Old 11-04-2017, 02:09 PM   #1
Dan_Today
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Emotional Resistance

Emotional Reluctance

Summary:
This post has brief feedback on three different stories that I liked reading, so I'm posting it here. I ask a couple questions about sexuality in real life and fiction that could be responded to, and I ask for story/author suggestions.


I've been working on an erotica story or two, and I think I found a theme or hook that I enjoy writing about.

I have been searching on Literotica for other authors who have explored similar territory, though I can't quite find any that exactly fit.

The main thing I'm looking for right now is a story where a character feels resistant about a sexual experience. My preference is for the resistance to be the result of deep and confusing condition of repression, as opposed to the resistance coming from the character's marriage vows or guilt about cheating. I do like some morality issues wrapped up in the repression, just not morality issues related to the main character feeling guilty about cheating.

It's also important to me that some aspect of the resistance or emotional conflict within the character lasts throughout the sex scene(s).

In this story, Her Daughter's Husband, the main character is very resistant to the developing sexual feelings. This is a very tightly written story, and I like that the resistance isn't about her marriage. I think it's more from the fact that the sex is developing with her son-in-law. The only thing that doesn't work for me is that at a certain point, all the resistance drops and we're left with the character switching gears to pure enjoyment.

I have heard a prominent, pro-kink sex therapist claim that a person can't experience shame, guilt, or fear when in the throws of sexual bliss. I'm not sure if that's true, myself, and I wonder what others think about that. Even if it's true that a person can't experience shame and arousal at the same time in real life, couldn't we pretend that it's possible in fiction?

In this story, Sports Bar Seduction, which is very well crafted, the resistance is a result of the main character being married. I love this story, it has something like a faerytale quality to it, but for me, I want the resistance to be from something besides guilt about marriage. And, I think, I would prefer for the resistance storyline to develop between characters who know each other and care about each other on some level.

I would appreciate any recommendations for authors or stories to check out on Literotica that explore what I'm interested in reading about. Maybe they would live in the reluctance category or maybe they would live in BDSM.

One other thing I like, though I think it is exceedingly rare, is for there to be a creative partnership between the two characters involved, like in the story Cometh Hither. This is a story a male college student who is encouraged to read Anais Nin by his college professor. The student writes a paper about Nin and relates her erotica to an experience he had masturbating in front of an older woman. It goes on from there. I think this story is really nice, and I like the voyeur/exhibitionist aspect of it. The only trouble for me is that the resistance/shame/guilt/confusion aspect of the story evaporates as soon as the physical sexual activities begin. I would prefer if that confusion and shame persisted and coexisted with the physical arousal. Any suggestions?

Last edited by Dan_Today : 11-04-2017 at 03:28 PM. Reason: added summary at top so people know if they want to read the whole thing or not; added the word Emotional to the title; trying to get the title right--reluctance or resistance. argh.
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Old 11-04-2017, 03:29 PM   #2
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Most of my stories in this account name are GM (so you may not want to check any of them out), but resistance to natural impulses is a strong theme through many of my stories. It's in the one I'm working on now, "Scorched by the Sun," which is inspired by the current Kevin Spacey reporting. A gofer at a TV situation drama is sexually harassed by the program's star and initially resists. The gofer has an ideal setup already, but he gives in to the star, mesmerized by the fame of the star. It's a one-time encounter for the star, though, and once he's gotten what he wants he has the gofer sent to work with another program. The gofer returns to what had been an ideal setup, but having touched the sun, it no longer is ideal for him. He did try to resist the temptation, but not nearly hard enough. In the setup the attempt to resist is strong in the story, though.
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Old 11-04-2017, 03:51 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sr71plt View Post
Most of my stories in this account name are GM (so you may not want to check any of them out), but resistance to natural impulses is a strong theme through many of my stories. It's in the one I'm working on now, "Scorched by the Sun," which is inspired by the current Kevin Spacey reporting. A gofer at a TV situation drama is sexually harassed by the program's star and initially resists. The gofer has an ideal setup already, but he gives in to the star, mesmerized by the fame of the star. It's a one-time encounter for the star, though, and once he's gotten what he wants he has the gofer sent to work with another program. The gofer returns to what had been an ideal setup, but having touched the sun, it no longer is ideal for him. He did try to resist the temptation, but not nearly hard enough. In the setup the attempt to resist is strong in the story, though.
Thanks for the reply. I will check out your list of stories soon. I'm curious about why the character in Scorched by the Sun initially resists. Is the character not interested in the star? Or perhaps feels it would be inappropriate to engage sexually with the star because they have a professional relationship? Some other reason?

Just out of curiosity, do you have a personal favorite reason for characters to resist in stories?
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Old 11-04-2017, 04:14 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dan_Today View Post
Thanks for the reply. I will check out your list of stories soon. I'm curious about why the character in Scorched by the Sun initially resists. Is the character not interested in the star? Or perhaps feels it would be inappropriate to engage sexually with the star because they have a professional relationship? Some other reason?

Just out of curiosity, do you have a personal favorite reason for characters to resist in stories?
The protagonist has an ideal situation. He's twenty-one, still in college--Institute of Fashion in L.A., studying to do publicity layouts. He makes money as a photographer's model thanks to his sugar daddy, who is ten years older than he is, in a publicity firm, doing well, a great lover. He's taking care of the protagonist, so the protagonist is in an ideal situation.

The protagonist is warned about the forty-eight-year-old star, who is charismatic and a box office wonder as an actor. The star makes a pass at the protagonist, who gets out of the situation, but, star struck, can't forget it. This is the resistance period. There's every reason he should resist. In the end he doesn't, though, and then is discarded by the star. He returns to the ideal situation, which isn't quite ideal anymore and never can be now.

I have nearly 1,000 stories here so thinking up a recommendation (and remember these are gay male situations) would be a chore. I'll give it a thought, but I'm off now to watch UVa get slaughtered in football by Georgia Tech.
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Old 11-04-2017, 04:20 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sr71plt View Post
The protagonist has an ideal situation. He's twenty-one, still in college--Institute of Fashion in L.A., studying to do publicity layouts. He makes money as a photographer's model thanks to his sugar daddy, who is ten years older than he is, in a publicity firm, doing well, a great lover. He's taking care of the protagonist, so the protagonist is in an ideal situation.

The protagonist is warned about the forty-eight-year-old star, who is charismatic and a box office wonder as an actor. The star makes a pass at the protagonist, who gets out of the situation, but, star struck, can't forget it. This is the resistance period. There's every reason he should resist. In the end he doesn't, though, and then is discarded by the star. He returns to the ideal situation, which isn't quite ideal anymore and never can be now.

I have nearly 1,000 stories here so thinking up a recommendation (and remember these are gay male situations) would be a chore. I'll give it a thought, but I'm off now to watch UVa get slaughtered in football by Duke.
Thanks, sr71plt. Your replies are very helpful to me as I try to figure out my own thoughts and feelings on these topics. I'm gathering that the protagonist initially resists because he doesn't want to ruin the good thing he has going with his sugar daddy. For some reason, I'm very interested at the moment as to characters' reasons for resisting intimate engagements. Have fun with football!
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Old 11-04-2017, 05:17 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by Dan_Today View Post
Thanks, sr71plt. Your replies are very helpful to me as I try to figure out my own thoughts and feelings on these topics. I'm gathering that the protagonist initially resists because he doesn't want to ruin the good thing he has going with his sugar daddy. For some reason, I'm very interested at the moment as to characters' reasons for resisting intimate engagements. Have fun with football!
Right. Where I had to veer off from the Kevin Spacey thing while using him for inspiration is that I had to make the protagonist known to be gay before the TV star makes a pass it him. I don't mess around with converting straight men to gay in my stories or, as with the Spacey thing, try to force straight guys. To establish the tension then, I decided to make the protagonist's existing situation an ideal one for him while making a fling with the TV star attractive so that there would be both resistance and attraction to giving in to the TV star. Not having to do happy endings, then I don't let the protagonist off the hook for not resisting.
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Old 11-05-2017, 01:47 PM   #7
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repressed emotions and similar story tags

My research continues. I have been searching tags primarily. I started with "repression" as a search term in advanced search.

This story, Sexuality and Dusting Ch. 01, is short and tightly written. It's an enjoyable story in the Exhibitionist & Voyeur category about a young woman who works for a topless cleaning service. In the story she essentially falls for her new client, who likes to videotape her while he tells her to do arousing things, without touching her. It's a hot story, but the author tagged it with the "repression" tag, which doesn't seem quite accurate. The main character very slightly resists crossing her normal sexual/emotional boundaries in the story, but not much. Mostly she's just enjoying the experience with no inner conflict.

This story,Margarete and Hans, is pretty different and I liked it quite a bit. The emotional cat and mouse game the two characters play is skillfully written. I think it's hard to write characters who have layered emotions and who relate to each other in complicated ways, mixing self protection with different kinds of little overtures to see if they should or can get through to each other in some hard-to-define way. I think this author pulls it off, though I would have liked the emotional complexity to continue more into the actual sex scenes.

The tags this author uses are interesting: repressed emotions, inner conflicts, teasing. Unfortunately, this is the only story that's tagged with repressed emotions and inner conflicts. I wonder if there's other tags I should be searching for. Ideas?

I will have to spend some time looking through the stories tagged "teasing."
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Old 11-06-2017, 10:22 AM   #8
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List of reasons for emotional resistance

I started writing a partial list of reasons a character may be emotionally resistant to moving forward with intimacy or sex. Feel free to throw me suggestions. Do you have any favorites?


•afraid of changing/ruining a platonic relationship
•doesn't want to change/ruin a professional relationship

•just isn't interested in that way
•is afraid they don't have the skills or understanding to be successful
•the suggested activity would require too much vulnerability
•more concerned with their own desires
•previous experiences of sex or similar activity have been terrible or humiliating or unsuccessful, etc

•taught at a young age that sex or the activity in question is morally wrong, sinful
•fear of religious repercussions, judgment of god
•fear of judgment of friends, culture
•fear of later self-rapprochement
•conflicted because of some inner sense of what's right and wrong
•fear of looking silly, unattractive
•hits too close to home, previous unpleasant experience

•afraid of falling in love or developing heightened feelings

•afraid that the other person may want more, or something different than they're letting on
•doesn't trust the other person enough to "go there"

•fear of being ostracized by community
•fear/phobia of STDs
•fear of being discovered by SO

Last edited by Dan_Today : 11-19-2017 at 07:43 PM. Reason: added bullet points
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Old 11-06-2017, 10:19 PM   #9
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Hi I was discussing this with you on the other bulletin board and you directed me here. May I suggest alternatives?

Religion doesn't necessarily teach that sex is sinful, but that it has a place. Outside of that place/situation it is wrong. (I suppose it matches your "conflicted" criterion.)

So the question would be, what would make a religious person cross the line? Spurred by loneliness he/she ignores the limits. or perhaps attraction to a partner would entice someone to violate his/her religious standards?

And would the person feel guilt? Would the person rationalize the decision? And would breaking the barrier in this area lead him/her to cross other barriers of their religiosity. (Say stop attending services?) Or would they be able to compartmentalize (well yes I slipped up here, but I will remain strong in my other beliefs/practices?)
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Old 11-07-2017, 11:39 AM   #10
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I'd suggest requesting having this thread moved to the AH as it would be a better fit there.
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Old 11-07-2017, 05:07 PM   #11
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I'd suggest requesting having this thread moved to the AH as it would be a better fit there.
The OP is providing feedback on specific stories so this is a good place for the thread, I reckon. AH is more shooting the breeze and writerly stuff. This thread is about stories and reactions to them - that's 'feedback', isn't it?
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Old 11-08-2017, 09:36 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by mrx53 View Post
Hi I was discussing this with you on the other bulletin board and you directed me here. May I suggest alternatives?

Religion doesn't necessarily teach that sex is sinful, but that it has a place. Outside of that place/situation it is wrong. (I suppose it matches your "conflicted" criterion.)

So the question would be, what would make a religious person cross the line? Spurred by loneliness he/she ignores the limits. or perhaps attraction to a partner would entice someone to violate his/her religious standards?

And would the person feel guilt? Would the person rationalize the decision? And would breaking the barrier in this area lead him/her to cross other barriers of their religiosity. (Say stop attending services?) Or would they be able to compartmentalize (well yes I slipped up here, but I will remain strong in my other beliefs/practices?)
Thanks for the questions, MrX, I think they're great. I've been thinking a lot about my answers, but I won't have time to write it out until later.

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Originally Posted by 8letters View Post
I'd suggest requesting having this thread moved to the AH as it would be a better fit there.
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Originally Posted by electricblue66 View Post
The OP is providing feedback on specific stories so this is a good place for the thread, I reckon. AH is more shooting the breeze and writerly stuff. This thread is about stories and reactions to them - that's 'feedback', isn't it?
Yes, I wasn't quite sure of the best place to post this thread. I have referenced several stories and made comments on them, that's ultimately why I chose to post here. I plan to comment on more. For example, I do plan to look at a story or two by sr71plt.

I agree that AH seems a little more "funzy" than SF. There are a few other popular posts in SF that made me feel okay about posting here.

It's possibly that I've combined too much different stuff into this thread. It's been a long time since I've participated in a forum; I'm feeling a bit rusty. Typically, as a writer, I feel like restraint is a strength of mine, though I believe I failed in that regard in starting this thread. I feel the title wasn't very good, and then my first post was probably way too long, so the thread didn't get very much response. Maybe it will pick up some steam, though. We'll see.
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Old 11-11-2017, 11:14 AM   #13
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Originally Posted by mrx53 View Post

Religion doesn't necessarily teach that sex is sinful, but that it has a place. Outside of that place/situation it is wrong. (I suppose it matches your "conflicted" criterion.)

So the question would be, what would make a religious person cross the line? Spurred by loneliness he/she ignores the limits. or perhaps attraction to a partner would entice someone to violate his/her religious standards?
I think the main thing that makes a person engage in sex in a way that's contrary to their beliefs is the good old fashioned sex drive. People can make vows to abstain from sex if they're not married for example, but the desire to propagate that has developed over millions of years of evolution (if you believe in such things) doesn't go away because of vows.

I suppose I believe that everything else flows from that sex drive or that deep well of sexual energy that pushes for realization: The yearning to connect emotionally and physically, to take or to be taken, to feel something besides the monotony or the pain that inflicts itself on ordinary day-to-day life. I don't think it's very rational a lot of the times. It's mysterious, why people do what they do. It's potentially more mysterious or confusing if a person doesn't believe that people have a powerful sex drive that's there because of biology. I suppose in that case, they would have to create other explanations for their desires.

I think people can also develop all kinds of different beliefs around sex, too, on account of neurotic cultural and social messages about sex, that perhaps float on top of the deep sea of biological sexual desire. A religious person who believes sex outside of marriage is wrong may still harbor, at the same time, some contradictory belief that sex outside of marriage is okay based on messages from the playground growing up, or some comments made by a libertine uncle, or from something they saw on tv, or read in a book, or came into contact with in a million different places.

Or maybe as some illicit relationship starts heading toward sex, the feelings of pleasure and excitement are so powerful that they override the belief system.

So, in conclusion, I think it's clear that I don't know the answers. LOL.

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And would the person feel guilt? Would the person rationalize the decision? And would breaking the barrier in this area lead him/her to cross other barriers of their religiosity. (Say stop attending services?) Or would they be able to compartmentalize (well yes I slipped up here, but I will remain strong in my other beliefs/practices?)
I think all of these reactions to some sexual transgressions are possible. It seems like it would depend on the person. I've known extremely religious people who have had affairs, destroyed their families, moved out of town, and started up at a new church with a new spouse as if nothing had ever happened.

Last edited by Dan_Today : 11-11-2017 at 11:16 AM. Reason: broke a sentence into it's own paragraph to try to make it look more like I know what I'm talking about
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Old 11-11-2017, 01:20 PM   #14
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I think the main thing that makes a person engage in sex in a way that's contrary to their beliefs is the good old fashioned sex drive.
In my current story (a takeoff on the George Takei accusation), it's because the rent and tuition have to be paid. I think that's probably true of most of my reluctance stories.
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