Originally Posted by Cece1090
So I'm having a bit of a problem And really don't know who to talk to about it. My husband and I explore the Dom/Sub lifestyle strictly in our bedroom. He's clearly a dominate and most of the time being a submissive to him is equally pleasurable to me as well. Recently we have talked about having a threesome, which is completely fine with me. But he wants the girl and him to dominate me. Honestly, that vision in my head turns me on and pisses me off. Being his sub is one thing, but I'm not naturally submissive, I'm the one who leads the relationship, takes control, only with the exception of the bedroom. So the idea of being dominated by another woman literally makes me want to throw something through the wall. I've caught myself wondering that if I was ever with another woman whether I would be more of a dominate. The more I think about this situation the more I feel that I might be a switch, because sometimes even with him, i sometimes have this deep desire to show him who's really in charge. Any help on this would be greatly appreciated.
I can relate to this, being a switch myself. Whether or not I end up dominant or submissive in a relationship depends on a lot of things. I react differently to different people, and not everyone can bring submissive tendencies out in me. I have to have a lot of trust, a lot of respect, and also a willingness to be submissive has to be there as well.
So far I have never been willing to be submissive to a woman. And I have certain requirements in men, a mental checklist if you will that determines if a man is worthy or not (in my opinion). Dominance is a little more forgiving for me. I feel more.. playful with it, though that may sound incongruent. Submission to me is serious business, while dominance allows me to toy with others. I can't imagine being comfortable submitting to another woman, but I suppose it might be possible to negotiate if everything was right. My point being, this may not be for you.
All that said, I'm hoping this gives you a few things to think about and helps figure out your situation. Your husband may feel more playful about the arrangement. He may even find he is most comfortable with roll play. Or, supposing that he is more deeply engaged, I would say it would always be easier to dominate a stranger than to submit to one (from an internal standpoint).
Try asking him how he would feel submitting to someone outside of the relationship so he understands your side. Maybe ask a few more questions and see if he would consider having you and he be the dominant pair the first time. This could allow you to see what it is he wants out of the experience, and maybe you will find that you can be more accepting once you see what it looks like. Explain to him your misgivings, let him know you have to go very very slowly, or whatever it is that will make you comfortable. Make your own counter proposals, what would make you happy? Talk it over, work on understanding each other's perspectives more thoroughly and move slowly.
Beyond that I can only say come back here for additional discussions any time, and good luck to you