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Old 02-20-2011, 09:15 PM   #1
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Hi all, as with most people on here I am a lurker but wanted to ask the advise of you sexperts on a matter that which is the topic of some frustration to myself and my girlfriend.

Firstly, we are both 25, healthy and very much in love! My girlfriend was the first girl I had ever been with at the ripe age of 23, she had sex once before me with her first boyfriend.. So basically we are still learning alot about sex, experimenting and having fun! More often or not however we will end up doing oral sex or indulge in mutual masturbation rather than intercourse.. The reason for his is that she often finds it painful as her vagina is very tight which feels great for me, but when you care so much about someone its hard to enjoy something that causes someone else pain. We often spend a good deal of time on foreplay, kissing, touching and so on and she always gets wet (To some degree) but even after foreplay we can't just jump into it, we need to use lube as without it I'm not going anywhere and even then it can still cause her some pain and discomfort. It does seem to get better the longer we're having sex, but this morning she didn't seem to relax and enjoy it for the discomfort even after 5-10 minutes.

I guess I am looking for some help, advice, tips or anything that might be able to be suggested that might make sex more enjoyable for the both of us. Also, could there be a medical reason for this? Or is it simply a case that some girls are tighter than others, or is it that she simply hasn't had much sex before reaching an older age? The obvious answer would be that I'm at fault for having a huge cock, but I while I am above average at about 7" I would say I have average girth.

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Old 02-20-2011, 09:22 PM   #2
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I'd focus on your foreplay and oral skills. Having her get wet "to some degree" seems inadequate.

You might also want to talk to her, figure out if there is anything making her nervous or apprehensive during penetrative sex, the issue could be mental rather than physical.

Also, you might want to explore non-penetrative sex options until this gets sorted out. There are loads of option for you outside of that.
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Old 02-20-2011, 09:39 PM   #3
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I'd focus on your foreplay and oral skills. Having her get wet "to some degree" seems inadequate.

You might also want to talk to her, figure out if there is anything making her nervous or apprehensive during penetrative sex, the issue could be mental rather than physical.

Also, you might want to explore non-penetrative sex options until this gets sorted out. There are loads of option for you outside of that.
Thanks for your reply!

How wet she gets tends to depend on how often she hasn't had sex for, if we haven't seen each other for a little while she gets really wet even with her clothes still on! But if we've fooled around a few times over the last couple days while we are together she doesn't get quite as excited, but then I always assumed that would be normal?

I'll talk to her again although in all honesty we are REALLY close, there is nothing we don't tell one another no matter how embarrassing. I know she gets nervous about this very problem, especially if we haven't had penetrative sex in a while as she seems to think that her vagina starts to close up and becomes smaller!
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Old 02-20-2011, 09:46 PM   #4
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I'll talk to her again although in all honesty we are REALLY close, there is nothing we don't tell one another no matter how embarrassing. I know she gets nervous about this very problem, especially if we haven't had penetrative sex in a while as she seems to think that her vagina starts to close up and becomes smaller!
This paragraph seems to scream "anxiety-related performance issues." If she's freaking out over whether or not she's going to be wet enough for sex, there's a good chance she's not going to be wet enough for sex. If I were you, I'd go from foreplay to non-penetrative sex acts and let her build up her confidence and arousal before going for intercourse.
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Old 02-20-2011, 10:32 PM   #5
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Sounds like something put her off if she only had sex once with her ex. Anxiety from that could be causing her to clamp up physically, even if she consciously trusts you and wants to have sex. Do you know why they broke up or if there are any unresolved issues there?

Try using lots of lube and gradually working your fingers into her until you've opened her up enough to be able to take your cock. Encourage her to go on top because having control over penetration might be all she needs to get over her emotional roadblock. It might also help her to buy a vibrator to play with, so that she can explore herself and experiment with penetration without throwing the performance anxiety of having you there with her into the equation.

Would also be no bad thing for her to talk to her GP about this issue if it persists or if the pain she experiences is severe.
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Old 02-20-2011, 10:56 PM   #6
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Vaginismus?
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Old 02-21-2011, 12:05 AM   #7
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what bertrand russell said was my first thought: vaginismus.

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Old 02-21-2011, 12:17 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by adamp211 View Post
We often spend a good deal of time on foreplay, kissing, touching and so on and she always gets wet (To some degree) but even after foreplay we can't just jump into it, we need to use lube as without it I'm not going anywhere and even then it can still cause her some pain and discomfort. It does seem to get better the longer we're having sex, but this morning she didn't seem to relax and enjoy it for the discomfort even after 5-10 minutes.
Does she always have at least one orgasm before you attempt intercourse? If not, does that help?

What kind of lube are you using?

I get the sense that you think there's some shame in using lube, or you shouldn't need it. If that's the case for either of you, discard that notion right away because it could be making her feel bad and tense. Some women just need extra lube and/or lube on different spots. Hormonal birth control can drastically affect lubrication and how the vagina works, so if she's on that, she may need to check with her doctor about alternatives to see if that's causing the problem.
Quote:
I guess I am looking for some help, advice, tips or anything that might be able to be suggested that might make sex more enjoyable for the both of us. Also, could there be a medical reason for this?
Absolutely! If she hasn't talked to her doctor, she needs to do so right away. Better yet, she needs to see a doctor who specializes in female sexual issues (these are usually female urologists or gynecologists with special training in sexual conditions).

I have pain with penetration, and finally saw a specialist after a year of painful sex after I got pregnant. She was able to diagnose me right away and give me several things to try. The cream we tried didn't work, but the condition is starting to resolve itself on its own, as my hormones are normalizing. We use lots of silicone lube and manage to have sex if I'm on top (so I can slow/stop at the first sign of pain; trying to push through it is the worst thing I can do). I wish I had gotten it checked out by a specialist (my OBGYN dismissed the issue) a lot sooner. It might not have changed things physically, but it was nice to know it was a very real physical condition and there were lots of solutions we could try.
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Old 02-21-2011, 01:36 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by adamp211 View Post
Hi all, as with most people on here I am a lurker but wanted to ask the advise of you sexperts on a matter that which is the topic of some frustration to myself and my girlfriend.

Firstly, we are both 25, healthy and very much in love! My girlfriend was the first girl I had ever been with at the ripe age of 23, she had sex once before me with her first boyfriend.. So basically we are still learning alot about sex, experimenting and having fun! More often or not however we will end up doing oral sex or indulge in mutual masturbation rather than intercourse.. The reason for his is that she often finds it painful as her vagina is very tight which feels great for me, but when you care so much about someone its hard to enjoy something that causes someone else pain. We often spend a good deal of time on foreplay, kissing, touching and so on and she always gets wet (To some degree) but even after foreplay we can't just jump into it, we need to use lube as without it I'm not going anywhere and even then it can still cause her some pain and discomfort. It does seem to get better the longer we're having sex, but this morning she didn't seem to relax and enjoy it for the discomfort even after 5-10 minutes.

I guess I am looking for some help, advice, tips or anything that might be able to be suggested that might make sex more enjoyable for the both of us. Also, could there be a medical reason for this? Or is it simply a case that some girls are tighter than others, or is it that she simply hasn't had much sex before reaching an older age? The obvious answer would be that I'm at fault for having a huge cock, but I while I am above average at about 7" I would say I have average girth.

-Adam
There could be a medical problem, but if she feels tight, more often it is anxiety causing muscle spasms. If it is anxiety causing muscle spasms, then usually the problem will correct itís self in time. I have encountered women at times with this condition, and never worried about it. I donít mean that to sound calloused, but if you feel anxiety about causing her pain, your anxiety will transfer to her causing her to feel even more anxious, which in turn makes her condition even worse.

If she is wet, then she is probably producing enough lubrication herself and may not need any extra lubrication. If it is anxiety, what you are doing is forcing a muscle to expand that is contracted, and that hurts regardless of where the muscle is. If you have ever had a charley-horse, and had someone straighten your leg to relax the muscle, it hurts like hell until the muscle relaxes. Spasmed muscles hurt no matter where they are.

Something that may or may not work, is to get her so hot that canít focus her subconscious mind on anything but the sexual pleasure she is feeling. Women orgasm in degrees, beginning mild, and progressing through subsequent orgasms until she is consumed with ecstasy. (When a woman is in her most intense orgasm, she is often only vaguely aware of the man even being there.) While bringing her to more and more intense orgasms, massage the muscle(s) in her vagina with your finger to help it relax. The idea is to create a desire that over-rides her anxiety.

If you are 7 inches with average girth, I doubt you are too big. She should be able to take that easily enough, unless she is complaining about being too deep. If that is the case, just use shorter strokes until she gets used to taking it all.
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Old 02-21-2011, 02:27 AM   #10
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if we haven't had penetrative sex in a while as she seems to think that her vagina starts to close up and becomes smaller!
I've noticed this to happen - if I do nothing but clitoral orgasms for a week I can have some uncomfortable tightness the next time I try to insert a dildo or vibe egg. The tightness is only in one band, near the outside of my body, pretty much where my hymen used to be. My theory is I have some scar tissue there that tends to stiffen up when not exercised. Usually cold fingers and toys make it worse, a hot room makes it better. But that's just me, if she has vaginisimus that's a completely different problem.
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Old 02-21-2011, 03:01 PM   #11
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I've noticed this to happen - if I do nothing but clitoral orgasms for a week I can have some uncomfortable tightness the next time I try to insert a dildo or vibe egg. The tightness is only in one band, near the outside of my body, pretty much where my hymen used to be. My theory is I have some scar tissue there that tends to stiffen up when not exercised. Usually cold fingers and toys make it worse, a hot room makes it better. But that's just me, if she has vaginisimus that's a completely different problem.
This seems to make sense to me as often its that initial entry which proves painful, even with my fingers if I just hit that initial opening that's where she tends to twinge a little. I have read up on Vaginismus but if I am honest this founds far more severe than our issue actually is, from my understanding its an uncontrollable urge to tighten your PC muscles past the point to allow any entry, I can penetrate her fine if we use plenty of lube and take it easily.

My girlfriend only ever seems to enjoy one orgasm, but she always comes big and hard and her whole body goes into spasm.. This is always through clitoral stimulation and while she has cum a couple times in one session, more often or not her clit becomes to sensitive. I have tried to give her a vaginal orgasm but she doesn't seem to get alot of pleasure out of penertration unless it's with my cock, I have tried to find her G-Spot but so far I'm still looking! My understanding is that this is where the key to multiple orgasms may come from.

We have tried having sex after she has cum but she finds this even more painful as her vagina contracts afterwards.

On the lube front, I myself don't have a problem using it and I realise that even for 'Normal' sex it only makes things better, but I know she'd rather not use it as she asked me to try to penetrate her without it yesterday but I couldn't get anywhere, with some lube through while initially she twinged it was fairly easy.

I've never really asked much about her ex, although I have always wanted to know more.. I just haven't plucked up the courage! I know that it ended shortly after they had sex for the first and only time, so this could be the cause of some anxiety I guess.. I am positive she would of mentioned this to me though, because we are very close.

Thanks all for the help and info!
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Old 02-21-2011, 03:51 PM   #12
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This seems to make sense to me as often its that initial entry which proves painful, even with my fingers if I just hit that initial opening that's where she tends to twinge a little. I have read up on Vaginismus but if I am honest this founds far more severe than our issue actually is, from my understanding its an uncontrollable urge to tighten your PC muscles past the point to allow any entry, I can penetrate her fine if we use plenty of lube and take it easily.
There are different types of vaginismus and similar problems. I have a type called vestibulitus, where the vestibular glands are swollen and make penetration painful (actually, it's not as much going in and pulling out that hurts). That pain causes me to tighten up, and trying to work through it time and time again has made it difficult to relax. And, yes, orgasming can make things worse, whereas in the past it was usually necessary for great sex.

Anyway, I think it's still worth checking with a sexual issues specialist. If nothing else, it'll put both of your minds at ease that there's no underlying physical condition.

Quote:
My girlfriend only ever seems to enjoy one orgasm, but she always comes big and hard and her whole body goes into spasm.. This is always through clitoral stimulation and while she has cum a couple times in one session, more often or not her clit becomes to sensitive. I have tried to give her a vaginal orgasm but she doesn't seem to get alot of pleasure out of penertration unless it's with my cock, I have tried to find her G-Spot but so far I'm still looking! My understanding is that this is where the key to multiple orgasms may come from.
Some women are just done after one. Don't push the orgasm issue, or she may feel pressured, which will contribute to her not relaxing.
Quote:
On the lube front, I myself don't have a problem using it and I realise that even for 'Normal' sex it only makes things better, but I know she'd rather not use it as she asked me to try to penetrate her without it yesterday but I couldn't get anywhere, with some lube through while initially she twinged it was fairly easy.
Can you play up how extra good it feels for you with additional lube and reassure her that using lube is a totally normal part of a healthy sex life?

Also, you didn't mention what you're using for birth control. Like I said, if she's on hormonal BC, that could be part of the problem. If you're using condoms, lube can be necessary no matter how wet she is (like I can be dripping wet, but if one little spot isn't lubed enough, sex is painful). Are you both comfortable with the method(s) of birth control, or is it possible she's worried about pregnancy?

Quote:
I've never really asked much about her ex, although I have always wanted to know more.. I just haven't plucked up the courage! I know that it ended shortly after they had sex for the first and only time, so this could be the cause of some anxiety I guess.. I am positive she would of mentioned this to me though, because we are very close.
Why don't you have the courage to ask? Are you afraid she'll react badly, or you won't like what she has to say? It sounds like this could be key if the problem revolves around being tense.
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Old 02-21-2011, 04:14 PM   #13
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This seems to make sense to me as often its that initial entry which proves painful, even with my fingers if I just hit that initial opening that's where she tends to twinge a little. I have read up on Vaginismus but if I am honest this founds far more severe than our issue actually is, from my understanding its an uncontrollable urge to tighten your PC muscles past the point to allow any entry, I can penetrate her fine if we use plenty of lube and take it easily.

My girlfriend only ever seems to enjoy one orgasm, but she always comes big and hard and her whole body goes into spasm.. This is always through clitoral stimulation and while she has cum a couple times in one session, more often or not her clit becomes to sensitive. I have tried to give her a vaginal orgasm but she doesn't seem to get alot of pleasure out of penertration unless it's with my cock, I have tried to find her G-Spot but so far I'm still looking! My understanding is that this is where the key to multiple orgasms may come from.

We have tried having sex after she has cum but she finds this even more painful as her vagina contracts afterwards.

On the lube front, I myself don't have a problem using it and I realise that even for 'Normal' sex it only makes things better, but I know she'd rather not use it as she asked me to try to penetrate her without it yesterday but I couldn't get anywhere, with some lube through while initially she twinged it was fairly easy.

I've never really asked much about her ex, although I have always wanted to know more.. I just haven't plucked up the courage! I know that it ended shortly after they had sex for the first and only time, so this could be the cause of some anxiety I guess.. I am positive she would of mentioned this to me though, because we are very close.

Thanks all for the help and info!

If she has only minor pain on initial penetration, that’s normal for a woman who hasn’t had much sex. She is still just tender. I thought you were talking about a more serious pain. If that is all it is, then don’t worry about it, just go ahead and have sex when you want, and the problem will correct its self on its own.

Everyone knows that it hurts when a virgin has sex for the first time, but sometimes people don’t realize, the pain doesn’t just stop there. A woman is sensitive, (to pain), until her vagina gets used to being physically penetrated. That’s normal. Even when a woman hasn’t had sex in a long time, it can hurt initially. There are some very sensitive nerve endings in a woman’s vagina.

As far as her G-spot, a woman who is just starting to have sex, it’s normal for her G-spot to not be well developed. G-spots develop from stimulation, and the more sex you have, the more her G-spot will develop.

Sounds like all you two need is more sex.

P.S. I guess I should have read your original post better. She had sex only once before she met you, and now it hurts on initial penetration? That's normal. Just a word of advice: don't let her build emotional baggage over something that is normal and she doesn't understand. She is way to young to start building emotional baggage. At this time in her life, she should be building beautiful memories.

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Old 02-21-2011, 04:21 PM   #14
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If she has only minor pain on initial penetration, thatís normal for a woman who hasnít had much sex. She is still just tender. I thought you were talking about a more serious pain. If that is all it is, then donít worry about it, just go ahead and have sex when you want, and the problem will correct its self on its own.

Everyone knows that it hurts when a virgin has sex for the first time, but sometimes people donít realize, the pain doesnít just stop there. A woman is sensitive, (to pain), until her vagina gets used to being physically penetrated. Thatís normal. Even when a woman hasnít had sex in a long time, it can hurt initially. There are some very sensitive nerve endings in a womanís vagina.

As far as her G-spot, a woman who is just starting to have sex, itís normal for her G-spot to not be well developed. G-spots develop from stimulation, and the more sex you have, the more her G-spot will develop.

Sounds like all you two need is more sex.
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Old 02-21-2011, 04:49 PM   #15
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Are you male or female? Maybe I am wrong...for some reason I thought you were a dude.
Definitely a dude. If he were a woman, he wouldn't post such nonsense about how women work. Well, maybe if he was a really ignorant woman with very little experience, but then he'd have no business posting on this topic anyway.
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Old 02-21-2011, 06:11 PM   #16
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Definitely a dude. If he were a woman, he wouldn't post such nonsense about how women work. Well, maybe if he was a really ignorant woman with very little experience, but then he'd have no business posting on this topic anyway.
yes, because the way to fix all of a woman's problems is more sex...*rolls her eyes*



More lube can help, also, her learning how to relax her pelvic floor muscles at will can also help. I have to do that sometimes because without even thinking about it, I can clinch up and am almost impenetrable.
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Old 02-21-2011, 06:48 PM   #17
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yes, because the way to fix all of a woman's problems is more sex...*rolls her eyes*
Totally!

I'm also thrilled to know that losing my virginity DID hurt and g-spots develop with experience. All of these years I've been under the illusion that masturbation and tons of foreplay mitigated any pain while losing my virginity and I'd found my g-spot at a young age, all by myself. Clearly I wasn't aware of what everyone knew, according to NastyDeeds.

Thank you, NastyDeeds, for enlightening me, and the other women on this board regarding our own bodies.
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Old 02-21-2011, 07:01 PM   #18
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There are different types of vaginismus and similar problems. I have a type called vestibulitus, where the vestibular glands are swollen and make penetration painful (actually, it's not as much going in and pulling out that hurts). That pain causes me to tighten up, and trying to work through it time and time again has made it difficult to relax. And, yes, orgasming can make things worse, whereas in the past it was usually necessary for great sex.

Anyway, I think it's still worth checking with a sexual issues specialist. If nothing else, it'll put both of your minds at ease that there's no underlying physical condition.


Some women are just done after one. Don't push the orgasm issue, or she may feel pressured, which will contribute to her not relaxing.

Can you play up how extra good it feels for you with additional lube and reassure her that using lube is a totally normal part of a healthy sex life?

Also, you didn't mention what you're using for birth control. Like I said, if she's on hormonal BC, that could be part of the problem. If you're using condoms, lube can be necessary no matter how wet she is (like I can be dripping wet, but if one little spot isn't lubed enough, sex is painful). Are you both comfortable with the method(s) of birth control, or is it possible she's worried about pregnancy?


Why don't you have the courage to ask? Are you afraid she'll react badly, or you won't like what she has to say? It sounds like this could be key if the problem revolves around being tense.
It's really great to get a more experienced female opinion about this as what I have generally read before now is the typical male one! My girlfriend is actually on the pill (Yasmin) and has been for a few years as even before she was having sex simply to get a better routine. I don't think either of us is particular worried about pregnancy as she never misses a pill, and I always make sure never to finish up inside of her as much as I would like to . I think we are both pretty insecure, and the idea of asking her about her ex kind of worries me a little bit purely for my own sake as much as anything!

One orgasm is fine by me, as long as she enjoys it.. After all I know I can't do any better without a rest so I really don't mind and I'd never say otherwise, its HER orgasm at the end of the day and as long as she is satisfied.. So am I .

I forgot to mention earlier that we have always used Liquid Silk (Water based) lube, I have tried a couple others but she has always said they sting which I'm not sure how true is.. I think in general she is quite inexperienced with sex, I know that she's only told me she has masturbated once on her own and I love hearing about that, seeing her play with herself but she always wants me to do it! I have a much broader outlook on sex, purely because I am a bloke and have watched so much porn growing up!

Yesterday was the first time we had sex in about 3 weeks, due to one thing and another and we don't get to see one another as much as we'd like so I am hoping it was just a long spell that perhaps made things a bit more awkward, as well as having a little more pain than normal. I'm going to see how things go, have a word with her and see if there is anything either I, or she can do differently and if problems persist we will seek some professional help.

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Old 02-21-2011, 09:34 PM   #19
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It's really great to get a more experienced female opinion about this as what I have generally read before now is the typical male one! My girlfriend is actually on the pill (Yasmin) and has been for a few years as even before she was having sex simply to get a better routine. I don't think either of us is particular worried about pregnancy as she never misses a pill, and I always make sure never to finish up inside of her as much as I would like to . I think we are both pretty insecure, and the idea of asking her about her ex kind of worries me a little bit purely for my own sake as much as anything!
The pill is definitely something to investigate as a potential cause of the pain if she does have a condition like vaginismus. She may have better luck with a different pill, or something like a combination of tracking her cycle and condoms. My body changed dramatically when I went off the pill, different pills had wildly different effects on me, and as I said, pregnancy (hormonal bc basically tricks our bodies into thinking we're pregnant) totally screwed me up.

If you do want to ask her about her previous sexual experience, remember that she only had sex once with her ex. There must have been a reason for that and the breakup. She may or may not want to talk about it, but it could be an important factor, like if there was some trauma in her previous relationship, experience or life. Her upbringing could give you some important info as well. For instance, if she was raised to think sex was bad/dirty/wrong/scary or had negative experiences during her formative years, that may be why she's having trouble relaxing now, doesn't want to masturbate, is cock-focused, etc.

Quote:
One orgasm is fine by me, as long as she enjoys it.. After all I know I can't do any better without a rest so I really don't mind and I'd never say otherwise, its HER orgasm at the end of the day and as long as she is satisfied.. So am I .
Good deal. Make sure she knows enjoyment is your goal, not orgasms, too. It doesn't sound like you're one of them, but it can be easy to become overly focused on even that one orgasm, which can make it very difficult to relax.
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I forgot to mention earlier that we have always used Liquid Silk (Water based) lube, I have tried a couple others but she has always said they sting which I'm not sure how true is..
Obviously you're the only who knows her, but I'd caution you to not discount what she says about this. A lot of lubes contain nasty ingredients that can sting, burn and cause infections. Unfortunately, I have a ton of experience with this myself, so we stick to pure silicone lube, or sometimes coconut oil. You might want to try giving her a good massage with one or both of those (though you could use any kind of oil that's good for massage on the bulk of her body, since silicone lube is a bit pricey for that), then when she's totally relaxed, move into some erotic massage and foreplay. Just see what happens, lube and relaxation-wise.
Quote:
I think in general she is quite inexperienced with sex, I know that she's only told me she has masturbated once on her own and I love hearing about that, seeing her play with herself but she always wants me to do it! I have a much broader outlook on sex, purely because I am a bloke and have watched so much porn growing up!
Definitely encourage masturbation as a way to help her learn about her body and help her relax. Tell her how absolutely amazing it is to think of her exploring and pleasing herself on her own. Stress how incredibly natural, healthy, beautiful and helpful you think female masturbation is; perhaps she'll adapt some of those ideas over time. Ask if she'd like to try some toys sometime because you've heard how wonderful the right vibrators can be for women and you find the idea of her exploring hotter than hell. Refer her to the story side of Lit for fantasy material. You're not pushing in any way, you're simply making your thoughts known and letting her take it from there. Hopefully she'll become more comfortable with the idea of exploring her body, but even if she doesn't, you'll be no worse off than you are now if you play this right (by not pushing or creating any pressure or resentment).

I don't suggest stressing the exhibitionist angle because if she's not comfortable masturbating on her own, she's probably not going to be comfy doing it in front of you.

Some women default to their partners in these situations because they're worried about pleasing themselves too much in front of their partners (and thus bruising the male ego) and/or are just plain self-conscious about putting on a show. It's hard to relax when you feel you have to perform or you're doing something that you're not completely comfortable with.
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Old 02-21-2011, 09:52 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by SweetErika View Post
Some women are just done after one. Don't push the orgasm issue, or she may feel pressured, which will contribute to her not relaxing.
If the female friends and bi experiences I've had are anything to go by, one big clitoral O seems to be the 'norm' (for want of a better word). Lots of women don't get orgasms from penetrative sex. Lots of women swear there's no such thing as a G spot after having done plenty of thorough searches for it.

As she's your first lover I really feel I need to say this to you. I'm sorry if you find it patronising but here goes.

Porn bears very little resemblance to how women actually enjoy sex. Porn is a caricature of how men wish most women enjoyed sex. Porn is fiction.

90% of real women do not bounce around for hours on end, cumming every ten minutes. Prolonged intercourse causes discomfort, even with additional lubricant. Many women are too sensitive after orgasming to do so more than once.

If you can have sex with her successfully when you take your time. If she usually orgasms every time you have sex (no matter whether it's from clit stimulation rather than penetration) and she's happy with that, I really fail to see what the real problem is here? I think you're worrying too much. It's admirable that you want to be the world's best lover but few women roll around moaning for hours like a porn star unless they're getting paid shitloads to do it. Be aware that by giving the impression that there should be more to your sexlife than there already is, you will make any anxiety she has worse.

I do agree that you should encourage her to masturbate. Buy her a toy to experiment with when she doesn't have the embarrassment of you watching. It may take time before she is happy to masturbate around you.

And if the lube you have stings her, bin it and buy something else. Go back to wherever you got it from and get advice on what might suit her better. There are plenty of unfragranced and hypoallergenic products out there.
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Old 02-21-2011, 09:56 PM   #21
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SweetErika is a goddess when it comes to this stuff...listen to her
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Old 02-21-2011, 10:53 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by BertrandRussell View Post
Vaginismus?
You took the words out of my mouth.

This is something OP should definitely talk to his partner about and get it checked out.
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Old 02-24-2011, 04:24 AM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by adamp211 View Post
It's really great to get a more experienced female opinion about this as what I have generally read before now is the typical male one! My girlfriend is actually on the pill (Yasmin) and has been for a few years as even before she was having sex simply to get a better routine.
Does she happen to have PCOS? I've heard some anecdotal evidence that there's a pretty high correlation between that condition and being monoorgasmic (I also have that combination of traits). I was prescribed birth control as a treatment for PCOS, but in the long run it didn't work out well - it just masked the underlying diabetes-related problem which got worse because I wasn't treating it, and I ended up with a cyst in my liver which I didn't even know was a possible side-effect of long-term birth-control use.
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Old 02-24-2011, 10:48 PM   #24
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RE: G-spots
My recent Female Reproductive anatomy class indicated that some women lack the tissue material of a G-spot. That could be why it can't be found on some women. That does not mean it will be less enjoyable for the woman! There are all kinds of orgasms and the g-spot is just one erotic location.

RE: the newness of sex and anxiety
It sounds as if your gal is uncomfortable with certain sexual issues. If her first experience was less than enjoyable, it can take awhile for that memory to be replaced no matter what your good intentions are. Likewise, if her upbringing considered sex a reproachful subject. Don't give up though - I had both these "strikes" and it took me awhile to overcome my inherent hangups from them. Just keep being that really considerate and caring guy you seem to be.

RE: watching her masturbate
It might be helpful if you both masturbate at the same time. You watch her and she will probably be watching you. That can take some of the "stage anxiety" out of the equation.

RE: painful intercourse
It would be best for her to have a check-up if she hasn't been in awhile. There are some conditions that can cause painful stiuations while they are brewing. It's best to be sure and as SweetErika said, see the right kind of doctor. They are not all equal in bedside manner and thought (or education). If you wear condoms, it could also be a sensitivity to the material of the condom. Case in point: noone realized that latex allergies were so common until wearing surgical gloves all the time became the norm. You might try a different type of condom and see if that helps. Especially since she has indicated sensitivity to other things (i.e. lubricants).

RE: dryness
Many different things can cause dryness. Antihistamines can be a contributing factor, birth control pills (there are many different ones and they are not created equal - I had dryness on Yasmin as well), many other medications, (diabetic, epileptic, etc.). Since she has adequate lubrication at times, this might be a moot point. Don't rule out the time of her cycle in this equation. That can also be a contributing factor. (Also, you might try building up the event prior to its occurrence - texting, phone calls, sexy notes left around - whatever works. I mention this only because you said she seems to be more lubricated when you haven't been together in awhile. This can also help alleviate her concerns over sex if she had a sexually-repressive upbringing.)
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Old 03-05-2011, 01:08 PM   #25
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I also found this thread helpful

Thank you to all the women who replied to this thread....my wife has had similar issues to the first poster, and the advice all the women have given sounds very helpful. My wife now is going off her BC after consulting with her obgyn, as it messed up her libido and enjoyment of sex.
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