself because of you.
12) Threatens to hurt your pets or destroy your things.
13) Yells, grabs, pushes, shoves, shakes, punches, slaps, holds you down, throws things or hurts you in any way.
14) Breaks or throws things, when you argue.
15) Pressures or forces you to have sex or go further than you want to.
Reading these warning signs, you might have seen some that are part of your BDSM relationship and see nothing unhealthy about it. I'd say, in most situations, there is nothing wrong. But, to an outsider or vanilla person, most BDSM relationships are seen to have some abusive traits. That's the problem. And, I'm sure this list wasn't created by someone involved in BDSM.
So, because we are a little different than the vanilla crowd, it might be good to hear from some who have experienced an abusive partner, and can help us understand the differences in these 15 signs, relating to the BDSM lifestyle.
So, I found this in the paper a couple of days ago and something struck a nerve. It talks about a basic problem in some relationships, but it can also be misunderstood as a Dom/sub relationship to someone who doesn't know any better.
Jealousy and possessiveness in the extreme are usually partners to abuse. But, they can also seem fine, in mild doses, To some, it's difficult to know the difference, unless you've experienced abuse. So, some of the following warning signs might seem to resemble a dominant partner while they might ring true as an abusive partner, to those who've been there.
Watch These Warning Signs For Abuse
Use this self-assessment to help evaluate if a relationship is healthy or abusive.
A rrelationship is abusive if a partner:
1) Gets extremely jealous or possessive.
2) Accuses you of flirting or cheating.
3) Constantly checks up on you or makes you check in.
4) Tells you how to dress.
5) Tries to control what you do or who you see.
6) Tries to keep you from seeing or talking to your family.
7) Has big mood swings, being angry and loud one minute and sweet and apologetic the next.
8) Makes you feel nervous or like you're walking on eggshells.
9) Puts you down and makes you feel as if you can't do anything right or that nobody else would want to be with you.
10) Threatens to hurt you, your family or friends.
11) Threatens to commit suicide or hurt himself or herself because of you.
12) Threatens to hurt your pets or destroy your things.
13) Yells, grabs, pushes, shoves, shakes, punches, slaps, holds you down, throws things or hurts you in any way.
14) Breaks or throws things, when you argue.
15) Pressures or forces you to have sex or go further than you want to.
Reading these warning signs, you might have seen some that are part of your BDSM relationship and see nothing unhealthy about it. I'd say, in most situations, there is nothing wrong. But, to an outsider or vanilla person, most BDSM relationships are seen to have some abusive traits. That's the problem. And, I'm sure this list wasn't created by someone involved in BDSM.
So, because we are a little different than the vanilla crowd, it might be good to hear from some who have experienced an abusive partner, and can help us understand the differences in these 15 signs, relating to the BDSM lifestyle.