How much preparation goes into your scenes?

I'm a planner. I outline in my mind where I'm going. Not to the point of planning how long a particular thing is going to last. Those "Things" have an energy of their own.

Or do you just shoot from the hip?

And I'd like to hear from the subs about structured play Vs spontaneous play. If they can tell the difference.

Is hard to define planning in this instance for us. Often things are definately spur of the moment and fantastic despite the spontaneity. Other times, though there may not have been the type planning I think you are talking about, there is planning of sorts. He encourages me to write for him, so often things I write into a story, may become a rumbling thought for him which eventually turns into actuality, sometimes with planned scening and sometimes spur of the moment, though to me both have a degree of planning. I find the things we plan carefully are often those things which include other people, or ones that demand an adherence to careful attentioin to safety. All are good though, planned or unplanned.

Catalina

When there is distance involved it's easy to plan. Gotta do something with all those fantasies. That or write stories.

WriterDom said:

When there is distance involved it's easy to plan. Gotta do something with all those fantasies. That or write stories.

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LOL...I am more thinking I have to put a lid on my fantasies and writing as combining the 2 are becoming dangerous for me....never know what I might be in for as each day dawns.

C

No planning... no scenes.... but I would like it.

Time for chocolate or ice cream, whatever I can find here.

Spontaneousity is great and all, and while I would certainly never complain about a spontaneous scene, I just prefer my playtime to be a bit more structured. It feels good to know my partner took the time to develop the scene. I appreciate the efforts more, and in turn put more of my own effort into my actions. The worries about "is this what she wanted" or sometimes"am I mentally and physically in a good state to handle this" are not an issue. Not to say every minute, every implement, every reaction needs to be mapped out, that would be even more stressful, but a general structure allows for a more relaxed result in my experience. Plus the added thrill of the wait and wonder

I think my handicap (deaf) has a lot to do with my preference for planning though. I miss so much even in casual conversation, that when I am with playpartners or even my domme, knowing that we will play and generally when that is likely to happen and even HOW it will happen (bondage, caning, sexual, etc) lets me relax and not worry so much about making it happen and making sure I don't miss opportunities. I have had partners get frustrated by this need and say they would rather not be tied down by plans. I have never lived my life this way out of necessity, so I can't relate to it, and don't feel secure with it much. However, to be fair, I have had a few spontaneous scenes that were absolutely incredible.

So I think the key is a balance between the two. Expecting every scene to be planned in advance could become quite dull for the bottom and almost smothering in expectations for the top. Not ever planning any scene can leave a bottom feeling unsure, and give the top more room to unintentionally neglect the bottom of time/attention they need without ever really realizing they are doing so, and lead to too many scenes being interupted and cut short for various reasons due to lack of planning of any type.

What I DO like, is a spontaneous twist to a planned scene. It gives me the best of both worlds.

I haven't a clue how much scene planning He does. What I do know is that He has a prodigous memory. The man doesn't forget anything. Sooooo, something I mentioned 2 days ago, or a link I sent 6 weeks ago, or something He saw or read 6 months and 3 days ago....all are fair game.

And that doesn't even include His plans for my personal limit pushing. I know He has plans for me there; I just don't know what they are. I trust Him to take me where I need to go, when I need to go there.

His planning feels very spontaneous to me....

~anelize

AnelizeDarkEyes said:

I haven't a clue how much scene planning He does. What I do know is that He has a prodigous memory. The man doesn't forget anything. Sooooo, something I mentioned 2 days ago, or a link I sent 6 weeks ago, or something He saw or read 6 months and 3 days ago....all are fair game.

And that doesn't even include His plans for my personal limit pushing. I know He has plans for me there; I just don't know what they are. I trust Him to take me where I need to go, when I need to go there.

His planning feels very spontaneous to me....

~anelize

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Mmmmm....now, this sounds so familiar. LOL.

C

AnelizeDarkEyes said:

I haven't a clue how much scene planning He does. What I do know is that He has a prodigous memory. The man doesn't forget anything. Sooooo, something I mentioned 2 days ago, or a link I sent 6 weeks ago, or something He saw or read 6 months and 3 days ago....all are fair game.

And that doesn't even include His plans for my personal limit pushing. I know He has plans for me there; I just don't know what they are. I trust Him to take me where I need to go, when I need to go there.

His planning feels very spontaneous to me....

~anelize

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Deja vu. I could have written this answer.

No time like the present.

Grab the toy bag and out the door.

Not much time. I come up with ideas spontaneously and not much setup is required. Most of my prep time is spent deciding what I want her to wear.

I don't plan, I plot


I do map out basic ideas for scenes (mostly to make sure I'll have what I want when I want) but I prefer just let things flow and read a boy, but I have some specific goal in mind. That's half the fun for me, reading and suprising the boy.


Miss Holly

AnelizeDarkEyes said:

I haven't a clue how much scene planning He does. What I do know is that He has a prodigous memory. The man doesn't forget anything. Sooooo, something I mentioned 2 days ago, or a link I sent 6 weeks ago, or something He saw or read 6 months and 3 days ago....all are fair game.

And that doesn't even include His plans for my personal limit pushing. I know He has plans for me there; I just don't know what they are. I trust Him to take me where I need to go, when I need to go there.

His planning feels very spontaneous to me....

~anelize

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If it matters, anelize's reply is pretty much the ideal of what I strive for. Not sure if I get there but it would be my goal.

I'm only new to the whole BDSM scene and have found that spontaneity is the best way to learn as I go along. At the beginning it would just develop from sex into "the game" as we went along.

Since having quite a lot of discussions about it since we like to talk about ideas and thoughts that we are interested in which gives me something to work with. We don't set anything in concrete and prefer to go with the flow.

The couple of times that we have planned out what's going to happen - it's fallen in a heap and i've had to change the whole scene.

But do whatever works best for you!

i have NO clue, it all feels "in the moment" to me.

here is just an example (with some back ground):
about 6 weeks ago i got an IM from Daddy, in which He told me He was very ill and that basically i needed to venture off on my own, i was given no details. so for the past 6 weeks i have gone thru everything emotion and mind set possible - hasn't been a pleasant time to be me. so for 6 weeks i have had no contact with Daddy at all.
yesterday morning i go to work to find out the upstairs boiler is broken, GREAT, i go about my morning duties. i get a call from 1 of the top dogs about 30 minutes before i am to leave, he tells me he needs me to stick around because he has somebody coming to look at the boiler and i need to be there because i have keys, i protested "but J i have to go home and shower and change i have to be back here for my 2nd shift in 2 hours". OK i'll wait the phone rings again i pick it up and i hear "Hello Young Lady" (the look on my face at this point had to be priceless) it's my Daddy, "I'm coming to look at the boiler, the top dog said you will be there for alittle bit longer", now i am tripping over my own tongue in shock, fear and confusion trying to get a word out, i don't think i even said a word, a few huh's, an uh-huh or 2 and a bbbbye is all i could muster up.
ok so He shows up to look at the boiler, everything is fine for about 15 minutes, everyday chit chat nothing unusual. W/we get up to the 3rd floor He is looking at the boiler, turning knobs and pressing buttons, i am just standing there in a total state of confusion because i haven't heard from Him in 6 weeks and He is acting like nothing.
i took my eyes off of Him for a second, next thing i know i am spun around 180° by my ear and my face is pushed into the wall, and it began... spankings, against the wall, OTK, inner thighs clawed, my breath kept from me, all the while His voice dug deeper into my head.
planned? i don't think so, i don't believe any scene He and i have ever had has had any more planning than "hmmmmm, this new crop needs to be tested"
in the end i did ended up finding out about the illness, the lack of contact and His need to protect me from it all.

Some things must be carefully planned. A surprise has to be prepared ahead of time to keep it responsible.


For instance, I have a small switchblade knife prepared for knifeplay. It needed to seem real for the submissive but safe so nothing bad can happen. It is actually a just a novelty gift with a lighter and switchblade knife. The blade is less than 5 cm long and dull as can be.

But it does pop like a real switchblade knife!

So I tested it out. I put it on my own forearm and it was dull. Pressed down hard...nothing. But if I pressed down hard and then moved it "up" to slightly stretch the skin, it simulated the feel of having a sharp knife. But without any danger of injuries. And no, I don't like touching myself with a knife but how else can I confirm that it is safe?

But yes, the first time I pull this knife out and use it....yeah, it will seem fairly spontaneous and unplanned. Nevermind that it took me a while to think of it and then some time to get the hang of it.

Another example: For the "chain trick", I will need to go buy the chain and prior to use inspect it for rough edges and boil it for cleanliness.


I consider these preparations and some can be quite time consuming. Much longer than the actual scene itself.

Anything from 5 minutes to about 10 hours planning per scene.

This is hard to explain, but I like an amount of theatricality! So, I probably spend about an hour per scene working out what may or may not happen - and then there are missions to scout out locations (unless they're at home!), time spent making props or costume or set-dressing or toys.

But there's never anything set in stone. Planning gives you a start and a direction, but then it has to be about possibilities and the dom/top needs top be responsive to the lucky sub/victim/bottom's reactions.

Most of the time, he is playing off of his immediate needs, no thought beforehand or at most the command to lay out our toys before he gets home. I get the feeling that a great deal of that will be tempered by age and familiarity with my permanent presence here, and I'm mostly glad for that---I like the thrill of spontaneous beatings, but I do prefer the alternative. Like serijules said, knowing that he thinks about me and wants to most effectively meet his desires is a powerful aphrodisiac to me.

Plus, the best times we've had have been thought out beforehand. Spontaneity usually means he's orgasm-driven. Plotting means I'm going to get really hurt. And yes, I can tell, because in random conversation or activity he will laugh wickedly at some private thought. For the rest of the day, I'm left in a combination of dread and excitement.

Arkontheroof said:

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Ain't that the truth!!!

I put a great deal of thought and preparation into most scenes. I want to make sure I hit all the buttons I am trying to hit. I want her breathless and shaking by the end.

This is master control

Of course I plan. Plan, fantasize, Plan some more. I am the "DIRECTOR'. This is my movie! I am responsible. Responsible for the scene, the safety the whole evening. I do leave tons of room for things to just happen; of course. Once a scene begins it changes by a long shot. I don't follow a tight script, it is more a list of things that need to be explored for the submissive as part of the training. When these things happen changes as we play off each other. Her giving changes the timing. I like to let a submissive have lots of time to play their own part as well. This is a fantastic part of the tension. I enjoy bringing her to a point of ecstacy then withdraw, see how she plays with it. It becomes a wonderful dance. At this stage we are co-creating our scene. Yes I plan and control the framework, but it becomes a mutual improvisation. For me this is a huge part of the turn on. Seeing how the submissive reacts to my direction. I am always very, very aware of the ammount of control I am using. It is like music. The pauses and silences are just as important as the notes. To me the best scenes are those that take on that wonderful energy of there own. Where both and Dom and Submissive find themselves on new unexplored territory. Subs have sub space, I I have my dom space. Sureal....clear.....blissful. It is like runners high! Cut! Thats a wrap. Print it.