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Old 10-03-2017, 06:42 AM   #1
LanguageOfLove
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Wink Ways to Flirt Again After Long Term Romance

Flirting is the key that opens the door to more romance, along with chivalry, communication, a connection and much more.

What are some ways to flirt for those that have not been romantic lately or are moving along that direction?

For example...Sending sexy texts
Giving your partner the look..

Please share your advice...for anyone new (like me) who has found their partner....again.
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Old 10-03-2017, 06:52 AM   #2
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Maybe not "flirting", but things that might help you rekindle the connection:

Spending an entire unscheduled day with that person, not doing things that we "should" do, but just letting the day unfold... coffee out, farmer's market, checking out a new place or an old haunt, driving or biking or hiking in the country, just experiencing and exploring things together without a fixed agenda.

Alternatively, working on a project together for a day, something physical. Gardening, chopping down a tree and hauling firewood, stripping and refinishing a piece of furniture, painting a room or staining a deck.
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Old 10-03-2017, 05:15 PM   #3
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Pfft. For hetero women, it's easy. As he is opening the door upon arriving home, slide up to him on your knees reaching for his zipper.

*sigh* fine. I'll be serious. Although don't be surprised if I strain something doing it.

First off, look at you. Love is a four letter word but should involve all five senses. Can you identify the sights, sounds, smells, taste, and feel of your lover without having to give it a whole lot of thought. (I know that doesn't sound like it's tied into the original question, but it is.)

Most people, if they give it a thought, will blame either boredom or stress for relationship woes. But, I would argue they haven't given it enough thought. Where does the boredom come from? Where does the stress come from? My personal opinion (worth slightly less than you are paying for it) is the real enemy is complacency.

There is a rush with being newly in love that can't ever be quite accurately duplicated. We get people that chase that feeling with the same verve and vigor as a drug addict chasing their first high. But, the shiny new car smell will eventually wear off the latest drug of choice and they'll be looking around for another.

But, while we can't ever completely recapture that first endorphin rush, we can... for lack of a better term, program ourselves to feel so damn close as to be no never mind. However, it is going to take time and investment aimed towards doing just that. And that time and effort will be time and effort taken away from the daily "to-do list" that only ever seems to grow longer. It will be time you aren't spending on your job, your hobbies, your children, your home improvement projects, or whatever, when you were already feeling there isn't enough time in the day to get it all done. That's sort of the whole point! Reestablishing this relationship as the number one important thing in your life. And doing it in a way your lover knows.

The eyes are the windows to the soul. Make eye contact frequently, yes. But at a minimum once per week, but preferably once per day, lock eyes with your lover for a full five minutes. Turn off the television, log off the computer, for fuck's sake throw the damn phone in a drawer somewhere, and just spend five minutes looking into the eyes of the one who was once important enough to you, you decided to make a life together. If either of you looks away, start the timer over. Five full uninterrupted minutes. (It's a neuroscience thing.)

However, glaring into each other's eyes for the full five minutes probably isn't going to get you where you want to go anytime soon. (You'd be amazed what it can overcome longer term.) While you are looking into their eyes, remember five things you like about them. Sure, there's a time to address what they do that pisses you off, but this ain't it. Five things, no matter how minute they seem, that you actively like/admire about the person you're with. One per minute would be great, but what's important is remembering how you felt/feel about them and why and your eyes will show your fond feelings to them.

That may seem cold-blooded, but you ain't heard nothing yet.

Once a week, take the time out to touch your lover fifteen minutes on the front and fifteen minutes on the back everywhere except the naughty bits. Every single square inch of their body other than the genitals, the anus, or the nipples. Lips are questionable. If you see them as sexual, avoid those too. The touchee shouldn't move at all. Simple requests for a firmer or lighter touch is fine. Requests for more time in a certain area are all right. But, keep the talk to only those. Also, television, computers, cell phones, etc during this time pfft. 100% attention should be devoted to feeling your partner, to listening with your fingers.

I tend to disagree that you should immediately swap places. While I do think you should switch and allow your partner to do the same to you, I don't think it should happen on the heels. I would suggest at a minimum a thirty minute break between. Separate days if possible. But, and this is important, no sex after this exercise. It's not intended to be foreplay (although it can eventually lead to better foreplay), but to bring you more in tune with each other.

All right, moving right along. Let's talk about talk.

It absolutely amazes me how much more polite we are to strangers than the people we live with and share our bed with. Fine, fine. I understand there are household chores that have to be done, or at the least should be done. And I understand that it's only reasonable to expect all members of the household to carry their own weight. But, why the hell can't we seem to remember to say "please", "thank you", or "you did wonderful" to the people we live with when we do it for the people we work with, or even the stranger working behind the counter at our local Gas and Go? Instead, we just sort of move on to the next and then the next and then the next and, if we give it any thought at all, we think "well, yeah! S/he should do that. After all, I'm doing this."

I look at it this way. If s/he does it, I don't have to. That alone is worth a thank you. As for the rest, at our household we have two rules and the first is, "if you didn't do it yourself, you don't get to bitch about how it was done." (The kids really, really, really hated that rule when they were tweens and teens. But, now they use it with their own kids. )

All right, all right. Now for what you really originally asked about. The hard stuff, although you should find it both easier if it follows what came before and also more fun.

First, have fun! Remember this adage; cool is next to cold. What I mean is, if you are overly concerned about being cool and sexy and sophisticated, it's going to cut into your ability to flirt actively. I've never particularly found being a goofball a handicap. Neither on purpose or by accident. As a general rule, if she's laughing but not pointing, I figure I'm on the right track. And, the further along our relationship has gone, the more outrageous I've been able to get away with.

"Baby, are your legs tired? 'Cause you've been running through my mind all day." Pause for eye roll and hug. "I love you."

Shock tactics are a good way to break monotonous tasks. Sling them a text if they are away from you. "I'm having a terrible day. But, then I thought of my favorite place in the world, cuddled to your side. And my day seems so much better now. Thank you. See you tonight." Or something similar. It doesn't have to NSFW, although it can in a pinch. The important thing is it comes out of left field at an unexpected time for no reason other than to remind them they are special.

Remember those five things you actively like I asked you to think of? Use the hell out of them. Sling a small thank you for one of those things. Compliment them on it.

If you are together, add a physical component to the last two things I mentioned. You don't necessarily have to grab the goodie bag, although I'd be surprised if he complained. But, tell them something complimentary, add "I love you", rake a single nail down their chest or arm as you kiss their cheek.

Once every twenty-four hours give them a compliment and tell them you love them. Not because you want anything, not even to hear it back, but just to show them how important they are to you.

Pass notes. Sounds childishly old school, I know. But, take just a second to jot a little note on a real piece of paper and slip it in their hand as you pass them. Even if no one is around, just put the note in their hand and walk away before they can look at it. Then, from a non-conversational distance, turn and look at them and smile. While this works even better if the note you scribbled is sexual in nature, it doesn't have to be.

Well, I could keep rambling, but I've probably already lost anyone that might have the slightest inkling of an interest. But, I just realized I hadn't really cover talking dirty. Instead of keeping going with a bunch more paragraphs most people have long since quit reading, I'll just point out MindFondler's dirty talk thread I got hyper-involved with a couple or three years ago.

http://forum.literotica.com/showthre...hlight=acktion

Best wishes!
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Old 10-04-2017, 08:48 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by quietlylooking View Post
Maybe not "flirting", but things that might help you rekindle the connection:

Spending an entire unscheduled day with that person, not doing things that we "should" do, but just letting the day unfold... coffee out, farmer's market, checking out a new place or an old haunt, driving or biking or hiking in the country, just experiencing and exploring things together without a fixed agenda.

Alternatively, working on a project together for a day, something physical. Gardening, chopping down a tree and hauling firewood, stripping and refinishing a piece of furniture, painting a room or staining a deck.
I agree, so its not just a fun flirt, but its doing things together to bring you closer. I can see that...
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Old 10-04-2017, 08:57 AM   #5
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I've gone through your post, and so far I can see these happening. I am still dissecting your post...

Five things, no matter how minute they seem, that you actively like/admire about the person you're with. One per minute would be great, but what's important is remembering how you felt/feel about them and why and your eyes will show your fond feelings to them

Once a week, take the time out to touch your lover fifteen minutes on the front and fifteen minutes on the back everywhere except the naughty bits.

The touchee shouldn't move at all. Simple requests for a firmer or lighter touch is fine. Requests for more time in a certain area are all right
my favorite...

More dissecting later.

Quote:
Originally Posted by PuckIt View Post
Pfft. For hetero women, it's easy. As he is opening the door upon arriving home, slide up to him on your knees reaching for his zipper.

*sigh* fine. I'll be serious. Although don't be surprised if I strain something doing it.


http://forum.literotica.com/showthre...hlight=acktion

Best wishes!
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Old 10-05-2017, 05:24 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PuckIt View Post
Pfft. For hetero women, it's easy. As he is opening the door upon arriving home, slide up to him on your knees reaching for his zipper.

*sigh* fine. I'll be serious. Although don't be surprised if I strain something doing it.

First off, look at you. Love is a four letter word but should involve all five senses. Can you identify the sights, sounds, smells, taste, and feel of your lover without having to give it a whole lot of thought. (I know that doesn't sound like it's tied into the original question, but it is.)

The five senses....
Sight, he is a confident person, takes care of himself, love the new haircut...
Sounds..he makes funny jokes or tries to be funny
Smells...He wears nice cologne, or when he's freshly out of the shower....
Taste...like as a kiss, ....
Feel....Yes..


It absolutely amazes me how much more polite we are to strangers than the people we live with and share our bed with. But, why the hell can't we seem to remember to say "please", "thank you", or "you did wonderful" to the people we live with

I've experienced this many times, we are improving in this area a lot....just recognizing what someone does for you....its the little things, right?

First, have fun! Remember this adage; cool is next to cold. As a general rule, if she's laughing but not pointing, I figure I'm on the right track. And, the further along our relationship has gone, the more outrageous I've been able to get away with.

To go from arguing to joking is a blessing, need more of this in our lives


"Baby, are your legs tired? 'Cause you've been running through my mind all day." Pause for eye roll and hug. "I love you."

lol

Best wishes!
Still more dissecting your post...this will take a while...
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Old 10-05-2017, 05:30 AM   #7
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I think this was mentioned in the lengthy post, but make him laugh. Laughing together is one of the best things ever. I think when we're with someone for a long time, we can forget that we used to make each other laugh ...
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Old 10-05-2017, 06:17 AM   #8
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I think this was mentioned in the lengthy post, but make him laugh. Laughing together is one of the best things ever. I think when we're with someone for a long time, we can forget that we used to make each other laugh ...
I totally agree! First you have to start to enjoy your life, find the joys and pleasures of life and share that...

Since we've been closer, we've found it easier to laugh and spend less time being idle and not really talking together.

Forget about the stresses and just have a laugh...joke about what happened that day... I totally agree!
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Old 10-06-2017, 04:40 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LanguageOfLove View Post
I agree, so its not just a fun flirt, but its doing things together to bring you closer. I can see that...
Quote:
Originally Posted by PuckIt View Post

Texts "I'm having a terrible day. But, then I thought of my favorite place in the world, cuddled to your side. And my day seems so much better now. Thank you. See you tonight." Or something similar.
My favorite are the texts, I find that so fun....

The important thing is it comes out of left field at an unexpected time for no reason other than to remind them they are special.

I also think compliments are very good as well...we don't do that enough

Remember those five things you actively like I asked you to think of? Sling a small Compliment them on it.


Once every twenty-four hours give them a compliment and tell them you love them. just to show them how important they are to you.

Pass notes. This could be fun as well!
I think I know what I might write...lol


Well, I could keep rambling, but I've probably already lost anyone that might have the slightest inkling of an interest. But, I just realized I hadn't really cover talking dirty. Instead of keeping going with a bunch more paragraphs most people have long since quit reading, I'll just point out MindFondler's dirty talk thread I got hyper-involved with a couple or three years ago.

Need to work on the dirty talk...lol

http://forum.literotica.com/showthre...hlight=acktion

Best wishes!
I think I covered most of it, it was long, but worth the review...thank you!!
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Old 10-09-2017, 11:40 PM   #10
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I don't think it works. Unless there are still embers, if the spark has completely gone out, you can't start a new fire in a pile of ashes.
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Old 10-12-2017, 06:59 AM   #11
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I don't think it works. Unless there are still embers, if the spark has completely gone out, you can't start a new fire in a pile of ashes.
Thank you for your insight....yes it is true, sometimes the sparks to go out, but there's always that flying ember out there that might light it again.

What I mean is its never too late...I always believe that. I think I'm just a romantic, but it happened to me, after years and years, our romance and love has finally blossomed. I think I found the match.
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Old 10-12-2017, 03:31 PM   #12
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I tend to think of flirting as what happens before a physical relationship properly forms. Flirting is what goes on between two people who are attracted to each other but don't yet know each other all that intimately. It is about discovering whether there is a spark or not. A lot of what PuckIt has described is sound advice, but would fall into relationship counselling rather than advice on how to flirt with someone. I suppose it is just a case of semantics and interpretation but that's how I see it.

Perhaps there is a slight danger in making too much of a conscious effort to be flirtatious. You don't want flirting to become too contrived. I think what works best happens naturally. For instance, one of the most enticing things for me is seeing a girl blush - and you cannot possibly have much control over that. It just happens. There needs to be an underlying attraction and then the interactions, gestures and body language follows.

Eye contact has been mentioned. Touching is another great tool - not only in terms of making contact with your intended partner but also touching yourself. If a girl was to catch my eye and then play with her hair then I think I'd be a bit of a moron not to realise what was going on. Licking your lips. Pointing your toe. Compliments. Smiles. These can all work well too.
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Old 10-13-2017, 03:25 AM   #13
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I tend to think of flirting as what happens before a physical relationship properly forms. Flirting is what goes on between two people who are attracted to each other but don't yet know each other all that intimately. It is about discovering whether there is a spark or not. A lot of what PuckIt has described is sound advice, but would fall into relationship counselling rather than advice on how to flirt with someone. I suppose it is just a case of semantics and interpretation but that's how I see it.

Perhaps there is a slight danger in making too much of a conscious effort to be flirtatious. You don't want flirting to become too contrived. I think what works best happens naturally. For instance, one of the most enticing things for me is seeing a girl blush - and you cannot possibly have much control over that. It just happens. There needs to be an underlying attraction and then the interactions, gestures and body language follows.

Eye contact has been mentioned. Touching is another great tool - not only in terms of making contact with your intended partner but also touching yourself. If a girl was to catch my eye and then play with her hair then I think I'd be a bit of a moron not to realise what was going on. Licking your lips. Pointing your toe. Compliments. Smiles. These can all work well too.
Thank you for pointing these out, especially that it has to happen naturally, and maybe if the romance is new, or haven't seen each other for a while that's when flirting works best...I tend to love to flirt with my husband, sending messages, smiling at him, making jokes....I've found those to be fun....I like the ones you posted, hopefully those will come naturally as well an many others.

I think its important to keep that flame alive by flirting...always its like you know there will be a time to get together, you just don't know when...
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Old 10-13-2017, 09:31 AM   #14
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Quote:
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Thank you for pointing these out, especially that it has to happen naturally, and maybe if the romance is new, or haven't seen each other for a while that's when flirting works best...I tend to love to flirt with my husband, sending messages, smiling at him, making jokes....I've found those to be fun....I like the ones you posted, hopefully those will come naturally as well an many others.

I think its important to keep that flame alive by flirting...always its like you know there will be a time to get together, you just don't know when...
Smiling at your husband, making jokes with him and sending messages isn't flirting. That's just normal interaction between two people who are together. My personal feeling is that you shouldn't feel the need to flirt with your husband. You're already with him.

I think what you're getting at is actually foreplay. Foreplay isn't just taking each others' clothes off. It is everything that happens in the build-up to sex. Foreplay can last all day. Your hand on his thigh when you're out to dinner together. A suggestive comment about what you'd like to get up to later. That sort of thing.
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Old 10-15-2017, 05:34 AM   #15
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Smiling at your husband, making jokes with him and sending messages isn't flirting. That's just normal interaction between two people who are together. My personal feeling is that you shouldn't feel the need to flirt with your husband. You're already with him.

I think what you're getting at is actually foreplay. Foreplay isn't just taking each others' clothes off. It is everything that happens in the build-up to sex. Foreplay can last all day. Your hand on his thigh when you're out to dinner together. A suggestive comment about what you'd like to get up to later. That sort of thing.
I love foreplay/flirting..I also like the whole day leading up to it...like a dance between two people. I always considered foreplay the part when two lovers are in bed before the main course...lol. So I love both foreplay and flirting. I think it makes us connect more, love more, lets us be in that moment where nothing else matters except for having fun at that moment, and connecting.

So, I'm still confused between the difference of foreplay and flirting. But I will continue to do both, at least what I think I should be doing. I think flirting is the normal interaction between lovers, winking, touching, smiling, and that leads to great foreplay in bed...

Still Learning

Thanks for your reply
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Old 11-23-2017, 04:43 AM   #16
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I hope this holiday brings lots of spice to our marriage. Holidays can be fun, but stressful. Sometimes I think my husband is under too much stress lately to remember how to flirt. Work, quitting a habit, famiy...How can I help him remember? How can we bring our romance to where it was before...We still love each other dearly, its just the stress of it all....
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