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Old Yesterday, 07:50 PM   #1
LaRascasse
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Yet another lesbian story by yours truly

This one's different, I swear. I have tried the uniquely difficult combination of female first person present tense, all three of which are new to me.

Here's the link -> https://www.literotica.com/s/on-lovi...lawed-creation

Any constructive critique or feedback is welcome on the plot, characters, setting, style anything worth commenting on.

I look forward to it
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In the midst of hate, I found there was, within me, an invincible love.
In the midst of tears, I found there was, within me, an invincible smile.
In the midst of chaos, I found there was, within me, an invincible calm.
I realized, through it all, thatů
In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.
-Albert Camus
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Old Yesterday, 09:07 PM   #2
electricblue66
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"Different, I swear..."

That's a masterful under statement, right there. I don't know what to say, frankly. Powerfully written but powerfully disturbing as well.... The writerly stuff certainly took a back seat to the sting in the tail.
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Old Yesterday, 09:28 PM   #3
Areala-chan
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Read and commented. Damn...! That's all I'm gonna say.
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Old Today, 03:26 PM   #4
LaRascasse
I dream, therefore I am
 
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Thanks for the comments. How did the first person female come off?

Also, I intentionally left a few clues and dialogues which would read differently in light of the final reveal. Did they work?
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My stories in case you are interested. Offbeat, unconventional and just a bit dark. Just a bit, I swear


In the midst of hate, I found there was, within me, an invincible love.
In the midst of tears, I found there was, within me, an invincible smile.
In the midst of chaos, I found there was, within me, an invincible calm.
I realized, through it all, thatů
In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.
-Albert Camus
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Old Today, 06:12 PM   #5
Areala-chan
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LaRascasse View Post
Thanks for the comments. How did the first person female come off?

Also, I intentionally left a few clues and dialogues which would read differently in light of the final reveal. Did they work?
IMO, it came off great. I checked your profile afterwards to see if you were a woman IRL, and was pleasantly surprised to see you were the rare breed of guy who can write women like actual people.

And yeah, a second read-through shows a LOT of stuff in a totally different light. You hit every note just right.
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