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Old 01-26-2015, 05:18 PM   #1
Rikrocks
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Smile My First Story - Trinity's Continuing Education

I've been fan of Literotica for years. I grew up reading Penthouse Forum and other magazines that actually required you to read. Anyway, this is my first published story and I would love some feedback. If your looking for hardcore grinding sex, this is not the story for you. If you're looking for a little voyeurism with some creative fantasy, you may find this interesting. I wrote it about an ex girlfriend who actually made this trip. The story I describe is my fantasy and she had massive orgasms after reading it. Feedback please.

Trinity's Continuing Education
http://www.literotica.com/s/trinitys...uing-education
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Old 01-26-2015, 07:55 PM   #2
sr71plt
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I thought it was fine for a first, one-experience story. It could have been more fine, I think, if you'd dropped the pretense that she wasn't there to have a sexual experience (the way she dressed, how quickly she fell into the tease for it) and devised a more believable reason why a hotel would naturally provide a sensual massage (maybe her winding up at a shadier hotel than she'd realized--which could have led to a longer story with more interesting encounters). Or you could have pushed a bit more on how/why she'd have an orgiastic response to what wasn't meant to be a sexy massage. (You seemed to be flip flopping on this point.)

It has some of the usual technical mistakes (e.g., incorrect hyphenation, lack of serial comma, some punctuation problems) of most stories here, but I didn't find them intrusive. There will be some who will slam you for use of the bra cup measurement, but I won't.
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