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Old 11-23-2017, 08:16 AM   #1
pillum
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Loving extramarital sex???

When writing about extra-marital fornication is there even such a thing as loving gentle sex, ie making love, or is it always fucking?
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Old 11-23-2017, 09:05 AM   #2
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Depends on your story.
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Old 11-23-2017, 10:31 AM   #3
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really?

I cannot think of am extra-marital situation that's about loving rather than fucking. Hmmm well in fiction I suppose anything can happen.
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Old 11-23-2017, 10:36 AM   #4
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Originally Posted by pillum View Post
When writing about extra-marital fornication is there even such a thing as loving gentle sex, ie making love, or is it always fucking?
I'm sorry but I find this question very odd. Perhaps it is just me but
I think originality is valued, perhaps more than any thing else. Of course originality isn't always good, it can be stuffed up too like any thing else. It is like in the art world. Many of the famous artists are credited with some thing different that became a valued part of art. Like Rembrandt - fuzzy feet implied movement, seurat with his dots started pointalism, Raphael who did a portrait of a pope from an angle that wasn't anterior/ posterior or lateral. da Vinci who had detailed background scenes in his portraits eg Mona Lisa. There are so many more.
So, don't worry about being different/ original. It is what enlarges our world. Of course it should be attended by proficiency and if it delights it is extremely helpful.
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Old 11-23-2017, 11:00 AM   #5
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Some... interesting threads being posted lately.
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Old 11-23-2017, 11:10 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pillum View Post
When writing about extra-marital fornication is there even such a thing as loving gentle sex, ie making love, or is it always fucking?
When I write "fucking" is what you do for yourself, "making love" is what you do for a partner you care about. In marriage or extra marital is not really the determining factor. Not just in writing, but in life also.
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Old 11-23-2017, 11:20 AM   #7
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When writing about extra-marital fornication is there even such a thing as loving gentle sex, ie making love, or is it always fucking?
The answer is: It is not always fucking. The word "always" is rarely applicable.
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Old 11-23-2017, 11:37 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by tedsbeds View Post
When I write "fucking" is what you do for yourself, "making love" is what you do for a partner you care about. In marriage or extra marital is not really the determining factor. Not just in writing, but in life also.
I don't agree with this at all, husband and wife can fuck each other senseless in a caring role. My question is that when writing these stories where we mostly have one or other spouse cheating, is is possible for this wanton sex to be anything other than fucking? Stories about long-term loving relationships are a different thing. I should have put an 'almost' in front of the always in my OP.
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Old 11-23-2017, 11:49 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pillum View Post
I don't agree with this at all, husband and wife can fuck each other senseless in a caring role. My question is that when writing these stories where we mostly have one or other spouse cheating, is is possible for this wanton sex to be anything other than fucking? Stories about long-term loving relationships are a different thing. I should have put an 'almost' in front of the always in my OP.
I'd say of course it is. However you want to write it. I'm working on one right now where she loves her husband but she wants something different at the same time. It's interesting to write.
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Old 11-23-2017, 12:19 PM   #10
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Some married couples lead open sex lives and, yes, their extramarital relations can be very loving. It's all in the attitude--and different attitudes for different folks.
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Old 11-23-2017, 12:31 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pillum View Post
When writing about extra-marital fornication is there even such a thing as loving gentle sex, ie making love, or is it always fucking?
Questions: Would you want you wife to have a loving relationship with another man? Would you want her to be in love with another man? or woman for that matter? Or would you want it to be just about the pleasures of sex?
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Old 11-23-2017, 12:52 PM   #12
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If you can think of something, then there's probably somebody out there doing that something. There are polyamorous people who claim to have loving relationships with more than one person. It's hard for me to imagine that working, but I'm not them.
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Old 11-23-2017, 12:52 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by Zeb_Carter View Post
Questions: Would you want you wife to have a loving relationship with another man? Would you want her to be in love with another man? or woman for that matter? Or would you want it to be just about the pleasures of sex?
I was asking a generic question Zeb, not a personal one... In answer to your direct question, I'm
not married so I cannot respond with experience.
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Old 11-23-2017, 03:01 PM   #14
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I'm visualizing what in software analysis is called a "truth table". In this case it's a 2x2 matrix. Rows are labeled Marital and ExtraMarital; columns are Loving and Fucking. Tick-off any intersection, that meets both criteria for any sex act. Or only a Loving column, with a number rating of 0 (loveless fucking) to 9 (fuckless loving). Or any other type of metric. Doesn't matter. People are near-infinitely complex so let them do as they will.
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Old 11-23-2017, 03:59 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SimonDoom View Post
If you can think of something, then there's probably somebody out there doing that something. There are polyamorous people who claim to have loving relationships with more than one person. It's hard for me to imagine that working, but I'm not them.
c'est moi. I've been with my partner ~ 20 years, we still love one another, and for much of that time we've also been dating other people. (Sometimes both dating the same person, sometimes different.)

It's not for everybody and it has its challenges, but it certainly does happen.
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Old 11-23-2017, 04:03 PM   #16
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I know that in real life, loving extra marital sex happens. Of the two separate people I know who were involved in it, they came to love their illicit lover during the extra marital fling, both divorced and married their lover.

So why not put it in a story.

Well, except for the comments and one votes you'd get.
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Old 11-24-2017, 12:24 PM   #17
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Quote:
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I was asking a generic question Zeb, not a personal one... In answer to your direct question, I'm
not married so I cannot respond with experience.
Well I am Married so I'll answer it...

No. NO. Yes.

The answer to the last one doesn't rule out gentle, caring sex. It's not always about a mad rush to orgasm. In most of my LW stories they fuck, not make love. The fucking might be gentle and slow, but it's fucking. Love is between two people who are unusually in love, fucking is between two people who usually aren't in love although two people in love could just be fucking for the fun of it.

Last edited by Zeb_Carter : 11-24-2017 at 05:09 PM.
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Old 11-24-2017, 12:27 PM   #18
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I think it should all be sensual and loving until God smites the cheating fornicators with lightning...
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Old 11-24-2017, 12:52 PM   #19
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I think it should all be sensual and loving until God smites the cheating fornicators with lightning...
I can wait, because I don't actually think God cares that much about that. I think that was a projection by the Puritans.
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Old 11-24-2017, 01:09 PM   #20
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I think it's possible to love two different people, and have loving sex with each of them. But even that isn't necessary for the scenario in the OP. The married partners could have "fallen out of love" and one of them is now in love with the extramarital partner. I suspect that happens a lot. It would make for a great story, too.
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Old 11-24-2017, 02:33 PM   #21
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Shows hand: I'm poly too. Our current constellation has been stable for 5 years and counting. And there's actually a marriage involved. So yeah, we have loving extramarital sex.
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Old 11-24-2017, 03:53 PM   #22
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Quote:
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I think it should all be sensual and loving until God smites the cheating fornicators with lightning...
I'd give you a 5 star rating for this story!
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Old 11-24-2017, 06:27 PM   #23
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When writing about extra-marital fornication is there even such a thing as loving gentle sex, ie making love, or is it always fucking?
Depends on the point of view.
To the pair concerned, it's likely making love.
TO an outside observer it's simple fucking.
Perhaps ?
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Old 11-25-2017, 02:19 AM   #24
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Old 11-25-2017, 07:34 AM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bramblethorn View Post
c'est moi. I've been with my partner ~ 20 years, we still love one another, and for much of that time we've also been dating other people. (Sometimes both dating the same person, sometimes different.)

It's not for everybody and it has its challenges, but it certainly does happen.
Bramblethorn, would you describe your feelings for those you date outside your main relationship as love or something less? Or are the extra-relationship relathhionships just about fucking or something like That? To clarify my comment above, the latter doesn't seem strange to me; it's the former that's hard for me to imagine sustaining.
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