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Old 04-09-2014, 11:35 AM   #1
Bettyspages
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Smile My first story: erotic couplings

http://www.literotica.com/s/sarah-an...-sexuality-lab

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Sarah and the Human Sexuality Lab

Mf, oral, college, doctor, consensual
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Old 04-09-2014, 02:04 PM   #2
Bert_Fegg
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Originally Posted by Bettyspages View Post
http://www.literotica.com/s/sarah-an...-sexuality-lab

Me:Bettyspages

Sarah and the Human Sexuality Lab

Mf, oral, college, doctor, consensual

It has a few typos. The whole medical/examination scenario doesn't really do it for me, but it was written well enough. I'd recommend an editor next time though.
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Old 04-09-2014, 02:29 PM   #3
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It has a few typos. The whole medical/examination scenario doesn't really do it for me, but it was written well enough. I'd recommend an editor next time though.
Is there a way to change your story after it's approved? I just saw those.
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Old 04-09-2014, 02:35 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by Bettyspages View Post
Is there a way to change your story after it's approved? I just saw those.
Yes, you do whatever corrections you want and resubmit the story with "Edit" behind the title and an explanation that you want to substitute files in the "Notes" box. It takes the same time for the substitute to happen as it took the original story to post and your comments/votes/reads statistics are preserved.
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Old 04-09-2014, 02:48 PM   #5
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Thank you!
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Old 04-10-2014, 04:48 AM   #6
robertreams
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hi Betty, I agree with Pilot. It can be difficult for a writer to edit his own work because we are so concerned with content we miss the piddly typos. That happens to me even if I read the story four times. Each time I improve the story, and miss some typos.

That said, the whole Dr. thing doesn't turn me on, so you don't get too high marks on my peter meter. The story is fairly well wrtten and you have a recognizable style. (very important, I think)

Not everyone agrees with these ideas, but here is some other input:

We all catch ourselves, "Starting". "He started to cum." or "He started to play with my tits."Did he ever finish?

Avoid 'just', and "still". they make one's writing sound like the work of hillbillies. Also "Lots"

Be careful with "and" it should be used only to join equal words or ideas. Peas and carrots. This sentence is poor: He lifted my skirt and entered me roughly from behind." Obviously "lifting. . ." is less important in the sentence than , enterd. . . so one should not use "and" but should write something like this: Lifting my skirt, he. . .

If you find yourself using "and" often you are most probably writing run-ons. Keep in mind there is nothing wrong with short sentences, especially when a writer wants the action to speed up.
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Old 04-11-2014, 10:14 AM   #7
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Thanks for your feedback! Hmmm.....well apparently he did finish. Did you read the last part of the story? ha.

I was thinking this story would be more for women readers but I don't see many of them on here.
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Old 04-11-2014, 03:06 PM   #8
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It was a good read, quick and easy. I don't love the examining room set though, but to each his own. Keep the stories coming.
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Old 04-11-2014, 03:32 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by Bettyspages View Post
Thanks for your feedback! Hmmm.....well apparently he did finish. Did you read the last part of the story? ha.

I was thinking this story would be more for women readers but I don't see many of them on here.
There are female readers. The boards can sometimes seem like a bit of a boys club, but there are women even in these testosterone-laced waters.
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Old 04-11-2014, 06:02 PM   #10
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What ROBERT means is, he'll piss his pants if no one reminds him to go to the restroom after the group sing and bread pudding at The Home.
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Old 04-11-2014, 09:57 PM   #11
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A boys club? Wouldn't that entail the boys getting along?
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Old 04-11-2014, 11:24 PM   #12
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A boys club? Wouldn't that entail the boys getting along?
Have you ever know boys to get along with so few women to go around?
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Old 04-11-2014, 11:40 PM   #13
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They get grumpy here when they find out the "woman" they are cultivating, isn't.
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Old 04-11-2014, 11:40 PM   #14
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My next story will cater to the men like a stripper who's late on rent.
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Old 04-12-2014, 11:14 AM   #15
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Generally I enjoyed the story and the set-up a lot. It was well written and kept me interested in exactly what was going to happen. For a first time effort I thought it was very good.

There's a couple of things I think you could have done to make the story a little believable.

Firstly the notice she reads to take part in the study doesn't really mention that its a sexual study and when she phones up the women suddenly starts asking her questions about her sex life without any kind of lead-up. If you add a few words to the notice about "study of female sexuality" or looking for "open-minded, sexually active" participants and have the woman on the phone stress this, then it becomes a little more believable. (There are some nice other touches of believablilty in it, like having the heroine phone up to make sure the place is legit)

Secondly more could have been made of the fact that she is a psychology major. Obviously her tutor is researching sexuality, but during the time that he is lecturing and talking about her thesis, there is no hint particularly that he's talking about sexuality (on the other hand there's no strong confirmation that he's talking about ordinary stuff). It might make either character more interesting if we knew a little bit more about their research.

One thing I would personally avoid is having him call her 'a slut', some sex talk is fine, but it seems out of place given that they've just gone from subject/researcher to lovers.

Finally the sex turns from clinical research into a more straight-forward sex scene. So what makes the story initially interesting is kind of abandoned by the end. It might be nice to keep a bit of that researcher/research vibe going a bit to the end (they kind of do joke around a bit about this at the end). Also she mentions that she wanted to have sex with him when she was his student but was worried about the fallout of a teacher/student relationship scandal, this seems to have been forgotten a bit by the end.

(I've just joined as a member of the site myself after reading it on and off for years, so hope I haven't been to critical here, will hopefully be posting my own stories soon once they are finished.)
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Old 04-12-2014, 12:21 PM   #16
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Red are you male or female? Thanks for your feedback!
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Old 04-12-2014, 12:25 PM   #17
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They get grumpy here when they find out the "woman" they are cultivating, isn't.
Well I guess for some people that's part of the appeal of giving feedback and assistance. Is there not enough GLBT action around here to keep people from pretending to be something they aren't for attention?
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Old 04-12-2014, 12:35 PM   #18
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Well I guess for some people that's part of the appeal of giving feedback and assistance. Is there not enough GLBT action around here to keep people from pretending to be something they aren't for attention?
Sorry, you've lost me in the relevance of GLBT action to any of this. Is this something I was supposed to chuckle over when reading it?
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Old 04-12-2014, 01:20 PM   #19
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I'm male, but enjoy reading stories from a female perspective.
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Old 04-12-2014, 01:42 PM   #20
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Sorry, you've lost me in the relevance of GLBT action to any of this. Is this something I was supposed to chuckle over when reading it?
Maybe I misunderstood? I thought you were saying that men get upset when they think they are talking to a woman but it turns out to be a man. I don't get why someone would pretend to be a woman, just go hang out in the GBLT section if same sex attention is what they want.
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Old 04-12-2014, 01:45 PM   #21
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I'm male, but enjoy reading stories from a female perspective.
Thanks for clarifying. Hmmm maybe I should add that she liked being called a slut.
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Old 04-12-2014, 02:29 PM   #22
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Thanks for clarifying. Hmmm maybe I should add that she liked being called a slut.
Is it important to you that such language is used? If it is, thats fine, there are always specific things that people feel they must have in their stories. However it doesn't really match the character of a cultured doctor, who starts out being clinical, that they are suddenly going to use that kind of rough language.

You can have the heroine ask to be called names, and make it clear that's what she wants. Could you rewrite the story so verbal abuse is part of the psychological test? So maybe they make love once with tender supportive language and once with abusive language? Or maybe her thesis is about women who are aroused by dirty talk, so the doctor already knows what she likes?
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Old 04-12-2014, 02:33 PM   #23
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Is it important to you that such language is used? If it is, thats fine, there are always specific things that people feel they must have in their stories. However it doesn't really match the character of a cultured doctor, who starts out being clinical, that they are suddenly going to use that kind of rough language.

You can have the heroine ask to be called names, and make it clear that's what she wants. Could you rewrite the story so verbal abuse is part of the psychological test? So maybe they make love once with tender supportive language and once with abusive language? Or maybe her thesis is about women who are aroused by dirty talk, so the doctor already knows what she likes?
Well first of all, Sarah is an undergrad so she isn't doing any research. She's just the subject.
Second I really like the idea that he's very professional and nice and then when they get into a sexual situation he's actually the opposite. Maybe it's just me, I actually like that kind of thing.
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Old 04-12-2014, 03:05 PM   #24
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Well first of all, Sarah is an undergrad so she isn't doing any research. She's just the subject.
Second I really like the idea that he's very professional and nice and then when they get into a sexual situation he's actually the opposite. Maybe it's just me, I actually like that kind of thing.
Ok, sorry in their meeting they talk about a "thesis", but rereading it I guess you mean the thesis of an essay rather than an PhD thesis. My bad.

If you are going to write him as a 'strong' character like that, their meeting seems quite co-incidental. He is obviously happy that she comes to do the research, but is it worth finding a way to suggest that he has arranged the meeting in some way? (by having one of his friends suggest she apply or something) That way he comes across as more of an alpha male and potentially more dominant?
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Old 04-12-2014, 03:09 PM   #25
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A thesis is for a Master Degree. A dissertation is for a Ph.D. (Sorry, I'm not following the discussion, but I saw this and it seemed to be some sort of sticking point).
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