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Old 12-01-2017, 02:40 AM   #1
Lethanol
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Question Question: Guidelines for general submissive role.

Hello,

I've been researching different definitions of submissive and I desire clarification on what classifies one as a sub? I know the definition varies depending on a person's background and junk, but I can't help but feel like im misunderstanding the concept of a submissive. Personally I want to be a submissive, to be dominated and controlled, but I find it hard to be for i have responsibilities in the civilian community, such as leadership positions. Can someone with alot of people depending on them to fulfill tasks be a submissive?
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Old 12-01-2017, 04:00 AM   #2
SissySalina
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Lightbulb A sissy opinion

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lethanol View Post
Hello,

I've been researching different definitions of submissive and I desire clarification on what classifies one as a sub? I know the definition varies depending on a person's background and junk, but I can't help but feel like im misunderstanding the concept of a submissive. Personally I want to be a submissive, to be dominated and controlled, but I find it hard to be for i have responsibilities in the civilian community, such as leadership positions. Can someone with alot of people depending on them to fulfill tasks be a submissive?
First: Hello, Sissy Salina is a 24/7 sissy and submissive to Her. She is control and of life.
Second: In general submissiveness (being a sub) is just giving control to someone else. The key is the "giving" this giving can be part to all of life's things. Other words you can be submissive in sex/bedroom and get up the next morning and go to work as a fireman, policeman or prize fighter. Which is you give control to someone else in the bedroom but the next morning go to work and beat the hell out of someone else.
Third: Answer to your question is YES.

Remember this is only the opinion of a lowly sissy.
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Sissy Rules
Sissy will only refer to sissy-self as sissy
Sissy will be in chastity (except for cleaning)
Sissy will be plugged both penile & anal(except for cleaning or usage)
Sissy will have enema twice a day
Sissy is never allowed to say "no"
Sissy giving oral servitude will have hands bound behind back
Sissy will swallow all cum or nectar
Sissy should be milked once a month
Sissy is never allowed ejaculation
Sissy’s only duty is to serve others
Sissyies are always bound or caged at night
Sissies are never to wear any male clothing articles
Sissy's will remove all hair except the long head hair
Sissy will have pierced ears and other piercings
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Old 12-01-2017, 01:04 PM   #3
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I think there are a lot of people who have very responsible jobs which require them to make lots of decisions and be in control and this is part of what can make some people want to be submissive in other aspects of their life.

Myself, I spend the working week making important decisions and telling people what to do. This is not naturally who I am - I do it because I have to to pay the bills. When I come from work I can be my naturally submissive self, I can hand control over to a person who I trust, who can make decisions for me, control my behaviour but in a mutually beneficial way. For example ensure I am getting enough exercise, make sure I go to bed on time and decide what clothes I will wear. These are all things I need and appreciate help with and are as important to me as the bedroom side of things.

So to answer your question, Yes you absolutely can be submissive if that is what you feel you desire. Giving your submission to someone is a gift, and you are in total control, always, of the type of submission you give. Like Sissy Salina above you can relinquish control 24/7 or you might only want to be submissisve in a sexual context. The key here is communication and trust with the person you choose to submit to.

Hope this helps a little!
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Old 12-01-2017, 01:31 PM   #4
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Can someone with alot of people depending on them to fulfill tasks be a submissive.

Sure. I make 6 figures and have several employees. No one outside of my home knows I am submissive. My Master does not want a child or a pet to take care of her. She still wants me to pay all the bills, manage the house, go to work and live a normal life. I just do it from home and naked.

If she is feeling like paying with me while at work she will make edge during a phone meeting. Or perhaps I have to cum on my lunch before eating it. Texting is a lot of fun and something we do often. Its very common for us to text each other sitting next to each other in a room full. She might as how my cage feels, is the plug comfortable, do I need to go to the bathroom and edge for her. You just have to be more creative.

We have no issue living a M/s life and living a normal life. I just spend a lit of time taking clothes on and off. I have no interest in giving up my job and living off her income. We would end up homeless.
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Old 12-01-2017, 01:47 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SexiBexi84 View Post
I think there are a lot of people who have very responsible jobs which require them to make lots of decisions and be in control and this is part of what can make some people want to be submissive in other aspects of their life.
I think this is where I fit in. I am cocky, arrogant and controlling outside of the relationship with my wife and Master.
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Old 12-01-2017, 01:52 PM   #6
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The desire to be controlled and dominated - makes you a sub. Everything else is just details.

Your commitment may be as deep or as light as you desire. You may enjoy some kinky fuckery once in a while and still call yourself a Sub, even though your daily life is purely vanilla and in your hands.

Don't chase any labels. Be what you want to be, there's no need to meet any criteria when it comes to Sexual life. Just make a list with your partner of things you are comfortable doing, that will not hinder your other commitments and that most importantly be fun for both of you.

Start slow, go in baby steps. It's better to take less commitments at first than take more and be overwhelmed and discouraged.
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Old 12-01-2017, 05:03 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lethanol View Post
Hello,

I've been researching different definitions of submissive and I desire clarification on what classifies one as a sub? I know the definition varies depending on a person's background and junk, but I can't help but feel like im misunderstanding the concept of a submissive. Personally I want to be a submissive, to be dominated and controlled, but I find it hard to be for i have responsibilities in the civilian community, such as leadership positions. Can someone with alot of people depending on them to fulfill tasks be a submissive?
As others have already said; You define your sub nature. But I always like to add; Take plenty of time and personal reflection to dig inward and discover the shape and texture of your own submissive desires. Then you will be able to sift through the Dominants and find a good match. Over time, most things evolve and so too will our sexual energies...so stay in touch with your inner voice and adjust as required. The goal is contentment and happiness...when these are not present - re-evaluate.
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Old 12-05-2017, 02:38 PM   #8
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it seems to me that submissive is who you are relative to your sexuality
just as you are male or female
straight gay bi or pan

your other skills and responsibilities and interests are just whatever they are. you can do whatever work and fulfill whatever leadership roles in your public life you might have or desire, and still be uber submissive to your lover.

yes?
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Old 12-05-2017, 03:47 PM   #9
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you aren't being submissive to the whole damn community, just the one you choose. You can be a Domme and total dictator out there but obedient to your Dom or Master.
To me being a sub is almost like being a mother, you give/dedicate your being to your Master. your concern is making His life easier. that may be as simple as being aware of Him and his needs, I for example would position myself between Him and the railings on a bridge because he didn't like heights, maybe not everyones definition of a sub but my goal was to be submissive to all his needs , psychological and mental as well as physical
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Old 12-11-2017, 11:53 AM   #10
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I think it depends

I think it depends on the relationships involved. I was submissive in a totally different way to one lover than I was to another. Whatever feels right in each situation, or what you want to aspire to is what is right for you. Your submission is not up to someone else's evaluation. If you and your dominant partner are happy, that is all that matters.
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Old 12-11-2017, 03:24 PM   #11
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It is a shared relationship between two people, each having trust and confidence in the other.
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Old 01-07-2018, 03:26 PM   #12
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Dominance and Submission

First of all, there are no "rules" about being a sub or a dom. You don't have to follow a number of checklists in order to qualify as a sub or a dom. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. One of the reasons the BDSM lifestyle gets a bad name is because people try to come into it already under the rules of others portraying a preconceived notion of what it is to be a sub or a dom. If everyone became the same cookie cutter "personality" then there would be no point to any of it.

That aside, these are MY thoughts on Dominance and Submission

The relationship between a Dom and his Sub is most often undervalued, unappreciated, and abused. Having a true Dom/Sub relationship is a beautiful thing that makes both of them flourish..not just one or the other. They complete each other. Fill the voids. Bring feelings out in each other that they never even knew existed. I have a lot of feelings about this and will do my best to explain.

A true Dom leads. A true Dom inspires. A true Dom also knows how to follow. A Dom doesn't tower over the Sub as something to be feared, but rather something to be looked up to with respect love and admiration. The Dom stands as the Subs protector... savior...Dom. The Dom shows the Sub the path and leads them, knowing that they will be right there behind, ready for the Doms wishes. The Dom inspires the Sub to greater things. The Dom inspires the Subs trust and earns their respect. The Dom is always there for the Sub just in the same way the Sub is always there for the Dom. The Dom would gladly change rolls with the Sub to make them happy. In a true relationship the Dom serves the Sub just as much as the Sub serves him. If anything it takes just as much if not more strength to follow as it does to lead, and the Dom needs to be strong for the Sub. The Subs happiness is just as important as the Doms. The Dom doesn't view the Sub as property to let fall into decay from lack of attention and care. Even if the Sub belongs to the Dom, the Sub cannot flourish without the Dom. Even in giving ones self to the Dom, the Dom knows the Sub is still a person. A person who chose to give ones self to the Dom completely. The Dom knows what that in itself means and doesn't take advantage of this, but rather admires the Subs strength, dedication, and courage.

A true Sub follows. A true Sub serves. A true Sub stands strong for their Dom. The Sub is not so much owned by the Dom but rather possessed. The Sub belongs to the Dom by choice. Owned implies that there is a price or value on the Sub, but the Sub is priceless. The Sub lives to serve their Dom and make them happy. The Doms smile exalts the Sub. The Doms laugh brightens the Sub. The Doms hand on the Subs head in approval and love calms the Sub. The Sub loves their Dom. The Sub admires their Dom. The Sub respects their Dom. The Sub follows their Dom trusting completely that their Dom would never steer them wrong. The Doms strong hand guides the Sub..protects the Sub..caresses the Sub. The Sub trusts that the Dom will provide for them and gives themself completely to the Dom. The Sub knows that the Dom would never forsake them. Wherever the Sub is, at the Doms side or feet, the Sub feels safe and calm knowing that their Dom is with them. The Sub doesn't serve out of weakness. The Sub doesn't serve out of lack of guidance on their own. The Sub is strong for their Dom and for themself. The Dom completes the Sub and they doesn't want to live without their Dom..but even without them, the Sub still stands strong with their head held high because they chooses to submit. Everything the Sub does, they do it knowing that they are representing their Dom. For this reason the Sub conducts themself with pride and dignity even while submitting. The Sub is not embarrassed to serve. The Sub is happy knowing that they are the Doms, and the Dom is theirs.

Last edited by rebel836 : 01-18-2018 at 03:25 PM.
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Old 01-16-2018, 09:29 PM   #13
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Submissive here

Since age 19. Age now 48. Various Dominants. Each relationship different, and playful and fun. For me. I like my independence , and individuality 90% of the time. The rest has been a blast, and almost meditative yo me. Hate “the rule” for myself, but my kink isn’t yours etc. sexuality is dynamic.
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Old 01-17-2018, 02:43 AM   #14
SissySalina
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rebel836 View Post
First of all, there are no "rules" about being a sub or a dom. You don't have to follow a number of checklists in order to qualify as a sub or a dom. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. One of the reasons the BDSM lifestyle gets a bad name is because people try to come into it already under the rules of others portraying a preconceived notion of what it is to be a sub or a dom. If everyone became the same cookie cutter "personality" then there would be no point to any of it.

That aside, these are MY thoughts on Dominance and Submission

The relationship between a Dom and his Sub is most often undervalued, unappreciated, and abused. Having a true Dom/Sub relationship is a beautiful thing that makes both of them flourish..not just one or the other. They complete each other. Fill the voids. Bring feelings out in each other that they never even knew existed. I have a lot of feelings about this and will do my best to explain.

A true Dom leads. A true Dom inspires. A true Dom also knows how to follow. He doesn't tower over her as something to be feared, but rather something to be looked up to with respect love and admiration. He stands as her protector...her savior...her Dom. He shows her the path and leads her, knowing that she will be right there behind him, ready for his wishes. He inspires her to greater things. He inspires her trust and earns her respect. He is always there for her just in the same way she is always there for him. He would gladly change rolls with her to make her happy. In a true relationship he serves her just as much as she serves him. If anything it takes just as much if not more strength to follow as it does to lead. And he needs to be strong for her. Her happiness is just as important as his. He doesn't view her as property to let fall into decay from lack of attention and care. Even if she belongs to him, she cannot flourish without him. Even in giving herself to him, he knows she is still a person. A person who chose to give herself to him completely. He knows what that in itself means and doesn't take advantage of this, but rather admires her strength, dedication, and courage.

A true Sub follows. A true Sub serves. A true Sub stands strong for her Dom. She is not so much owned by her Dom but rather possessed. She belongs to him by choice. Owned implies that there is a price or value on her. She is priceless. She lives to serve her Dom and make him happy. His smile exalts her. His laugh brightens her. His hand on her head in approval and love calms her. She loves her Dom. She admires him. She respects him. She follows him trusting completely that her Dom would never steer her wrong. His strong hand guides her..protects her..caresses her. She trusts that he will provide for her and gives herself completely to him. She knows that he would never forsake her. Wherever she is, at his side or at his feet, she feels safe and calm knowing that he is with her. She doesn't serve out of weakness. She doesn't serve out of lack of guidance on her own. She is strong for her Dom and for herself. He completes her and she doesn't want to live without him..but even without him she still stands strong with her head held high because she chooses to submit. Everything she does she does it knowing that she is representing her Dom. For this reason she conducts herself with pride and dignity even while submitting. She is not embarrassed to serve. She is happy knowing that she is his and he is hers.
sissy agrees with most of this, the problem here is that the he is assumed to be the dom and a female is assumed to be the sub which is not always true.
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Sissy Rules
Sissy will only refer to sissy-self as sissy
Sissy will be in chastity (except for cleaning)
Sissy will be plugged both penile & anal(except for cleaning or usage)
Sissy will have enema twice a day
Sissy is never allowed to say "no"
Sissy giving oral servitude will have hands bound behind back
Sissy will swallow all cum or nectar
Sissy should be milked once a month
Sissy is never allowed ejaculation
Sissy’s only duty is to serve others
Sissyies are always bound or caged at night
Sissies are never to wear any male clothing articles
Sissy's will remove all hair except the long head hair
Sissy will have pierced ears and other piercings
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Old 01-18-2018, 08:15 AM   #15
RacyWilde
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rebel836 View Post
First of all, there are no "rules" about being a sub or a dom. You don't have to follow a number of checklists in order to qualify as a sub or a dom. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise......
Quote:
Originally Posted by SissySalina View Post
sissy agrees with most of this, the problem here is that the he is assumed to be the dom and a female is assumed to be the sub which is not always true.
I also agree with SissySalina but like to add a Dom/f-sub dynamic is different to a Domme/m-sub dynamic. This is the reason why we differentiate with the term Femdom. (And heck no, I'm not talking about Femdom porn, but real Femdom. )
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Old 01-18-2018, 03:13 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SissySalina View Post
sissy agrees with most of this, the problem here is that the he is assumed to be the dom and a female is assumed to be the sub which is not always true.
You are correct, I should have written it in a unisex format, it was a long time ago when I did so. I will have to go back and fix that. The only reason I hadn't already was because once you change all the pronouns to the unisex equivalent, it starts to read like a checklist. I almost expect to see bullet points when I read "The Dom this, the Dom that, which is the exact opposite of the point I try to get across with this. Some D/s relationships use checklists which is fine for that type of relationship, I just don't want people to think that they are doing something wrong if they don't have one.

Either way you are right, it is most certainly not the case that all D/s relationships involve a male Dom and female Sub and this can be misinterpreted in my text.


I also agree with RacyWilde, the relationships are different, but then again, all of them are, regardless of gender. Main point being, everyone is going to be different, there isn't necessarily a right or a wrong way to do things as BDSM is a lifestyle and I don't think any of us have the right to tell someone how to live their life. But this is mainly describing my ideals and values regarding this particular D/s relationship, take what you will from it

And most "BDSM" porn is a joke lol

Last edited by rebel836 : 01-18-2018 at 03:35 PM.
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Old 02-23-2018, 12:59 AM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rebel836 View Post
First of all, there are no "rules" about being a sub or a dom. You don't have to follow a number of checklists in order to qualify as a sub or a dom. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. One of the reasons the BDSM lifestyle gets a bad name is because people try to come into it already under the rules of others portraying a preconceived notion of what it is to be a sub or a dom. If everyone became the same cookie cutter "personality" then there would be no point to any of it.

That aside, these are MY thoughts on Dominance and Submission

The relationship between a Dom and his Sub is most often undervalued, unappreciated, and abused. Having a true Dom/Sub relationship is a beautiful thing that makes both of them flourish..not just one or the other. They complete each other. Fill the voids. Bring feelings out in each other that they never even knew existed. I have a lot of feelings about this and will do my best to explain.

A true Dom leads. A true Dom inspires. A true Dom also knows how to follow. A Dom doesn't tower over the Sub as something to be feared, but rather something to be looked up to with respect love and admiration. The Dom stands as the Subs protector... savior...Dom. The Dom shows the Sub the path and leads them, knowing that they will be right there behind, ready for the Doms wishes. The Dom inspires the Sub to greater things. The Dom inspires the Subs trust and earns their respect. The Dom is always there for the Sub just in the same way the Sub is always there for the Dom. The Dom would gladly change rolls with the Sub to make them happy. In a true relationship the Dom serves the Sub just as much as the Sub serves him. If anything it takes just as much if not more strength to follow as it does to lead, and the Dom needs to be strong for the Sub. The Subs happiness is just as important as the Doms. The Dom doesn't view the Sub as property to let fall into decay from lack of attention and care. Even if the Sub belongs to the Dom, the Sub cannot flourish without the Dom. Even in giving ones self to the Dom, the Dom knows the Sub is still a person. A person who chose to give ones self to the Dom completely. The Dom knows what that in itself means and doesn't take advantage of this, but rather admires the Subs strength, dedication, and courage.

A true Sub follows. A true Sub serves. A true Sub stands strong for their Dom. The Sub is not so much owned by the Dom but rather possessed. The Sub belongs to the Dom by choice. Owned implies that there is a price or value on the Sub, but the Sub is priceless. The Sub lives to serve their Dom and make them happy. The Doms smile exalts the Sub. The Doms laugh brightens the Sub. The Doms hand on the Subs head in approval and love calms the Sub. The Sub loves their Dom. The Sub admires their Dom. The Sub respects their Dom. The Sub follows their Dom trusting completely that their Dom would never steer them wrong. The Doms strong hand guides the Sub..protects the Sub..caresses the Sub. The Sub trusts that the Dom will provide for them and gives themself completely to the Dom. The Sub knows that the Dom would never forsake them. Wherever the Sub is, at the Doms side or feet, the Sub feels safe and calm knowing that their Dom is with them. The Sub doesn't serve out of weakness. The Sub doesn't serve out of lack of guidance on their own. The Sub is strong for their Dom and for themself. The Dom completes the Sub and they doesn't want to live without their Dom..but even without them, the Sub still stands strong with their head held high because they chooses to submit. Everything the Sub does, they do it knowing that they are representing their Dom. For this reason the Sub conducts themself with pride and dignity even while submitting. The Sub is not embarrassed to serve. The Sub is happy knowing that they are the Doms, and the Dom is theirs.
Gender aside, this is beautifully written.
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Old 02-24-2018, 01:46 AM   #18
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I have to agree with what has been shared here. Each of my subs have been different in how they wanted to express their submissive side. A lot of talking and sharing about wants and needs-mine and theirs- has always resulted in something mutually satisfying. I have been blessed to have had two ltr with subs that I cherished and loved. And even the shorter relationships have been wonderful experiences.

Always have an open mind and don't be afraid to ask for what you need.
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Old 02-24-2018, 03:19 AM   #19
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Gender aside, this is beautifully written.

I dunno. Yes, it is literarily beautiful...but there are a few things that are a bit unrealistic to expect.

#1 no one is your "saviour" unless you are religious...but certainly no mortal man. You cant say the sub is strong enough to stand, but also needs saving. Yes, I need guidance. I do better when my Dom is aware of my decisions and shortcomings and lends a "reality check" or flat out says "no, you will xyz" ... But I don't need saving tyvm.

#2 "the Dom would gladly switch roles to make the sub happy" ... not anyone I'd ever want to submit to. I respect switches, but I'm just not attracted to submissive men. I would never WANT my Dom to be the kind of man who would switch roles. I need a man who knows **exactly** who he is, what he wants, and what he expects. The same as I do for myself. If you mean he would take on any hardship to protect the one he loves, well, that's just chivalry. If you like chivalry awesome ( I do)... But at the sane time my brand of submission, I'd actually rather be the one in hardship not him. Putting him in a hardship to me = I failed. My "I did good" comes from knowing I made him happy, calm, joyful, or made his life better or easier. Knowing I added a stress, worry, or hardship ... I failed.

#3 owned vs. Possessed.. I disagree with your differentiation based on valuation. I place the difference on permanence and completeness. If I own something it is mine to do with as I please, no one else has rights over it... And there is no *expiration date.* if I possess something it is in my control *now*, but it may belong to someone else, it may have someone else's rights attached, and it may only be temporary.

Ex: I own my hairbrush. It's mine. No one else uses it, I could let someone but at the end it is permanently mine. I possess a book right now a friend lent me. I have to return it next week in good condition.

A submissive may be possessed (as I am now) or owned (as I wish to be. .no this is not an invitation to PM me please) whether a submissive is possessed or owned is only a designation important and to be made between submissive and PYL.
A note: I also disagree with it being the dividing line between submissive and slave, as some do. But this is not the place for *that*.

#4 " a true sub trusts her Dom will provide for her....gives herself completely to her Dom" ... Now there we get into slave territory. I am a submissive. I am a collared submissive. There are things my Sir dies for me, but provide for me is not one of them...that just isn't part of our dynamic. There are times I advise HIM. I like that he trusts my advice as much as I trust his. It makes him no less Dominant in my eyes to vent to me, seek my advice, and yes, even cry to me when life just stinks. My point being, yeah if he is a very well off man who wishes to take care of me *rock on thank you very much*, but as life stands, I take care of me and mine, and he takes care of him and his (though he knows if he ever needs financial help I'd do anything I had to to help...and I know he'd move mountains to help me if I needed.)

As for giving myself completely... I don't think that is necessary at all. Yes, I share life. Yes, I chose to submit significant chunks of my self, actions, and world to my Dom...but I'm not a slave. There are areas that are not submitted to **anyone** and that makes me no less submissive. If he sees a defect in these areas will he bring it up? YEP and I'm grateful. ( ex: my kids are mine to parent. They are not his children. I have no right to involve him in their parenting. However, we were at a theme park with my 14 year old and he saw I was doing *thing* that annoyed son. I didn't notice. He wrapped his arms around me and whispered in my ear "I suggest you stop doing *thing* it annoys him." I grinned and stopped immediately and thanked him. I actually explained that interaction to son later, as we were discussing how to be a good boyfriend. I explained how much I appreciated the *discrete* correction, instead of aloud where is would have embarrassed me. Point being, I do not submit my parenting to Him....but that makes me no less "a true submissive" cue angels singing.


I really think it boils down to a very simple maxim:
A submissive seeks to please her *PYL* and derives pleasure from this. A Dom derives pleasure from *pyl* in ways they are able and willing to provide this pleasure.


Note: all genders may be changed
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I'm not deleting this yet... I cant. I keep waiting for it to turn out to be a bad dream. .... until then... let me go back to sleep and dream of better days.
Sassypants is the collared submissive of Exiled Welshman. He's my world.
Friends are always welcome, but Daddy doesn't share, so messages of a sexual nature are not.
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Old 03-16-2018, 09:57 AM   #20
msub50some
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lilcuriouscatt View Post
I have to agree with what has been shared here. Each of my subs have been different in how they wanted to express their submissive side. A lot of talking and sharing about wants and needs-mine and theirs- has always resulted in something mutually satisfying. I have been blessed to have had two ltr with subs that I cherished and loved. And even the shorter relationships have been wonderful experiences.

Always have an open mind and don't be afraid to ask for what you need.
True. All of us are at different stages with various desires that change over time. We are always exploring.

Last edited by msub50some : 03-16-2018 at 10:00 AM.
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