Originally Posted by jaF0
Usually helps to post a paragraph or two here for review since we can't see the story.
Right, so you can see what my grammar is generally like. As far as I can tell it's the same as what i've done for my other stories but I will just in case.
"Yes, i've been a waiter here for almost a year now. So are you guys ready to order yet?" Trying to suppress the possibility of a lengthy conversation with her and her family I switch topics away from me as fast as I can.
"Now Marie who's this? is he a friend of yours?." Her mother chimes in and I just stand there looking down at my pen and paper.
"Yeah he's a friend from university. I see him around sometimes and we talk about all kinds of stuff, he has some social anxiety so maybe best if we just give him our orders."
They give their orders and I mouth a silent thank-you to Marie, who I don't think I had even known the name of before now, before continuing with my routine. She had her fun bringing me up but she thankfully isn't cruel.
The clunky nature of the first line is deliberate as the guy isn't very comfortable talking to people for extended periods of time. From another skim of the story the grammar here is consistent with the rest of the story and is consistent with my other stories.