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The Limits We Thought We Had...Forever?!!

catalina_francisco

catalina_francisco

Happily insatiable always
Joined
Jul 29, 2002
Posts
18,730
In my browsing of old threads, and newer, I have noticed how quick most of us are to at some point say, ''That is a limit I have and will never cross', only to find as time passes we happily or not so happily do decide to cross them off the list. I have long since learned my lesson and try to never say these words anymore, especially around a certain Dominant who now has the responsibility of telling me what my limits will and will not be!! LOL. Thought it might be interesting to see how far we have come in crossing limits we never dreamt we could or would, and the benefits to us if any.

One of mine was breath play which was largely fear based. I had been in circumstances twice where someone had tried to strangle me, once as a child and once as an adult. I also had an experience where a childhood playmate decided it might be fun to see if she could drown me. So I had valid reason to have this block in my head that said 'no way', or so I thought. I am happy to realise, though I still have difficulties at times, through building trust and understanding Master has been able to elliminate a lot of the fear which had reflected in so many parts of my life, inhibiting my experiences of reality. So for me it was an unexpected positive move.

Catalina
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I remember the list I had at the beginning....before I had any experience, LOL, and before Him. Big difference. I couldn't trust random play partners to take such uncommon care of my mental, physical, and emotional health. I had to be much more proactive, and protective of myself, hence, my limits were much more detailed, and protective....and my experiences much more limited. I learned, but I didn't experience the full depth and breadth of what I have in this relationship. They are two different things entirely.

My limits, today, are virtually nonexistent. They are more like mutual understandings. Things He doesn't care to do, that match the things I don't care to do. It works. Doms have limits too. Imagine that. He thoroughly enjoys poking and prodding at all the nooks and crannies that once were untouchable...because He can. Because I trust Him to. Trust. What a mighty thing.

Still fuckin' amazes me. Probably always will. :D

~anelize
 
I gotta say the same thing. The faith and trust I have in Snooze has changed my limits. Now, my limits are the things He doesn't care to do. Everything else is fair game. Fortunately, we are pretty much in sync with the things that don't interest us. That helps. But, there are things that I would do for Him that I never would have considered for another man.
 
M has plenty of limits, and plenty of things are those I don't care to do to him.

There are other things that I like to do, but don't do to him because I don't think it's going to really get him anywhere he needs to go, and I do them to other people and still get my jollies.

Then there are things I know it's safe but difficult to press a bit.

My own limits expand and also contract depending on the needs of the relationship and what needs to happen. I take a fister's mentality with limits, a pretty patient and laid back attitude that things open when they are ready.
 
there are certian things I never thought I would be able to handle, wasn't even interested in (or so I thought) because I was so willing to just say no. Now I have learned that when I immediately say no to something, I need to stop, and understand why i am saying no...is it because it is something that genuinely doesn't interest me, or is it because I am worried about trying something new, or perhaps (a big deal for me) scared of losing control. That is my biggest issue...I may accept change, and new things, but I will usually put up a fight before i do so, especially if it involves somethign whereby I am willingly giving up control. I learned that by examining my limits and the reason for them I was (and am) able to broaden my horizons and give more of myself to my partner, which of course makes things more enjoyable for everyone...
 
Thanks for all who have shared their experiences and ideas on limits and how we overcome them, live with them, survive them. I can so identify with what you say, hurtme. I am working on my reactions when I am challenged to overcome something I previously could not consider. I find I immediately over react, go through the Í can't do that', hover between depression and withdrawal at times, and then eventually come to my senses and accept I will do it as it is what will make him happy. As you say though, it is a matter of exploring why we react in the way we do, and for me at times, to the most simple of requests. I can jump wholeheartedly at things others would run from, and yet break down over a simple request most would not blink before fulfilling. It is what I like about pushing those limits besides the challenge, it opens up hidden rooms within my psyche that I often thought had been cleared of all it's cobwebs and dust. Seems there are lessons in everything.

Catalina:rose:
 
We've reciently graduated from hand spankings to paddle spankings... and I've found that I am starting to need it, hunger for it more and more.
I thought it was only going to be an occasional thing to do ... a phase.
I now have no idea where I am headed, I thought I had such a firm grasp and how I'm learning that this is just scraping the surface. (pardon the pun)
 
BlueSugar said:
We've reciently graduated from hand spankings to paddle spankings... and I've found that I am starting to need it, hunger for it more and more.
I thought it was only going to be an occasional thing to do ... a phase.
I now have no idea where I am headed, I thought I had such a firm grasp and how I'm learning that this is just scraping the surface. (pardon the pun)
Click to expand...


LOL....could this addiction we all discover and share be the first healthy one in time?!!

C
 
haha, that made me laugh out loud in the library... if I do that one more time here I think they're going to kick me out (i've been here since 12:30... its 3:00...)

as long as it doesn't get to "and you bleed just to know you're alive" status... I think I'm going to enjoy this addiction to the fullest.
 
BlueSugar said:
haha, that made me laugh out loud in the library... if I do that one more time here I think they're going to kick me out (i've been here since 12:30... its 3:00...)

as long as it doesn't get to "and you bleed just to know you're alive" status... I think I'm going to enjoy this addiction to the fullest.
Click to expand...

Oh no, you bleed çause it feels so damned good sometimes!! LOL.

Catalina:p
 
Thought it might be interesting to see how far we have come in crossing limits we never dreamt we could or would, and the benefits to us if any.

[/B]
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I had always said I could never go pick a switch off a tree, that was a regular thing in my house when I was a kid and I despised it. Well suffice to say, Master keeps my switch on the top of the bookcase, not only did I go pick it off the tree, but will struggle to reach the top of the bookcase to retrieve it when told to do so. I guess what in the begining seems a hard limit, with time, trust and understanding can become an opportunity for growth.

:)
 
catalina_francisco said:
Oh no, you bleed çause it feels so damned good sometimes!! LOL.

Catalina:p
Click to expand...

well yes, theres that... of course. :devil: But I mean just to ::stops:: you all know what I mean. oi. :rolleyes:
 
Some of the limits that I have crossed off my list are:

facial cum shots
gagging
whipping my breasts and pussy

There are others, but these ones were rooted in painful memories. He has built me up so much in the last two years that, now I know those things aren't damaging to me... I am strong enough to know the difference between what was done in the past, and what His intentions with me are. He has made me confident in Him and His judgement. *smile* While I can't say I would let just anyone do those things to me, He can, and does, and when He is finished with those actions, He has always cared for me and held me, and made me believe Him, His intentions, and His love.

It's rather a wonderful feeling. I don't really have any limits that He would ask me to cross anymore. I have those obvious ones of paedo, necro, scat, etc, but I know that is not His bag, anyway. Anything He would ask me... I believe I would do for Him.

It's really liberating... *smile*
 
IMHO there are hard limits, and there are comfort limits.

I know for a fact that I will NEVER play with animals, drugs,or children...PERIOD...these are my hard limits and define who I am as a person. These are the lines that I will refuse to cross, regardless of how I feel about my Domme(s)

As for comfort limits, these are the limits I'm not ready to cross at this time in my life, will these change, yes, everyone grows and changes.

I know my Domme(s)'s limits, and they match mine, if they didn't I wouldn't have accepted the training collar. They respect my limits as much as I respect theirs.

My comfort limits have already been compromised:p and I accept the changes in my thinking. Karen and Holly are my Dommes, and as their boy it is my duty to keep them happy.

Trust plays a major part in changing your comfort limits, I know that if I didn't feel safe or comforted by their choices, I have the freedom to leave the relationship, and seek another Domme.
 
I thought about posting here before, but due to some outside problems, couldn't get my thoughts in order until now ...

Somewhere in here, someone mentioned that Dom/mes have limits & that was discussed somewhat, and of course now I can't find who said what *grumble* but you all know that it's there...

Anyway, it's definately true - we have our various limits for various reasons. There is no play with urine, feces, or blood, we don't participate in beastiality, don't play with jailbait, etc ... and we have our reasons for all of it. Those are the limits that we will not budge on, no matter how nicely the boy begs (and I am a sucker for a cute boy, on his knees at my feet, begging me for something), but we have other limits that might be more flexible - like our ghosstie said above, our "comfort limits" vs. our "hard limits". Our comfort limits are more along the lines of things that don't do anything for us, so we don't do them, but if the boy really wants to do them, we will allow it - crossdressing is one example - doesn't turn us on, but more than one boy that we have talked to has been into it & was cute about it, so we would allow it ... Beyond that, we will have to see what our limits are/are not.
 
The only limits i have ever had are necrophilia, children and animals. That is not to say that i did not think long and hard on the third idea before deciding it was a hard limit. Fantasizing about doing something and actually doing it ARE 2 different things.

When it comes to pain/sensation play...i have yet to discover a limit. I have done some knife and breath play along with other things and have yet to find something about each thing (from being sliced with a razor to being strangled) that did not set me off or get me going.

The limits i have, comfort wise, are solely based on the amount of trust I have in the person. Honestly, trust is not a factor when it comes to a meeting between Sadist and masochist (at least for me). The trust issue only happens when i meet someone that i want to give every part of me to, including my submission.

MY limits are me...and i am sure that eventually i will find someone (if i have not all ready) who will expand my comfort zone to the point that my hard limits are all i have left. I eagerly await that day...

pet:rose:
 
I'm glad this topic got bumped. I've been MIA and wouldn't have seen it otherwise.

I'm very happy to say that alot of my previous limits have been bent or in some cases broken.

Most of them were based on fear or in some cases I felt like whatever it was was "too dirty" and that if I partipated my lover wouldn't be able to respect me when we weren't playing. So far I've gotten over hang-ups with: Anal Play, Breath Play, Long-term bondage and Sensory Deprivation. We've taken them each very slowly and I'm glad to see the phobias gone. Even more importantly I'm glad that I'm able to approach the things he enjoys without fear. I know he'll take care of me and that I'm his biggest concern.

Ms B
 
Ms_Black said:
I'm glad this topic got bumped. I've been MIA and wouldn't have seen it otherwise.

I'm very happy to say that alot of my previous limits have been bent or in some cases broken.

Most of them were based on fear or in some cases I felt like whatever it was was "too dirty" and that if I partipated my lover wouldn't be able to respect me when we weren't playing. So far I've gotten over hang-ups with: Anal Play, Breath Play, Long-term bondage and Sensory Deprivation. We've taken them each very slowly and I'm glad to see the phobias gone. Even more importantly I'm glad that I'm able to approach the things he enjoys without fear. I know he'll take care of me and that I'm his biggest concern.

Ms B
Click to expand...

That's beautiful. It is so reassuring to know you can trust the other to think past their desires and needs to encompass our welfare in the long term. I know for us, he has lead me into areas I never felt possible for me, one of those being cutting. Was definately one of those hard limits I never thought would be breeched, but knowing how seriously he took the safety factors, how much he cared for me as a slave and his responsibility, and how skilfully he lead me through the steps until he knew the time was right, have al helped in being able to achieve those once feared heights.

Catalina :rose:
 
I used to have limits.

Now I don't have limits. She's gotten me past every one I had, and the ones I used to think I would have (breath play, etc) while I may not desire them, are not limits any longer.

That applys to Dawnie only, but since she's the only one I'm allowed to play with, more needs not to be said.

I will add though that I don't consider doing children and animals limits, I consider them crimes. I would no sooner mention them as a limit than I would murder. I find the fact that so many people DO mention them as limits a tad disturbing.
 
I don't have any limit changes to tell about, but I do have a question. Has it happened to anyone here that things you considered well inside your limits changed to being limits? If yes, was there any outside reason for this, or 'just' psychology? Are those things you thought in fantasy as no limits, or things you practised often and then they became limits?
 
serijules said:
I will add though that I don't consider doing children and animals limits, I consider them crimes. I would no sooner mention them as a limit than I would murder. I find the fact that so many people DO mention them as limits a tad disturbing.
Click to expand...

Ah I think a lot mention them in an affort to prove 'no limits' is a fantasy, and others mention them because of such conversations and the desire to cover themselves before someone asks the inevitable question. :catroar:

Catalina :rose:
 
chris9 said:
I don't have any limit changes to tell about, but I do have a question. Has it happened to anyone here that things you considered well inside your limits changed to being limits? If yes, was there any outside reason for this, or 'just' psychology? Are those things you thought in fantasy as no limits, or things you practised often and then they became limits?
Click to expand...

In a way, yes, though they became limits he imposed more so than I asked for as we are in a 'no limits' relationship. The main one was bondage and seemed to be a psychological subconscious reaction to my father's suicide.....my reactions were off the wall for awhile so he gave it a wide berth, then began to gently lead me back to feeling OK with what had previously never been a problem. I am happy to say it seems to be in the past now with no panic attacks etc., being triggered.

Catalina :rose:
 
catalina_francisco said:
Ah I think a lot mention them in an affort to prove 'no limits' is a fantasy, and others mention them because of such conversations and the desire to cover themselves before someone asks the inevitable question. :catroar:

Catalina :rose:
Click to expand...


I understand, but I still find it disturbing LOL. Proving that "no limits" is a fantasy is unnecessary in my opinion. I would hope that most people would realize that "no limits" is based on common sense. If I say I have no limits, I often have immature twits throwing back at me "so you would murder someone if your Owner told you to?" Is that common sense? It's not even a matter of preference and desire like most fetishes, it's friggin ILLEGAL. As are acts involving children, etc.

And why do people even ASK? I know many many people in the lifestyle, I have yet to meet *ANYONE* into children or animals. The ones I have heard of are in jail for it. It isn't a fetish, it's a crime. It's a disgrace to BDSM IMO, to constantly lump it in with the things we do.

Rhetorical questions, btw.
 
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