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Scared by your own stories?

SlaveMasterUK

SlaveMasterUK

Really Really Experienced
Joined
Jan 4, 2003
Posts
339
Serious question - do you ever get scared by your own stories?

About 10 months ago I had a motorbike accident, and have been suffering bad panic attacks, anxiety and depression since then. I've recently come off anti-depressants and I'm getting back into my writing, however sometimes I get bouts of anxiety that can last from 10 minutes to 3-4 hours. In times like this I like to think of something positive to help get me through, but I've found that thinking about my writing - my favourite pasttime and my proudest achievement - can make me feel even worse.

OK, so I don't write about very pleasant things. My stories aren't BDSM - there's no consent in my stories. I write about non-consensual rape, violation, torture and abuse - I write about permanent behaviour modification through fear and ritual torture. My characters don't enjoy what they get.

Sometimes, just thinking about writing such a story makes me feel physically sick. I have to tell myself that I won't force myself to write in order to get through the anxiety.

In fact, just recently, I've found that I only seem to fully involve myself in the writing experience after a couple of beers. But I like to write every night, and don't want to get drunk every night of the week...

OK, serious question - do you ever get scared by the stuff you write?

No, this isn't a "look at me, I'm suffering from depression/panic attacks" type thread, and no, it isn't a "cry for help" * This is a serious question.

*however, if anyone is suffering from anxiety/panic attacks and needs advice on coping, feel free to PM me and I will give you all the advice I can.
 
SlaveMasterUK said:
Serious question - do you ever get scared by your own stories?

About 10 months ago I had a motorbike accident, and have been suffering bad panic attacks, anxiety and depression since then. I've recently come off anti-depressants and I'm getting back into my writing, however sometimes I get bouts of anxiety that can last from 10 minutes to 3-4 hours. In times like this I like to think of something positive to help get me through, but I've found that thinking about my writing - my favourite pasttime and my proudest achievement - can make me feel even worse.

OK, so I don't write about very pleasant things. My stories aren't BDSM - there's no consent in my stories. I write about non-consensual rape, violation, torture and abuse - I write about permanent behaviour modification through fear and ritual torture. My characters don't enjoy what they get.

Sometimes, just thinking about writing such a story makes me feel physically sick. I have to tell myself that I won't force myself to write in order to get through the anxiety.

In fact, just recently, I've found that I only seem to fully involve myself in the writing experience after a couple of beers. But I like to write every night, and don't want to get drunk every night of the week...

OK, serious question - do you ever get scared by the stuff you write?

No, this isn't a "look at me, I'm suffering from depression/panic attacks" type thread, and no, it isn't a "cry for help" * This is a serious question.

*however, if anyone is suffering from anxiety/panic attacks and needs advice on coping, feel free to PM me and I will give you all the advice I can.
Click to expand...


*HUGS*

I feel for you. I've been suffering from panic attacks for several years and there is always a search for some cause or rationalization.

My stories don't scare me, but I don't write too much edgy material. I think you sometimes have to face the fantasy/though process that produces your stories. Doing so when dealing with panic attacks is probably going to make the process more painful than it would be otherwise.

Hope you find a way to beat them.
 
Sometimes my stories do unsettle me. I used to write more "edgy" stories and dipped into nonconsent in a variety of guises.

I've pretty much given up writing that sort of story. I felt the same distress you did, and I also read a couple of news accounts about people who started the way one of my stories might have and ended in horror, violence, and death.

I decided that I didn't like the way I was headed.

Shanglan
 
For the last few years, I've been working on an erotic horror series with a female main character who rides the fence on being a good guy and a bad guy. I've found what scares me the most about writing this series isn't the violence, which there's plenty of, but the depictions of instability and madness from which my character often suffers. Usually, I write very clear cut heroes and villians, but in this story, that's not the case.

As a writer, no matter how much I think what I write isn't personal, it always is. There's always some part of it that's very much me. When you write about characters on that slippery slope between good and evil, it's bound to be somewhat of a personal journey as well.
 
Sometimes my stories make me uncomfortable in that I feel I'm becoming too bent. That the things that should make me uncomfortable don't, or that I delight in the immoral actions of my characters. Sometimes I'll find myself weaving moving stories in my head and I'll think, this is so wrong, and then continue right on my merry way.

But no fear, no panic attacks. :rose:

Luck to you,

Yui
 
Scary Stories

I've found that my deepest, darkest thoughts come out in some of my stories. It took me awhile to figure out that I had a phobia about the police, but it hit me all at once when I wrote "Protect and Serve" where a cop is very, very bad person. I look at my stories as a way to write out the thoughts I would never act on, the things that make your spine tingle, your stomach jump and your mouth dry up.
I have used rape, murder, mayhem, consent, love, passion, lust, and several different set ups that would no way be possible for people to do if they have any sense at all.
There is nothing wrong with exploring the darker side of yourself, unless it makes you uncomfortable.
I, too, have suffered from panic attachs the debilitate me. For nearly a year I never left the house, going onto the front porch made me throw up. I have gotten help, I see a therapist who believes that panic stems from deeper issues often times. She's great, and has shown me that it's okay to write the things I write, I'm not hurting anyone but my characters.

Anyway, I hope this helps. You are who you are, just because you write about "terrible" (or not so terrible) things doesn't make you a bad person.




blueyedbandit's heart
 
I'm working on my first BDSM piece. Probably mild by a lot of people's standards, but I had a lot of trouble writing it. I had to access a part of myself that is best left locked away.

And I have another one, stored away in my mind, that is going to scare me. A political allegory hidden in a BDSM piece. Really not looking forward to that one. But I know it's going t be written. It's screaming to get out.
 
rgraham666 said:
And I have another one, stored away in my mind, that is going to scare me. A political allegory hidden in a BDSM piece. Really not looking forward to that one. But I know it's going t be written. It's screaming to get out.
Click to expand...

aren't those always the best sort..? :devil:
 
OhMissScarlett said:
I've found what scares me the most about writing this series isn't the violence, which there's plenty of, but the depictions of instability and madness from which my character often suffers.
Click to expand...
How true! I find exactly the same thing...

My main character is, quite often, an unwilling participant in someone else's grand scheme, in which they are caught up and dragged along, through pain and torture and fear, until they leave the story so badly scarred by what they have been through that they are not the same person who went in.

I think this is true for all of my stories - not just the erotic ones posted here.

I'm starting to believe (after 3 pints of beer, I might add) that what scares me most is the fact that my characters never recover from what they've been through. In fact, in a few examples, my characters are twisted into the very thing that subjected them to so much pain and fear in the first place.

Perhaps I'm afraid that, like my characters, I'll be twisted and changed by the fear that I experience from time to time.

Oooh. Man, this is heavy stuff. Damn.

OK, I'm off to sleep on this train of thought. Partially because I am tired. Mostly because I've run out of beer.

Goodnight all :) and thankyou for your insight
 
I've been thinking about this thread and I'm reminded of the movie "Quills". I think we all have a bit of the beast in us. I think what's already been said alludes to the fact that putting it down on paper doesn't make us beasts, it simply allows an outlet. I dunno. I though I had more of a point, but it's gone now... Anyway, here are two of my favorite quotes from the movie. Not profound, but a little bit apropos, maybe?

"You can't be a proper writer without a touch of madness, can you?"

"Some things belong on paper, others in life. It's a blessed fool who can't tell the difference."

Or not.

Luck,

Yui
 
OK, serious question - do you ever get scared by the stuff you write?
Click to expand...

Most of what i write is one part of me trying to say something to another part of me.

Sometimes, what one part has to say is shocking.

But the only scary time is when I don't listen, or when I can't figure out what is being said.

[edited to add] And believe me sometimes it's VERY well hidden... like the time I wrote 400+ pages to say something in 10 pages.

My Sig-other read that story and said "You can NEVER let So&So read this story... it would kill her." when she got to those 10 pages.


Sincerely,
ElSol
 
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My stories scare me only in the sense that I have no idea where they come from. I blame my muses. I have eleven of them and reserves.

I wish they wouldn't all talk at once.

Og
 
oggbashan said:
My stories scare me only in the sense that I have no idea where they come from. I blame my muses. I have eleven of them and reserves.

I wish they wouldn't all talk at once.

Og
Click to expand...
I wish I had muses to blame. My stories come from inside my head :(
 
the only time my stories have scared me was when I was was writing some incest pieces on request. It scared me that I was even managing ro write them because it so does nothing for me...it just isn't my cup of tea and writing them really was not a fun experience for me.

Slave Master -I'm sure you can work through this. I think that anything that happens to us in life helps shape who we are in the future. I get how it must be scary for you but you can use this knowledgeyour gaining to move on positively you know? take care, keep writing but maybe contemplate a romance for a challenge and change of pace ;)
 
SlaveMasterUK said:
I wish I had muses to blame. My stories come from inside my head :(
Click to expand...

Where do you think my muses live? It's crowded in there.

Og
 
yui said:
Sometimes my stories make me uncomfortable in that I feel I'm becoming too bent. That the things that should make me uncomfortable don't, or that I delight in the immoral actions of my characters. Sometimes I'll find myself weaving moving stories in my head and I'll think, this is so wrong, and then continue right on my merry way.

But no fear, no panic attacks. :rose:

Luck to you,

Yui
Click to expand...

Love the bikini. :p :kiss: :heart:
 
We write, at least I hope so, to let our demons out. This is a fantasy world where everything is possible and no-one gets hurt.

There is an expression, 'Sticks and stones can hurt my bones, but words can never harm me.'

Fiction is fiction and always will be.
 
elfin_odalisque said:
Fiction is fiction and always will be.
Click to expand...
Now see, this is the wierd thing. I'm not afraid that I'm creating this dark stuff. It doesn't scare me to know that I write stories about violence, abuse, rape and humiliation. I don't think it makes me an evil person - I'm well aware that what I write and what I do are different things.

What scares me, or rather - what makes me feel anxious, is remembering the story content and knowing that I'll have to face it in order to get back into the character's head, and continue writing. It's like watching a movie that I find deeply disturbing - except I can't look away at the worst parts, because I need to be in touch with my character.

I wonder if a lot of it stems back to one of my first realisations when I started writing - that I fall for my characters. Deep inside, I guess I don't really want to put her through all that pain, and it sickens me to know that I have to do it for the sake of the story. Worse still, I can't give her a happy ending, because that, IMO, wouldn't do the story any justice. I know if I change the ending now, having planned it for so long (and even written and posted it for the Literotica version), I'll never forgive myself....

anybody else ever get that feeling..?
 
Yes indeed. It's very difficult to keep my characters at a safe remove.

If I don't feel for them, I can't write them realistically.

As I said, that BDSM piece was hard for me to write.
 
I can't say I'm afraid of my stories, though what makes me afraid, or makes me confused, or makes me feel or think anything that I have uncertainties of, tend to come to light in my writing. If I'm afraid when I start, and still scared when I get to the end, a rewrite is in order; the writing didn't serve its purpose.

I can't say the end result is ever frightening, or confusing, elsewise, it shouldn't be the end. The conclusion, not of the story itself, but of the writing process and its therapeutic value, is missing.

Q_C
 
I'm not afraid of the fiction I write . . . I'm afraid of the dead hamster's ghost crawling out of my ass in the middle of the night and waging war on my tortured soul.

Nooooooooooooooo, Flippy!!!! Nooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!
 
Chynas Dick said:
I'm not afraid of the fiction I write . . . I'm afraid of the dead hamster's ghost crawling out of my ass in the middle of the night and waging war on my tortured soul.

Nooooooooooooooo, Flippy!!!! Nooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!
Click to expand...

Hmmm... Interesting.

Welcome to the AH. Are you a good troll, or a bad troll?

Q_C
 
Quiet_Cool said:
Hmmm... Interesting.

Welcome to the AH. Are you a good troll, or a bad troll?

Q_C
Click to expand...


A question for a question. The answer you seek will be revealed only if you can answer this riddle:

A poor man has me.
A rich man lacks me.
If you eat me you'll die.

What am I?
 
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