Why is on-line happiness such an elusive goal to aim for?

This is going to become a very long post, so don't start reading it, unless you are prepared to invest some time. And if you enjoy posts with content.

Finding an on-line partner to become happy with should not be dificult at all. I read many testimonials here from people, who have achieved that. And why not? After all, the only thing needed would be for Mr. Right Guy to run into his female counterpart. And/or vice versa.

And then the two of them would get to know and like each other, and decide to form a relationship, which brings both of them exactly what they've been missing: an intimate companionship, empathy and caring from their new partner. And the opportunity to care and empathize themselves. Plus some new intellectual impetus now and then, when one and/or the other mention a unique thought occasionally, that's worth exploring.

On-line happiness is so easy, really, so why doesn't it occur more often? The main problems I see: too few chances to meet the right person, and unsuitable methods being practised for relationship exploration all too often. Let me explain what I mean.

First of all, the Lit "Personals" forum has degraded into a soap box gathering, where everybody and his brother comes together, who does not have anything meaningful to say. When I posted this ad first, I counted about 75% posts here (30 out of 40 on the first page), in which either someone searches for the absolute impossible, or where she or he outlines nothing but "frivolous" goals in their ads.

Which means very few ads, which really deserve to be posted on a serious Personals forum. So fewer and fewer people come here, with realistic goals, goals that are not merely frivolous. And the quantity of serious searchers dwindles.

Next, once I meet a woman, who seems to offer (and search for) a serious on-line relationship, the process of getting to know one another rarely runs in a halfways optimal manner. Either our writing is much too intermittent, or she is so fearful of walking into a trap, that she has enormous difficulties opening up. Not prepared for taking the risk of a possible failure seems to be very common among the kind of women who attract me. And/or simply a lack of openness for other reasons.

And then frauds occur sometimes, like the woman who was really searching for a DOM to get excited by, instead of a deeper relationship. But failed to tell me that right from the start.

And in addition, not every serious woman will resonate with every serious man she meets. I addressed the subject of resonance in my second ad here.

So one thing is quite obvious: countless obstacles abound on the way to on-line happiness. The only question that remains: will you, the woman who ticks like me, the woman I could develop a relationship with that may lead to happiness, be so much discouraged that you don't look for ads like mine any longer?

If the answer is NO for you, and you found my ad here, then it seems to me there exists only one alternative: you send me a PM immediately, and the two of us will try to get to know one another in a manner that contains as few of the obstacles as possible that I mentioned earlier.

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restrainedqueen said:

I met this person recently online. I made it clear that I am a sub, but still looking for a close, long-term relationship online with a male who was not necessarily a Dom. We exchanged emails only for a few days, after which he began nitpicking because I wasn't responding as often or in the way he wanted me to. I nicely told him that we weren't going to work and we should end it amicably. He then insulted my intelligence in several ways, called me a fraud and a simple sub (do we even exist? Lol) and said he wishes I be struck by lightning.

Beware ladies!

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I am sorry that there are guys out there that make ladies feel this way and say these things to them. No woman deserves to be treated like this. Come on guys, we are better than this!

And sir (who started this thread). Great post I do hope you find what your looking for.

Yes ladies, be very careful!

Of what you might get yourself into, when you send me a PM. Just think of it, I will actually expect you to have learned before, how good communications work between two adults.

I will expect you to possess both a talent, and a desire for responsiveness, i.e. for actually responding to what I am saying/writing. Of course, I will do the same for you.

And I will have huge difficulties exchanging mails with a princess (or a queen), one who believes she has a god-given right to be pleasured, without giving back much in return.

So I fully agree with the queen who wrote the above post here: keep your eyes open, and do not respond to me, if you tick like her.

I don't want to get caught in the middle of anything, but I will agree that it is very difficult to find just what one wants in a chat partner. And here are the reasons I think that is true.

1. Each of us wants something VERY SPECIFIC. I'd like to find a woman to chat with, but I want her to be certain things and NOT be certain other things. This eliminates about 90% of the few women who might want to chat with me.

2. Time pressures, schedules, etc.

3. There are about ten times as many men online looking for women as there are women online looking for men.

The mystery to me is why it used to be so much easier to find such ladies.

a reply to StrongMaster

Hi StrongMaster, Thanks for you comments. I am afraid you raised a point that simply had escaped me so far: a significant percentage of the women, who might "fit" for other reasons, can never become a true "resonating" partner ever, because you and I want to see particular traits in her, and cannot stand others. And the same will be true in reverse.

When you keep that in mind, it becomes a wonder that any good relationships ever materialize. I suppose it only works because some people (perhaps myself included??) develop a higher tolerance with time.

It seems to me now that as long as a woman I meet puts a high value on responsiveness, and on not wanting more from the relationship than she puts into it herself, if her goals for the relationship agree with mine, and if horniness plays an important role for her, then "all" she has to do in addition is liking me, even for some seemingly odd traits of mine. And that other than that she can have as unappealing a personality as she likes. OK, a bit of intelligence in addition would be great; preferably a lot of it.

So altogether not 90%, but only say 50%, will fall by he way side.

What are your thoughts on that?

My unsolicited, (I need to get a hobby) thoughts on this.... Even if I hadn't read her response, you kinda come across as a jerk. I should add I read your personal right after you posted it and instantly dismissed it for what I'm about to say.
So my opinion was formed BEFORE I saw the comments added by others.
You sound entitled and like you aren't willing to expend the effort to actually connect with someone. You have an image in your head of exactly what you want and this isn't a catalog. You don't get to order a 5'7 blonde with 36 inch boobs and 22 inch waist who will respond to your emails and texts within 3-4 minutes who enjoys talking about your stamp collection and what you want her to do to your body.
Women aren't afraid of expending the energy on potential failure, they read your ad and saw a set up to be taken for granted, for having their needs invalidated and being condescended to.
StrongMaster7 made a very valid point and raised a question. There are probably 10 men to every woman on this site. (I say probably 20 to every 10 actual women, there are a number of men masquerading as well) so the idea that you are going to find your ideal without having to compromise is silly. Accept that, figure out what your "deal breakers" are and learn to compromise.
As far as Strong's question, why did it used to be easier? I assume because women learn from experience and recognize their value.
*steps down off my soap box and goes back to flitting about the playground which is where I really like it*

Sigh...i think i am in love...

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Hello Tinkerbell, You are entitled to any opinion you like to have of course. Whether you have informed yourself about the subject you opine about or not, is immaterial as well. And when you formed your opinion also, before of after reading anything.

Nowadays facts no longer matter anyway; we have seen that during the 2016 election campaign. Sending a fellow with an apparently so terrible make-up as me a question or two, to clarify something for yourself, is not in fashion any more these days; voicing an opinion, however unfounded it may be is far more effective. It sounds like the person doing that possesses courage, so she must be in possession of the truth as well.

Now after I have applauded your post so much, what else is there to say? Probably nothing that a Lit user with a name like yours would be capable of understanding. So I suggest you keep dreaming like you had before, and keep dispensing unsolicited opinions. I am grateful for any one of them I receive, because they bump up my ad up to the top of the pile.

And who knows, maybe a woman may come by and read my ad, who does not have shingles before her eyes. Have a good day!

Doesnt take much to see a person for whom they are. Kinda like hearing it rain outside. Open the door....it is raining....duh.

hornyhubby48 said:

Hello Tinkerbell, You are entitled to any opinion you like to have of course. Whether you have informed yourself about the subject you opine about or not, is immaterial as well. And when you formed your opinion also, before of after reading anything.

Nowadays facts no longer matter anyway; we have seen that during the 2016 election campaign. Sending a fellow with an apparently so terrible make-up as me a question or two, to clarify something for yourself, is not in fashion any more these days; voicing an opinion, however unfounded it may be is far more effective. It sounds like the person doing that possesses courage, so she must be in possession of the truth as well.

Now after I have applauded your post so much, what else is there to say? Probably nothing that a Lit user with a name like yours would be capable of understanding. So I suggest you keep dreaming like you had before, and keep dispensing unsolicited opinions. I am grateful for any one of them I receive, because they bump up my ad up to the top of the pile.

And who knows, maybe a woman may come by and read my ad, who does not have shingles before her eyes. Have a good day!

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LOL. I should have just said what I was thinking, which is you are acting like an asshole and that's not going to win you any prizes.
I think you aren't likely familiar with a lot of the words you are trying to use. If English isn't your first language, ask for help, if it is, buy a dictionary because you're getting it all wrong.

May you have the kind of day you deserve.

Just have to say that tink is one hell of a woman. Love your intellegent replies to a foolish post.
That is all.

This thread seems a little fighty so please no one hit me.

These are just my thoughts and I'm no expert on anything.

Isn't the fun in a new relationship from the sense of exploration and discovery?

What would be the fun of a relationship where you already knew everything about the other person because you wrote a bio for who they are allowed to be before you even met?

Life is compromise. No one is perfect. Isn't this accepted wisdom?



Uggg

*gives salt and pepper grinders each a few turns over his tub of buttered popcorn and kicks his feet up*

I’m right here with you, this is very entertaining

hornyhubby48 said:

Of what you might get yourself into, when you send me a PM. Just think of it, I will actually expect you to have learned before, how good communications work between two adults.

I will expect you to possess both a talent, and a desire for responsiveness, i.e. for actually responding to what I am saying/writing. Of course, I will do the same for you.

And I will have huge difficulties exchanging mails with a princess (or a queen), one who believes she has a god-given right to be pleasured, without giving back much in return.

So I fully agree with the queen who wrote the above post here: keep your eyes open, and do not respond to me, if you tick like her.

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Dude if this is a serious post, no women is going to waste their time with you.

They have most of the power here, whether you like it or not. The numbers back that up.

Demanding things is just a major turnoff. and just stupid.

If your responses go down, look back at what you typed above.

I can't see any girl on this site rushing to pm you after this.

I don't think that listing all the numerous flaws you've identified in womankind in general is really a great way to attract one of our number. And this - "like the woman who was really searching for a DOM to get excited by, instead of a deeper relationship" - just immediately sets off alarm bells - in spite of the obvious nature of Lit, you've clearly decided that a relationship that involves power/control dynamics can't possibly be 'deep' according to your definition of the term.

I've had a range of entirely awesome online relationships, some very longlasting, some very 'deep' (in spite of also being somewhere on the bdsm spectrum). The common aspect to all of them was that no one went into them with a series of expectations. We just established that we liked each other, and then worked out the shape of the relationship from there, on the basis of logistics and desire.

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Anyone who has interacted with a human being would know better than calling anyone 'simple' in any sense. Your assertion that you and he simply weren't well suited was entirely accurate - but, like the particularly charming subset of men who think they're god's gift to females, he decided that was somehow due to 'flaws' in you. Luckily they're not all that like ... not even most of them, actually.

restrainedqueen said:

That part totally threw me off too. Calling a woman a "simple sub" in itself is an oxymoron...anyone who has interacted with a true sub would know what complicated yet beautiful creatures we are.

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How do you characterize a "true sub"?

While not really defending the OP here...I do take issue with the way men seem to be treated on here. Granted the ratio of men to women is 10:1 as someone pointed out, but somehow the women think because they have this dominant power and that they can treat men like crap here yet heaven forbid a man does the same! I see so many posts where the women come on complaining about the men on here yet they don’t even reply to the men who actually respond and try to help. The last 4 encounters I have had with women on here through pms have ended up where the women just stop responding after a message or two..not an I’m busy, I’m tired, I’m sick, I’m whatever...they just stopped talking, most likely they feel they found someone better, but also because they know that after me comes a long line of men trying to get their attention. They don’t have to be polite or be courteous...and that really sucks. I personally have had enough trying to reach out to women here, it’s not worth it. And trust me I know there are some great women here so don’t get all defensive on me, it just appears that there are less and less of you. I know this is cliche of me to say but I really am a great guy to be friends with, yet women will never know after a sentence or two. Sign me out....

None of the women I know fit this description at all. For example, I definitely do not have a long line of guys PMing me, and that's not what I want. If women stop talking to you, it's usually because they're not interested in you, not because there's a string of other offers. But no one likes actually saying that (and trust me, doing so holds a high risk of some pretty nasty responses), so it's often easier to just not respond.

I'm currently on a dating site, and the heading of my profile says, quite clearly 'Please read my ad before emailing' ... and in my ad it says 'If you're emailing, please say more than just 'hi'' ... and yet, on a daily basis, I get emails that just say 'hi'. Seriously. So yes, the ratio is weighted in our 'favour' ... but that very definitely doesn't make things any easier for us.

I disagree Kim....the last encounters wher simply hi how are you, where are you from, and then that’s it...they don’t respond. So let me ask you a question, if you start talking to someone on here and after a few lines back and forth you don’t click..do you tell him? Or just say nothing and quit responding?

Never mind..I reread your reply and I see you just stop replying. Nice. So do you do this in real life too? Meet someone and after judging him after a few sentences if your not interested do you just turn and walk away? I really doubt you do, so why does being online allow you to do just that? I promise I’m not being sarcastic here, I really want to know! I need to understand your side of this