To save you a trip to the library, let me recommend "Different Loving".
The key is to communicate openly and honestly about what you like, don't like and what turns you on. I'm a little embarrassed to admit some of the things I like and I'm hesitant to bring them up with a partner. To get around that in the olden days, my ex and I would dog-ear the pages of stories in Penthouse Variations that we thought were hot.
Nowadays with this new-fangled interweb, we can just bookmark Lit stories or videos. Ideally, you would read the stories together or watch the videos and break down what parts were really exciting and what parts were not.