How did you find out that you were gay/bisexual?

[Etoile]

Originally posted by jaded_lily
i didn't have my first encounter til about a month or so ago and even then i didn't do anything just laid there like a board or something, kinda amazed, kinda freaked out, kinda really turned on, and kinda uncomfortable.

Totally normal for your first time! Have you seen the German movie "Aimée & Jaguar"? It's about two women during WWII, and one of them considers herself heterosexual until she falls in love with a lesbian. Their first sex scene is exactly like that: Aimée is terrified of what she's feeling, doesn't know how to respond, and lies there motionless while Jaguar touches her. (The story is actually true; those were their pet names for each other, but I don't know if that's exactly how their first time having sex happened!)

[IJustMight]

Was just wrestling around with a friend at his house when I was 12 and he pulled my pants down and started touching me. I was horrified at first, but it felt so good. We would up jerking each other off and later that summer we sucked each other. I remember loving him in my mouth so much and I asked him to let me many times. I made a pest of myself. That was my only experience, ever, but the thought of it still turns me on. I have a girl friend but I love looking at cocks and thinking about them and exchanging PM's and chat with guys who like the same things.

Ken

[kalalau]

"I have a girlfriend but I love looking at cocks and thinking about them and exchanging PM's and chat with guys who like the same things....."

I think that its rather uncanny that so many of us (bisexual men or however you want to characterize these thoughts) are thinking identical thoughts. I could have written that exact sentence myself and it would have been completely true.

I am fortunate to have had a few more MM experiences and expect to have many in the future. I wouldn't feel complete without this side of me and I've grown to love being bi.

Thanks.

[scheherazade_79]

I pretty much knew I liked women better than men from when I was around 12. Unfortunately I lived in denial til I was 21 because I'd been brainwashed into thinking that lesbians were just women who looked and acted like guys. I've always been attracted to really feminine women, so I found it quite confusing for a while. You'll be relieved to hear I'm not confused anymore, though

[UnderMyKilt]

A lengthy answer, and a little tidbit of background first.

To this day, I still don't know what, if any, affect this has on my sexual orientation but I was molested by a much older (teen) neighbor boy from approximately the age of six to the age of eight. There were three of us that he regularly molested in what he called the "fort", which was actually a cave dug into a hillside behind our houses. The molestation included oral copulation and anal penetration. On one occasion, he knocked me to the ground, dislocating my elbow, as I tried to run away from him. I was so guilt ridden and afraid of this person that I told my parents I had fallen off of my bicyle. The molestation stopped only when his family moved away.

I was always a bit "different" from the other boys...and girls...as I had a keen interest in physical intimacy, and sexual matters, long before others of my age did. Did the molestation make me this way, I don't know. When playing "truth or dare" with other kids, I always took "dare", especially if it might mean kissing a girl or otherwise being intimate. When other boys were going through the "I hate girls stage", I always seemed to have a close female friend with whom I would hold hands, kiss, and even do some petting. I was chastised by a seventh grade teacher after a classmate had confided to her that I had given her an orgasm (her first) while petting in a darkened bedroom at another friend's birthday party. Yet, all along, there was always this feeling that I wanted to be intimate with other boys as well.

I always had a great desire to see other kids naked, whether they were a girl or a boy. On sleep overs, or slumber parties, I sought out every opportunity I could to catch a glimpse of the other boys in some sort of a state of undress. Sometimes, I even suggested that we get naked. After my parents built a pool, I would suggest skinny dipping at the drop of a hat. As I got a little older, but not yet a teen, and the "plumbing" had begun to work, I was ecstatic when a friend suggested a "circle jerk" during a slumber party. Many of us jerked off together, but I desperately wanted to touch the other boys penises. I didn't act on it but the desire was there.

When I was twelve years old, and the boy who had recently become my best friend was thirteen, I was at my first sleepover at his house when he asked if I wanted to masturbate together. I said "sure" assuming we would have the usual circle jerk. We sat on a couch in his den, a Playboy between us, and began to stroke. He moved closer, so our legs were touching, and suggested that we stroke each other. I still recall the electricity that shot through my body when he touched my penis and the fascination and pleasant feeling I got when I touched his. This is the friend about whom I have written in my stories. Over the next several years we became bolder, and bolder, with each other (even though we were also intimate with girlfriends) and eventually progressed to anal and oral sex together. (This happened at a slightly younger age than noted in my stories so they would meet posting standards.) I can't describe, and have never duplicated, the "giddy" feeling I used to get when intimate with my "friend".

My friend and I continued to be lovers into our early twenties. I always had girlfriends during this time, and he sometimes did. We lost contact when we attended colleges in different towns.

When did I really know I was "bi" (who needs labels)? Probably the first time I felt his penis pulsating in my hand. Could I have been exclusively "gay"? I don't know. I've always loved women. I love women's bodies. I love the look, feel, smell, and taste of female genitalia. I also love the look, feel, smell, and taste of male genitalia...though I haven't been intimate with another man in over twenty years.

I've been married twice, the first for ten years , the second going on seven years. My wife, who is my soulmate, is understanding of my past as she had same sex experiences similar to mine. She and her college roommate had a long term relationship as lesbian lovers. She also had a fling with a female coworker several years ago. She doesn't know that I know, and doesn't need to, as it doesn't matter to me. She's still my best friend, a wonderful mom to my kids (from my previous marriage), and my partner for life. She's very adventerous sexually and is more than willing to use, or even share, toys to fulfill my anal proclivities. I wish I had the nerve to suggest a three way (MFM), or even a fourway with another couple to her.

Still, as of late, I've had the itch to be intimate with a man something fierce. Whether this is a mid-life crisis issue, because my wife, who is five years older than I is having some menopausal issues, or just because I feel it's time to be true to my feelings I don't know. I wish I, like others, could say I'm not confused anymore, but I'm probably more confused than ever.

[SweetErika]

What a great, thought-provoking post, UnderMyKilt! Thank you for sharing, and welcome to Lit!

[kalalau]

Thank you, UnderMyKilt, for that wonderful post. I was amazed that I related so intimately to your story. So many of the points you make are almost identical to my history, particularly what you said at the end about being "true to yourself". I've finally come to terms with my bisexuality and will not longer not be true to myself. Like you, I love women, but I find that I may love men even more...I don't know yet. Sometimes I am confused, but it feels wonderful to be a to be at peace with this. I really feel like I can grow eith this. Thanks again.

[CJontherocks]

I honestly do believe this is not denial... but I don't necessarily consider myself bisexual. I love women. I love sex with women. I love the emotional bond I can attain with women that I could never have with a man. That being said, I do admit I have had and enjoyed sex with men on a number of occasions. Until recently, I haven't necessarily been attracted to men. But the more I think about it (as I do often lately), I'm discovering the beauty of the male form and wanting more than the "monkey sex" that's been my past experience. I too had early childhood experiences--much earlier than I was emotionally prepared for--with older boys (relatives). After I moved away, that stopped and I thought nothing of it. Merely a passing experience, and maybe I was taken advantage of a little.

One day--I was high-school age--I was approached by a man who offered to suck my cock. I eventually accepted, and even reciprocated after a time. Up to this point, my experience was limited to oral sex. Then one of my high-school buddies and I got it on. I caught him masturbating in the bathroom, one thing led to another, and the next thing I knew his cock was stuffed in my throat. I was sucking him off and loving it. We had sex one time after that... my first experience on the giving end of anal. He really enjoyed it as much as I did, I think, and that made me curious.

So, skip ahead skip ahead skip ahead... and I had a sexual experience with another man that I was more comfortable categorizing as an "I was taken advantage of" situation. On the receiving end of anal this time, the fellow was not very patient and frankly not very good at it... it hurt and I didn't like it. That was my last experience at anal sex and it was twenty years ago.

Since then, I've read some things and tried some things and found that when I'm in the mood, a vibrator (even a rather large one) can bring me to an unbelievable climax while I masturbate.

So the bottom line is this: while I cannot be openly bisexual, for reasons I won't go into, I am coming to terms with the fact that a) I do enjoy sex with men as well as women, b) the reasons I gave myself for not considering myself gay no longer hold water (excpet that I do prefer women), and c) I do want to have a full sexual experience with a man, and not just the fooling around monkey sex I've had in the past.

It's been a long road down discovery lane; not a novel, but a series of short stories that have unfolded my perception of my own sexuality. I enjoy sex without inhibitions, with men and with women. Does that make me bisexual, or just sexual?

[kalalau]

Thank you CJontherocks for that very thoughtful post. Please check your PM's......

[Etoile]

Wow, UMK, thank you so much for sharing your story! Whether or not childhood molestation contributes to adult sexual orientation is a big controversy, as you know. Many victims of abuse by priests are straight, so I tend to think it's not a direct factor, though in some cases it may be related. (There's an exception to every rule!)

[Etoile]

Originally posted by CJontherocks
I honestly do believe this is not denial... but I don't necessarily consider myself bisexual. I love women. I love sex with women. I love the emotional bond I can attain with women that I could never have with a man. That being said, I do admit I have had and enjoyed sex with men on a number of occasions.
[ ... ]
It's been a long road down discovery lane; not a novel, but a series of short stories that have unfolded my perception of my own sexuality. I enjoy sex without inhibitions, with men and with women. Does that make me bisexual, or just sexual?

I completely understand where you're coming from. A person's sexuality is what they want it to be, not what society wants to pigeonhole them into.

[azsaguaro]

From the earliest times I remember I have enjoyed "playing" with both males and females. More with males during early adolescence, more with females during high school and college. Mostly my wife for the past 20 years, with some men on the side once in a while.

[Porn _Queen]

I honestly don't know how I realised I was bi, I think it was cos I'm infatuated with Alyssa Milano, but am with my boyfriend of 5 years. I actually had one of the most awesome, earth moving experiences of my life, but I still knewbefore this that I was bi.

I did my enrolled nursing course at Tafe about 2 years ago, and there was a girl there who I KNEW was gay, I just had this feeling, I didn't care, I take everyone for who they are. So we befriended each other and I would take her home from Tafe and we'd have a coffee and chat and stuff. Eventually, I was getting these feelings when I saw her, I just needed her. Anyway, I took her home one night and we just started kissing in the car. I got freaked out and went home, and called m boyfriend who said he was very proud of me.... lol

The next night I had to kiss her again, her lips were just so soft, it was the best kiss I had ever had... so we ended up kissing again, but I also moved to touch her, then it started... we went up stairs and we made love. I don't think I have ever felt anything like that since, it was tender and romantic and just amazing... To me, kissing a woman is just beautiful, there's no other word. Kissing a guy is nice, but it's just not the same.

Unfortunately she made me choose between her and my boyfriend, and STUPID me chose him. Eh, it's worked out for her, she's living with someone really nice. I miss her so much tho, I think I actually loved her but didn't realise it.

The thing is now, that I'm not attracted to anyother ladies, (except Alyssa Milano)... so I don't know if it was a once off... I'll always remember tho...

[Oral CD M2F]

I'm a male who gradually over several months became kind of bi through internet talk. It shocked me how it unfolded, as I had never really thought much of cocks, except maybe with a bit of hetero revulsion.

The way it changed. I would go on literotica chat looking for a certain kind of female fantasy I had. Basically, the fantasy was a chick who needs to suck cock so bad she can't get my cock deep enough into her throat, and who orgasms doing that, and who doesn't admit to her addiction and makes all sorts of excuses to get her mouth closer and closer to your crotch, but never admits anything sexual is happening until she's actually doing it. Kind of how teens or pre-teens have their first sex experience sometimes -- you know, they play doctor or use other covers to hide the sexual motive -- and the tease is absolutely incredible.

Anyway, I couldn't find such a female on literotica chat. So finally I thought, well, I'll create the female role and talk to a guy on chat pretending I'm a chick. Really, to begin with it was no different from what guys do unconsciously when they write a porno tale or look at a pic of a couple having sex -- you become to some extent what you are looking at or writing about, you flow into all the characters and their actions.

So I became this very hot chick who needed to give superior blowjobs. This developed into wanting to dress up as that chick, which I started doing. Plus I got a dildo and started pretending I was that chick, sucking off a guy, and I learned to relax my throat to get quite large dildos in. This turned me on so much that I started masturbating that way -- I'd explode at the moment the dildo was deep in my throat, my lips down to the balls, perhaps wearing wig and lipstick and what not.

Then I started to want to act it out for real. Started trying to set up anonymous blowjob dates with this or that guy -- but so far, either the guy has backed out at the last moment, or I have.

So even though I had become bi, I still needed to have the female aspect in there to get turned on -- in a way, that was what turned me on, the female in love with a cock. But I started to fall in love with cock that way myself.

And now the latest thing is that for the first time I'm beginning to be able a bit more to get turned on by the idea of just plain man on man cock sucking -- though me as female peeks in still.

The first time I masturbated by sucking a dildo into my throat, pressing myself against a bed, I remember afterwards I was like, I want to try to stop this. This is too wierd. How can this be happening. Me? Getting into sucking cock? Having been pretty much pure hetero all my life, I was a wee bit homophobe, like a lot of heteros, and so at first to be sucking dildos and coming was a bit upsetting! I'm still not entirely happy about this whole cross-dressing cock-sucking thing.

Wonder if Ill ever get to do it for real!! (I've gotten a fairly thick dildo about 9 inches into my mouth and throat. Of course, with a cock that big, the artistry one can manage is pretty limited -- your jaws are being stretched to the max, and you can't really move any part of your mouth or tongue because every free space is jam packed. But take a more average thickness, and I could use my throat muscles rythmically to jerk a guy off, while at the same time my tongue slips out to windshield wipe his balls.)

[Nabokov]

I think the idea that I am bi slowly crept up on me. When I was young, I had the usual experiences with friends. I would be with a friend goofing around and we would end up showing each other our bodies. I did that quite a bit with a female friend of mine, and some with a particular male friend. That was really before I attached any overtly sexual overtones to it. Perhaps I was nieve at that point.

When I was in college, I had several openly gay friends, and I remember thinking that one in particular was quite attractive. He was a gymnast and had a very nice body. We were talking in my dorm room one day and he was stretching out his legs. I remember entertaining the notion of having sex with him if he showed any interest. At that stage in my life, I was not prone to ask people out, so I never gave myself the opportunity to see where that thought would lead.

Just after college, I was seeing a girl that was pretty open about being bisexual herself. One time we had a 3 way with another girl and I found that very erotic. Another time, she wanted me to join her and another boyfriend, because he had expressed to her that he was curious about having sex with a man. I turned her down then, but I often look back at that choice as a missed opportunity. When I think back, it is that invitation that caused me to really think that I would like to be with a man.

Although I have not had an opportunity to act on my bisexuality, I feel I am bi because I tend to be interested in having sex with both sexes. I prefer stories with bi sex, and my girfriend and I often fantasize about my having sex with another man. I feel the day will soon come when I give into the fantasy and let myself experience it.

[ReadyOne]

Not sure if I qualify -- I'd rate myself 2 on a scale of 1 - 5 where 1 is always same sex, 3 is either, and 5 is never same.

I found some interesting things about myself from old girlfriend. It took a while on her part, but she raised my consciousness to the idea that everyone is always somewhere on the continuum, and virtually no one is at the extreme ends of the scale. Given that, she set up a three way with an old boyfriend of hers, and asserted control every now and then until we guys were fondling and then sucking and I was growing more comfortable.

A subsequent time, we had some anal play and I pretty much explored the mechanics. The only thing I didn't get to is the quick hard sex between guys that seems their domain, though it probably could have happened if he and I had gotten together without her.

So while I don't go looking for it, when it happens, it is good. Still, if I knew a guy I felt comfortable with, I'd kind of like to try it.

[Etoile]

Originally posted by ReadyOne
Not sure if I qualify -- I'd rate myself 2 on a scale of 1 - 5 where 1 is always same sex, 3 is either, and 5 is never same.

I don't see why you wouldn't qualify...if you're a 2 on your own scale, then you're certainly gay or bisexual, which is what this thread (indeed, this forum!) is all about!

[kalalau]

I don't see why you wouldn't qualify...if you're a 2 on your own scale, then you're certainly gay or bisexual, which is what this thread (indeed, this forum!) is all about!

Etoile: I get the sense that he really thinks he is a 4.......Kalalau

[JustineCredible]

My experiences are kinda typical from what I've heard from many of my friends.
I grew up in a fairly concervative area so as kids we were raised to believe that everyone was straight. No if's, and's or buts. Gays and Lesbians happened in other areas, not my town.
So, as a teen (and even pre-teen) my feelings really confused me. I always had crushes on other girls, but though that dating was only about getting a boyfriend.
After highschool those lines became a little less harsh. I messed around with a few other gals my age, usually with chemical enhancement, but never really had a full fledged same sex encounter, per se.
Not until later.
When I was married.
My husband and I set out to get really drunk one night. Yup, we were bored. (it's kind of a military mentality...we were both in the Navy at the time)
Our neighbor and her boyfriend came down to join us. The guys were really drunk and started to undress us. They were a bit too drunk so we decided to undress each other. They were actually really drunk so we started to mess with their heads by playing with each other.
They guys kinda weren't sure what they were seeing, but my neighbor and I just tuned them out and continued with each other.
It was the best sex I had ever had!
I was finally 100% comfortable with sex!
It was the first time I felt a connection.
My neighbor and I got together a few more times after that, but we aways went back to our men.
I was never satisfied by any guy, so sex with my husband, although realitively good was kind of profuctuary, mechanical. I know that he couldn't have been enjoying it that much either, and that fact came around when we divorced.

After that I took a long hard look at myself. I didn't date anyone for a long time after that. I needed to figure out what I was feeling. Finally I realized what it was and what I needed to do. I needed to accept myself and my attractions. I briefly dated one woman soon thereafter, but although comfortable, just wasn't anything to write home about.
So, another few years went by and I met the woman whom I have been with for eight years now.
Not only is it "love" but respect, trust, compassion, passion, and everything else.
I don't have any desire to ever go back to men. Even if my partner and I were to break up. I know now that I would date women from here on out.

[SweetErika]

Originally posted by JustineCredible

After that I took a long hard look at myself. I didn't date anyone for a long time after that. I needed to figure out what I was feeling. Finally I realized what it was and what I needed to do. I needed to accept myself and my attractions. I briefly dated one woman soon thereafter, but although comfortable, just wasn't anything to write home about.
So, another few years went by and I met the woman whom I have been with for eight years now.
Not only is it "love" but respect, trust, compassion, passion, and everything else.
I don't have any desire to ever go back to men. Even if my partner and I were to break up. I know now that I would date women from here on out.

Great story...thank you for sharing it, and welcome!

[ReadyOne]

Originally posted by kalalau
Etoile: I get the sense that he really thinks he is a 4.......Kalalau

You're right; I had the scale upside down...

1=100% Stright
2=Enjoys same but doesn't seek (me)
3=bi, goes home with either sex
4=Enjoys hetero but doesn't seek
5=100% gay

Maybe I ought to repeg myself at 2.1? 2.2?

[wvmeateater]

I realized it gradually. I was in an adult video store at a time when I was
between wives and girlfriends and I was browsing the porn. I came across
a tape where this guy was sucking a shemale's cock. I felt myself flush.
I was getting a raging boner. I was embarrassed and confused.
I tucked that tape in with a couple straight tapes and went to the cashier.
Looking back, what a missed opportunity. He rang them up ( he was a
cute kid maybe 19 years old), and when he got to the shemale tape he
smiled and I blushed. At the time I was in my mid-thirties. He brought his
hand down and started squeezing his crotch. I just played with my wallet
and acted like I didn't notice. I never saw him there again. I could kick my
ass, but at the time I wasn't ready.

I took THE TAPE home and when I watched it, it was like the first time I
ever saw a stag flick. I got physically hot all over, and my cock was as
rock hard as it's ever been in my life. The thought of sucking this babe's
cock had my head spinning. I had great pleasure jerking off to that tape.
I got more shemale tapes as time went on. I gradually began questioning
my sexuality, knowing that the thought of sucking a cock was really
turning me on.

I wondered if a gay tape would have the same effect on me, and eventually
one day at the video store, I made my way to the seperate little alcove
where the gay video's were kept. It was a BIG step, even though I waited
until the place was empty before I ventured in there. I thought, if some
redneck come in here while I'm picking out gay cocksucker videos, I'm
liable to have to fight my way out of here. I didn't waste any time. I grabbed
the first three videos that caught my eye, and scooted out into the open
area. This time the cashier was an old woman. She just rang them up and
I was out of there.

On the way home I examined the covers more closely, and was lucky to
make it home without cumming in my pants, or wrecking my car.
I was already hot as hell when I stripped down naked and put the video in.
When they got around to 69'ing, I knew I had to do that somehow,
somewhere, sometime. It took years though. I bought a lifelike dildo, and
it tided me over until the real thing finally came along.

[Teal]

when I was youngera friend of mine told me about sex I dident understand still but he fucked me in my ass, we dident know about lube or anything so he was very small(before puberty)so i dident notice pain at all, so for years he fucked me dident knwo what i was feeling so i just laid there while he got his rocks off and i got a gaping hole. after puperty i could nolonger take his ginormis cock, had to of been 9 in long 5 in thick and a huge head he could berly get the tip of his head in and by then we still dident know what lube was so i sucked him off and never could get him to cum.

and between him there was another friend of mine that musta talked to the other friend and got him into fucking me, again still dident know what i was feeling, no w i do know i want to get into anal sex again but would need some plug traning or i wont be abel to take anything ouside a pinkey finger sized dick.

me sad...

a femy looking guy with a 6in cock 3 in thick or a girl with a dildo to treat me like a sex toy.

[jaxcreampie69]

I was about 22 at the time. I worked in the Light Fixture business and worked around many gay customers. I was invited to a party one weekend, and was amazed how open everyone was.
I drank a little too much, and got hit on by a couple of gay guys, who took advantage of my drunken haze. We ended up in a bedroom (with the door open) and had me stripped in no time. I was scared to death, but the two of them made me feel totally comfortable. The room turned into a full blown orgy, with dicks everywhere. By the morning, I had a tremendous guilt trip, but alas, one of the people who ended up in bed with us was a female who made love to me one final time, which reassured me I was not turning into a fag.
Today I am totally happy as a bisexual male and enjoy the lifestyle.

[robynwildchild]

i think i've known since i was
in 2nd or 3rd grade.. but its been well repressed due to the kind of environment i grew up in. My mother never ever mentioned sex and if anything sexual was brought up it was immediately shunned. i wasn't taught sex ed or anything having to do with my period from my mother. she never communicated anything about life or love or the pursuit of happiness at all.
i had what i'd call a go at a threesome with this girl i that my family was living with, and her baby brother. we were playing around one evening and decided to have sex.. we got him naked in thier parents room and tried to fuck him but .. it doesn't work with a limp penis..and he was a wee babe. i still remember his little cock, useless... not that at that time i even knew how sex worked but.. later on after that.. me and his sister would sleep in the same bed while i stayed there and we messed around.. played with each other in bed.. i remeber goin down on her and our mom's coming in ... i don't remember what effect it had on me.. our parents thought we were up to something and i wasn't allowed to sleep in the same bed as her. (figures i'm always the one to get caught and punished)

after that we moved a couple times and in 4th grade i found myself in the company of friends. this one neighbor girl i would hang out with used to ask me to suck on her nipples in the woods and make me do sexual things to her. I didnt' think anything of my sexual behavoir. Til one night when another girl in the neighborhood had us hang out with some boys in her playhouse and the one guy tried to stick his hand in my crotch. Up until that point no one had done anything to me against my will. and i was scared... i didn't like what he was doin and i basically cried and ran home. Left utterly confused. it was very traumantic and i don't think told anyone til later. i still have yet to tell the story i've just told above to any of my close friends that i have experimented with girls.

Since then i've messed around with men and have been putting down my sexual urges towards women. i've come to the conclusion that i just can't anymore. Theres nothing wrong with it like there used to be in my narrow mind that once was.... slowly but surly there are people that realize what i'm about.. i love both.. and i'm glad that i'm me because i find my mental horizon's expanding and understanding more about life and sexuality... i split..

can i have both.. ? i think i can.. that's maybe a future goal in my mind.