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Old 11-28-2014, 01:47 PM   #1
LaRascasse
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Trying an LW story... need some advice

First of all - Tx, I'm open to a good Black Friday deal for a shark suit if you've got one.

Now on to my situation - I'm at a crucial scene in my story. The wife cheated on her man and left him for a rich investment banker. The husband felt humiliated and bitter about it for days. The story has focused on the man since. He has drowned himself in his work and become a renowned doctor.

The scene is him in the ER, going through the patients, when he stumbles onto his ex-wife. She is brought in with a black eye and a bruise on her cheek.

How should the doctor react? I want to give a sense of forced professionalism, with a dose of Schadenfreude but underneath it all a memory of love, which makes him weak. Not weak enough to reconcile after what she did, but weak enough to cause heartburn.

So any ideas about the dialogue at this point? Should the demeanour be forcedly stoic where he treats her like a random patient, trying to prove to her he doesn't have any feelings left?

She should react with the obviously fake "slipped and fell in the bathroom" routine and drop hints like "You look better than I remember." and "It's good to see you doing so well", but never explicitly say sorry for what she did, even though she wants to.

Also, the irony that she left him, by all accounts a nice man, and married an abusive alcoholic should be subtext for this scene and not explicitly spoken.

Wow... that's a lot to try and compress into one scene. I'd be grateful if anybody has a few pointers on how to do it. Thanks in advance.
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Old 11-28-2014, 01:59 PM   #2
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Save yourself from a bunch of hard thinking. Have her hemorrhage suddenly and die, preferably alone and undetected because of faulty equipment the abusive lover sold. The BTB crowd will reward you.
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Old 11-28-2014, 02:01 PM   #3
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Personally, I reckon there are two possibilities.
One, some obvious humour. (Did I ever treat you like that, my dear? Now, lets see what we can do for you. . . ); he might get a little less tender than perhaps he should.

Two. Treat it absolutely dead straight. He treats her as he would any other woman in that situation.

But he might say to the Nurse something along the lines of "Oh, the biter, bit" and smile a little.
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Old 11-28-2014, 02:05 PM   #4
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If you want to get bombed have him take pity on her and act like a compassionate mature individual

If you want good ratings....he beats her up to then straps her to the table and rapes her then has every doctor in the ER rape her/

That's your red H right there. in misogynist heaven.
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Old 11-28-2014, 02:05 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SandraMustard View Post
Save yourself from a bunch of hard thinking. Have her hemorrhage suddenly and die, preferably alone and undetected because of faulty equipment the abusive lover sold. The BTB crowd will reward you.
That'd work. But sadly I'm aiming for non-BTB, non-cuckold and non-RAAC. Avoiding the three biggest sub-categories in LW.
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Old 11-28-2014, 02:07 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovecraft68 View Post
If you want good ratings....he beats her up to then straps her to the table and rapes her then has every doctor in the ER rape her/

That's your red H right there. in misogynist heaven.
There's a medical malpractice suit waiting to happen.

hmm... maybe next time :P
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Old 11-28-2014, 03:43 PM   #7
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You could handle it in the WWGD fashion. (What Would Gibbs Do)

What would Gibbs do...

1. Fix her up and chastise her for her poor choices.

2. Tell her he's over her, but still cares about her just like he does any other human being that comes into his ER.

3. Gives her enough cash to get a hotel room for the night to think things over.

4. Goes to her new home and beats the snot out of her drunken husband, telling him to file for divorce in the morning.

5. Goes on his merry way and never looks back.
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Old 11-28-2014, 03:57 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LaRascasse View Post
There's a medical malpractice suit waiting to happen.

hmm... maybe next time :P
Well. look, if you're going to inject realism into an LW story then you're really screwed!
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Old 11-28-2014, 05:24 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovecraft68 View Post
Well. look, if you're going to inject realism into an LW story then you're really screwed!
Ya better wear two shark suits.

I'll give you the death wish discount.
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Old 11-28-2014, 06:03 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zeb_Carter View Post
You could handle it in the WWGD fashion. (What Would Gibbs Do)

What would Gibbs do...

1. Fix her up and chastise her for her poor choices.

2. Tell her he's over her, but still cares about her just like he does any other human being that comes into his ER.

3. Gives her enough cash to get a hotel room for the night to think things over.

4. Goes to her new home and beats the snot out of her drunken husband, telling him to file for divorce in the morning.

5. Goes on his merry way and never looks back.
Love it!
And generally in keeping with several in the LW or even Romance categories.
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Old 11-28-2014, 06:32 PM   #11
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Depending on how you want the story to go...if you want to add a little drama you could have him get another doctor to treat her, citing a wish to avoid any impropriety. Then have the other Dr or a Nurse call the Police for the abuse and have her think the Ex did it. You can then decide if you want her to be thankful or angry at his supposed interference in her life.
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Old 11-28-2014, 06:49 PM   #12
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MY LC68 spin would be the guy is seriously pissed off. He's not going to take the wife back, but that doesn't mean he likes her beaten.

I think he (as Jon just suggested) has someone else treat her to avoid drama, then hunts down the other guy removes his testicles with his scalpel and then cauterizes the wound so the guy lives the rest of his life like the balls less piece of crap he is....

That's how I would roll.
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Old 11-29-2014, 12:36 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovecraft68 View Post
MY LC68 spin would be the guy is seriously pissed off. He's not going to take the wife back, but that doesn't mean he likes her beaten.

I think he (as Jon just suggested) has someone else treat her to avoid drama, then hunts down the other guy removes his testicles with his scalpel and then cauterizes the wound so the guy lives the rest of his life like the balls less piece of crap he is....

That's how I would roll.
Now there's a rabid anti-BTB tale. Seriously, this story is not about any of the over the top, and frankly cartoonish violence in most LW stories. No castrations, no shooting people, no burning people alive. Just about how two people move on, one doing a better job of it than the other.
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Old 11-29-2014, 03:02 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LaRascasse View Post
Now there's a rabid anti-BTB tale. Seriously, this story is not about any of the over the top, and frankly cartoonish violence in most LW stories. No castrations, no shooting people, no burning people alive. Just about how two people move on, one doing a better job of it than the other.
If that's the case, well, it sounds like you've got it all worked out in your original post.

A real person would probably feel a mix of emotions and react just as you described - pity for her lowered state of being; a little schadenfreude, to know her choices that spurned him haven't turned out well for her; the throbbing pain of old wounds and love remembered; the pressure to ignore all those things and keep things professional.

What particular feelings and actions predominate depend on the kind of character you want to write. The reason you're questioning what his reaction should be indicates that you don't have a very good idea of your protagonist yet. Once you flesh him out more, his personal response to the situation will become much more immediately apparent.
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Old 11-30-2014, 12:25 PM   #15
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I think the real interest is in the shame of the ex-wife. Her pain would be immense. The beating and now having the ex-husband she scorned forced to care for her.

Her memories of the past love they shared mixed with his deliberate careful care of her wounds. The horrible person she had morphed into and her desire to repair that damage. The doctor, of course, resists with good reason.

A visit from the Investment Banker, life failing with his wealth, could set up a nice confrontation.

Then again - I like soap opera tales.
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Old 11-30-2014, 01:39 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LaRascasse View Post
Now there's a rabid anti-BTB tale. Seriously, this story is not about any of the over the top, and frankly cartoonish violence in most LW stories. No castrations, no shooting people, no burning people alive. Just about how two people move on, one doing a better job of it than the other.
If that's the case....and you want a decent reaction for your efforts?

Forget LW and go to Erotic couplings.

Your story does not contain any BTB elements(even though it appears mister wonderful has abused her, you're not detailing it enough to make that crowd happy) and she is not cucking him or degrading him during the story therefore....it's content is no longer what that category has become.

Seems like you are going for a "real story" and I have no better way to put it than it sounds to good for that category.

Keep in mind it seems that stories like your idea....are being whined about by the crowd over there and the site is moving the stories to EC. So you may as well go there to start.
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Old 12-01-2014, 12:16 AM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovecraft68 View Post
If that's the case....and you want a decent reaction for your efforts?

Forget LW and go to Erotic couplings.

Your story does not contain any BTB elements(even though it appears mister wonderful has abused her, you're not detailing it enough to make that crowd happy) and she is not cucking him or degrading him during the story therefore....it's content is no longer what that category has become.

Seems like you are going for a "real story" and I have no better way to put it than it sounds to good for that category.

Keep in mind it seems that stories like your idea....are being whined about by the crowd over there and the site is moving the stories to EC. So you may as well go there to start.
Actually, keeping in mind the larger backstory, the second-most appropriate category would be Romance. The larger story is about how this man moves on and marries someone else.
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Old 12-01-2014, 06:36 AM   #18
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Actually, keeping in mind the larger backstory, the second-most appropriate category would be Romance. The larger story is about how this man moves on and marries someone else.
Then romance will work as long as the guy has an HEA with someone, that's pretty much all they look for.
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Old 12-01-2014, 06:44 AM   #19
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Address her as Mrs ... Do not show recognition until she insists - tell her she does not know the broken man she destroyed nor does she know the rebuilt and successful new man he has become. Tell her vaguely remembers someone like her in a dream but it rapidly becomes a nightmare
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Old 12-01-2014, 09:23 AM   #20
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Well. look, if you're going to inject realism into an LW story then you're really screwed!
The boy gives good advice. The cat has been taken over by the Lit equivalent of ISIS. Your intended subtlety would be much better posted under Romance or EC. Subtlety is not the strong feature in LW readers.
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Old 12-03-2014, 02:03 PM   #21
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Well. look, if you're going to inject realism into an LW story then you're really screwed!
There are some good stories in the LW categories. Two of my go-tos are FrancisMacomber and angiquesophie (her scores belie the quality of her narration).

I'm actually trying to fashion something in the same style as those two. It should be, for the most part, realistic with heavy emphasis on how both parties are left grappling onto pieces of their relationship, even though it is too far gone.

The Romance part is preceded by a heavy struggle for the man to move past his ghosts.
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Old 12-03-2014, 03:53 PM   #22
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First of all, I applaud you for attempting a story with many layers and depth. You don't see much of that on Lit.

With that said, I think you'd be better off going with Romance rather than LW since that is, from what I gather, the main focus of your story. If you truly believe in your heart it should go in LW then let no one deter you.

How he reacts largely depends on what kind of character your protagonist is. Is he forgiving? Jaded? Anger issues? A pushover? Regardless, there is a difference between loving and caring. A lot of people hold some amount of affection towards an ex. The good times don't just fade away because you were cheated on. Though many would overlook that if they were in that situation, myself included.

I would go with something along the lines of what Zeb stated above. Theres a lot of leeway there for you to tweak it to your liking. Good luck, and I look forward to the finished story
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Old 12-03-2014, 05:13 PM   #23
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The "good" authors there are becoming less and less because they are tiring of the trolls and as I mentioned some 'real' stories are being moved to EC because they 'upset' the hate factions/

Right now writing a "real story" in loving wives is the equivalent of spraying perfume on a pile of shit.
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Old 12-04-2014, 10:44 PM   #24
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Being Captain Obvious,

but technically, the ex became a cuckold when she cheated on him.
I like the idea of him getting another doctor to treat his ex, he could always use conflict of interest to explain his decision.
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Old 12-06-2014, 01:39 PM   #25
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Quote:
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but technically, the ex became a cuckold when she cheated on him.
I like the idea of him getting another doctor to treat his ex, he could always use conflict of interest to explain his decision.
Really? I thought a cuckold willingly or otherwise acquiesces to his wife's infidelity. Here, he gets out the moment he finds out for sure.
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In the midst of tears, I found there was, within me, an invincible smile.
In the midst of chaos, I found there was, within me, an invincible calm.
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