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Old 07-27-2015, 08:31 AM   #1
Heliopheres74
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Question Ongoing Non-Con Story Needs Editing

I have been writing some stories for years, mainly story beginnings, but have hardly posted anything so far. So this will be the first story I'd like to publish online.

I'm writing a story, consisting of more than one part. I think it would be categorised within Non-Consent, but has elements of Gay Male and BDSM in it (but also straight moments).

I'm a native speaker of German, the story is being written in (British) English, so I might still make mistakes. I don't only need someone to improve the language (spelling and grammar), but also someone who makes suggestions about the story from small to big points (continuity errors, or style improvement or anything else).
I have still problems with direct speech and conversations and making them sound realistic.

The first part of the story is already written, and I've started writing the second part. The first part has, according to MS Word word count, including introduction and end note, about 4K words (so maybe about 3.9K without the notes).

The story is set in the Sonoran Desert in Mexico. And therefore, in the first scene of the story, there are some parts of a dialogue in Spanish; I have already checked these phrases with a friend who lives in Mexico, but someone with some knowledge in Spanish would still be nice, too.

I have saved it, so far, in *.doc files, but I can easily change it into most of the other common file types.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Summary of Part One
The Señora leads a stud farm amid the Sonoran Desert in north-western Mexico. Her most recent acquisition, the young college associate John, is introduced to her and the farm by her two head henchmen Pablo and Ildefonso with the help of the quite feminine henchman María. At the end, John is put in a horse box, naked except for hoof substitutes over hands and feet, two troughs with water and gruel on one side of the box, a slightly water-filled basin on the other side and the floor covered in hay. John falls asleep on the hay in a foetal position. Before the Señora leaves, she promises him a surprise for the next day.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Part One, first three paragraphs
In the Sonoran Desert in north-western Mexico, hidden from view between some of the ranges, there lies the stud ranch of the Señora. Although everything looks quite like a horse ranch, the Señora deals mainly in other kinds of studs that, on the ranch, are treated a lot like horses. The Señora nonetheless rears a few horses, so some of the studs can work for their keep and thus give the ranch a typical farm image. To find new young and unbroken studs, the Señora and Her henchmen travel around the desert and beyond. They catch them wherever they can find them. Sometimes someone even recommends a new catch.

*

John was such a catch. He lived close to San Diego and was on holiday in Mexico when the henchmen caught him after he had fallen victim to a bunch of guerrilla criminals and had had as the only ones of his items not taken: his pair of black cowboy boots and his black cowboy hat with the broad brim as well as the ragged and torn pair of his undies. He had stood alone amidst the desert when the henchmen had driven by and given him a ride. What he hadn't known then was that they wouldn't bring him to the next town or police station, but to the Señora’s remote stud ranch.

He was tied up and blindfolded at some point during the ride. When they reached the ranch, he was immediately brought to the Señora and Her two head henchmen, the ex-wrestler and extreme weightlifter Pablo and the taller, more slender, still much muscled Ildefonso.

Last edited by Heliopheres74 : 08-05-2015 at 06:28 AM.
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Old 08-31-2015, 02:19 PM   #2
Heliopheres74
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Someone is editing the story with regard to the language.
I still need someone for editing with regard to the content.

Last edited by Heliopheres74 : Yesterday at 09:53 AM.
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