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Old 12-30-2015, 04:54 AM   #1
kjane
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New story (taboo): The Invitation

I have a new one up:

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-invitation-21

Feedback of any kind will be most welcome, preferably on the story site.

Sincerely,

Jane
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Old 12-30-2015, 03:18 PM   #2
Tigersman
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I read your story clear through. At the beginning during the trip to the campsite you mention 'deserts.' as someone who has travelled in the Northwest, I do not recall any deserts outside of Arizona, New Mexico, and Nevada.

I also noticed when you described the sleeping arrangements the first night, you switched names. Instead of saying Greg, Matt and Debbie you said Gary, Matt and Debbie.

Other than these two things I enjoyed the story, even the ending.
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Old 01-06-2016, 02:13 PM   #3
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I gave you some feedback on my review thread here.
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Old 02-02-2016, 08:31 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tigersman View Post
I read your story clear through. At the beginning during the trip to the campsite you mention 'deserts.' as someone who has travelled in the Northwest, I do not recall any deserts outside of Arizona, New Mexico, and Nevada.
It may only be a technical desert, but there is one that stretches from central BC, Canada down to Mexico. Yes, there is desert in Canada.
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Old 02-02-2016, 09:04 PM   #5
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I didn't score your story or leave a comment or read past the initial paragraphs. If the writing doesn't grab me I stop reading. I did the same with Madame Bovary. Bovary is a masterpiece and bored me. Earlier I picked up an old book by Lawrence Block and read almost half of it before I knew what happened. The book isn't a masterpiece and its AMAZON score is like TWO Stars. So there's no rhyme nor reason to my opinion. Keep this in mind when readers offer comments.
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Old 02-05-2016, 06:09 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tigersman View Post
I read your story clear through. At the beginning during the trip to the campsite you mention 'deserts.' as someone who has travelled in the Northwest, I do not recall any deserts outside of Arizona, New Mexico, and Nevada.

I also noticed when you described the sleeping arrangements the first night, you switched names. Instead of saying Greg, Matt and Debbie you said Gary, Matt and Debbie.

Other than these two things I enjoyed the story, even the ending.
I assure you, Oregon and California both have deserts
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Old 02-05-2016, 04:27 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JLCC View Post
It may only be a technical desert, but there is one that stretches from central BC, Canada down to Mexico. Yes, there is desert in Canada.
I know about your desert area as I rode through it in June of 2005 on my motorcycle. I got caught in rain then.
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Old 02-05-2016, 04:36 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lowphat View Post
I assure you, Oregon and California both have deserts
I've not ridden in California yet. I did ride from Boise to Portland, then north to Seattle to Port Angelo and didn't see desert. I have ridden from the Canadian desert to Spokane then east to South Dakota, still no desert, all on motorcycle.
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Old 02-05-2016, 05:00 PM   #9
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Rather than argue about, why donít you just look it up?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/High_Desert_%28Oregon%29

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deserts_of_California
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Old 02-05-2016, 05:28 PM   #10
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This is one of the things I get a kick out of here. Person asks for feedback on a 10k story and the discussion is about is their a desert to drive through.
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Old 02-05-2016, 05:56 PM   #11
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Believability is a legitimate discussion point. It just need not come up of the one challenging believability does the research first. That's what ticks me--question something that can quickly be verified in a google search.
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Old 02-05-2016, 05:58 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sr71plt View Post
Believability is a legitimate discussion point. It just need not come up of the one challenging believability does the research first. That's what ticks me--question something that can quickly be verified in a google search.
But now you're asking for effort in the instant gratification it should all be spelled out for me generation.

IT wouldn't be a speed bump for me, at least not enough of one for it to be all I would take away from a story.
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Old 02-05-2016, 08:53 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sr71plt View Post
I've always thought of central Oregon and Washington as deserts, but that Wikipedia article actually says that the Oregon "desert" is really only a desert compared to the areas to its east and west. It is actually classified as scrubland or steppe and would be considered semi-arid based on an average rainfall of 15 inches/year.

For most people I think scrubland would be a desert even if it gets 15 inches rain/year. It's all relative. Where I live we get ~9.5 inches per year. That is arid and places that get 15 inches/year may not look like desert to me.
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