Old 03-14-2005, 04:58 PM   #101
Captain Midnight
Really Really Experienced
 
Captain Midnight's Avatar
 
Captain Midnight is offline
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Texas
Posts: 336
Unhappy What to do about people who strongly disapprove?

I wish she was my ex-girlfriend, but she isn't, even though she's walked out on me a dozen times. But in June 2004 she discovered that I surfed porno sites and just about burst a blood vessel in rage. So I erased everything and told people I wouldn't be posting any stories.

Obviously, I didn't keep to that promise. On March 12, through informants (the same way, although not the same people, as before) she found out that I was back on the porn sites. (I had replied to a Yahoo! Personals message from one of her acquaintances, not realizing who the woman was.) The didn't go into a screaming-maniac fit then, but she had done it three times in three previous days (because I had left town to take a job and had failed to "check in" with her on a regular basis). Instead, she coldly refuted every argument I could make against porno being destructive, adulterous, and just plain sick. I never specifically told her about the porn sites, except that I wrote and edited for Literotica.

Since then, she has offered to take away my computer and Internet connections, to have me hospitalized for addiction, and literally to send me to every psychiatrist in town, and I haven't read all her Weblinks yet. She is acting like a demented version of Dr. Laura Schlessinger, the utterly-despised (by me, at any rate) pseudo-psychologist who claims that all mental illness can be linked to moral failings. And demented isn't too strong a word if you have seen this lady throwing a fit.

LadyCibelle already knows about this woman and has discussed the situation with me in very specific terms. But I would appreciate input from other people on the subject in general. How destructive/addictive is porn? Should it all be banned? How do you define it? Do you take, say, Judy Blume's classic Forever and shove it down Blume's throat because it depicts sexual behavior among teenagers (who are under age 18 during much of the story) and shows a devastating breakup? I for one have had serious problems with the book because of that. What about cable TV, R-rated movies and mainstream media showing sex? Theoretically at least, ANY description of sexual activity could be porn. As overboard as that sounds, it is very difficult to draw a line down the middle of the literary world and say what's pornographic and what isn't. Theoretically, it makes more sense to censor any mention of sexual activity or anything in the least bit titillating than to try to pigeonhole stories/depictions/activities according to their content. (It works the other way too -- is a story automatically bad because it DOESN"T have strong language, sexual behavior, violence, et cetera? A lot of "clean" books and movies are harshly criticized for being of poor quality because they are unrealistic.)

Would like input on this ... LadyCibelle, if you see this, let me know if it should be in a separate thread. In the meantime, I guess I'm not writing anymore erotica (again) and will try to figure out which way to go with my life.
  Reply With Quote

Old 03-14-2005, 05:36 PM   #102
LadyCibelle
Always magnificient.
 
LadyCibelle's Avatar
 
LadyCibelle is offline
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Moncton, NB
Posts: 2,936
Oh well

I won't repeat the long tirade I sent you today Cap, you know already what I think of all this.

One thing I can say, and yeah it's MY opinion, is that you would be a fool to stop writing just because "someone" has told you you should. Why a fool you ask? Plainly and simply because you're doing exactly what that "person" wants....letting that "person" run your life for you once again. Ask your question to as many people as you want and you'll have as many replies as there are fishes in the see IMHO

No you're not in the wrong thread, "the watercooler" is there exactly for that. So we can talk about everything and anything without having someone pissing and shitting on us.

You know where to find me if you need to talk
__________________
My Elucubration



**********

You make as much sense as me! Welcome to my club ... or is that cult? Welcome anyway. CharleyH to me after I've been a fuckwaffle




Winner of the Most Helpful Editor award 2005
  Reply With Quote

Old 03-14-2005, 05:45 PM   #103
Halo_n_horns
Literotica Guru
 
Halo_n_horns's Avatar
 
Halo_n_horns is offline
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Near the Black Forest...
Posts: 3,534
Hey Cap., hope you see this before someone pulls the plug.

Though not word for word, I believe the definition of "pornography" is any medium that explicitly depicts sexual acts.

That is how I define "pornography" also.

My very first instinct after reading your post was a harsh one. It was something along the lines of 'grow some stones and stop associating with this bitch.' But I know there's always more than one angle, especially to a situation like you're describing. Though a disassociation still seems to be in order.

An addiction to pornography is something I've read about. If you're spending massive amounts of time and money on pornography of any kind, and find yourself unable to go a day without it, then you are addicted. This kind of addiction is a lot like most other kinds, you just have to recognize the symptoms and then decide if you're also reinforcing the compulsion with denial that you have it.

As far as this other woman goes; give her the boot to the curb and don't allow her back in, if you decide that you're not feeding an addiction. I suspect that you're not simply because you're functioning within the processes of reading and writing, as well as editing, while partaking in these materials. An addiction would simply have you seeking out the best possible means by which to get your "fix" and that doesn't seem to be what you're talking about here.

What it sounds like you're dealing with is someone who is at least as psychotically disturbed as she's trying to make you out to be.

Pornography is a tool, just like a screwdriver, a baseball bat, a steak knife, a gun, money, etc. Any tool can be used productively or destructively. It's a shame that so many people label it as "bad" or "demoralizing" or what have you, without actually knowing all the facts, or while simply being too close-minded to learn differently.

I made no bones about letting my wife know how much I enjoy porn when we first met. I had expressed those sentiments to a few exes previously and, well, they're exes now.

I don't see why people should feel that they have to sacrifice part of who they are, what's in they're nature that's not destructive, because of the nature of someone else. Aside from allowing children to view such materials, pornography can be a great instrument for any relationship, depending on subject matter, of course.

Boot the bitch and move on. Small-minded people like her are NOT worth the heartache!!!

__________________


Photography by Christian Aragon

Photography by Christian Aragon Print Galleries

The Artists Corner

"Do not believe in what you have heard; do not believe in traditions because
they have been handed down for many generations; do not believe anything
because it is rumored and spoken of by many; do not believe merely because
the written statement of some old sage is produced; do not believe in
conjectures; do not believe merely in the authority of your teachers and
elders. After observation and analysis, when it agrees with reason and is
conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up
to it."
  Reply With Quote

Old 03-14-2005, 05:54 PM   #104
angelicminx
Loving the monkey!
 
angelicminx's Avatar
 
angelicminx is offline
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: In my own imagination.
Posts: 3,490
Quote:
Originally Posted by Captain Midnight
I wish she was my ex-girlfriend, but she isn't, even though she's walked out on me a dozen times. But in June 2004 she discovered that I surfed porno sites and just about burst a blood vessel in rage. So I erased everything and told people I wouldn't be posting any stories.

Obviously, I didn't keep to that promise. On March 12, through informants (the same way, although not the same people, as before) she found out that I was back on the porn sites. (I had replied to a Yahoo! Personals message from one of her acquaintances, not realizing who the woman was.) The didn't go into a screaming-maniac fit then, but she had done it three times in three previous days (because I had left town to take a job and had failed to "check in" with her on a regular basis). Instead, she coldly refuted every argument I could make against porno being destructive, adulterous, and just plain sick. I never specifically told her about the porn sites, except that I wrote and edited for Literotica.

Since then, she has offered to take away my computer and Internet connections, to have me hospitalized for addiction, and literally to send me to every psychiatrist in town, and I haven't read all her Weblinks yet. She is acting like a demented version of Dr. Laura Schlessinger, the utterly-despised (by me, at any rate) pseudo-psychologist who claims that all mental illness can be linked to moral failings. And demented isn't too strong a word if you have seen this lady throwing a fit.
IMO... make her your ex. I don't know a lot about you hon, but what I do know I like. She sounds like a control freak who is looking for something more to her liking. She has walked out on you a dozen times? You deserve better than that. There is a woman, or many women if that is your wish, out there who would be perfect for you. Honey, SHE ain't it. It also sounds like you are beginning to resent her. You should not change to suit someone else's idea of what is right. Sounds to me like the relationship is nowhere near healthy and you would both be better off out of it. JMO

Quote:
How destructive/addictive is porn?
Depends on the person. For the majority of people I believe it is harmless. Everything has destructive/ addictive possibities. Gambling, alcohol, sex, reality shows, and credit cards... just to name a few.

Quote:
Should it all be banned?
No. Who is going to decide what is banned? If someone doesn't like something, IMO they shouldn't do it. I don't think they have a right to dictate what other people should like or do.
Quote:
How do you define it?
Define porn? Good question. Anything that might get you off sexually? Of course, that opens up a whole spectrum of things to include under that label. What about the people who get off on seeing someone pee? Is that porn? Some define porn as the showing of sexual activity. I guess The Discovery Channel shows porn on a regular basis then. They show animals mating all the time. Typically I think of explicit sexual material when I think of porn. I like porn, lol.

Quote:
Do you take, say, Judy Blume's classic Forever and shove it down Blume's throat because it depicts sexual behavior among teenagers (who are under age 18 during much of the story) and shows a devastating breakup? I for one have had serious problems with the book because of that.
I loved the book. I read it when I was about 12, I think. I liked Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret. too. A lot of schools aren't allowed to have that one on the shelves because of its content.

Quote:
What about cable TV, R-rated movies and mainstream media showing sex?
If they bother you, don't watch them. There are plenty of alternatives out there, IMO.

Quote:
Theoretically at least, ANY description of sexual activity could be porn. As overboard as that sounds, it is very difficult to draw a line down the middle of the literary world and say what's pornographic and what isn't. Theoretically, it makes more sense to censor any mention of sexual activity or anything in the least bit titillating than to try to pigeonhole stories/depictions/activities according to their content. (It works the other way too -- is a story automatically bad because it DOESN"T have strong language, sexual behavior, violence, et cetera? A lot of "clean" books and movies are harshly criticized for being of poor quality because they are unrealistic.)

Would like input on this ... LadyCibelle, if you see this, let me know if it should be in a separate thread. In the meantime, I guess I'm not writing anymore erotica (again) and will try to figure out which way to go with my life.
I really wish you wouldn't do that babe. You are taking away an important part of who you are. I can only offer my opinion, but I hope that it helps. It is valid. I have made the same mistake in the past and am working hard to correct it now. I would hate to see you lose yourself because some woman, who is obviously not worthy of the great man you are, doesn't appreciate what she has.
  Reply With Quote

Old 03-14-2005, 06:07 PM   #105
bridgeburner
threadkiller
 
bridgeburner's Avatar
 
bridgeburner is offline
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Conjunction Junction
Posts: 2,711
Captain,

First and foremost pornography cannot be an addiction. Addiction is a specific medical term that has to do with a chemical, physical dependency and as such cannot be applied to obsessive behaviors like watching television, playing video games or shopping.

Can on be obsessive about pornography? Yes. Can it be detrimental to one's life? Yes. The problem comes with who gets to decide what obession is or what detrimental is. To one person thinking about sex more than once a week is obsessive. In your situation I'd say pornography is having a detrimental effect on your life but not because it is inherently problematic. The issue is that you are in a relationship with someone whose beliefs about sexually explicit material are not only diametrically opposed to your own, but are every bit as obsessive and irrational as she claims your interest in pornography is.

Do you miss work in order to seek sexual gratification? Have you gone into debt to support your pursuit of sexual gratification? Have you alienated all your friends and family because you cannot control your urge to seek sexual gratification?

If you're holding a job, paying your bills and maintaining healthy relationships then I'd say your porn habits are fine --- regardless of the actual amount of time you spend pursuing them. There is no official limit on this stuff. It's specific to individuals.

The problem you DO have is that you're willing to maintain a relationship in which you have to constantly lie about who you are. You're involved with a woman who not only doesn't like porn, but seeks to punish and manipulate you because you don't share her values and beliefs about porn.

Why do you stay with this woman? This is not going to change. Ever. She will always, always, always think you are a pervert and will continue to spy on you and punish you for this aspect of your character. (If you wonder why she stays with you it's because she gets off on spying on you and manipulating you and making you feel guilty.) Also, she can vicariously experience sexual perversity by remaining with you. She can titillate herself with how wicked you are while simultaneously patting herself on the back for scolding you out of your "addiction."

Frankly, that's fucked up. Sorry, but there's just no other way to put it.

Another thing to consider is why, if you are happy in your relationship would you be responding to personal ads? There are a LOT of women out there. Unless you have children together I'd say it's time to close the door on this one.

I'm assuming you live in the US. We have extremely twisted ideas about sex and sexuality in this country in no small part because we are so incredibly repressed. We have the highest rate of sex crimes and teen pregnancy of any Industrialized nation in the world and yet we have stricter laws about both sex and its depiction in media than any of those other countries.


-B
__________________
Spelunkers eat cave bacon. Mmmm......bacon!
  Reply With Quote

Old 03-14-2005, 07:03 PM   #106
LadyCibelle
Always magnificient.
 
LadyCibelle's Avatar
 
LadyCibelle is offline
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Moncton, NB
Posts: 2,936
Wow,

I have to say that it's what I call an eye opener!!! I don't know if Captain_Midnight will thank you individually but I will thank you...and nope, not for him...I'll thank you just because you are the most wonderful bunch of people I've had the pleasure to know in a long time!!!

All of you have said what I've been wanting to tell him for a while now but couldn't because I felt it wasn't my place as a friend to be too critical of his "girlfriend".

What you've read here is but a small part of all the hardship he's had for a while now (nope not betraying any confidence in saying so) and being his friend I was stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Don't know what else I can say to you all but a thousand thanks
__________________
My Elucubration



**********

You make as much sense as me! Welcome to my club ... or is that cult? Welcome anyway. CharleyH to me after I've been a fuckwaffle




Winner of the Most Helpful Editor award 2005
  Reply With Quote

Old 03-14-2005, 10:42 PM   #107
Captain Midnight
Really Really Experienced
 
Captain Midnight's Avatar
 
Captain Midnight is offline
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Texas
Posts: 336
Question Shoot yeah, I'll thank all of you

As you may have guessed, the girlfriend is INCREDIBLY manipulative ... I can't count the number of times I've had to "belly-crawl and eat dirt" because of her. She honestly believes she is in love with me. IMHO, that is totally wrongheaded. As you may also have guessed, she takes only a limited amount of responsibility for her actions.

It is very difficult for me to go from loving someone to hating someone. The woman who informed on me the first time (I told her in confidence and she didn't waste a day before spreading the word) ruined a four-and-a-half year friendship and now loathes me. (In fact, my girlfriend told me that this woman, upon talking to my grilfriend about my porn habit, offered to find her a new boyfriend right there on the spot.) I feel pity for that woman because I genuinely liked her. I have a lot less sympathy for my girlfriend's sister and mother, both of whom withheld the information about my flirtation with another woman until it could do the most damage.

To address my situation specifically: I spent a lot of money on porn sites, on prostitutes, on porn books and magazines. In recent days, I did have to have a porn "fix" daily and sometimes many times a day, if nothing else because I was too afraid to face the outside world. (I had Puritan hangups on my own and thought sex was bad under ALL circumstances. Nobody instilled those in me; I did those on my own.) It is also true that many people are cruelly expoloited in the making of porn (I don't know how many, but one database lists the number of suicides by porn performers, and they are just as vulnerable as anyone else in Hollywood -- maybe more so -- to drug addiction and self-destructive behavior. Porn performers often do a marathon string of movies in a few months, which are then released over several years, so they won't visibly age and become less marketable.) Other abuses ... I don't know all that much about them.

There will be more. I'm trying to catch a squirrel in my garage and release it into the wild -- hopefully setting up the squirrel so it won't be a late-night snack for the many cats who hang around my house.

Yes, thank everybody for their input, and I hope you will continue to write in about my situation and how I can get out of this "relationship" safely.
  Reply With Quote

Old 03-15-2005, 12:35 AM   #108
angelicminx
Loving the monkey!
 
angelicminx's Avatar
 
angelicminx is offline
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: In my own imagination.
Posts: 3,490
Kinda wondering what you mean about "safely". You have my email hon. More than willing to lend an ear and help however I can.
  Reply With Quote

Old 03-15-2005, 11:20 AM   #109
Halo_n_horns
Literotica Guru
 
Halo_n_horns's Avatar
 
Halo_n_horns is offline
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Near the Black Forest...
Posts: 3,534
Quote:
Originally Posted by Captain Midnight
As you may have guessed, the girlfriend is INCREDIBLY manipulative ... I can't count the number of times I've had to "belly-crawl and eat dirt" because of her. She honestly believes she is in love with me. IMHO, that is totally wrongheaded. As you may also have guessed, she takes only a limited amount of responsibility for her actions.

It is very difficult for me to go from loving someone to hating someone.
OK. Now I'll say it. Grow some stones.

You're not being asked or told to "hate" anyone. Get off that idea now while it's still early in this particular discussion. It's remarkably easy to love someone but not really like or respect who they are. I know. I've done it.

One of my exes was a lot like the woman you're describing. To this day a little piece of me still loves her. Always will. But as soon as I recognized the manipulations and overbearing personality, coupled up with a few loose wires between her ears, I knew enough about what was going to be right for me to know that she was not going to be right for me in the long run.

You also brought up her sense of responsibility about her actions. If she doesn't take much responsibility for who she is, then you shouldn't be taking any responsibility for who she is. You are number one in your life. No one else. Take responsibility for your own life and your own actions. If you have an addiction, do something about it because you want to do something about rather than because someone is harping on you about it.

My wife smokes. I harp on her. I even taught our son to harp on her because we want him to know that it's a very bad thing. But, ultimately, she will be the one who has to decide to tackle it and do something about it. Those will be her stones to grow.

__________________


Photography by Christian Aragon

Photography by Christian Aragon Print Galleries

The Artists Corner

"Do not believe in what you have heard; do not believe in traditions because
they have been handed down for many generations; do not believe anything
because it is rumored and spoken of by many; do not believe merely because
the written statement of some old sage is produced; do not believe in
conjectures; do not believe merely in the authority of your teachers and
elders. After observation and analysis, when it agrees with reason and is
conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up
to it."
  Reply With Quote

Old 03-15-2005, 07:49 PM   #110
Captain Midnight
Really Really Experienced
 
Captain Midnight's Avatar
 
Captain Midnight is offline
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Texas
Posts: 336
Thank you all for your input

This morning, I had an interview for a regular 8-to-5 job -- something I haven't had in years. I'm hoping with all my fibers to get this job and carry on with the rest of my life.

The last 10 days have seen the rollercoaster swing wildly. I went to Las Vegas to shoot scenes for a low-budget (hopefully mainstream) film. In the process, I neglected to call her more than once. So, after a marathon shoot on my last day of filming, she telephoned me to Roto-Tiller me for neglect. When I returned home, it got a lot worse.

I need to leave for supper now, and I will post a follow-up with much more detail later this evening.

Thank you all for your support.
  Reply With Quote

Old 03-16-2005, 09:33 AM   #111
Halo_n_horns
Literotica Guru
 
Halo_n_horns's Avatar
 
Halo_n_horns is offline
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Near the Black Forest...
Posts: 3,534
Quote:
Originally Posted by Captain Midnight
This morning, I had an interview for a regular 8-to-5 job -- something I haven't had in years. I'm hoping with all my fibers to get this job and carry on with the rest of my life.

The last 10 days have seen the rollercoaster swing wildly. I went to Las Vegas to shoot scenes for a low-budget (hopefully mainstream) film. In the process, I neglected to call her more than once. So, after a marathon shoot on my last day of filming, she telephoned me to Roto-Tiller me for neglect. When I returned home, it got a lot worse.

I need to leave for supper now, and I will post a follow-up with much more detail later this evening.

Thank you all for your support.
???What happened???
__________________


Photography by Christian Aragon

Photography by Christian Aragon Print Galleries

The Artists Corner

"Do not believe in what you have heard; do not believe in traditions because
they have been handed down for many generations; do not believe anything
because it is rumored and spoken of by many; do not believe merely because
the written statement of some old sage is produced; do not believe in
conjectures; do not believe merely in the authority of your teachers and
elders. After observation and analysis, when it agrees with reason and is
conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up
to it."
  Reply With Quote

Old 03-18-2005, 02:15 AM   #112
Captain Midnight
Really Really Experienced
 
Captain Midnight's Avatar
 
Captain Midnight is offline
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Texas
Posts: 336
Well, I didn't get the job

I'm not sure what happened, but the rejection letter was in my mailbox today, two days after the interview. I wonder if the famed question "Where do you see yourself five years from now?" (is that really answerable?) sank me, because if I wasn't working in Lubbock, I wanted to move to Las Vegas or Los Angeles and work for a movie company as an actor and as a writer.

For the time being, I'm not looking at porn of any kind. One reason, besides the obvious ones, is that I teach chess. I got very tired of the poorly-written books on the subject and have worked off and on for a year in writing my own book. (It is getting pretty darn big.) So, I'm fiddling with new chapters and diagrams (very difficult to create) and examples for it.

Another thing is that I'm still working for the motion picture company. I got about half of my scenes filmed on March 6-10 (three working days, two travel days), and have another five-day jaunt to Las Vegas March 20-24 to wrap my part in the film. Don't expect to see it until 2007 in any venue; that's how long it will take to edit and put in the elaborate computer graphics (with a two-person crew). Then it's a matter of hope that the producers have enough Hollywood connections to get it into the cineplexes. Believe me, that is extremely difficult, if you've perused the movie sections of your newspapers you will see how difficult. As they say in Hollywood, "Nobody ever deliberately sets out to make a bad picture," but at the same time, "Nobody knows whether or not the picture really IS good."

You-know-who STILL wants to get back together with me for an Easter vacation next week. Which of us is the bigger masochist? Let's make this as simple as possible: when she's not working as a teacher, she sits around her apartment and vegetates. She's been doing this for a long time now, often refusing to go out with me when we're together and saying "I don't want to." She wants to spend all her time having sex?!?!? It seems like it sometimes! She also did a LOT of Internet research on porno addiction (finding lots of self-styled "experts" -- I'll send LadyCibelle some of that sometime) and so-called cures. In a rather poignant episode, she asked me about starting up her own business so she could quit teaching and facing the little monsters in school, especially with her bad foot. Her mother, who's a mean mujer, shot that idea down before it even started.

Look, everybody, I don't have good self-esteem. I have been turned down for more jobs than you can imagine. I have been hired and then fired an awful lot. Writing and acting are my best subjects, but there are a lot of damn fine actors and writers out there who don't make a dime because they are a shade off the top. I know I am very good at that stuff. I know I am very good with office work (although evidently I need electroshock for my tact). I don't have any yardstick to measure whether my sexual urges and likes are normal or abnormal. Yes, I did spend a lot of money on sex of all kinds -- prostitution, dancers, printed porn, cyberporn. I went very heavily into debt (not solely because of sex, although it was a major factor). I was in a hopelessly unequal relationship this time, and possibly the time before it (I had a girlfriend whose previous boyfriend wooed her back -- they're still married 15 years later). And I've learned that some women redefine treachery, among other things.

All these things hurt. They hurt my creative energy and willpower. But I'm planning to pull on my bootstraps and keep going.

Let me know what you think right now.
  Reply With Quote

Old 03-18-2005, 11:33 AM   #113
Halo_n_horns
Literotica Guru
 
Halo_n_horns's Avatar
 
Halo_n_horns is offline
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Near the Black Forest...
Posts: 3,534
Cap,

Jobs come and go. I've been in your situation where I was really looking forward to getting a particular position and it fell through. All I can say about these things, and being a huge fan of rodeo, is that when you get bucked off you have to get right back on again. There really isn't any other way.

Jobs will come and go, but your whole life will be here for as long as you need it.

I'm really kind of curious about this woman wanting to get together with you. As overbearing and controlling as she is I really don't see any reason, any logical reason, other than reasons of the heart, to even entertain the notion. The heart and all its emotions can be a horribly stupid critter. I can speak from experience about that, just as I'm sure most people can.

I'm betting that what your life is really screaming for is some balance. Right now it sounds like you've got yourself wrapped up tight as a drum into your own little world and concentrating entirely too hard on a great many relatively small details.

As you're reading just take a really deep breath. Take a moment or two to decide to simply not care about anything or anyone in your life other than yourself. You are number one in your life. No one else should ever hold that spot, period, for any reason. I know people would argue that for things like children or spouses, but the simple fact is that the better you take care of yourself and your own personal nature and needs, the better capable you are of helping someone else take care of his/hers (Notice I didn't say take care of it for them).

Coming up on a year ago, I quit a job that I was extremely good at. It was very technical, profit-driven, and often a bit ruthless though it concerned peoples' health and well-being on a daily basis. I was even making more money than my new supervisor, so I was doing pretty well. But, one day, I realized that it wasn't doing a damn thing for me to make me feel happy or satisfied or contented in any way. So, I gave notice and several months later I found myself starting a new business of my own where I could work the talent that I have always had. Have I been monetarily successful? Hell no. Have I been happier? Tremendously!

It's a bit obvious that you're of an artistic nature and heart. Keep some things in mind: As an artist of any medium, you're not wired like other people. You'll always feel things differently, see things differently, and work to resolve situations differently. No true artist is like the masses around him or her. Once you take hold of that you can start to use it.

Do what's in your nature to do. If you just need money to get by while you're working on other things, then any job will do until you get to your own personal pole position.

As for this woman you've written of with such fondness, cut her out, rip her out, throw her out, have her dragged out of your life by a team of horses, and don't look back. When you've got number one straightened out and on the right path, the right woman who is willing to understand you, accept you and love you for who you are will happen along.

In the meantime, just because it sounds like you're functioning on more levels than an addicted person really can, just consider that as an artist sex is simply a part of what drives your true nature. A well known author once wrote about "The Creative Emotion of Sex," which is more of what it is than most people will ever stop to consider. You've got that emotion in high gear, and though it needs to be brought down a couple of notches, it should not be given up on.

Now your couple of moments of not caring about the rest of your world are over. Re-prioritize your life so that you can still make all of your financial commitments, while also pursuing the things that you love to do.

And, yes, it sounds corny, up until you're actually doing it.

__________________


Photography by Christian Aragon

Photography by Christian Aragon Print Galleries

The Artists Corner

"Do not believe in what you have heard; do not believe in traditions because
they have been handed down for many generations; do not believe anything
because it is rumored and spoken of by many; do not believe merely because
the written statement of some old sage is produced; do not believe in
conjectures; do not believe merely in the authority of your teachers and
elders. After observation and analysis, when it agrees with reason and is
conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up
to it."
  Reply With Quote

Old 03-18-2005, 12:21 PM   #114
bridgeburner
threadkiller
 
bridgeburner's Avatar
 
bridgeburner is offline
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Conjunction Junction
Posts: 2,711
Bravo, Halo.

Excellent advice!


-B
__________________
Spelunkers eat cave bacon. Mmmm......bacon!
  Reply With Quote

Old 03-18-2005, 12:59 PM   #115
bridgeburner
threadkiller
 
bridgeburner's Avatar
 
bridgeburner is offline
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Conjunction Junction
Posts: 2,711
Captain,

There are some Texas stars who are very involved in their home state --- they like to work with Texans and they like to work in Texas and they're fans of independent filmmakers:

Matthew McConaughey
Bill Paxton
Powers Booth

I don't personally have any connection with any of these guys, however, there's an independent movie theater in Santa Monica called the Aero which carried Paxton's film Frailty a few years ago. This movie never saw wide distribution, it was very much an independent film and a fucking gem. I've no idea what your film is about BUT the Aero Theater in Santa Monica might be a way to get to Bill Paxton who directed and personally promoted Frailty at their screening. They have (or at least had) a friendly and personal relationship and because they're all dedicated to independent film I figure they might be interested in you and your film.

Probably a long shot, but you never know. Crazier things have happened.

Here's a link to the theater: Aero Theater in Santa Monica


-B
__________________
Spelunkers eat cave bacon. Mmmm......bacon!
  Reply With Quote

Old 03-18-2005, 03:31 PM   #116
angelicminx
Loving the monkey!
 
angelicminx's Avatar
 
angelicminx is offline
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: In my own imagination.
Posts: 3,490
WOW, Halo! Bravo!

Cap, Everything you need is right there!
  Reply With Quote

Old 03-18-2005, 03:52 PM   #117
LadyCibelle
Always magnificient.
 
LadyCibelle's Avatar
 
LadyCibelle is offline
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Moncton, NB
Posts: 2,936
Wow Horn!!!!

No wonder I like you so much!!! This caring that you show in everything you've said to Cap is but one of the reason why I, now believe, there are still really good people out there!!

Captain, I'm pretty sure you've received my lastest email from few days ago, you probably didn't like some of the things that I've said in there, I know, but all I've said what out of caring and compassion for you.

You are a good guy, don't let anyone tell you otherwise!!

Hugs
C.
__________________
My Elucubration



**********

You make as much sense as me! Welcome to my club ... or is that cult? Welcome anyway. CharleyH to me after I've been a fuckwaffle




Winner of the Most Helpful Editor award 2005
  Reply With Quote

Old 03-18-2005, 04:07 PM   #118
Captain Midnight
Really Really Experienced
 
Captain Midnight's Avatar
 
Captain Midnight is offline
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Texas
Posts: 336
Red face Thanks, everybody ...

Halonhorns made a very good point when he suspected that I throw myself into everything I do. I believe it. Not hard to suffer burnout that way.

Writing on the chess book is a lot of fun. But every time I think it's about finished, some of my students will think of some things (not knowing I'm writing it), and I'll realize that subject ought to be covered. (These are kids of ages 7 to 10, for the most part.) Young people's reading skills don't seem to be what they used to be (certainly way behind mine at that age), so I have to provide diagrams after each move when I give them examples, and even then they complain mildly about not having arrows showing the starting square and destination square for each move. It's possible, but there are at least a thousand diagrams in the book, and the diagrams are pretty big, so I'd have to go through all of them and put the arrows in. I'm working from Microsoft Word, not a sophisticated publishing software, so the arrows don't go precisely where intended, the pieces are too small for the squares they sit on ... reminds me of an attempt many years ago by the national chess magazine to convert to boards and pieces like T-shirt transfers. It was bad beyond all imagination. I can (and do) do much better than that, but I still find many things to tweak just in the page layout, not to mention the content. And I still have three chapters to go, assuming I don't find some more examples to stick in the books.

Now to writing for Literotica. If you've read my output so far, you know it's quite limited. One reason immediately pops up: "Got an idea?" Through the graciousness of patricia51, I have been using her characters to create stories, and developing characters of my own. I think character development is the hardest thing of all in story writing. If you have good characters, they start to intermingle and the story takes off. (One reason I'm "hanging" on my current story is that a key character is nearly killed, and taken out of the story, at chapter's end. I am having real problems going on without him. Before he is injured, he and the heroine engage in a real lovemaking session after a half-dozen chapters of friendship, and that scene was giving me problems long before all the rest of this came up.)

Another important reason is that I don't write erotica just for erotica's sake. I've read more porno and seen more porno videos than I can count, and the huge majority of them have almost no storyline. The coed sleeping her way through college, the housewife having affairs ... nothing in either case about what goes on when they aren't in the sack with somebody. It gets mighty dull mighty quick. Given that many porno stars never had an acting lesson in their collective lives, and that many directors (and critics) feel that the plotline just gets in the way of showing the sex scenes, I can understand it a little, but I can't write it that way. Excuse me for saying this, but Literotica is not and should not be some sexual sausage factory. I haven't found all the good writers, but the ones I have found emphasize character, story and action, putting in the sex scenes when the times are right for them. I won't name anybody in particular (besides patricia51), because I'm sure to leave out somebody.

I seriously want to pitch some of these Literotica story ideas, my own and some good ones I've read elsewhere, to the producers of this film I'm doing. They are up to their ears in work and will be for something like 20 months, at least until November 2006. Many of the story ideas include lesbianism, which seems relegated to porno (even Ellen's coming-out show seemed like a ratings ploy to get the extra season the producers needed to sell the show in reruns), but if that major hurdle can be overcome, then they are real literary gems and ought to see the light of mainstream media.

I need to read all these posts over again, carefully. Often I can read the same thing 12 or 20 times (including my own script) and still not have it down. But I appreciate everything you guys are doing for me. SO SO much.

Captain Midnight
  Reply With Quote

Old 03-19-2005, 04:33 AM   #119
Halo_n_horns
Literotica Guru
 
Halo_n_horns's Avatar
 
Halo_n_horns is offline
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Near the Black Forest...
Posts: 3,534
We're all anxious to hear what you're going to do next, Cap. Stay in touch.

__________________


Photography by Christian Aragon

Photography by Christian Aragon Print Galleries

The Artists Corner

"Do not believe in what you have heard; do not believe in traditions because
they have been handed down for many generations; do not believe anything
because it is rumored and spoken of by many; do not believe merely because
the written statement of some old sage is produced; do not believe in
conjectures; do not believe merely in the authority of your teachers and
elders. After observation and analysis, when it agrees with reason and is
conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up
to it."
  Reply With Quote

Old 03-19-2005, 07:33 PM   #120
Captain Midnight
Really Really Experienced
 
Captain Midnight's Avatar
 
Captain Midnight is offline
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Texas
Posts: 336
Angry The Stockholm Syndrome

Ever heard of it?

I don't know a whole lot about it, but what I can gather is the Stockholm Syndromes occurs in prisoners or hostages. Through terror, the force of their opponent's will, their own feelings of guilt or otherwise, they go over to the other side. They agree with everything the captor says without reservation. In a worst-case scenario, they may inform on others trying to escape. (I saw one example on TV one time, when a bank-robbery hostage screamed that another one was escaping, resulting in the death of a third hostage.)

I hope to write, when my nerves are back under control, a story about that going both ways. Patricia51 doesn't peruse this board, but it might be a To Serve and Protect story. In a similar situation, when the police draw out the hostage situation with false promises, and a hostage gets killed (when another one alerts about a third one escaping), one cop goes manic and tries to arrest the SWAT team on felony-murder charges. I'm still not sure how the story will end (the likely story is a sharpshooter picking off not only the rogue cop, but also at least one hostage), but it won't be happy.

Why bring this up? Because of still another marathon series of phone calls. She is trying to indoctrinate me into the evils of porn, my guilty conscience for hiding it from her, my withholding sex from her (not because of the porn, I promise), my deceitfulness, and every other hateful thing she calls me. The idea is to reduce me to the lowest level, the one she presumably occupies.

I'm fighting back. But sometimes it seems an impossible task. I wonder how many domestic-violence cases, even domestic-homicide cases, arise from when the abused party finally stands up to the abuser and is slain as a result. Whether it's better just to take the abuse. As you all gasp in horror that I would say such a thing, please remember the position I'm in. This is very much like being in Fatal Attraction, the original version (the last 15 minutes, straight out of Psycho, were filmed much later because the original ending, with Glenn Close's character committing suicide and framing Michael Douglas for her murder, didn't play well in test screenings; I think that version is available on homevideo and DVD). My girlfriend going to the extremes of wabbit stew (see the movie) and kidnapping the child is very unlikely, but the idea of her hounding me day and night isn't. Yes, I can turn off my phone (and have). But once in a while (actually, a lot of times) my conscience, guilty over real or imagined sins, gets to me and I talk to her -- and get more, much more, of the same.

In about 14 hours I'll be on the plane to Las Vegas, finishing my filming, and will be back just before Easter. I hope to see my little niece at Easter time (there is a lot of confusion over whether her mom, my sister, will bring her over or whether I and my parents will go to visit them). Because of the scheduling, I didn't get to go see her this weekend as planned.

If anyone asks why I don't read BDSM stories, and why I had a well-publicized flap with one author over a non-erotic horror story, you have your reason.

I hope to hear from you when I get back.

You guys have been wonderful through all this.

Captain Midnight
  Reply With Quote

Old 03-19-2005, 09:46 PM   #121
bridgeburner
threadkiller
 
bridgeburner's Avatar
 
bridgeburner is offline
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Conjunction Junction
Posts: 2,711
I don't mean this in any kind of confrontation way at all, just trying to figure it out.

Why do you stay?


I mean, what is there that is good and truly loving and nurturing about your relationship with your girlfriend? What does she provide in your life that you cannot get without her?

From what I've read so far I haven't seen any upsides and I know that's not a very likely truth. Nobody stays when everything is horrible, so there must be something good. It would help me get my head around this a little better if I knew what that was.



-B
__________________
Spelunkers eat cave bacon. Mmmm......bacon!
  Reply With Quote

Old 03-21-2005, 11:26 AM   #122
Halo_n_horns
Literotica Guru
 
Halo_n_horns's Avatar
 
Halo_n_horns is offline
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Near the Black Forest...
Posts: 3,534
Quote:
Originally Posted by Captain Midnight
Ever heard of it?

I don't know a whole lot about it, but what I can gather is the Stockholm Syndromes occurs in prisoners or hostages. Through terror, the force of their opponent's will, their own feelings of guilt or otherwise, they go over to the other side. They agree with everything the captor says without reservation. In a worst-case scenario, they may inform on others trying to escape. (I saw one example on TV one time, when a bank-robbery hostage screamed that another one was escaping, resulting in the death of a third hostage.)

I hope to write, when my nerves are back under control, a story about that going both ways. Patricia51 doesn't peruse this board, but it might be a To Serve and Protect story. In a similar situation, when the police draw out the hostage situation with false promises, and a hostage gets killed (when another one alerts about a third one escaping), one cop goes manic and tries to arrest the SWAT team on felony-murder charges. I'm still not sure how the story will end (the likely story is a sharpshooter picking off not only the rogue cop, but also at least one hostage), but it won't be happy.

Why bring this up? Because of still another marathon series of phone calls. She is trying to indoctrinate me into the evils of porn, my guilty conscience for hiding it from her, my withholding sex from her (not because of the porn, I promise), my deceitfulness, and every other hateful thing she calls me. The idea is to reduce me to the lowest level, the one she presumably occupies.

I'm fighting back. But sometimes it seems an impossible task. I wonder how many domestic-violence cases, even domestic-homicide cases, arise from when the abused party finally stands up to the abuser and is slain as a result. Whether it's better just to take the abuse. As you all gasp in horror that I would say such a thing, please remember the position I'm in. This is very much like being in Fatal Attraction, the original version (the last 15 minutes, straight out of Psycho, were filmed much later because the original ending, with Glenn Close's character committing suicide and framing Michael Douglas for her murder, didn't play well in test screenings; I think that version is available on homevideo and DVD). My girlfriend going to the extremes of wabbit stew (see the movie) and kidnapping the child is very unlikely, but the idea of her hounding me day and night isn't. Yes, I can turn off my phone (and have). But once in a while (actually, a lot of times) my conscience, guilty over real or imagined sins, gets to me and I talk to her -- and get more, much more, of the same.

In about 14 hours I'll be on the plane to Las Vegas, finishing my filming, and will be back just before Easter. I hope to see my little niece at Easter time (there is a lot of confusion over whether her mom, my sister, will bring her over or whether I and my parents will go to visit them). Because of the scheduling, I didn't get to go see her this weekend as planned.

If anyone asks why I don't read BDSM stories, and why I had a well-publicized flap with one author over a non-erotic horror story, you have your reason.

I hope to hear from you when I get back.

You guys have been wonderful through all this.

Captain Midnight
Everything in life is a choice with either good or bad consequences. There's no escaping that.

You're not a prisoner except by your own choice to continue associating with this person. If you have any kind of syndrome I'm doubting seriously that it's the one you're describing.

You're traveling away from her by a considerable distance to pursue something that you love, acting? That all by itself screams that you hold all the freedom you'll ever need to be rid of this woman. To top it off you're going to LV of all places. "Sin City" was given its original definition by that place, though I'm certain there are much more appropriate places in the world that should carry that title.

When it boils down to it, you're already disassociating yourself from this woman in a number of ways. You left to go to LV for a film job (temporary or otherwise, you left for it), if she's still harping on you for any reason then you're already not conforming to her unrealistic standards, you're discussing this with a bunch of relative strangers on the net and behind her back...

Cap, you're already staring at the exit. Now just walk through it.

__________________


Photography by Christian Aragon

Photography by Christian Aragon Print Galleries

The Artists Corner

"Do not believe in what you have heard; do not believe in traditions because
they have been handed down for many generations; do not believe anything
because it is rumored and spoken of by many; do not believe merely because
the written statement of some old sage is produced; do not believe in
conjectures; do not believe merely in the authority of your teachers and
elders. After observation and analysis, when it agrees with reason and is
conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up
to it."
  Reply With Quote

Old 03-24-2005, 09:51 PM   #123
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
  Reply With Quote

Old 03-25-2005, 09:41 AM   #124
LadyCibelle
Always magnificient.
 
LadyCibelle's Avatar
 
LadyCibelle is offline
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Moncton, NB
Posts: 2,936
Hmmm don't worry vamp, yeah it happens that people contact me too, asking for editing and then, they seem to drop off the face of the earth. It has nothing to do with you or something you said, I guess they're just not ready to have someone pick at their work.

Sometimes, people think they are ready for criticism but when comes times for them to "really" receive it, they back off because they realize they can't.
__________________
My Elucubration



**********

You make as much sense as me! Welcome to my club ... or is that cult? Welcome anyway. CharleyH to me after I've been a fuckwaffle




Winner of the Most Helpful Editor award 2005
  Reply With Quote

Old 03-27-2005, 04:03 PM   #125
Captain Midnight
Really Really Experienced
 
Captain Midnight's Avatar
 
Captain Midnight is offline
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Texas
Posts: 336
Taking a Literotica story and running with it

I'll have more, a lot more, to say later about Amy, my girlfriend. But that comes later (after she leaves from her Easter break). What I'm interested in floating now is an idea for an essay.

I haven't talked to Patricia very much about this yet, but I hope she knows that I would love to adapt To Serve and Protect as a television series, presumably cable, about a close-knit family of police officers. The question is ... how?

Last week, while helping the co-writer/co-producer/co-star of a movie transport props and set pieces to the studio, I squeezed in talk about Patricia's novel Bridget's Nights and my own wWho Wants to Be a Vampire Slayer, possibly packaged together as a miniseries for TV or even as a feature. The actress bombarded me with questions about the characters -- how did they get together, how did they interact, what were the moments of crisis for each of them? I was able to answer all the questions, but sometimes the answers didn't come easily or quickly, and the woman got bogged down in all the character detail Patricia and I (mostly I) have created. (Who Wants to Be a Vampire Slayer was originally proposed as a follow-up to an episode of the vintage McCloud TV series, where a vampire stalks Manhattan. Loved the series, but that particular episode was full of plot holes and a wildly over-the-top characterization by the guest actor playing a coroner, so bad that he appeared almost psychotic.

All the questions, and the answers I gave to them, set my mind to working furiously. The IMHO is that a lot of Literotica stories have literary merit above and beyond the simple get-your-rocks-off audience. I've read only about 1/10 of 1 percent of them, and many of those are pretty basic porno-book plots. But some of them have well-thought-out characters, well-thought-out situations, and believable relationships among the characters in and out of the bedroom.

Question number one is: do the authors want to push into the so-called mainstream? It has its pitfalls. Question number two is: how well can these stories/novels/chain stories be adapted to other media? Would a visitor to Barnes & Noble or some other place sit down with these stories, read them through and be fasinated to the point that s/he wants to buy the whole book? Or see the entire motion picture?

Most of the Page 5 stuff I've put up reflects a lot of discontent on my part, and it's not simply with my girlfriend. The time to start moving on and doing what I ought to do ... is now. Filming that movie was a step. Teaching chess and writing a book on it was another. And, just perhaps, writing novels and screenplays for a paying audience is the next step.

I'll elaborate on this some more in an essay, if I get permission to write down some details from the movie set. (I told the actress that I was having a lot of trouble writing one particular sex scene because it comes just before the two lovers are critically injured by a would-be assassin, and one of the two is still out of the story when it comes to a stop.)

I'll write more later.

Captain Midnight
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:45 AM.

Copyright 1998-2013 Literotica Online. Literotica is a registered trademark.