Micro-Management?

My question about exercise regemines led me to wonder about the levels of micromanagement, and how both Dom/mes & subs feel about that level in their own relationships. Please feel free to elaborate on your votes.

The more active a hand my Master takes in my life and my control, the happier I usually am. There are a few areas that I fear he might neglect or give too little priority to, if he were to completely micromanage my life/time. (My music and my art, both of which don't thrive very well under a rigid structure.)

Technodivinitas said:

The more active a hand my Master takes in my life and my control, the happier I usually am. There are a few areas that I fear he might neglect or give too little priority to, if he were to completely micromanage my life/time. (My music and my art, both of which don't thrive very well under a rigid structure.)

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I'm exactly the same way *grins* I wonder if we can gain up on Him and get him to do more about it?

Evaleastaristev said:

I wonder if we can gain up on Him and get him to do more about it?

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Oh, I SO hope he never reads this...
Sweetie, I've been ganging up on him for years. If you want to be micromanaged, your best bet would be to micromanage yourself, and just deeply drench it in the fantasy of him commanding it. *L* And if you drop him hints that the structure is already there, and then kinda give him all the credit for it, he might take the reins of your self-management occasionally. ~sigh~ (He does *seem* to be getting a little better about that, at least...)

~Techno demonstrates Topping from the bottom~

I'm not a micro-manager. But then again, I tend to have submissives just for scenes, rather than live in or 24x7.

I can set tasks, and require rituals, but I don't micro-manage.

Neither of my Dommes feel the need for micromanagement, they prefer their pets to have outside interests, hobbies, and personal goals.

i love the fact that i have the time, and freedom i need to do the things i enjoy, outside of my submission

Personally, we don't do the micromanagement thing to death. We don't have the time, nor the energy to devote to it, and working opposite shifts can make it very difficult. There are times, however, when he enjoys micromanaging certain tasks. Bootpolishing for example.

I am curious about something, though.

You posted this as a selection in your poll on the Dom/me side:

I am a Dom/me and prefer moderate micromanagement.

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Why isn't there a similar selection on the submissive side?

There may be some submissives who DO prefer moderate micromanagement, don't you think you should give them a voice, as well?

~anelize

AnelizeDarkEyes said:

I am curious about something, though.

You posted this as a selection in your poll on the Dom/me side:



Why isn't there a similar selection on the submissive side?

There may be some submissives who DO prefer moderate micromanagement, don't you think you should give them a voice, as well?

~anelize

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That would be me, which is why I didn't answer the poll. There's some stuff I don't need micromanaged. Like household chores and exercise and eating healthy.

But stuff like balancing my checkbook, getting my taxes done, and homework for some of my classes. (trig, for example. ugh) Yes, I could probably use a little management in those areas..

AnelizeDarkEyes said:

I am curious about something, though.

You posted this as a selection in your poll on the Dom/me side:



Why isn't there a similar selection on the submissive side?

There may be some submissives who DO prefer moderate micromanagement, don't you think you should give them a voice, as well?

~anelize

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I totally agree- but I'd already run out of categories- it won't allow more than ten options. ~sigh~ But I'd hoped that "little" in the little or none option would sort of fill that slot, at least.

I don't know about micro managing, but I enjoy being in control. There are certain things I am responsible for as his Mistress, but he is a bright and wonderful man who can figure out the details on his own.

I would get very annoyed and very tired if I felt I had to manage every little thing.

i thought a tangible influence by the Dominant, to the many aspects of the day, calming and centering.

While the smallest of details don't require management by the Dominant, i preferred a strong grip (read: the day's activites were done with the Dominant's wishes in mind) to be most comfortable.

lara

Re: Micromanagement

While I certainly prefer things done certain ways, and things kept in certain order - to be able to find what I want consistently, without having to waste time looking for them - I feel that a 24/7 relationship should not require much micromanagement once the relationship is stabilized. To me, that means after a period of time in which she learns the ways I want things done.

After that period, if something isn't done according to the established procedure (e.g., a trash bag is taken out to the barrel, but a new bag is not put into the wastebasket), then "micromanagement," to me becomes a matter of discipline for willful disobedience or carelessness - neither of which is acceptable behavior.

I don't go around looking for failures to follow procedure - but if one should present itself, I don't compound it by ignoring it. If that is micromanagement, at least it is "little" (from "little or none"), because it has previously only happened with notable frequency when a relationship was on "the downhill slide" and she was acting out as a symbol or consequence of her dissatisfaction. (With one exception - a "brat." When I realized that her failures came at times when she was beginning to feel a little neglected, the discipline changed from corporal to psychological/emotional, and the number of incidents declined tremendously!)

As a side note: This poll and topic were/are a wonderful idea. I wonder, though, if it might have been a good idea to have two polls - one for Dom/mes and one for subs? It would be interesting to have (A) more categories {or more precise categories?}, and (B) a means of comparing Dom/mes' and submissives' responses quantitatively, to see if there was a reliable correlation. Regardless of those thoughts, however, I appreciate the thought and effort that you put in to posting an interesting and thought-provoking topic! Thank you.

I agree to a certain degree, sir_Winston. However, if the trash bag is repeatedly not replaced, I am going to tire of the situation. He should know and does know how to finish a job to my liking. And if he wonders, after being corrected a couple of times, I am going to doubt his interest, sincerity and commitment to the dynamics of the relationship.

Fortunately, that hasn't proven to have been the case.

To further expand on my previous response, I want him to know what pleases me and to take the initiative to provide it without necessarily expecting piles of praise, review or feedback with every act. Even giving the niceties can be a bit of micro managing and I am not comfortable with that.

In a sense, we do for one another and I expect him to learn to do for me without constant supervision and input from me.

To that end, we have been together nearly a year (next week) and are finding these things to be true. The longer we are together, the less "managing" there seems to be. Our relationship is evolving into two people who fluidly meet one another's needs.

We have set things that we expect our boys to get done - usually left on a markerboard as a list of chores for the day. Nothing major, and usually the whole list only takes about an hour (except for laundry and maybe cooking, of course). What they do with the rest of their time - as long as it does not violate any of our standing rules (of which, I think there are now 4, and all pretty simple) - we don't care.

Miss Karen
Miss Holly

I am interested in being moderately micro-managed. I have said a great many times on here that being a PYL seems hard work. We live apart so micro-mamangement would be difficult. He has certain expectations, for example a fully shaved cunt, no underwear unless at work, and has visited unannounced to check.I know its only an example, but taking the trash out and not replacing the bag my 15 year old son can manage that without being asked or checked upon and he is certainly not a sub/slave (if only lol!!). Most adults can manage basic chores. He micro-manages in respect of telling me when to go to bed, I suffer from insomnia and spend too long on the net (like tonight ) He also micro-manages in terms of my finances as I can spend more than I have and then worry about it. Other than that it would be difficult for Him to micro-manage every aspect. I have submitted every part of my life to Him apart from how I bring my sons up and decisions I need to make in my job. Although He chooses not to micro-manage for practical reasons He could if He chose to as i have consented to it, as part of our relationship.

Re: Re: Micromanagement

sir_Winston54 said:

As a side note: This poll and topic were/are a wonderful idea. I wonder, though, if it might have been a good idea to have two polls - one for Dom/mes and one for subs? It would be interesting to have (A) more categories {or more precise categories?}, and (B) a means of comparing Dom/mes' and submissives' responses quantitatively, to see if there was a reliable correlation. Regardless of those thoughts, however, I appreciate the thought and effort that you put in to posting an interesting and thought-provoking topic! Thank you.

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Thank you for the suggestion! I'm a little surprised that no one else has already taken you up on it, but since none has, I'll be taking you up on that!

shy slave said:

He micro-manages in respect of telling me when to go to bed, I suffer from insomnia and spend too long on the net (like tonight ) He also micro-manages in terms of my finances as I can spend more than I have and then worry about it. Other than that it would be difficult for Him to micro-manage every aspect. I have submitted every part of my life to Him apart from how I bring my sons up and decisions I need to make in my job. Although He chooses not to micro-manage for practical reasons He could if He chose to as i have consented to it, as part of our relationship.

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See, now, to my mind, those are preciesely the sort of things which define micro-management! I imagine that yes, there are some few who choose to mm. every tiny detail, but even from out here on what I'm told is the "edge", that seems extreme and very rare. I love the idea of being mm'ed, but I don't want to be so much told, "You will wake at 6:02am, then you will brush your teeth for presicely 2 minutes, then you will go to the bathroom, and you will not take more than two minutes, and..."

(Actually, once in a while, that'd be kinda hot, but not every day!)
No- rather, I'd like to be commanded that I will be up at 6am, I will be ready to leave by 7am, and in the process of all that, I will make two pots of coffee. When I get home, I am not to touch the pc until after the dishes are all washed and the floor scrubbed, and then I may only remain online for 1 hour, after which I am expected to return to my chores. I am to stop working at 3:30, and clean myself up to come and get him from work, and I will be presentable in case he chooses to take me out...

Generally, I do those things anyways, but I do often feel like I'm Domming myself, since all I get from him if I slack is a shrug, or possibly a scowl. I am almost always able to get away with "I wasn't feeling well", and he seldom questions it, and since there's definitely still a 15 y/o kid in me, I know that where I can slack, I often do, and feel guilty and undisciplined when that happens.

For myself, I put down "I am a sub and am not micromanaged, but would like to be."

I'll clarify, since I know there's not enough room for my option!

"I am a submissive and slave, but I am not micromanaged very much. I think I would like to experience a bit more micromanagement (or possibly more intense micromanagement) but I'm a little nervous about it."

Technodivinitas said:

Generally, I do those things anyways, but I do often feel like I'm Domming myself, since all I get from him if I slack is a shrug, or possibly a scowl. I am almost always able to get away with "I wasn't feeling well", and he seldom questions it, and since there's definitely still a 15 y/o kid in me, I know that where I can slack, I often do, and feel guilty and undisciplined when that happens.

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Using excuses that have more holes than one of AA's leftover pyl's...a definition of a 15 yr old if ever I read one lol.

I have to ask you though, Doesn’t you Master get upset when He finds a 15 yr old in you, especially as its illegal (well in UK it is).

Yes I know its an old joke but you did set yourself up for it