Old 02-08-2012, 09:25 PM   #3301
Maria2394
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I know it's late and I apologize. Those of you who know me also know that I have a pretty severe back problem and last night while I was baking oatmeal raisin cookies, my Corgi ran underneath me and wel, let's just say, I have been propped up in bed all day and I do not have a functioning laptop.

I did hear somewhere, better late than never...

New Poems

It's the eighth and there are eight new poems.

The first one on the list is Push me to the edge by icepup.

I will take this opportunity to ask the readers to give this writer some advice. The first word up is "laying" which most of us know is wrong in the context used. also, A good poem shows instead of tells. This writer put a lot of heart into this work, but it needs substantial grooming and perhaps some of you could offer some kind advice.

icepup has two more offerings today and the third is Mistress of my Dreams. Here is a great example of where a gerund is NOT needed in a poem, these two lines-

The click of her heels as she walks towards me
sending chills down my spine


Here, sending should be sends. Give your work some action, icepup, gerunds are rather passive and sending just ruins the whole thing for me. However, some of you may like this style, you never know, but i found all three rife with mistakes and it is as if the writer was in a hurry and did not proof read. Just my opinion.


Her First Anal-A Holiday Treat by westcoastjohn

I could not tell if the person receiving enjoyed it or not, so read it and see if you can figure it out. It is a 5 on a scale of 1 to 10, so right in the middle. It is an interesting read.

It appears that FantasySlut has bombarded the site with poems over the past few days and I have to wonder if all of them rhyme. If rhyme is your thing, check out slut's page and go for it

Well, that's it for today. What I wouldn't give for a smithpeter, wicked eve, a senna jawa or an annaswirls. You know you miss'em, lol.

Peace be with you all and keep writing!



~ maria
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Old 02-09-2012, 02:56 AM   #3302
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maria2394 View Post
What I wouldn't give for a smithpeter, wicked eve, a senna jawa or an annaswirls.
Hey Maria, once again you are very kind to me. I am marginally but still around a bit. Best to you,
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Old 02-09-2012, 04:05 PM   #3303
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I really have nothing to add to today’s submissions. Quite a varied collection and some interesting ideas, check it out.
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Old 02-10-2012, 05:51 PM   #3304
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Good afternoon, girls and boys, it's once again time for Tzara's Take on Poems!

There are quite a lot of poems posted today--sixteen in all--but as might be expected, I can't drum up a lot of enthusiasm for most of them, so I'll only mention a few and leave y'all to pick through the rest of them. My taste is my own, of course, so you may find something else of note. Here's my selections for the day:
  • Fagin by Tristesse2 is a lively, rhymed take on the infamous "old gentleman" of Dickens' Oliver Twist. Well worth a read.
  • I found new poet Nachthexe's sonnets god cum and together like geysers kind of weirdly entertaining--but then I'm apparently a sucker for pornographic Shakespearean sonnets. The combination of form and porn has a certain charm to me. Probably not for everyone, though.
  • Finally, The Pleasure Doll by FluteMaster is a formal, rhymed BDSMish poem that actually works pretty well. Not great, by any means, but I'm not entirely sure it is actually possible to write a great rhymed, BDSMish poem.
Anyway, that's my take on the day. Lots of other poems to read, though, people. Go check 'em out and share some love.

Bye.
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Old 02-13-2012, 06:12 PM   #3305
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Monday, February 13, 2012 and Sunday, February 12, 2012

Today there are six New Poems including

Long time lover by Tafudi2000 which, although it seems more letter than poem, made me smile at the phrase "Daily a disease rocks havoc upon me" because isn't it better to rock havoc than to wreak it? I think so.

I thought Zrnko_Pisku's Stair Case showed promise in its use of concrete imagery. The slim lines also fit, thematically.

From Sunday's harvest, I liked Lucy1970Harker's poem Heat because it made sense to me and I could relate to it. I also liked her linebreaking, but see what you think, there. Does that final word stand alone?

I was pleasantly puzzled by hmmnmm's not since '54. It was unclear to me if this is one event or two events compared. Still the narrative is compellingly whimsical and sardonic. That's how I read it; how about you?

You may enjoy the lovely portrait of Blonde in College written by new Literotican PearPlum. I especially liked the proper semi-colon usage and "a cloudy window curves in its corner."

I would make the time, were I you, dear reader, to visit King's Justice at Montfauçon by greenmountaineer. It is edifying, elegant and efficient. How often does one get all that in just one poem?

My only pickable bone with oldhornypervert's A Good Man Can't Win is a that that should be a who, but otherwise, I liked it!

See for yourself what you can see. This is what I saw. It was a good couple of days for Lit.

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Old 02-14-2012, 01:42 AM   #3306
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Thank you Pandorra for your review.

Quote:
Originally Posted by PandoraGlitters View Post
From Sunday's harvest, I liked Lucy1970Harker's poem Heat because it made sense to me and I could relate to it.
Here is a copy of my comment I have posted under her poem:

Well written poem. I read it with pleasure. And after I finished I felt disappointed. Why? This poem is too general. It presents conclusions, not the things themselves. I want them, and I rather draw conclusions myself (possibly different from the author's ideas--that's a risk you want to take, you must take).

I didn't bother to grade your poem. Perhaps you'll write it anew, from scratch, treating the present poem as "contents" or a plan for the new one--then we will see :-) It's not an easy challenge. Poetry is not easy.

Quote:
I also liked her linebreaking, but see what you think, there. Does that final word stand alone?
I feel that this last line break and a separate last word are good.

I think I'll go back and leave one more (oh so critical) comment. The poem is using pronouns too intensively. As a result I am not sure if "you" is a part of "we".

Best regards,

Last edited by Senna Jawa : 02-14-2012 at 07:50 PM. Reason: typo
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Old 02-14-2012, 03:33 PM   #3307
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If you go down in the woods today by tycelchu

tycelchu is a long time Lit member who posts his first poem today. The title is a reference to a children's song, "The Teddy Bear's Picnic." There are no children or Teddy Bears in this work. It's a clinical account of a blow job in the woods.

The Potent Power of Panties by Lia Monde

Lia Monde is a prolific and well considered author on Literotica. This is a cute little piece. Several of the lines are clever and made me chuckle aloud. The inconsistent line length and forced rhymes make it a rough read.

hyena by sandyb

sandyb is a very prolific Lit poet. This is a very simile piece. I encourage anyone who reads it to take time to browse sandyb's other works.

Ashes and Sand by Cal Y. Pygia

Tick Tock by Cal Y. Pygia

I have over used the word prolific today, but Cal Y. Pygia stretches the definition. Today we are graces with two very good pieces. The first is a wonderful use of metaphor and the second is filled with vivid images. Everyone must read these.

Fragile Heart by crashedn2you

A perfect piece for Valentine's Day.

until the clay cums (sonnet) by Nachthexe

This is a well written piece by Nachthexe. The meter is well crafted with enough rhyme to make it an easy read. I don't get the image in "Horsewhipped
until the clay cums." Clay pots? Potter's wheel? I don't know.

Slaps One The Bottom by hohound

Who doesn't like a good spanking poem? I'm always up for this kind of thing. It shows the value of good proof reading, especially the title.

Your Shirt by Lucy1970Harker

I have a weakness for poems about familiar scenes and this one appeals to me so much.

Ibiza by CeliaisAliena

A wonderful piece from Celia. Everyone should read this one.
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Quote:
Originally posted by LostBaby
My beloved is perfect. He is strong, smart, well read, can & will do anything, tender, and totally adores me. The only thing that could make him better is if he was freak'n wealthy beyond words.
On the floor of a small room near the city wall, they found the source of the many fragments of wisdom this civilization had left the world.http://bronzeageworks.blogspot.com/

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Old 02-15-2012, 08:56 PM   #3308
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12 New Poems today. Much better than the three last week? Yeppers, now let's see what we've got


First up is my pick of the day's offerings. SweetOblivion's Tricky Valentine

I thought these lines were excellent-

They lead one far from tea-cups, since his tongue
Would taste a richer brew, for he'd excite
New appetites and tendencies to run



well worth a read

Next up is one that is rife with mistakes. However, if your brain can do that trick where you automatically correct the mistakes and read what was meant to be written, it is a good poem. all I can say is please, new poets, please spell check, please use punctuation. In this poem, "ill" is used for I'll. I have a problem with the style but the content is worth a read. Maybe, maybe not, depends on the reader.

desire is hunger by ricketycriket who also has one titled Solo

This one also has several misspelled words and the lack of punctuation is irritating but the story it tells is worth the time to read.

an interesting offering from l8bloom- Holy Gaia, Grind My Bones.

gameteophagia by gi_jamet is a quickie, in more ways than one. I have discovered this poet has a style and a subdued talent I have come to enjoy. Read her and see if you agree. There is an absence of capitalization,but I believe it intentional and it isn't all that distracting. I liked the poem

And then there is A Prayer by sandyb.

I don't know what to say about this one, so read it for yourself and decide. I feel that I might be in one way or another unable to be subjective about the subject matter. read it and comment, if you desire. That goes for all the new poems.

read, comment and write, write write!



~ maria
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Old 02-16-2012, 04:13 AM   #3309
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I have never submitted anything I written. Never gotten feed back before. Is "wreck" versus " rock" comment sincere or sarcastic? Can't tell, not upset just appreciate any feedback in any form. Thnx.
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Old 02-16-2012, 05:37 AM   #3310
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Tafudi, it was sincere. I love novel word combinations. Thank you.
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Old 02-16-2012, 02:43 PM   #3311
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Fourteen new poems today.

Three people, all first time submitters to Lit, have multiple submissions, girlinthemoon, nafaliabella and blessed_serenity. The first has the most promise although I find the on-again-off-again rhyming irritating. The second writes unpunctuated BDSM prose as poetry and lost me almost right away and the third writes BDSM themed poems neither of which absorbed me. There was nothing new or interesting in these works.

There’s an illustrated verse by Lady_Eryka

sadie_26 bemoans a lost love in doggerel with Impact Zone

Yet another newcomer to the poetry side of Lit demure101 offers a sprightly, sing-song of Marianne.

It’s wonderful to see new people writing, I’m only sorry I can’t be more encouraging other than to suggest reading more of other poets and to keep striving to improve. One of the things most lacking was the effort to engage the reader, I found myself having to make an effort to finish the poems rather than wanting to read on.

You may think I’m being too harsh so please go and support these writers with votes and comments.
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Old 02-17-2012, 09:29 PM   #3312
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It's Friday and that means Tzara Reads the New Poems for You.

I have to say I'm not much taken by anything today, though. Here's a description of each of the seven new poems:
  • Midnight is a pretty standard Lit free-write erotic poem. It does contain the wonderful, though almost certainly mistyped, line: It’s 12:01 / And you need to know how bad I’m feening for you.
  • There are a couple new offerings from Cal Y. Pygia, American Womanhood and A Night at the Dairy Bar, both of which have multiple sub-poems in Cal's usual style. The themes are generally erotic in tone, though one is marked as erotic and the other isn't--mostly appreciation of a female or transgendered female body.
  • And finally, could a Lit poem titled Mardi Gras be about anything other than women's boobs? I suppose it could, but AugustMacGregor's poem is pretty much a celebration of breasts, which certainly are worth celebrating.
Sorry not be more enthusiastic, but I'm just not feelin' it here. You may feel differently, though, so by all means trek on over to the New Poems and read 'em for your own self.
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Old 02-21-2012, 08:22 AM   #3313
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Sorry, meant to post this last night. There were five new poems on Monday, including this lovely and mysterious Golden Anniversary by Oneiria which serves its sentiment nicely chilled. See if any of the others strike you. This was the one that got to me, but there are also offerings by RubySlipper and Cal Y. Pygia.
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Old 02-21-2012, 12:04 PM   #3314
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Serious computer overheating problems today. It shuts down every 20 minutes and has to rest. I can't understand what's wrong. I flushed the radiator and changed the thermostat.

The Legend of the Outlaw Five by NobodyWorthKnowing

My first thought was, where can I find The Legend of the Outlaw, parts one though four? This seems to be the start of a much longer Homeric style epic. This part introduces the five characters. It will be interesting to see more of this work.

Playing Hard to Get by Lady Clarissa

This is a sweet little address to Paul. It's fun to read and I think everyone should.


A bite to eat byblondebomb40DD

Erotic poetry, if one likes vampire eroticism, in limerick form. There is a surprise ending, but I won't spoil it.

Tears to Shed by SilverDawn

This is not by any definition, a poem and the author concedes as much. It is a letter a lover, or maybe just a close friend. There is a value in this kind of thing. Even if it is not a poem, there is rich material for one.

How Do I Fuck Thee? by AverageBear

A parody/tribute/PYL of Barrett's familiar sonnet.
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Quote:
Originally posted by LostBaby
My beloved is perfect. He is strong, smart, well read, can & will do anything, tender, and totally adores me. The only thing that could make him better is if he was freak'n wealthy beyond words.
On the floor of a small room near the city wall, they found the source of the many fragments of wisdom this civilization had left the world.http://bronzeageworks.blogspot.com/

Last edited by bronzeage : 02-22-2012 at 10:57 AM.
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Old 02-22-2012, 08:20 PM   #3315
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Nine New Poems today.

Leading the list is a gem from Tzara entitled What I Learned of Love in Troy.

I loved these lines-

I long to luxuriate at home and slice
the fine-stretched throats of those who've loved my wife.


Next up, what a surprising poem to find here! An excellent, practically flawless, descriptive, wonderful poem. I just loved it. Sorry for gushing, but I was truly impressed by this poet I have only read once or twice.

El Arish by rubyslipper.

Read it, give it a five and mark it on your faves list.

I enjoyed this description from Zombie by NobodyWorthKnowing. Seriously, you sell yourself short. Anyone who writes like you is well worth knowing.

~Shake the mold from
your creaking joints
stretch your leather flesh
and flex your twisted
tendons toward the sky.


Another excellent offering. I feel like I got lucky today


There are others; these are my picks. read, enjoy and write!

best to all,

NJ

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Old 02-23-2012, 03:02 PM   #3316
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Todays five offerings in the new poems leave much to be desired. All have promise but each one lacks something.

This Pain by first-timer 1brokNangel has a disclaimer as intro but it’s rather clichéd and unformed. A sample

Do you see the tear's in my eyes ?
How the pain echo's inside me ,
to much to bare ,
to much to handle .
Why must I go on feeling like I do ?


Darkness Falls by xCLHxLOVEx is Hallmark verse for vampires – but vampires need cards too.

Your veins pulse deep
As my eyes put you in a hypnotic sleep
My fangs pierce your tender skin
As I feel your blood run from within


Tears by the same writer lacks the rhythm needed and seems to give up in the effort to rhyme quite quickly.

Tears fall from your face
As you cry out in pain
You crave touch, and embrace
But all you feel is disdain
I try to comfort you, make you feel loved
But all you feel is rejection, worthlessness


SHIVA meets SHAKTI by Ashesh9 is Hindu-lite – part celebration, part humour and a bit confused.

Prof Steven Hawkings watches in Wonder !
Matter kisses Consciousness !
Universes arise !
Matter shudders in self-controlled Orgasmic spasms!!!
Universes Die !!!
Matter submits to Her Lord
Her Beautiful Cosmic Ass !!


Racing up a Hill by Iread2relax must be based on euphemisms that are lost on me and the poem ends up being much ado about nothing.

The top of the hill.
To the top I have headed.
All this work, striving, and to get to the top.
When I reach it, the pinnacle, the top.
I'm climbing the hill.
I'm reaching the top.
The top of the hill.
That is my goal.
Up, up, up the hill,
I go.


Once again I feel as disappointed in my findings as the above writers may be by my opinions. Please go and read, vote and comment.
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Old 02-24-2012, 01:22 PM   #3317
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Good morning, all. Welcome to another installment of Tzara Reads the New Poems.

In last week's episode, Mr. T. had seven poems to review, none of which particularly cranked his poetic mojo. This week, it's down to two new poems. I hope this is simply due to random submission rates and not to my lack of enthusiasm for the offerings, 'cuz after my tepid comments on these two I could end up with nothing to write about next week.

So, to the poems. Two new ones, at least so far today, both classified as erotic, both rhymed:
  • Loansum (love that name, by the way) gives us Suzanne's Conflict, a fairly lengthy (over forty lines) piece mostly in rhymed couplets like Just push her down onto her knees / Call her ‘Cunt,’ and she’ll beg “Sir, Please.”. Not particularly my kind of thing, but it may be yours. Anonymous liked it, anyway.

    Check it out if it sounds appealing.
  • Our other new poem, I Want To Be Your Freak by Dante_Hab is also mostly rhymed couplets (even rhymed quatrains) of the typical Lit erotic poem variety: Not the kind of guy interested in wedding rings / Just want to play with your pussy till I make you sing.

    I wonder some times if authors think of these poems as hip hop lyrics, accompanied by a beat and some DJ scratching.

    Again, this may evoke more interest in you than it does in me. Go have a read if this sounds like your kind of poem.

That's it for this Friday, people. Go take a look at the new poems and share your thoughts with a vote or comment. It's the Right Thing to Do.
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Old 02-28-2012, 01:39 PM   #3318
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No More by blondebomb40DD

This is a formulaic cathartic piece. I hope it served its function.

The Art Of Cumming by ShaneReyes
ShaneReyes is a new Lit poet. He has posted several poems in the past week.

This is a descriptive with some interesting images.

Sun, Surf, Sand by Cal Y. Pygia

Cal goes to the beach. I'm not sure if this is inspired by the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, or a stalking voyeur. It's worth the read.

Candyman by darlingduckie

Darlingduckie is another new Lit poet and this is her first offering. It reads like a stream of consciousness and is posted in prose form. The form makes it a difficult read, but I think there is a fine poem in here, if it could be distilled just a bit.
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Quote:
Originally posted by LostBaby
My beloved is perfect. He is strong, smart, well read, can & will do anything, tender, and totally adores me. The only thing that could make him better is if he was freak'n wealthy beyond words.
On the floor of a small room near the city wall, they found the source of the many fragments of wisdom this civilization had left the world.http://bronzeageworks.blogspot.com/
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Old 03-01-2012, 03:14 PM   #3319
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Quite the turn out on this first day of March, twenty two, I always begin at the earliest submission and work up to the final piece so here goes……

Ladiebrowneyes shows seven pieces all with much the same bent, the need to be accepted, recognised and nurtured. All seven are very egocentric, either written to vent or whine, not very involving for the reader. A vent of my own – please read through submissions before you release them to catch errors particularly ones like this that make the line incomprehensible.

“when we talk, you see right through me
so since in me trying to lie”


no sense in me trying to lie”?

durangokink holds my attention better. He has five on offer today, I like his use of alliteration and assonance.

I recommend a second time on earth by sandyb a new-to-me poet that I am pleased to find. One of the perks of doing this weekly review is discovering pleasing poets who have flown under my radar until now.

Compline by Lubricant is well worth reading. As a lapsed Christian I had to search the title, it is the last worship of the day which only adds to the weight of this lovely poem.

Next comes the wonder that is the hugely prolific Cal Y. Pygia with the enigmatic In and Out of You, well worth reading.

melborg123’s The Night After The Power Exchange is a wonderful narrative poem although I felt it could be tighter.

absolution by IMSpidey is a short cri d’acceptence. I like it.

So there you are, now go and read, comment and vote.
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Old 03-01-2012, 06:38 PM   #3320
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I cannot apologize for things I cannot control, but I have not had internet for over 3 days now. I'm about to tell TWC where they can stick their lousy service.


Of the new poems yesterday, the one I found myself wanting to read again and again. It is titled-

Slackwire by lubricant

The last stanza is what I liked best, but the entire poem is not the usual broken hearted, my-online-master/mistress dumped me(online) junk that we come across here. The poem is well worth a read and vote and a comment or more.

Shatter and Fall by DulcianGrey is a decent poem as far as rhyming poems go. You will hardly ever find me recommending a rhymer, just because I think those who only use end- rhyme are not really trying. Just my opinion. There are so many other ways to put rhyme in a poem without sticking them at the end of every line,unless it is a form poem which requires that to be done.

I think there is a wonderful poem hiding in the post by 1brokNangel. wonderful Life

My first question is the use of "animal's" in the second stanza, line 4. Did the poet mean animals as in more than one, or something belonging to an animal. The poem could be pared a bit and better use made of line space and wording, but all in all, an interesting poem with some good visuals.

I think that reading your work aloud and spell checking are the most important things a poet can do before posting. also, if you have a friend you don't mind sharing your work with, get a live proof read. Sometimes we work on something so long, we become blind to our mistakes. I think that is what happened here, but it takes away from the poem. sort of like my terrible typing skills


That is the end of my recommends. I sincerely hope that my slot doesn't seem abandoned next week. Now, I just have something to say about emailing the recommender. ( I know that isn't a word...)

Regarding which poems I recommend or not, I get my fair share of adverse mail, I ignore what used to set me on fire, however, I may have matured a bit, but I really don't want to go through online BS again. I volunteered to do this, if the powers that be don't want me to do the recommends, I will bow out gracefully, but please don't call me "stupid." I am far from being stupid, maybe a bit naive, but not ignorant.

And that voting thing again.... please, people, get over it. I get one bombed all the time and I have been since I submitted my first poem here. Some people are petty, some do it to piss people off, some people don't even realize that ones are low and fives are high. whatever happens though, please don't put yourself down because some anal retentive jerk one bombed you. Poems get very few votes as is and all it takes is one low vote to make it appear that your work is "bad."

Please don't judge your work by votes but judge your work by how much you have grown since you began writing. Dig out something you may have written in high school, your first poem here. Every one grows, evolves, everyone who tries that is. Judge your work by the comments that are left and don't randomly dismiss all anonymous comments unless they are just vapid to begin with. Some of the best advice I ever got was from an anonymous source. I don't mind what people vote on my poems because I know what it's ( usually) about.

One night I was online and checking my "recent activity" and noticed at that very moment, via the portal, that one person was going down my poetry list and one bombed every poem I have posted. I messaged him and asked him to please give me advice, to help me out or at least tell me what I was doing with my work that was so offensive to him. He sent me a message back, in all caps, telling me he was not a perv or a stalker. I was polite, but when I realized he most likely had mental issues, I left the whole deal alone.

I am rarely ever online anymore, mostly because my computer is junk but lately it's because I have been looking for a place to move to and have been busy then there is the lousy internet service here. I won't be intimidated, I will let verbal abuse roll off my back because I have been there, felt that, so either my services are wanted or they aren't. I have other things to do than worry about offending some half-assed wannabe poet stalking me online.

And as for whose poems I recommend. If you don't allow feedback comments or votes nor any way of contacting you about your work, I don't even bother with it. I always thought this forum was for us to help one another and learn and share. Those who don't want to play by those simple acts of reciprocity can count on me not recommending nor even reading their work.

I wish you all a wonderful evening and a great day tomorrow. smile and you'll probably get one in return.



~ maria
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Old 03-02-2012, 01:49 PM   #3321
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Oh my. It's Friday again. Time for me to read the new poems and offer my not very useful opinions on them. An even ten today, and here they are:
  • AugustMacGregor provides us something of a twist on that old Lit staple, the fellatio poem, with Names Change. Rather prosaic and a little loopy, but it has a kind of silly charm to it. Not bad.
  • Morning Trees by Cal Y. Pygia employs unusual formatting to good effect in a sweet poem about what seems to have been a pretty technicolor dream. Worth a read.
  • If you're in the mood for rhymed silliness, you'll probably like wreckapom's Bow Wow:
    My dog is very well restrained
    And goes outside when nature calls.
    But he will flop down anywhere
    And lick his penis and his balls.
    And so on. Like I said, rhymed silliness.
  • I have to apologize to ShaneReyes for not finishing her offering A Moment's Fantasy but after about twenty or so lines of standard Literotica narrative, I got bored. You might not, though.
  • Naked is, like the previous poem, also an erotic narrative but, at least for me, Lucy1970Harker adds a little more subtlety and depth to the narrative. For one thing, the poem is about emotional desires as well as physical ones. Not bad.
  • I'm not quite sure what to think of Infinite Sexual Bliss! by Ashesh9. It's almost more like an advertisement for some kind of Tantric sex class than a poem. Certainly different from the usual erotic fare.
  • I've mentioned Nachthexe before for his combination of Shakespearean sonnet and eros/porn. Kind of an odd combination. He has two new ones today, prophet of cocks, clits and cum, which weirdly combines a Joe Orton epigraph, the voyeurism of the dead, and seduction; call me a witch's brat mixes necromancy, Paganini, and anal intercourse, among other things. Each in only fourteen lines.

    I'm not entirely sure what I think of his poems, but they certainly aren't like anyone else's.
  • Finally, demure101 has posted two poems, Terra Incognita and A Topical Romance. The latter is a a twist poem in ballad stanzas and kind of fun. The former, though, is a quite well-written rhymed love poem with some very good lines:
    Amazed at how our fingertips are able
    To pass our feelings on, with greatest care,
    We travel all white places on the map,
    As gradually more and more’s laid bare
    We travel all white places on the map is just lovely. Recommended.
That's all for today, folks. See you next week.
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Old 03-03-2012, 11:33 PM   #3322
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Saturday, March 3rd, 2012

There were twelve new poems today. I liked a couple of lines from Dance of Destruction,

Quote:
We touch each other but
Never reach out
and liked the way the writer explored the theme creating tension with opposing ideas. Pop over and give Krenna Smart a little encouragement if you feel the same way.

Cal Y. Pygia has a single, longer poem called Rainbows and Lemonade that I enjoyed reading. It is familiar, thematically, if you have read other poems of Cal Y. Pygia, but an intriguing portrait and I loved this bit:

Quote:
eyes shine
Out of the dark,
Neon bright and full of fish.
Ashesh9 offers Om Shantih Om on tantric sex technique that some may find instructive.

There are others, too, that may be enjoyable to some readers, if not this one. I hope you are all having a splendid weekend.
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Old 03-06-2012, 02:50 PM   #3323
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Cane Sugar Burn by Neonurotic

Neonurotic is a prolific and well regarded Lit poet. This is a lovely short piece with very good imagery.

The Drive by TheChameleon

An Ogden Nash-esque piece about the pleasures and hazards of driving while masturbating.

A Mermaid Blessed by Cal Y. Pygia

Another poem from the incredibly prolific Cal Y. Pygia. This is a delightful piece about a hermaphroditic mermaid, certain the best of all worlds, and a combination of more metaphors than most can handle.

Rainbow Needs by FluteMaster

Next to Cal's mermaid poem, this is the read of the day. Colors become new metaphors, showing there is always a new way to tell the old story.
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Old 03-07-2012, 02:46 PM   #3324
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New Poems

There are not many new ones today, but I got a NEO!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay!!

Weeping by Neonurotic seems to me to be a deep, personal poem, but Neo has never had a problem letting it all hang out. He is a man beyond the definition of what society considers to be manly or macho. He has feelings and isn't afraid to let them out. He shares his sentiments so that we may learn from him. We can all feel his pain, his joy, his frustration and whatever else he is feeling. I love poetry like this. It is emotional, but not sappy, it is revealing without being lewd. He is just a damned good writer. If you haven't read his stories, you should.

Not only is he one of the best poets on the site, he is a good person. I think we popped in here around the same time, as the stars would have it, I feel blessed.

This poem is is short, but so full of expression. My pick of the day.
~~~~


Another good one!

Miss You Forever by cliffgirl08.

First thing... when a poet ( or writer) but especially poets, put disclaimers at the beginning of his/her work, it is distracting. I find myself analyzing the poem before I have finished reading it. So, poets, if you MUST put something in, leave it till last, your poem will benefit, I promise.

However... cliffgirl08 has taken a subject matter that most novice poets attempt to expound upon and they just plain ruin it, but this one didn't.

some suggestions-

in stanza 1, the last word can GO! You do not need it, it is merely an extra word and poetry, good poetry, just doesn't need extra words.

Stanza 2, you tell us -The sun rose and set on you
You alone filled my every minute with sunshine
and finish it off with a metaphor about a rising supernova. To the best of my knowledge, supernovae do not rise, but the wording is excellent regardless. And, since you do not speak of anyone else, the word "alone" is redundant and takes up space. Work on the piece and read it aloud and you will realize how much better your work can be.

In line 5 of S2, you should delete "bright" because it is already there; sunshine, supernova, etc, we all know those celestial bodies are bright, so a wasted word. It would matter if you were doing a form poem, or needed that word for your meter, but you don't.

S3 you could delete "twin"... and "far" before away. Away already implies gone, far or however the distance. I am not ragging on you, I just see such a good poem in here it hurts to see so many extra words clogging up your beautiful poem.

This line is a perfect example-

Your return should have filled me with humble joy

I was taught by some poetic geniuses here that words like "humble" are unneeded because they are merely a point of view. why is the joy humble? It would be a much better line with "humble" humbly deleted.

IN S 5 you say " Please talk to me, please listen" which one is it? For that person to understand, you need to do the talking so please talk to me doesn't fit with the need for understanding coming from you.

And, finally, I don't know if this was a suicide or accidental death, but please do not carry that weight around with you. Let the spirit of your loved one ascend without your need to feel guilt.

I do not want you to think I slaughtered your work, I would not spend this much time on a poem that was not worthy of being improved upon. I think, considering your emotional state, you did a fantastic job here. Bravo!

Stanza 6 makes no sense to me Perhaps it needs to be in your poem, but it makes me wonder who "they" are. A vague reference to they or them without prior explanation is a terrible thing to do in a poem. It is confusing. I understand the poem, I think, I feel your loss, but to do justice to this work, you need to pare it down to the essence.

You have a good start here and it can only get better. and please, don't EVER post a poem and tell your readers you are not a poet because they may come to believe it. Besides, if you have no confidence in yourself, if you think your poetry is no good, then you run your potential readers off leaving a trail of back clicks kicking up cyber-dust behind them. Maybe you do not feel like a poet, but let that be your secret, okay?

I certainly did not feel like a poet when WickedEve invited me in here and since then, I have had poems published on the net and in print and actually won a couple of awards after what seems like a lifetime of trying to improve. and I couldn't have improved without people like Neo, Evie, Angeline, Boo and so many others. Yep you too, 1201, So never ever give up and that self-deprecating stuff only runs your readers off.

Chin up, smile, you did good. I hope your grief eases and you see and remember the joy that you two shared.

As I have said before ( or maybe that was NJ) there are others, but these are my picks. I posted the link for all of the new poems, so have at it! There are some good ones today, some fair ones and some that are simply odd or I just didn't "get" them. Read on, Poets!!!

love y'all

~ maria
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Old 03-08-2012, 03:04 PM   #3325
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Only seven new poems today but an interesting collection so please check them all out.

Holi Hai! by the ever-informative Ashesh9 tells of how the anal office boss becomes an unfettered slut. It was a bit of a slog to get to the end and, honestly, not worth it.

I’m ambivalent about Redacted Confessions by Maria2394. I’m not sure it’s fair to leave the reader to fill in the blanks – and why do that? It’s not like Maria to pull her punches, I would rather have been given the whole meal, not just the appetizer.

Perhaps to honor International Women’s Day cavu182 has spun the God particle as female in Ms. Higgs. An amusing idea for a poem but, on looking back at this poets work, I can’t help wishing he’d leave rhyme and try free form, the sometimes awkwardness in order to rhyme spoils the overall effect.

I have the same feeling with Unicycle Girl also by cavu182, interesting subject and story but an uneasy read.

Things Said of Me by Cal Y. Pigya seems to have blossomed from his interest in shemales, he manages to make it erotic in an understated way.

smut
by albacore is a short but sweet piece of erotica, not filling in the least in fact it left me craving more. Since it is his/her first submission we can live in hope.

Crashedn2you has box on offer, a formulaic piece using the term “box” in a variety of ways, a nice read.

Finally I’m back tracking to yesterday when the poems were reviewed by the modest Maria who neglected to mention her own poem A Pussy’s Philosophy on War. Once again, particularly suitable to appear for IWD, it is a strong war cry for all downtrodden, abused women. It is much more to my taste than Confessions and well worth reading.

That’s all from me for this week. Don’t forget to reset your clocks on Sunday –summer is on the way!
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