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Old 05-06-2015, 08:18 PM   #1
JadedCat1990
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Safe Sexual Practices with Untrusted Partners?

Not sure if such a thread exists out there or not, but being that I'm now finally starting to explore my own sexuality and all that, I figure that I could use all the advice out there from those that are more experienced then I'am.

I know the obvious, use condoms if you don't trust your partner and usually, avoid kissing as well. What else is there to know or keep in mind?
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Old 05-06-2015, 09:03 PM   #2
GiggLeGasm
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Unless you mean that you're looking to explore and you can't be 100% sure if a person is truthful, I'd say that you should only have sex with a partner you trust.

What kind of explorations are you seeking? Would it be practical to look for someone who would watch you and let you watch while you explore your own body or is that not enough?
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Old 05-06-2015, 09:05 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GiggLeGasm View Post
Unless you mean that you're looking to explore and you can't be 100% sure if a person is truthful, I'd say that you should only have sex with a partner you trust.

What kind of explorations are you seeking? Would it be practical to look for someone who would watch you and let you watch while you explore your own body or is that not enough?
Wow! Just reading that gave me butterflies! Such a hot suggestion....
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Old 05-06-2015, 09:35 PM   #4
JadedCat1990
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Originally Posted by GiggLeGasm View Post
Unless you mean that you're looking to explore and you can't be 100% sure if a person is truthful, I'd say that you should only have sex with a partner you trust.

What kind of explorations are you seeking? Would it be practical to look for someone who would watch you and let you watch while you explore your own body or is that not enough?
For clarifications, let's say a hook up at a bar, one night stand even, or whatever kids these days are calling it, lol
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Old 05-07-2015, 01:00 AM   #5
SweetErika
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Nitrile gloves in multiple sizes, non-latex dental dams, water-based and silicone lube (to prevent the barrier from tearing and increase sensation behind the barrier), poly/non-latex condoms, condoms in various sizes, should also be part of your safer sex kit.

If you're likely to be one of the 90% of adults who have already been exposed to HSV-1, I wouldn't worry about kissing on the mouth (unless your date is showing symptoms of a cold sore).

Most adults who have been sexually active and are 30+ (meaning they probably became sexually active before getting the Gardasil vaccine) probably also have/will get some form of HPV in their lifetime. Men aren't tested for HPV, so that's another risk you'll have to accept if you're having casual sex (or any sex, really...people certainly cheat, aren't tested, etc.).

You might consider having a short chat about safer sex with potential partners. I mean, really, it sounds like there's no point in you moving to the bedroom with someone who refuses to use barriers and/or won't talk about it, since it's something that concerns you and I'm assuming you're looking for mature, respectful partners. Ask a potential partner when they were tested last and what their policy on safer sex is. Compare notes, and make sure they line up. Let your potential partner know that you want to get it out of the way so you can relax and have fantastic sex. Not that you should take a potential partner's word as the truth, but it might be a good screening tool and give you a better sense of your partner. I know a lot of people in the sex-positive community who won't have sex with those who can't have an adult discussion on safer sex, isn't educated on safer sex practices (meaning they probably don't use them, or employ them improperly) and isn't tested regularly. I don't know what your interests or tastes are, but you might find a safer place to explore within your local sex-positive community vs. picking up random guys.
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Old 05-07-2015, 05:16 AM   #6
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Most of the bases have already been covered, but I'd add: as well as Gardasil, talk to your doctor about Hepatitis B vaccination. Barrier methods should protect you against Hep B if used consistently, but vaccination gives you a fallback against one of the nastier and more contagious bugs around.
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Old 05-07-2015, 11:36 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by SweetErika View Post
I don't know what your interests or tastes are, but you might find a safer place to explore within your local sex-positive community vs. picking up random guys.
Thank you very much for the detailed response, but first of all...I'm a guy and I don't swing towards picking up other guys

That out of the way, to be quite honest, this is the first time I even hear of a "sex-positive community". Where does these communities usually convene? online?
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Old 05-07-2015, 11:37 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by Bramblethorn View Post
Most of the bases have already been covered, but I'd add: as well as Gardasil, talk to your doctor about Hepatitis B vaccination. Barrier methods should protect you against Hep B if used consistently, but vaccination gives you a fallback against one of the nastier and more contagious bugs around.
Thank you for that bit of info, I'll definitely look into that.
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Old 05-08-2015, 12:59 AM   #9
SweetErika
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Originally Posted by JadedCat1990 View Post
Thank you very much for the detailed response, but first of all...I'm a guy and I don't swing towards picking up other guys

That out of the way, to be quite honest, this is the first time I even hear of a "sex-positive community". Where does these communities usually convene? online?
Sorry about that; I should have checked your profile and history before I replied.

Minus the condoms in multiple sizes, I still think it's wise to have the supplies and proper knowledge suggested at the ready. Even if you and one partner negotiate to not use a barrier for oral sex, for instance, your next partner might insist on it. And there are plenty of women, such as myself, who react poorly to many of the ingredients in most water-based lubes and/or prefer to use gloves for anal play.

I did a very cursory search, and it looks like there's a burgeoning sex-positive community in Central FL. Dr. Harmony is getting the Sex Positive Academy up and running, and it looks like she's taking cues from Seattle's renowned Center for Sex Positive Culture. Major cities across the country have sex-positive clubs and groups. Some of the more famous ones are in San Francisco, LA, Austin, and NYC. A lot of them are more BDSM and kink-oriented clubs that have specific nights and/or gathering spaces for LGBTQ folks, polyamorous people, etc. Swingers are also part of the sex-positive community, but they typically have their own "lifestyle" clubs/groups/events (although it's not unusual for there to be a lot of cross-over). Single men are typically not favored/welcomed in the swinging community, but I haven't that to be true in other subgroups of the sex-positive community.

Anyway, I'd suggest you read more about it if you're really interested, and perhaps investigate what's available in your general area in terms of classes, groups, meetups, clubs, poly potlucks, or whatever it is that may strike your fancy. Reach out to people you come across online and see if you can find out what's going on locally. On the whole, I've found sex-positive folks to be extremely kind, welcoming, and eager to help newbies and fellow members who express a genuine interest to learn.
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Old 05-08-2015, 04:37 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by SweetErika View Post
Sorry about that; I should have checked your profile and history before I replied.

Minus the condoms in multiple sizes, I still think it's wise to have the supplies and proper knowledge suggested at the ready. Even if you and one partner negotiate to not use a barrier for oral sex, for instance, your next partner might insist on it. And there are plenty of women, such as myself, who react poorly to many of the ingredients in most water-based lubes and/or prefer to use gloves for anal play.

I did a very cursory search, and it looks like there's a burgeoning sex-positive community in Central FL. Dr. Harmony is getting the Sex Positive Academy up and running, and it looks like she's taking cues from Seattle's renowned Center for Sex Positive Culture. Major cities across the country have sex-positive clubs and groups. Some of the more famous ones are in San Francisco, LA, Austin, and NYC. A lot of them are more BDSM and kink-oriented clubs that have specific nights and/or gathering spaces for LGBTQ folks, polyamorous people, etc. Swingers are also part of the sex-positive community, but they typically have their own "lifestyle" clubs/groups/events (although it's not unusual for there to be a lot of cross-over). Single men are typically not favored/welcomed in the swinging community, but I haven't that to be true in other subgroups of the sex-positive community.

Anyway, I'd suggest you read more about it if you're really interested, and perhaps investigate what's available in your general area in terms of classes, groups, meetups, clubs, poly potlucks, or whatever it is that may strike your fancy. Reach out to people you come across online and see if you can find out what's going on locally. On the whole, I've found sex-positive folks to be extremely kind, welcoming, and eager to help newbies and fellow members who express a genuine interest to learn.
Thank you very much for the information!
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Old 05-08-2015, 08:03 PM   #11
coati
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Sex Positive Community

In my region of Arizona, there is regular column in the weekly entertainment newspaper written by someone who runs a sex boutique. She provides a good flow of information on safe sex practices.

The numerous conservative media outlets in Arizona either provide nothing at all on this subject or preach abstinence doctrines. As a result, many people tend to alternate between being sex-phobic and sex-risky, depending upon their alcohol/drug/libido levels.
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Old 05-08-2015, 08:56 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by coati View Post
In my region of Arizona, there is regular column in the weekly entertainment newspaper written by someone who runs a sex boutique. She provides a good flow of information on safe sex practices.

The numerous conservative media outlets in Arizona either provide nothing at all on this subject or preach abstinence doctrines. As a result, many people tend to alternate between being sex-phobic and sex-risky, depending upon their alcohol/drug/libido levels.
That made me think of this story.

I'll never understand why some people think that less education and communication is a safer way to go.
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Old 05-08-2015, 09:37 PM   #13
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Quote:
erika quoth:
i'll never understand why some people think that less education and communication is a safer way to go.
because some people take comfort in ignorance, if you ask me.

ed
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Old 05-08-2015, 10:24 PM   #14
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because some people take comfort in ignorance, if you ask me.

ed
That's a fair point.

HT has missed you muchly, my friend!
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Old 05-08-2015, 10:52 PM   #15
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aw, thank you, erika. that's sweet of you. :>

[hug]

ed
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