Old 05-14-2015, 07:33 PM   #1
Mae1991
Virgin
 
Mae1991 is offline
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 5
Advice?

This is my first post so take it easy on me. (Never thought I'd say that sentence .) anyways I've been married for almost 6 years and at first my hubby and I did ALOT of different things. Swing, 3 somes, lots of different bdsm activites, etc. But since we've had children things have changed.. I want to be a sub but not his :/ I don't like being under his authority and the thought of having a Dom (that's not my hubby) is beyond a turn on.. I want someone experienced that I can trust to not physically hurt me. My hubby would probably try to be a Dom but as I said I don't want him. Lol.. He doesn't know the extent of my interests or the dark places I want to be and I know he wouldn't be ok with most of it.. Anyone have experience with this? How do you handle it? I feel like I'm trapped within myself and get irritated every time he wants to have sex because it's not what I want!
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-14-2015, 08:12 PM   #2
MeekMe
!(◎_◎;)
 
MeekMe's Avatar
 
MeekMe is offline
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 1,833
I would think the simplest solution would be to just have an honest conversation with your husband about it. If you haven't told him you want these things than how would he know? Also, if you've done swinging and threesomes before, he may be receptive to an open relationship. I think you should just talk to him about it and see if there's a chance that you can both be satisfied with the relationship.
__________________
ψ(`∇)ψ
Sometimes, I wish I was an evil genius. Maybe a little taller, too.


There are a lot of ways to do it. How does your relationship work?
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-15-2015, 01:37 AM   #3
IrisAlthea
Literotica Guru
 
IrisAlthea's Avatar
 
IrisAlthea is offline
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,168
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mae1991 View Post
This is my first post so take it easy on me. (Never thought I'd say that sentence .) anyways I've been married for almost 6 years and at first my hubby and I did ALOT of different things. Swing, 3 somes, lots of different bdsm activites, etc. But since we've had children things have changed.. I want to be a sub but not his :/ I don't like being under his authority and the thought of having a Dom (that's not my hubby) is beyond a turn on.. I want someone experienced that I can trust to not physically hurt me. My hubby would probably try to be a Dom but as I said I don't want him. Lol.. He doesn't know the extent of my interests or the dark places I want to be and I know he wouldn't be ok with most of it.. Anyone have experience with this? How do you handle it? I feel like I'm trapped within myself and get irritated every time he wants to have sex because it's not what I want!
How long has it been sice you had children?
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-15-2015, 03:23 AM   #4
Mae1991
Virgin
 
Mae1991 is offline
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 5
I should have been more specific. When we were swinging it was always females. Same with the 3 somes. He would have a massive issue if I told him I was interested in a male . Last time I told him this (2yrs ago) he felt inadequate and I never heard the end of it. He always brought it up so I gave up on it ever happening. But now it seems like the urge is so strong and it's not that he doesn't please me I just want something different.. We started having kids 3 years ago. But I've always been into bdsm to a higher degree than him.
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-15-2015, 08:16 AM   #5
wicked woman
from my travels
 
wicked woman's Avatar
 
wicked woman is offline
Join Date: May 2003
Location: True north strong and free
Posts: 15,662
You still need to talk to him. Find a way to help him understand. Would have helped if the conversation of what's good for the geese is good for the gander was had before adding other women to your relationship occurred, but a bit late for that.

Perhaps sharing how you felt with the other women will help him with his feelings of inadequacy.
__________________
We are not primarily on earth to see through one another, but to see one another through."
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-15-2015, 03:20 PM   #6
kimuk
Proud to be owned by MM
 
kimuk is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: in my Masters heart x
Posts: 1,287
Have PM'd you
__________________
Sometimes time feels wasted. But it never is, as we learn all the time. We cannot turn it back. We should not regret it. But look forwards to the time which is yet to come. May it be filled with you Master
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-15-2015, 04:52 PM   #7
sarcasticmale
Experienced
 
sarcasticmale is offline
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 55
Just adding.....

I'm going to echo what has already been said...have an adult conversation.

I've been your husband, believe me it's not an easy conversation but it needs to happen especially if your desire is as strong for it as you say it is. For me anyway, it was better to have it in the open than going behind his back or for you just giving it up all together. I promise it will leach into other aspects of your life.
__________________
For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don't believe, no proof is possible.

Feel free to message me on KIK: cthomas7055

  Reply With Quote

Old 05-17-2015, 03:11 PM   #8
DarkerNeeds
Virgin
 
DarkerNeeds is offline
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 14
I can relate with a lot of what you said. We might be a good support for each other. I will PM you.
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-17-2015, 11:27 PM   #9
subwannabe
Literotica Guru
 
subwannabe is offline
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Southeast USA
Posts: 2,673
If you can't get his approval then your marriage has no chance. You are a fool if you think you can get a dom on the side and still keep your marriage. Might as well own up to it now and let the chips fall where they may.
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-18-2015, 02:33 AM   #10
DVS
I'm BAAAAACK
 
DVS's Avatar
 
DVS is offline
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Basking in the kinky Midwest
Posts: 11,041
Some of this advice is good and some of it is pretty harsh. I think you know what needs to be done, though. You can't go behind his back to find you a dom. That just won't work. And I do think your husband should understand your desire for another man, if you allowed him to have other women. That's just being fair.

I think you should be honest about it. If you had a version of an open marriage before the kids, there could be some of that atmosphere still available. Maybe he wants the same thing as you do and you can negotiate a deal with him. Maybe find a couple that will fulfill your desires as well as his. Sharing this with him is going to be easier for him to accept than just you going out to find you a dom on your own. Maybe that should be your plan of attack.
__________________
DVS

Electroplay is a shocking experience! My humor can be, too!
But my posts are all totally PC!! Well, kinda sorta


Devious Stories
Rules are not meant to be broken!
Some of my tunz are here, if you care to listen => currently 20+ songs and more to come
Is Raw Anal Lust a desire of yours? The full story "My New Boss" begins here<=
and here is the latest installment ==>08/17/10

Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill,
That we shall pay any price, bear any burden,
Meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe,
To assure the survival and success of liberty. -- John F. Kennedy
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-18-2015, 10:28 AM   #11
mrron
Personal Sex Coach
 
mrron is offline
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: western Canada, half way between Vancouver and Calgary
Posts: 10,347
Doms don't have to be male, and bdsm doesn't have to include sex although it will almost always tend have a sexual aspect to it. Have you and he explored that idea?
__________________
Mr. Ron
Gently Rounded for Easy Insertion
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-18-2015, 05:36 PM   #12
Mae1991
Virgin
 
Mae1991 is offline
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 5
Thanks for all the advice.. I know in my heart I need to tell him but I'm
Not there yet. In due time I guess the chips will fall where they fall. I'm just very confused on my feelings vs the real everyday world. Can I not keep this inside till my kids are older and then explore? Is it worth possibly breaking up my family?? This is eatting me from the inside out! Ive never had this many emotions rolling at once and it's fucking with my head.. Maybe I'll tell him some, see how he reacts and then go from there..
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-18-2015, 05:52 PM   #13
mrron
Personal Sex Coach
 
mrron is offline
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: western Canada, half way between Vancouver and Calgary
Posts: 10,347
.... Sorry, that sounded unecessarily harsh.
__________________
Mr. Ron
Gently Rounded for Easy Insertion

Last edited by mrron : 05-18-2015 at 05:54 PM.
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-18-2015, 08:48 PM   #14
DVS
I'm BAAAAACK
 
DVS's Avatar
 
DVS is offline
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Basking in the kinky Midwest
Posts: 11,041
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mae1991 View Post
Thanks for all the advice.. I know in my heart I need to tell him but I'm
Not there yet. In due time I guess the chips will fall where they fall. I'm just very confused on my feelings vs the real everyday world. Can I not keep this inside till my kids are older and then explore? Is it worth possibly breaking up my family?? This is eatting me from the inside out! Ive never had this many emotions rolling at once and it's fucking with my head.. Maybe I'll tell him some, see how he reacts and then go from there..
It's true, you could wait until your kids are older and more on their own, but I don't know how long that would be. And the older they are, they are more capable of handling divorce, but it's really never a good thing for kids. They get confused and feel guilty that they are the cause and no matter what you tell them, they still believe that.

You might bring up the topic of swinging again to see how he takes it. You could ask him what he thinks about that as well as asking his opinion on how old the kids need to be before that could happen. Just feel him out on some of the basics, and not throw everything out there at once. By the way he reacts, you might find out it's OK to tell him more and you also might find out it's best not to.
__________________
DVS

Electroplay is a shocking experience! My humor can be, too!
But my posts are all totally PC!! Well, kinda sorta


Devious Stories
Rules are not meant to be broken!
Some of my tunz are here, if you care to listen => currently 20+ songs and more to come
Is Raw Anal Lust a desire of yours? The full story "My New Boss" begins here<=
and here is the latest installment ==>08/17/10

Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill,
That we shall pay any price, bear any burden,
Meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe,
To assure the survival and success of liberty. -- John F. Kennedy
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-19-2015, 02:09 AM   #15
Collar_N_Cuffs
Clink kink
 
Collar_N_Cuffs's Avatar
 
Collar_N_Cuffs is offline
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Wandering, wondering...
Posts: 5,878
Slightly off topic, and my apologies. As your family is involved and you are trying to determine the possible effect on your children, let me say that as a child of a divorced set of parents (they divorced when I was 10). I never, not once thought it was my fault. Decisions like this one are very difficult. You have to do as best you can for your children, but I believe you can do that best when you are happy yourself. Children know when their parents are miserable. My parents didn't do the custody battle thing, they always let us choose to live with whomever we wanted to, perhaps that's why we didn't think it was our fault, because they didn't use us as weapons in a battle. Your children are no doubt your largest responsibility, but you only live once as well. Good luck to you.
__________________
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:36 AM.

Copyright 1998-2013 Literotica Online. Literotica is a registered trademark.