Good job on taking the plunge, Hugo! Welcome to the ranks of the published.
That said, you're probably going to get slammed in the comments section over a few things.
1: You need either an editor or a proofreader, preferably both. It's clear English isn't your first language, and having a native speaker correct your work will do wonders by itself.
2: The story format is an odd stylistic choice. Presenting a prose story like a script or play format will be very off-putting for readers, especially in this category. This format CAN work, but you need a very good reason to use it as opposed to standard prose, and there's nothing here to indicate why it was written this way. Connecting with an audience using a scripting format requires considerable skill, and you are nowhere near ready to tackle that challenge.
Writing is hard. Writing well is even harder. You only get better with practice, so don't get discouraged. Make your next story read like traditional fiction (see the top lists to get an idea of how the best ones here do it), and get a native English speaker to proofread, and you'll see better results, guaranteed.