Go Back   Literotica Discussion Board > Main Literotica Forums > How To...

Reply
 
Thread Tools

Old 07-29-2015, 05:29 PM   #1
yellowrocket
Really Really Experienced
 
yellowrocket is offline
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 378
reconciling fantasy and reality

This may come off whiney, but I'm not sure how else to put it.

With my new job I'm home 3 nights a week. I worn third so I'm often ready for bed long before dinner is even done on the 2 days that I have off the night after working.

Sex has been on a steady decline lately. Not just in quantity. I knew that would happen. But the quality. She knows I'll get her off any time she asks. I love doing it for her. I just wish she'd do the same. She doesn't like the taste of cum. I get that and haven't asked her to in a very long time. Every time we have sex though she wants me to go down on her and by the time she cums I'm done. I fuck her till I nut but after burying my face in her I'm a little starved for air and can't really fuck her long enough to really enjoy it. God knows after being up for 24 plus hours I don't have the energy to go a second time and she doesn't want to cause she's already cum.

There are times I want to just take her hard and fast but it's a no go almost every time.

I've started fantasizing about someone wanting me like she used to. Throwing me on the bed. Wanting me when we can't right that minute. Not just wanting me when we're in bed and she knows I'll make her cum.
__________________
I may worship women. But that doesn't mean I don't know how to get what I want, how I want it, when I want it. It just means that I'm going to take care of your needs while I take care of mine.
  Reply With Quote

Old 07-29-2015, 05:42 PM   #2
spellslave
Experienced
 
spellslave is offline
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: England
Posts: 92
I'm guessing sitting her down and communicating this clearly hasn't worked?
  Reply With Quote

Old 07-29-2015, 06:09 PM   #3
yellowrocket
Really Really Experienced
 
yellowrocket is offline
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 378
How do you say our sex life isn't bad but it's not where i want it to be without it becoming a discussion about everything but the bedroom?

I've told her what I want. She hasn't given any feedback besides maybes.
__________________
I may worship women. But that doesn't mean I don't know how to get what I want, how I want it, when I want it. It just means that I'm going to take care of your needs while I take care of mine.
  Reply With Quote

Old 07-29-2015, 06:28 PM   #4
spellslave
Experienced
 
spellslave is offline
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: England
Posts: 92
Perhaps you need to try and tell her that 'maybes' don't help? Even a 'no' rather than the 'yes' you want to hear would be a lot less ambiguous.

And you say it exactly how you typed it. Specify very succinctly that everything else is *fine*, that you'd just like to work on what the issue is that you've posted about here.
  Reply With Quote

Old 07-29-2015, 06:40 PM   #5
JAMESBJOHNSON
TRAILER TRASH KING.
 
JAMESBJOHNSON's Avatar
 
JAMESBJOHNSON is online now
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: COME AND GONE
Posts: 51,235
According to Napoleon we all come from the factory fucked up and cant be fixed. When our shit wears out that's it.

Get someone new with different flaws.
__________________
This post is certified FAGGOT FREE space.

JIM THINKS MEN SHOULD HAVE BALLS, BUT NOT WOMEN. Lovecraft68

JIM WILL STRIP THE BARK OFF YOUR FRAGILE ASS. Donald Trump
  Reply With Quote

Old 07-29-2015, 09:59 PM   #6
NightL
smoke'n'mirrors
 
NightL's Avatar
 
NightL is offline
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 2,335
Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowrocket View Post
This may come off whiney,
Yup and a lot more.

You make choices that have consequences yet you want to blame the person closest to you for the impact of those consequences.

Good luck holding onto that relationship.

If your job is more important than your relationship, show a bit of dignity and end the relationship gracefully and quickly.
  Reply With Quote

Old 07-29-2015, 10:28 PM   #7
LadyVer
Just a mouse
 
LadyVer's Avatar
 
LadyVer is offline
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Ridunculous
Posts: 16,750
Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowrocket View Post
This may come off whiney, but I'm not sure how else to put it.

With my new job I'm home 3 nights a week. I worn third so I'm often ready for bed long before dinner is even done on the 2 days that I have off the night after working.

Sex has been on a steady decline lately. Not just in quantity. I knew that would happen. But the quality. She knows I'll get her off any time she asks. I love doing it for her. I just wish she'd do the same. She doesn't like the taste of cum. I get that and haven't asked her to in a very long time. Every time we have sex though she wants me to go down on her and by the time she cums I'm done. I fuck her till I nut but after burying my face in her I'm a little starved for air and can't really fuck her long enough to really enjoy it. God knows after being up for 24 plus hours I don't have the energy to go a second time and she doesn't want to cause she's already cum.

There are times I want to just take her hard and fast but it's a no go almost every time.

I've started fantasizing about someone wanting me like she used to. Throwing me on the bed. Wanting me when we can't right that minute. Not just wanting me when we're in bed and she knows I'll make her cum.
I don't see you as whiny. Just someone who feels his partner isn't going out of her way to satisfy his needs. You probably need to be more direct with her, diplomatically. And discuss how you both can adjust to the new job where you both feel like you're satisfied sexually. Personally, I don't think cum is the greatest tasting thing, but the benefits of giving my partner pleasure and getting off on his pleasure far outweighed the issue of the taste of cum. However, it might take a while for your wife to understand this, or she may never understand it. If so, try discussing other options that you both can live with.

Good luck!
  Reply With Quote

Old 07-29-2015, 10:28 PM   #8
yellowrocket
Really Really Experienced
 
yellowrocket is offline
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 378
The job covers half our joint bills. This isn't anything I would end a relationship over. I'm trying to make it better.

But I appreciate your perspective none the less. There probably is more i should be doing. I'm not sure what and she hasn't asked for anything.
__________________
I may worship women. But that doesn't mean I don't know how to get what I want, how I want it, when I want it. It just means that I'm going to take care of your needs while I take care of mine.
  Reply With Quote

Old 07-30-2015, 01:26 AM   #9
NippleMuncher
Masticatus Nipplicanis
 
NippleMuncher's Avatar
 
NippleMuncher is offline
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Lost in Imfamy
Posts: 3,936
Quote:
Originally Posted by NightL View Post
Yup and a lot more.

You make choices that have consequences yet you want to blame the person closest to you for the impact of those consequences.

Good luck holding onto that relationship.

If your job is more important than your relationship, show a bit of dignity and end the relationship gracefully and quickly.
A tad harsh response for the vague info given.




Speaking as someone who's been in similar circumstances, it has less to do about the actual sex than the rest of the relationship, the problem is, the trials and tribulations of life tend to go unresolved and the place we really start to see its effects is in the bedroom.

The direction to go is on improving your communication, if you can't do this, then there will be no hope for improvement in the bedroom and, ultimately, will result in a failed relationship. While this may sound overly dramatic, go ahead, try not speaking to your wife for a week, or two, or three, or six, and see what happens. As I said, problems in life are amplified in the bedroom. You are unfulfilled in life, and are left wanting in the bedroom with a partner unwilling to give you what you feel you need and deserve. Again, been there, done that!

First and foremost, take responsibility for your side of the relationship. Your work hours suck, they are incompatible with your partner, resulting in limited time together and you exhausted all the time. If I had to hazard a guess, it's a job you'd rather not be doing, increasing your fatigue and need for someone to care for your needs. I'm sure there are other things going on that need your attention as well.

Secondly, any conversation started with your wife needs to be in neutral territory and remain neutral in nature, no he said/she said bullshit. Maintaining the ability and environment for open communication between the two of you is vitally important. Approach this from the perspective that "it's broke, how do WE fix it?" If you can't work together toward a common goal of an improved relationship, then as NightL suggests, it's time to go your separate ways.
__________________
Boobies are like toy trains ... They are meant for kids but big boys like playing with them too!
  Reply With Quote

Old 07-30-2015, 01:50 AM   #10
NightL
smoke'n'mirrors
 
NightL's Avatar
 
NightL is offline
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 2,335
Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowrocket View Post
With my new job I'm home 3 nights a week. I worn third so I'm often ready for bed long before dinner is even done on the 2 days that I have off the night after working.

I fuck her till I nut but after burying my face in her I'm a little starved for air and can't really fuck her long enough to really enjoy it. God knows after being up for 24 plus hours I don't have the energy

There are times I want to just take her hard and fast but it's a no go almost every time.
These are the points I see - you have a new job, as a consequence you are too tired to participate as you used to - Yet your suggested solution is wishing to ignore whatever processes your partner needs to get into the mood for sex for a quick bang purely for your satisfaction - and I think the "taste of cum" comment is that you also want to ejaculate in her mouth - again only for your own satisfaction without putting the effort in as you used to.

Now you want to know how you can get quick relief on your terms when you want it and you are asking for advice on how to get your partner to comply?

So your partner apparently is at fault for not getting instantly aroused on your whims.

Yep - so tell her straight - "I want to bang you when the mood suits me, but I'll let you off if I can come in your mouth occasionally." Yeah, that ought to achieve something.

Perhaps you should take responsibility and mix your routine up a little. The way you describe the functionality of your approach is it would seem fairly obvious you are not building your desires and energy together. To be honest busting your "nut" only after she has had an orgasm through oral sex would be boring for both of you. She might enjoy the oral but how much is she enjoying you "fucking her to I nut" after. It reads like you are using each other as masturbation tools and not having sex together - not making love together.

Asking you to go down on her to get in the mood is great - but you don't have to go all the way straight away. Play - have fun - tease - make mistakes and laugh about them - try again. There is a lot more to intimacy than oral and penetrative sex. Ask her where and how she likes to be touched, held, stroked, hugged - pay attention to how she responds. Role play - be silly - laugh - tell her stories. Mix it up and build your desires together - now done right the sexual energy will be significantly higher for both of you and the tiredness and boredom will evaporate.

Take her out dancing - take her out for a romantic meal - better yet you plan and prepare a special evening for her - surprise her with a beautiful meal you have prepared, transform an area in your home to that special place to retreat to (not just the bed with the covers down and work clothes on the floor). Prove to her how much you love her - show her the effort you will go to for her to feel special.

Do all that and you might get your quick bang from time to time.

Last edited by NightL : 07-30-2015 at 04:03 AM.
  Reply With Quote

Old 07-30-2015, 04:04 AM   #11
Messier82
Really Experienced
 
Messier82's Avatar
 
Messier82 is offline
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Out here in the perimeter there are no stars
Posts: 211
I don't think you're being whiny, you're in the same position that countless numbers of people find their selves in all too often. The fact that you've acknowledged this as a problem is positive. You just need to let her know, and I understand, as you have yourself, what a potential minefield this is.

I second what NightL said about showing her how special she is to you, and at the risk of being very corny & clichéd this crisis is also an opportunity.

I'm currently in the aftermath of a relationship, one of the causal factors of the breakup was too much drudgery of real life and not enough quality time for us (difficult with three kids in the mix). I'd love to wake up tomorrow to find it had all been a bad dream and be in the situation you're in, to have a chance to fix the manageable problem before the situation becomes catastrophic.

Talk to her, honestly, passionately, show her a different you and maybe she'll show you a different her.

Best of luck with your situation.
  Reply With Quote

Old 07-30-2015, 08:37 AM   #12
yellowrocket
Really Really Experienced
 
yellowrocket is offline
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 378
It is about life. I needed to take a step back and remind my self of that. It hasn't been bad and I shouldn't complain. It could be a lot worst, I just don't want to let it ever get there.

I've worked these last 4 year at making sure her needs were met in and out of bed because when we first started dating I had direct competition for her attention. Maybe with the schedule change and over time i let a little bit of that slip.

I'll just keep listening every day and letting her know if if i feel things start going south again. We have something planned together this weekend again. Maybe getting out 2 weekends in a row? Unheard of when you have 4 kids in the house. lol

My life isn't bad. I just don't want to let it ever be less than it could or her to be less than happy.
__________________
I may worship women. But that doesn't mean I don't know how to get what I want, how I want it, when I want it. It just means that I'm going to take care of your needs while I take care of mine.
  Reply With Quote

Old 07-30-2015, 08:54 AM   #13
Sammael Bard
Hers to hold
 
Sammael Bard's Avatar
 
Sammael Bard is offline
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Wherever I choose to be.
Posts: 4,653
Yo, take it easy.

People have a right to complain and be whiney all they want. Whatever helps you lighten up, do it. I like to work-out my frustrations. Find a patch for yourself.


As for your problem,

It's common. People not finding a common ground in their relationship is common. People being unfair in their relationships is common. You just have to deal with it if you want to be in that relationship. Talking helps, as does sitting down and having a serious discussion about it. As "un-sexy" that may sound, it works.

It becomes a major problem when people start fantasising about what could've been. Escapism never solves any problem. It only makes it worse. If you keep it on, the want to do it with someone else will only grow until you actually do the deed.

Do something before it grows.
  Reply With Quote

Old 07-31-2015, 04:27 PM   #14
pfflyerhot
Completely Lost
 
pfflyerhot's Avatar
 
pfflyerhot is offline
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Going...
Posts: 12,137
How about, "Baby, I want you to suck me off... "
I dunno, if it were me, I'd have long since had you covered.
Or... maybe, don't expect her to swallow...if that's a "thing" you want. Seems to me the orgasm completes the blowjob—that's the whole idea, right? You're not always getting that, right? She needn't run and spit, either. She can keep you in her mouth until you blow and slowly let your sap ooze through her lips and drizzle down your flaciding cock as she gently, warmly... surrenders it back to you.

Wait. What were talking about, again..?

Talk to her. Do it nicely, lovingly... without blaming, w/o casting judgement, accusing or assuming... Good luck.
  Reply With Quote

Old 08-02-2015, 02:35 PM   #15
DalliancesWithWolves
Experienced
 
DalliancesWithWolves is offline
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 66
You should try a gay guy. We're always willing to be used.
  Reply With Quote

Old 08-02-2015, 02:41 PM   #16
Messier82
Really Experienced
 
Messier82's Avatar
 
Messier82 is offline
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Out here in the perimeter there are no stars
Posts: 211
You should make that into a t-shirt

Broken up with GF?
Don't get down
Get a gay guy round

could almost be a haiku
  Reply With Quote

Old 08-02-2015, 08:08 PM   #17
Iceprincess12
Literotica Guru
 
Iceprincess12's Avatar
 
Iceprincess12 is offline
Join Date: May 2014
Location: He looked at you like you were the ocean and he was desperate to drown.
Posts: 13,285
Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowrocket View Post
This may come off whiney, but I'm not sure how else to put it.

With my new job I'm home 3 nights a week. I worn third so I'm often ready for bed long before dinner is even done on the 2 days that I have off the night after working.

Sex has been on a steady decline lately. Not just in quantity. I knew that would happen. But the quality. She knows I'll get her off any time she asks. I love doing it for her. I just wish she'd do the same. She doesn't like the taste of cum. I get that and haven't asked her to in a very long time. Every time we have sex though she wants me to go down on her and by the time she cums I'm done. I fuck her till I nut but after burying my face in her I'm a little starved for air and can't really fuck her long enough to really enjoy it. God knows after being up for 24 plus hours I don't have the energy to go a second time and she doesn't want to cause she's already cum.

There are times I want to just take her hard and fast but it's a no go almost every time.

I've started fantasizing about someone wanting me like she used to. Throwing me on the bed. Wanting me when we can't right that minute. Not just wanting me when we're in bed and she knows I'll make her cum.


Just curious how being here is helping with your problem. Time spent here could probably be better spent with your wife, since it's so limited
__________________
"If nobody hates you, you're doing something wrong"
House


Something fun
http://vocaroo.com/i/s1YvtZM9Og0N
  Reply With Quote

Old Yesterday, 01:10 AM   #18
yellowrocket
Really Really Experienced
 
yellowrocket is offline
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 378
I don't miss any time with her to be here. I'm here when I have down time at work or I'm doing something that I can take a few moments to catch up here. And since I stopped to remember to take care if the little stuff and let the bedroom take care of it self things have gotten better.
__________________
I may worship women. But that doesn't mean I don't know how to get what I want, how I want it, when I want it. It just means that I'm going to take care of your needs while I take care of mine.
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:30 AM.

Copyright 1998-2013 Literotica Online. Literotica is a registered trademark.